What Goes Around, Cums Around

My most satisfying rape case came not from my job, but from my family

I am an Assistant District Attorney in Cook County Illinois (Chicago) and specialize in sexual assault. I and my staff of 3 attorneys and 4 admins handle the sexual assault cases in the county. It's often a discouraging and frustrating position, but when justice is done it makes it all worth it. And this case was very satisfying.

I can't use any real names in this story, so you can just call me Mary.

It wasn't the only reason, but my own experience of sexual assault certainly influenced my choice of legal career. I grew up in Oklahoma City and did my pre-law at OU in Norman. My undergrad experiences had a great impact on my life. I learned the usual lessons about social skills, managing money and how to set priorities in your life. Unfortunately, I also learned that there are some evil and cruel people who must be avoided at all costs. I learned that last part near the end of my freshman year.

My brother, Fred, was three years ahead of me at OU (Class of 1999) and majored in computer science. Fred is a very sweet guy, and I love him dearly, but throughout high school and college he seemed to be attracted to the wrong sort of friends. He often got in trouble when caught doing naughty things with his buddies. In the years since, I've speculated that he just wants to be accepted by others and will do some stupid things to earn that acceptance. But being that way and also hanging out with a bad crowd did get him into trouble. I didn't find out how bad until recently.

One of his friends, Roger, asked me out during my freshman year and I was flattered to be asked by a senior. We hit it off on our first date and I found it easy to talk with him and we seemed to share many interests. One of those was popular music (of course) and our second date was a concert by a regional rock and roll band. We were singing on the way back to my dorm and I invited him in to listen to a new CD I had just bought and loved. Once in my room, things changed. He started to paw me and tried to kiss me. I pushed him away and turned to dig through my CDs. A few seconds later he put his hands on my hips and forcefully yanked my pants to the ground. "Stop that!" I yelled and turned to look at him. Imagine my surprise when I found him naked from the waist down, his cock sticking straight out at me.

"No! Get out of here. Leave me alone!" I yelled even louder, no doubt amplified by my fear.

"Not yet." He said calmly as he spun me around facing my bed. He pushed me hard and I landed on my stomach, knocking the wind out of me. Before I could start to get up his hands grabbed both sides of my panties and yanked them off my legs in one motion. He was then leaning forward over my naked ass and holding me down with one hand on my back while the other worked to spread my legs. Oh shit, I thought, I'm being raped. I guess I screamed, but the next thing I knew, my roommate Cindy was in the room yelling and hitting him on his back. She swung her book-laden backpack at him, catching him in the ribs. That pissed him off and he let go of me and turned to deal with her.

He grabbed her and pushed her hard against the wall. I heard the "oomph" as her lungs were shocked by the blow. That made me even madder and as I turned around to see the action I saw his bare ass and his equipment hanging between his legs, right in front of me. My instincts were on cue and my right leg flew straight up into his junk. He yelled, but didn't move. Then I swung my leg back and gave him a really hard kick right in the nuts. He screamed and collapsed on the floor. Cindy seemed only dazed and we looked at each other in shock, then immediately broke into big grins and slapped a high five. Together we had stopped this SOB.

He was still moaning and holding his crotch when we threw him and his pants out the door. There were other girls in the hall watching the moaning, half-naked man stagger away down the hall. They all cheered. I also cheered for a minute, and then collapsed in sobs and shivers.

I didn't report the incident. I was embarrassed that he thought I was that easy. I was afraid of him coming back to punish me for reporting. The spring semester was nearly done and Roger the Rapist would be graduating and leaving OU in the next two weeks. I was afraid the campus police would be unsympathetic and ask for embarrassing details. So I did what many of my current clients in Chicago have done, I let it go - and let him go on to rape other women.

I also didn't tell my brother that his so-called friend had tried to rape me. I'm sure he would have believed me, but I didn't want to put him in a position of having to pointlessly defend my honor with his friends. I didn't realize that Fred had had his own related experience and also hid it from me. It was many years before we both came clean, but it was too late then.

After graduating in 2002, I went on to Michigan law school and joined the bar at age 25. I joined a private law firm, but realized my calling was in public service. I became a public defender in Toledo Ohio and endured that torture for four years. I learned that most people needing a public defender were, in fact, guilty of their crimes. I did help a few genuinely innocent people and found that very rewarding. But getting awful, guilty people off with a plea bargain was wearing on my soul. I switched to prosecution because it felt much better putting the bad guys behind bars.

I've been working in Cook County prosecutor's office for 6 years now. My parents both died about five years ago so I haven't had a compelling reason to go back and visit my home town. I've kept in constant contact with Fred, and his wife Lisa, but only saw them on a few holidays. They had married around 2005 and now have three wonderful children, 17 year old Jennifer, 14 year old Kevin and 12 year old Tyler. It's been amazing watching Jennifer become a lovely young woman. I only wish I could have been a bigger part of her life. But, no regrets now, my time for marrying and bearing children has past.

Recently, as I finished one big case (a conviction), my other active case was delayed at the request of the defense. My other cases were all still in discovery so I had about a week of somewhat free time. I had received an invitation to a 20 year reunion at OU and impulsively replied that I would fly down to see old friends and catch up with my family in OKC.

I arrived at Will Rogers airport on a Monday and immediately knew that something was very wrong with Fred. He was haggard, gave me only a weak smile and a limp hug. "Fred, what's wrong?" were the first words out of my mouth. "I'll explain later." He mumbled. On the way to his house I asked about the family and he was happy to talk about the kids. Especially Jennifer who would be graduating from high school in a few weeks. But he started to tear up when I asked about Lisa and he said she was "Okay". I was very concerned and wanted to shake the truth out of him, but I knew I had to be patient. Something very big had happened and Fred would tell me about it when he was ready.

Entering their house was even worse, the kids were at school and Lisa came up to me, hugged me tightly and began sobbing. I hugged back and petted her head while muttering bland words. The normally beautiful Lisa was now thin and looked 10 years older. It was very clear that I shouldn't ask Lisa about the 30 foot elephant in the room. Fred took my bag back to their guest room and showed me where the towels and linens were. "We need to talk Mary," was the obvious phrase for the moment. He kissed Lisa and hugged her and then led me back to the car. I was happy to see that they were still affectionate with each other and not planning a divorce. My imagination was running wild.

We didn't speak during the short drive. He took us to the neighborhood of our childhood home and parked near the entrance to a nearby park. "Let's walk for a while." He suggested. I followed him in silence, dreading what news could be this bad. Had one of their children died? No, he had been smiling while talking about them. It apparently wasn't divorce, our parents were long dead, what could cause these two people I loved to be so distraught?

At last we reached a clearing on top of a hill and sat down on the park bench. It had a nice view over the city. Fred and I used to play here often when we were kids. I just sat in continued silence, waiting for my brother to summon the courage to tell me the awful tale. I was screaming inside with anxiety, fear and impatience. I thought, just tell me damn it.

"I must tell you my most horrible secret. I am so ashamed. It has wrecked my life and now will affect you. I am so sorry Mary." I couldn't imagine anything that my loving, affectionate, and considerate brother had done that could be that bad. But, he was right.

"Do you remember Roger Holland?" he asked. I was stunned. Roger Holland was the prick who had tried to rape me many years ago. But Fred didn't know that so I played cool. "Yes, I remember him, a selfish SOB that always got what he wanted regardless of other people's feelings."

Fred nodded. "Yeah, that's a pretty accurate description. But he is far worse than you could possibly imagine." Far worse than raping his friend's sister? I thought. Oh shit.

Then my brother opened his soul to me with a horrible story.

"When I was senior at OU, Roger told me he planned to kidnap and rape a girl. He convinced me that I should help and I would enjoy the sex. 'The thrill of the conquest' he explained. I wanted nothing to do with it, but at that point my entire self-concept was wrapped around Roger. As with many other terrible ideas, I agreed to go along. And that weakness has now caused my life to collapse."

"It was late on a Friday evening, the area around the academic buildings was deserted because everybody was partying elsewhere. I had drunk three beers to give myself courage. We jumped the girl from behind in the science building. Roger threw a sack over her head so she never saw our faces. Roger started dragging her down the hall screaming. I followed along with a sack of gear he had brought. He dragged her into a lab and I followed closing the door. Roger pushed her face down over a lab bench and told me to hold her down. I didn't want to touch her, but did as I was told. Roger grabbed her pants and pulled them down. Then her panties. She was bent over exposing her bare ass and vulva to Roger. I was on the other side of the lab bench. He whipped out his cock and had to work a while to get it into her. She was screaming and she was trying to buck me off of her back. I was shaking too. He fucked her for a couple minutes, then moaned very loudly when he came."

I began shaking with fright at the story.

"With that big shit-eating grin of his he slowly pulled out. 'Man, that was a great fuck.' He said. Then Roger went to the equipment sack and pulled out a video camera. I couldn't figure out what he was doing. He set the camera on a nearby shelf and aimed it at the poor girl's naked back end. Then he told me it was my turn to fuck her. I told him I didn't want to, but he just gave me that commanding look and I yielded to his orders I went around behind the girl and dropped my pants. Roger said I should hold her down and fuck her. He went back by the camera and was lining up a shot of me fucking the girl. I was shaking so hard I partially collapsed on her back. I could hear her sobbing and it tore my heart out. I put my mouth by her ear and said 'Don't worry. I'm not going to fuck you. I'll just pretend so he will stop. We'll let you go soon.'"

At that point in his story, Fred stopped and sobbed with such force I thought he couldn't breathe. His whole body heaved with each sob. I was torn. I wanted to comfort my brother who was in extreme emotional pain, but I couldn't accept that that same loving brother had participated in a gang rape. I just sat frozen. Then I understood why he had selected this remote place to tell me the tale. When he regained some control after a few minutes, he continued the story

"Oh, Mary, I told you it was horrible. Please don't leave me until I am finished." I nodded silently.

"I was so upset and drunk that I really couldn't get it up. I couldn't have fucked her if I tried. But I didn't try. I started slamming my belly into her behind and pretended to be fucking her. I cried out how great it was and in about a minute I yelled and faked an orgasm. Roger couldn't see my dick so he had no way to know. I backed up and put my pants together while facing away from him. Roger put the camera back in the sack and told the girl not to move for ten minutes or she would be cut with his knife. He didn't have a knife of course."

"We ran out of the lab and out of the building. No one saw us. We had some more beers back in his apartment and he made me swear I would never tell anyone what had happened. Of course I wouldn't. It was the most shameful thing I had ever done. I later saw a newspaper article about the rape case and how police had been unable to solve it."

"We graduated two weeks later and left OU for good. I moved to California for a while and learned a lot of valuable skills in Silicon Valley. But I missed OK and mom and dad needed me so I moved back here in 2003. I started my consulting business then and have been doing quite well with it ever since. You know I married Lisa in 2004 and the kids came along right on schedule. We had a nearly perfect life."

I stopped Fred right there and said, "Fred, we both have some embarrassing history to reveal today. I should have told you this when it happened, but I didn't want to put you in an awkward position with your buddies. Back in 1999, your so-called friend Roger tried to rape me. He got my pants off and would have fucked me except that my roommate came into the room and we fought him off and threw him out. The only good part was that I got to give him a terrific kick in the balls that took him to the floor. That was near the end of the school year and probably about the time he wrangled you into his other rape scheme. Be glad he didn't try to recruit you in his plot to rape your sister. I'm sorry I never told you this. It might have changed your behavior with him. I never thought of that. I'm sorry."

Fred took a while to process that story. But he was so deep in his own story and guilt that he couldn't think of any response. "I'm sorry he attacked you Mary. I guess it's not surprising knowing everything I do now. That explains the most recent chapter in this horror story. Oh, shit." He sighed, waited a long minute, and then continued his story.

"This is when the story starts to go really bad. I knew that Roger still lived in town but always avoided him. He always brought back the awful memory of that night 1999 and it has always hurt. When mutual friends invited us both to an event I found a reason to not go. That was fine until about a year ago when he called me from out of the blue. He said he had some memories from college days he wanted to share with me. I declined, but he insisted, actually got nasty and demanded to see me. He also asked if we had an old mini DV video tape player. I told him that I did. Lisa and the kids were going to her parents that weekend so I told him to come over then."

"He was really happy when he arrived. I gave him a beer and asked what he wanted. He said he had a video to show me so we hooked up the video player to the TV and he put in a tape. You can guess what was on that tape. It was me, apparently fucking the girl and bragging about what a good fuck she was and how big my dick was. I could have crawled under the carpet."

"But Roger was smiling. He saw how I reacted to it and that pleased him. Then he lowered the boom. 'Fred my boy, we're going to be good friends again. And friends always lend a hand when their friend is in need. Right?' I didn't make a sound, so he continued, 'And right now your friend here is in need of some cash. I'm behind on my car payment and mortgage. You'll give me $5,000 won't you?' He was simply grinning."

"For about the first time in my life, I stood up to him and refused to pay his blackmail. But it didn't last long."

"'You see Fred, the police case for that terrible rape back in 1999 is still open. With this tape they can convict you in about 3 minutes. The penalty for first degree rape is 10-12 years. Now you may be able to survive in prison. You'd make a nice bitch for a big guy, though you'd probably have a very sore asshole. But think about Lisa and the kids. Without your consulting work they have no income. They'd probably lose the house, and college for the kids would go out the window. If she didn't divorce you for being a rapist, she might well find a better provider by the time you get out. See? I've really thought this through, and the bottom line is you're fucked.'"

I was beginning to see the reason for Fred's anxiety. He was being blackmailed by a psycho and had no way to escape. I reached over and hugged him and we both cried together.

"It gets worse Mary, much worse." Now I was frightened like never before. I knew that guy was a prick. I knew that he would do anything to anybody if it had an advantage for him. I was looking down into the dark pit that Fred had been living in for months.

"If it was just money, I could handle it. My business has been doing very well for the past few years and we have quite a bit saved and invested. Roger came back asking for another $5,000 and then $10,000. I paid up and cursed my younger self for that awful night. But then he got another idea and it was much worse."

"You probably didn't know it but Lisa had dated Roger a couple of times in 2002 or so. He tried the same thing on her that he did with you. But she was lucky and got away before it got serious. She told him to go fuck off elsewhere. Shortly after that she and I started dating. We had met while she was dating Roger. So he has always felt that I stole her from him. But tough luck for him. I got the girl."

"Here comes the next really hard part. About six weeks ago he called me up to ask for another payment, but instead of money he wanted Lisa. He wanted to fuck her, I guess to make up for her having thrown him over for me way back when. Of course, I refused and told him to go fuck himself. He chuckled and reminded me that he could destroy my life, and my family's life with that tape if we didn't agree. Then he mentioned that if I didn't want to give him Lisa, he would accept our daughter Jenny. I hung up on him."

My previous hopes that this couldn't get much worse were shattered. What a horrific story. What a horrific demand. What a horrible man. I was afraid of what Fred would say next.

"I couldn't face having to tell Lisa this story, and then ask her to fuck that guy. It was inconceivable. I seriously considered suicide since a dead man can't be punished for rape. But I realized if I died my family would be screwed. I have life insurance, but not enough for three college educations and supporting Lisa to the age of 80. I had to do what was the most difficult thing that I have ever experienced, at least until today."

I wasn't sure where that last phrase was coming from, but I really couldn't absorb any more terrible news. He continued with his head down and tears falling from his eyes.

"I had no choice but to explain to Lisa the same story I just told you. By the way, it doesn't get any easier the second time around. Like you she was shocked and supportive. We discussed our options, unfortunately only two of them: Let me be convicted of rape and sent to prison for a long time; or Lisa would let him fuck her. He had made clear that it wasn't going to be a one-time event. He wanted regular access to her body."