What Goes Around

I stirred when she bumped into my leg and she whispered drunkenly, "Shorry 'bout that," giggling quietly again. I was in no condition to support her, but I stood and put my arm around her, steering her through the room. It was almost literally the blind leading the blind as we held onto each other in the darkness and bounced off of the walls of the narrow hallway like chrome balls in a pinball machine before finally reaching her bedroom at the far end. I tried to gently lay her down on her bed, but she held on and we both ended up in a heap with me on top of her. Forgive me, but my memory after decades is still not totally clear about the sequence, and being a novice wine drinker at the time didn't help either, but here is how I remember it progressing. I slid off of her and onto my side, watching her breathing deeply as she lay there, eyes closed. It was my chance to see her up close without having to be discreet about it. I don't know how long we rested like that, with me watching her from a few inches away, and her occasionally mumbling something incoherent. Her blouse was unbuttoned and I watched the slow movement of her chest, with my gaze riveted to her breasts, braless in the black camisole.

Dare I? Memories of the desire that I had for her earlier that week filled my head. I wrestled with myself, but my rational self was dulled by the wine, and as if it had a mind of its own I watched my left hand gently reaching out to cup her right breast through the cami. I watched her face as I boldly pressed my hand against her, and although her eyes were closed, a hint of a smile appeared, followed by a light moan. I panicked when her left hand reached for the hand that was cupping her full breast, but it just rested on the back of my hand, which I - right or wrongly - took as her semi-conscious approval to continue exploring. Although I desperately wanted to kiss her, I remember thinking that it may be too intimate, which I now realize was just silly as I type this. She stirred, and I felt my hand sliding lower, finding the base of her cami. With deep breaths, I worked my way under it and back up to feel her wonderful bare breast in my hand. Her nipple was already hard and again she moaned lightly. I stopped briefly, making sure that her eyes were closed before exploring further. Although I had imagined it dozens of times before when alone in my room or in the shower, it was the first breast I had ever felt, other than my own - and it felt familiar yet different. With just these small acts, I felt a wetness building between my legs, and I slowed my pace, blurring the line between right and wrong. My fantasy was unfolding in front of my eyes, and I couldn't stop myself regardless of any consequences. I dropped my hand to rest it on her bare stomach and watched as it rose and fell in rhythm with her breathing.

She was so perfect to me. I knew then that I was powerless to resist. I needed her - I needed to feel her, to smell her, and yes - even to taste her. I leaned in to kiss her cheek lightly, and chills ran down my spine as my left hand dropped lower to the waistband of her capris. Another moan further fueled my desire for her and I took it as encouragement to continue. My index finger circled the snap a few times. I took another look at her through half-closed eyes before working the snap open. God, was my heart racing! I hesitated with the unsnapped capris, and briefly ran my hand down to her right thigh, first lightly touching it, then firmly pressing my hand against it. It worked its way up and shifted to her left leg and inner thigh before brushing against the crotch of her slacks. Another purr brought my mouth closer to her lips. I couldn't tell if she was conscious or not, but I admittedly didn't care at that point. I gently kissed her lips and pressed my hand against her mound from outside her capris. Her hips shifted and her legs parted slightly with that movement. I leaned over and kissed her neck, while my hand found her zipper and slowly worked its way down.

She whispered, "Yes," and her legs parted even more.

I finally worked her zipper down, and with trembling fingers I reached into her capris. In the darkness I felt the softness of her panties, guessing that they were low-cut cotton.

"Oh fuck yes," she whispered, as my fantasy was quickly turning into reality before my eyes. For an instant I wondered if she realized whose hand it was, but at that point I didn't even care. I was unable and unwilling to stop, and I was now totally drenched, but it wasn't about me - it was about her. I found the waistband of her panties again and hooked my finger under them before sliding my hand down. I melted when I felt her soft dark hair, and a flashback to the glimpse of her triangle that I had gotten a few days earlier had me literally salivating. I wanted desperately to please her - to please my friend, my lover - in every possible way. I found her folds with my index and middle finger, but I was restricted in my movements, so I reluctantly withdrew my hand from her panties and reached for the waistband of her capris. I tried to pull them lower with both hands, but her body weight prevented it. She made a half-hearted attempt to lift her hips, but I still had no leverage, and again I failed. Unsteadily, I shifted my body and rose from the bed, reluctant to leave her side. Standing, I was now facing her parted legs with her capris unsnapped and opened slightly. Her hands were raised above her head, and her eyes remained closed.

I took a deep breath and leaned down as I eased between her legs to again take her capris in my hands at the waistband by her sides. This time she lifted her butt and I was able to slowly work her slacks down, taking the dark panties along with them. Finally, they were off, and although they dropped from her left leg, the capris and panties remained hooked around her right ankle. Was I wrong to continue, I wondered to myself. In some ways I realized that I was no different than that sleazy professor who took advantage of Lucy long ago. I am admittedly flawed and weak. I knew that I should have stopped but my desire combined with the wine, and I looked down at her as I slowly dropped to my knees and gently pulled her slightly to the edge of the bed. Her legs were now dangling over the side, and her one hand dropped down to rest on her pussy. I watched her as she gently rubbed herself directly in front of me while her hips moved slowly on the bed. It was by far the most erotic moment of my life. I had to kiss her. My hands ran up each of her thighs and I leaned over to kiss her thigh just above her knee. Another moan encouraged me to kiss slightly higher as my right hand met her hand and helped her to rub her pussy. I was now at mid-thigh, and her scent intoxicated me. I kissed her inner thigh as I approached her beautiful neatly trimmed mound. I kept asking myself if I was imagining it. Her other hand dropped down and I felt her running her hand through my hair as our other hands combined to rub her pussy in synch. A firm pull against the back of my head was my encouragement to continue. I finally reached my goal, and melted when I felt her soft fur against my chin. I regretted the darkness, wanting a clear view of her wet pussy from that angle. Instead I was forced to rely on a sliver of light from the window for a glimpse of what I had been craving for weeks.

Her legs parted further and her hand pulled my face closer, to my sheer delight almost forcing me against her swollen folds. My lust overcame me, and I flattened my tongue against her, finally tasting her amazing sex. Just a fraction of an inch from my tongue, her fingers continued to rub herself along with my hand. I ran my other hand under her raised hips to cup her full ass as I explored her with my virgin tongue. Instinct took over, and I used her movements to direct my tongue. With two fingers, she parted her lips, allowing the tip of my tongue to access her button. I lightly tickled it and she squirmed under me before I flattened my tongue again and pressed it against the length of her lips. My face was glistening with her juices as I hungrily licked, stopping only to catch my breath before nuzzling my face against her, not wanting it to end.

Her hand left my head, and for a split-second I wondered if I did something wrong, as her other hand stopped rubbing her mound. Instead, I felt her hips rising and her hands reached under her body, cupping her own ass before pulling her cheeks apart slightly and rising even more.

"Lower?" she whispered, and I nearly came from the thought of what she was asking. My tongue darted below her pussy, feeling the strong muscle that separated it from her asshole. She tensed up when the tip of my tongue rimmed her ass, and I was again in ecstasy.

"Fuck yes..right there!"

She lifted even higher, giving me access to her tight ass. I allowed a finger to enter her pussy before massaging her clit as my tongue played with her hole. Suddenly she released her ass cheeks and put both hands back onto my head as she bucked wildly. My tongue slid inside her asshole and she let out a scream as she pressed my face tightly against her. Nearly as quickly as she came, her body relaxed, and I felt her hands slipping from the back of my head. Her entire body went limp and I was left there in front of her on my knees with my face drenched and my fantasy nearly fulfilled.

Now nearly sober, guilt quickly overcame me, and I reached to pull her panties back up, taking one last look at her trimmed dark mound before covering it. I removed her capris and her blouse and folded them neatly on a nearby chair before tucking her in as she slept soundly. I closed the bedroom door behind me, made a quick stop in the tiny bathroom before heading home. I glanced at the clock and was surprised to see that it was nearly 4am. What felt like minutes between her legs was actually much longer, but I could have stayed there forever, I thought.

Luckily it was a Saturday, so I slept in. When I finally awoke, thoughts of the night before slowly emerged, and I again felt the guilt. Would she remember? Would she hate me for what I did? Was I no better than her sleazy professor for taking advantage of her in that condition?

I took a quick shower and dressed, dreading the thought of seeing Lucy and the reaction that I may get. I entered the living room and ran into my stepmom. Between drags of her cigarette, she told me that I had a few more calls from Beth. I just rolled my eyes and ignored her. Why would that liar still be bothering me, unless it was to torture me again? Still, the thought of her took me back to the make-out session in the bushes. I had to convince myself that she was the enemy. Still, why would she persist? As if on cue, the phone rang again and since I was the closest to it I absent-mindedly picked it up.

"H'lo?"

"Oh, Destiny... um, it's me. It's Beth. I didn't think you'd pick up."

I hated myself for feeling the desire again running through my body, especially after such an amazing experience with Lucy the night before. I knew I needed to hang up on her, but for some reason I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

"What do you want, Beth?"

"Well?" I said again, "What the fuck do you want?"

My stepmom looked over at me disapprovingly, but I ignored her.

There was a long pause, and I nearly hung up before hearing a very timid response.

"You... I...I think I want you."

WHAT GOES AROUND - CHAPTER 3

I felt my knees wobbling, and I didn't know whether to be pissed or excited. I think I was a bit of both. I looked over at my stepmom before walking the phone down the hall for privacy. Once again the timing in my life was horrible. After all, I still had Lucy's taste on my lips - a reminder of both an incredible and a potentially friendship-killing experience.

I whispered into the phone, "I can't talk about this right now, but what about... you know, Jed."

"He isn't... we're done. He hit on me for the last time. You should see my face," she said quietly.

As much as I wanted to stay mad, I suddenly felt sorry for her. I guess it was my protective nature again bubbling to the surface.

"Destiny, can I see you? I know you must hate me right now, but... but I'm not a monster, really. Can we talk somewhere? As friends?"

I waited until my brother squeezed past me in the hallway before hearing myself say, "I'm not promising, but where? When?"

I mentally punched myself for opening up again to her.

"Can you get over to the Walmart in Union Town? I could prob'ly get my dad's car if you don't have a ride."

"I don't think so. I just can't...I can't fuckin' trust you," I said as I gritted my teeth, shocking myself at my crude language.

"I understand. I know I wasn't totally truthful, but there are some things you need to know. Please?"

"I...let me think about it, Beth. I have stuff to do this weekend. If you still want to talk call me next Tuesday or Wednesday and we'll see."

"Okay. Just please. Give me a chance. That's all I ask."

"We'll see," I said before hanging up.

How did my life suddenly become so complicated, I wondered. I probably killed off my only real friendship with Lucy, and now I'm actually considering meeting with Beth. I was so fucked up. I just wanted to crawl back into bed, but I heard a knock on the screen door.

"Shit, now what?" I asked myself. I froze in place when I saw Lucy peering in through the screen.

"Anyone home?"

I took a quick glance in the mirror and naturally I looked like hell. I brushed back my hair and quickly put it into a ponytail before practicing a smile. I smacked some redness into my cheeks and prepared for the worst. I took a deep breath and went to the door.

"Lucy, hi...what's up?"

She looked almost as bad as I did, before asking, "Um...Have a minute?"

I couldn't look into her eyes knowing that I took advantage of her, and the few times that I ventured a peek, she was looking in every direction but mine. I knew I fucked up. I ruined the only friendship I had by letting my lust get the better of me. I was guilty - there was no denying it. Now I had to face the consequences, but I didn't want to do it at my own front door. I looked at the mess behind me, including my stepmom who was laying back in the recliner, legs spread as she smoked and watched pro wrestling. I wisely decided not to invite her in. I stepped outside, prepared to be admonished.

"Uh, Lucy, can we walk?"

She nodded and I closed the screen door behind me as we stepped away from the trailer.

"I don't know how to say it, but about last night...," she said quietly, and I sensed a trembling in her voice.

Any hope that I had of her not remembering was lost with that simple comment.

"Um, yeah. About that. Lucy, I'm really really sor..." But she cut me off before I could continue.

She blurted out, "I'm so sorry but I don't think I paid you, did I? I mean, God... I was trashed. I barely remember getting home!"

She finally looked into my eyes and I looked into hers, but I really wasn't sure what I saw, and I hoped she couldn't see the guilt in my eyes, but did I hear her correctly? Did I just get a reprieve? Little did she know that she paid me in a way that no money could, but the fact that she may not have remembered made things even more confusing. I knew that for the sake of our friendship that I needed to confess to her, but I couldn't bring myself to tell her.

"Well," I whispered, "I had a couple glasses of your wine after the kids went to bed, so things are really hazy for me too," I lied.

I took a chance and said, "I mean, I remember helping you in when you got home. I think it was around one. Did you...did you have a good time on your date?"

"It was really good. I know it's way too soon, but I think there is a chance that he could be 'the one.' I just hope I didn't screw it up by getting too trashed."

She continued, "Wait - YOU helped ME? God, I hope I didn't embarrass myself, did I? I mean, I had the strangest dreams, but that's what too many shots of tequila does to me," She said as if she was straining to remember.

I thought back to that amazing experience and actually could still taste her on my lips. Should I tell her?

"No, you were kind of out of it, but you were really funny at the same time. I don't remember a lot either other than making sure to get you into bed," I said, completely aware that I was playing with fire.

She thought for a moment, as if she was trying to recollect it. I wondered if her blackout was permanent or if there was a chance that the memory would eventually return. I felt sick thinking of it.

"Hmm. Well, thank you again for all your help. And here's something for watching the kids. I hope they didn't drive you too crazy."

"No, really. I can't take that from you. They were great. We had fun."

And YOU were tasty, I thought to myself, so no payment is necessary.

She insisted, so I reluctantly took her money, and we stood there in awkward silence for what seemed like forever.

"Well, anyway...you can...come by any time, Destiny. I started a new drawing if you want to see it sometime."

I nodded and we both turned to return to our trailers. I couldn't resist peeking back at her over my shoulder.

"Let me finish rimming your tight asshole and I'll be right over," I thought to myself as I watched her butt swaying in her leggings.

I heard her screen door open as I walked away, unsure of what just occurred. I knew though that I would eventually need to confess, no matter how hard it was going to be. I started wondering to myself if last night really WAS a dream. After all, I doubt that I would forget if I was being licked, no matter how drunk I may have been. Another lick of my upper lip produced a hint of her taste, and I knew then that it really did happen. I was torn between relief that she had no memory and disappointment in her connection with her date. Any silly notion that I may have held of her possibly being a romantic partner was dashed. Well, at least I still had her friendship, I thought, as long as her memory didn't return.

Although my head was still pounding from my hangover, my thoughts suddenly shifted. Something was awakened in me last night and once again I thought back to Beth and our brief phone conversation. There was clearly a chance that she was setting me up, but I knew I was going to take the risk. I took a deep breath, grabbed the phone and made the call, despite my better judgement. After some small talk, we firmed up our meeting time and place, and my heart was beating out of my chest.

With hope in her voice, Beth said, I'll come by for you in like three hours?"

"Beth, promise me you're not fuckin' with me again. Say it."

"I'm not. Trust me, okay?"

"I guess. Three hours, but don't come down the path. I'll walk out to the park entrance."

The last thing I wanted was for Lucy to see me leaving with Beth.

"Thanks, Destiny, really. See you soon."

I hated myself for allowing her and her insanity back into my life. Was I setting myself up for a whipping or worse? Was Jed really out of the picture or was it just their sordid way to lure me out of my comfort area? I knew I had to be really careful. If she confessed to him what happened to his truck, I realized that I could easily become the next missing person. So why was I feeling that now familiar warmth, I wondered. I decided to trust her for better or worse, for the thrill of the risk if nothing else. As I got ready, I went down the hall into my brothers' room and rummaged around in their utility drawer before finding what I wanted - a small switchblade that fit nicely into my front pocket. You never can be too cautious, I thought.

The clock ticked slowly and I realized that I was nearly as excited to see Beth this time as I was when I went to the Piggly Wiggly. I was SO screwed up! I dressed down in a faded black 'Guns N Roses' t-shirt and my old black work boots along with my ripped Levi's. I put my hair into a ponytail and ventured out, nervously peeking over to see if Lucy was within sight. Why did I feel like I was cheating on her? I was relieved to see that it was quiet at her trailer, and I slowly walked toward the park entrance, being sure to keep an eye out for the Silverado. I knew that if Beth showed up and ambushed me, I would have to do something drastic. I tapped my pocket to make sure that the knife was still tucked away. In my heart, however, I prayed that she was genuine. As much as I loved the hazy drunken lovemaking that occurred just a dozen hours earlier with Lucy, the tenderness in which Beth and I made out in the thicket was now my focus. I got to the entrance a few minutes early and I lingered at the mailboxes to kill time. Five minutes went by, then ten. In the distance I saw a pickup truck coming my way and my heart sank. I was poised to run back into the trailer park until I realized that it was the totally wrong color, and as it drove past, I wondered, how paranoid am I?