What Goes Around, Cums Around

Now I also understood Lisa's emotional condition at the house. She had given in to Roger. He was fucking her regularly. How could she live with herself? She had to survive for her children, so she couldn't just give up. This was the "worse" Fred had referred to. I wept for Lisa.

"We agreed that she had to submit to his demand. Two days later she went to his house as commanded. She had sex with him. Since then she has gone about once a week, for six weeks. Each time she comes home in worse condition, physically and emotionally. She won't tell me what he did to her. You saw her today. There's hardly any of her left. My guilt for getting us into this is overwhelming. Neither of us can sleep at all. Torture is the only word for our condition. And now, even that will be expanded."

In my job as Assistant DA, I have had to listen to dozens of women tell stories of rape and abuse and terror. I thought I had become immune to the horror. But now, with my own brother and his wife, I was experiencing the agony first hand. I couldn't breathe or talk or move. I thought Fred had reached the lowest and most horrible point in his story, but not so.

"So, Mary, now I come to the worst part. Somehow, Roger found out you were coming to your 20'th reunion this weekend. When he called this week, he didn't ask for time with Lisa. Now he wants you. I suppose it's because of that story you just told me about 1999."

I instantly went from horrified and sympathetic to screaming denial. "No! No way! That son of a bitch! That's ridiculous. He can't just order up any woman he wants. He has always gotten his way, but this is the end! I will kill that man before I let him touch me. Fred, let's get out of here." I stood and walked briskly back toward the car. Fred followed along behind muttering: "I'm so sorry Mary, I'm so sorry"

I was seething with anger. That animal had already punished and humiliated my relatives and now wanted me too. I would fight him every step. I'm a lawyer damn it. I know how to bring the law to bear on people. I can write injunctions blocking people from seeing or talking or approaching another person. He will be stopped! Fred is too weak. He should have stood up to Roger long ago. Letting his wife pay the price for his youthful indiscretions was cowardly. But starting now, Roger is up against someone with backbone.

I spent the car ride silently contemplating the many ways I could punish that prick. That kick in the balls 23 years ago was nothing compared to my plans. When we got to their house I realized Fred was still quietly crying. I hugged him and kissed his head. I knew that his anguish was at least three times as intense as mine own. "We're going to stop him Fred. I promise."

By the next morning I had absorbed the terror of Fred's story and felt the greatest sympathy for Lisa. I found her sitting in a chair in her bedroom - staring straight ahead. I took her hand and knelt beside her. She looked at me sadly and said "Now you know. I haven't been able to talk about this with anyone. I can't tell Fred what Roger has been doing to me because it would make him feel even worse. How can I live with this Mary?"

My experience in the sexual assault department has given me plenty of experience with women in this condition. We need them to tell us all of the details. But their minds only want to cover it up and deny it. I've found that in some cases, women can begin to heal themselves by verbalizing the horrors they have experienced. In some cases.

"Lisa, I'm here for you. You know that in my work I deal with women who have been raped and beaten. I know it is extremely difficult to put those terrible experiences into words. But I am ready to hear your story whenever you are ready to discuss it."

She seemed to consider that for a moment, and then the dam broke. "Oh Mary, it was horrible. I will tell you, but please promise that you won't tell Fred anything about it. I can't bear to watch him suffer any more."

"Of course Lisa. I don't want to see him suffer either. We both love him and will protect him as much as possible. You can tell me whatever you like and I will never share it with Fred."

I could see the memories were painful, but she also needed to unload to someone about her suffering. She began the description of her personal hell.

"The first time was very difficult for me and for Fred. He drove me to Roger's house and had the most awful, guilty look on his face as I got out of the car. We both understood what was about to happen and how horrible it would be. We both hated it, but we also knew there was no choice. My legs were shaking as I walked up to the house. Fred didn't leave until I was inside."

"Roger greeted me at the door with a big, mocking smile. He was totally naked and his prick was standing straight out. I looked away but he insisted that I look at it and hold it. I touched it lightly but pretended in my mind that I wasn't really doing that. He told me this was payback for when I dumped him for Fred. He wanted to humiliate and embarrass and shame me. He wanted to show his dominance over me. And he wanted lots of sex."

"He took me to the bedroom and told me to stand still while he undressed me. I shivered at his every touch. I closed my eyes to try to remove myself from the room. I felt my clothes fall away and then I felt his hands all over me. He was rough and squeezed my boobs hard and jammed his fingers inside me. I just stood there crying. He told me to get on the bed on my hands and knees and then climbed up behind me. He tried to penetrate me but I was very dry. I was the opposite of aroused. He just forced himself inside and his pre-cum seemed to lubricate things a bit. Then he fucked and fucked until he came."

"He collapsed on the bed and so did I. My vagina was burning and my self-concept was obliterated. I had been violated by another man. My marriage vows were broken. And this was only the first of probably dozens of torture sessions with Roger. I realized I probably wouldn't have the strength to endure much of this before I cracked or committed suicide. I was in the depths of despair."

I shared her despair. The horror of her story made me drop my head and not watch her face as she continued her awful tale.

"I tried to get up off the bad but he grabbed my arm and yanked me back next to him. He sneered at me and chuckled, 'Don't go now. We're just getting started'. I turned my face away from him and lay there motionless - awaiting my next torture. I felt him move around until he turned me face up and stuck his cock in my face. 'Suck it bitch. This is going to be your favorite meat for quite a while.' I hate sucking dick but had no choice. I started to lick it, but then my stomach rose and I vomited on myself and the bed. He was pissed, but at least he didn't try to make me do it again that day."

"He fucked me at least twice more that day and eventually let me call Fred. When Fred picked me up he looked at my face and I could see the shock. When we got home, Jenny came up and looked concerned. "What's the matter mom? You look terrible. Are you sick?" I imagine they could smell the dried vomit on my body. I tried to keep up a brave face and said, yes, I was sick and only wanted to go to bed. They took me to our bedroom and Fred started to take my clothes off. I knew what my naked body would look like and quickly snapped 'No! I'll be all right after a shower. You two go get dinner ready.' Fortunately, that made them leave me alone. In later sessions, if Roger finished with me after school hours, I drove around in my car until after dinner time so I could go right to bed and avoid having the kids see me."

By that time Lisa had stopped crying and was telling her tale in a fairly objective manner. I could see her wince whenever she recalled a particularly hurtful experience, but she kept going. I had learned from many interviews that I should just let her talk at this point. I didn't ask any of the questions that filled my mind.

"The second time, I told Fred that I would drive myself. I didn't want to have to wait around for him to pick me up. Roger started with that damn blowjob. But I was better prepared and was able to lick and suck him. He kept trying to shove it down my throat, but I would always gag and struggle for air. I think he was afraid of me puking again so he quit trying to go so deep in my mouth. I followed his instructions to give him exactly what he wanted. Then, without warning, he started shooting semen into my mouth. I choked on it and tried to spit it out, but he held my head, squeezed my lips to close around his cock and forced me to accept and swallow it. It was a new level of disgust and shame. After that, I reached a new level every time I went over there."

"He wanted to try lots of positions he had seen in a book. Some were very awkward, but he seemed to enjoy them all. My years of yoga had prepared my body for most of them. In one or two, when he couldn't just slam into me, I actually felt pleasure. Please don't tell Fred that."

I reassured her that nothing said between us would ever get to Fred unless she told him. I had to reinforce her trust in me so she would continue.

"The next time he wanted to try anal sex. It sounded scary and painful to me and I had never done that. But he forced me to kneel on the bed, bend all the way over and put my face and hands on the bed. He did bring some lubricant which was cold and slimy on my butt. He inserted some kind of smooth, metal object he called a 'butt plug'. It hurt, but not like he was ripping my anus. I felt full in a different way than during regular sex. When I had adjusted to it, he stuck his dick in my vagina and began a slow stroking in and out. This time it felt wonderful. It was a totally new experience. I should have been grossed out, but I found myself savoring the pleasure. I guess the butt plug was putting pressure on my internal wall, giving me more sensation. I didn't reach orgasm, but at least it was nice and not painful."

"After that he would regularly fuck my ass. He always started with a butt plug to widen my opening, then slid his cock into my body. I did get used to that and could feel some pleasure, but never got to an orgasm. I felt guilty for enjoying the moments of pleasure, but I couldn't help myself."

"The next shameful experience was when he stood me against the front picture window, naked. Passing cars and pedestrians could see all of me if they looked that way. Roger got behind me, pressed me against the window and fucked me. My breasts were flattened against the glass and my nipples reacted to the cold surface. He pushed my butt forward until my pubic hair was spread against the glass. I was completely exposed and could do nothing but endure it. I felt extremely embarrassed, but also found it excited my belly. When a man walking down the sidewalk stopped and looked at me, I closed my eyes in shame - and was overwhelmed by an orgasm. Roger seemed to like that too and came right after me."

"Of course, Roger was only doing things that excited him and demonstrated his power over me. I had to submit to his every wish and that alone was exciting for him. He loved to find things that disgusted me, and then force me to do them. On the fifth visit he took that concept to its logical conclusion. He had tied ropes to the corners of his bed and told me to lie down on my back spread eagle. Then he tied each wrist and each ankle to the closest rope. I felt a deep fear because now I was really helpless and this sadist could do anything he wanted to my body. I was terrified, but also felt an excitement. He snugged the ropes all tight so they pulled my skin and prevented me from moving in any way. I could see him getting aroused just by tying me up."

"He brought out a small leather paddle on a flexible stick and started to slap me all over my body. I knew he would probably enjoy physically torturing me. I realized that he might be crazy enough to kill me. I begged him to stop then screamed as loud as I could. I didn't know if the neighbors could hear, but I was desperate for any relief. He seemed annoyed by my repeated screams and left the room. I tried to regain my breath while he was gone, but then gasped a lungful when he returned with a bath towel rolled into a tube. I guessed its purpose and started screaming again. He quickly put the middle of the towel over my mouth, silencing my screams. Then he tied the towel behind my head. That made me feel even more helpless. I feared for my life. What would happen to my children? How would Fred deal with this crime?"

"Roger went back to smacking me with his leather paddle. He liked to smack my nipples sharply which caused them to redden and stiffen. He struck my legs, moving up between them to my crotch. I was surprised to feel that my pussy was wet. My belly was churning with anxiety - and excitement. My breathing was shallow and fast. I felt my pulse throbbing in my neck. When he smacked the paddle twice, directly on my clit, I exploded. I thrashed and moaned and whimpered. I didn't understand what was happening to my body. Only afterward did I realize it was a powerful orgasm."

"It was after that session, Mary, that I began to feel guilt as well as the fear and resentment toward Roger. I had gotten used to being the martyr, sacrificing myself to save my family. But now, I was enjoying the pleasures that overwhelmed me. Do you think I'm horrible for that?"

"My God Lisa. You are a victim here. Roger is teasing and torturing you for his own pleasure. Of course your body will respond to physical and emotional stimulation. It's common in many rape victims. You obviously don't enjoy these sessions, you are being forced to participate. You can't possibly feel guilt about your body's reactions."

"Thanks Mary. I've begun to doubt everything about myself. I have seen and done things in the past few weeks that I couldn't have imagined two months ago. I wonder if I am still the same person. But, I know the answer to that question. I am definitely a different woman after these terrible experiences." I know I'll never be able to go back to the old me. But I'm not sure if I even want to. I'm so confused."

I couldn't come up with uplifting or comforting words for my sister-in-law. She was clearly showing signs of PTSD. It might take a year to repair her shattered self-concept and view of the world. I felt helpless. When she recovered, Lisa continued with her tale of despair.

"The latest session was the worst. When I came in the door he introduced me to three men sitting on his couch. His introduction was 'Hey guys, this is our fuck toy for the day. I'll referee among you, but you can try anything you want with her.' Their faces were masks of pure lust. One started off the couch but Roger pushed him back. 'Easy boy, we do first things first. Lisa, strip for us.' I had grown accustomed to my shame of being naked in front of Roger. But this raised it to a new level. Three men would see me naked. Those three men were also planning to fuck me in any way they wished. My body was just a 'fuck toy' for them. I was nothing. I had ceased to exist."

I was struggling to handle the concept of Lisa in a gangbang. I wanted to scream in anguish for her. No wonder she made me promise not to tell any of this to Fred. Loving husband or not, this would change their relationship. She was being seriously damaged by this psycho Roger, in many ways. My hatred for him was without limit.

"The four of them carried me into the bedroom and tossed me onto the middle of the bed. They were on me before I stopped bouncing on the mattress. I'm sure none of them even considered using a condom. Hands on my face, on my boobs, between my legs, sucking my toes. I couldn't keep track of all they were doing to me. It wasn't long before the first dick thrust into my pussy. Then another slapped me in the face and was forced into my mouth. A mouth was sucking and biting my nipples - hard. They kept thrusting and pushing me across the bed. I imagined myself floating over the bed watching my body being ravaged. I didn't exist in my real mind anymore."

"After everyone had fucked me and filled me with their cum, Roger suggested a triple play. All holes filled as they say. I didn't understand what that meant, but I was soon lifted and made to ride astride one of the men with his cock inside me. He was thrusting rhythmically and looking into my eyes. He grabbed my boobs and pulled me down on his chest. 'You're really going to enjoy this one' he smirked. Another man lying next to him pushed his penis in my face and I opened my mouth to accept it. They kept pumping for a while until I felt something liquid and cold in the crack of my butt. My eyes flew open when I realized that they were going to fuck me in the ass while also filling my other cavities. It seemed the guy with the largest cock was trying to penetrate me. I couldn't move a muscle, I really was their fuck toy. He pushed and pushed until my anus stretched far enough to accept the head of his dick. I screamed from the pain, I felt ripped open down there."

Lisa stopped for a minute, obviously reliving the experience and feeling the pain and shame once again. Then she continued where she had left off.

"I had no control over my body. I was completely helpless. I could only lie there and endure the torture. And because I was no longer responsible for anything, I could think about the taboo pleasures I was feeling. They were stimulating my body. They were fucking my holes. They were the cause of the incredible pleasure that soon took over my mind. I was floating in wonderful guilt-free pleasure. Then my mind shutdown and I was just floating through an immense orgasm. My body couldn't even move to express the pleasure, so it all happened in my brain. I might have been hours in that state. When I became self-aware again, Roger was congratulating the men and escorting them to the front door. 'That was great' he said to me, 'you sure earned your keep this time. Now run along home before I fuck you again.'"

Lisa ran out of steam then and collapsed in my arms. She wasn't crying or sobbing or expressing any emotion. She just lay limp in my arms. I got up from my knees and actually lifted her to her feet. We staggered to the bed and I gently lowered her. She curled up in the fetal position and went to sleep, her soul unburdened after divulging her story to me.

I walked out to the kitchen. Fred was sitting with a cold cup of coffee and looked up at me, asking for help with his eyes. I just shook my head. I couldn't possibly carry on a conversation with anybody, especially him. I went back to guest bedroom and tried to make my mind work again.

That evening, I told Fred and Lisa that we would stop Roger's exploitation of them once and for all. They nodded, but didn't show any hope. There was still something bothering them. I explained about injunctions and lawsuits for damages and possible criminal charges for blackmail that would scare Roger away for good. They still didn't buy it, but didn't say a thing about my recommendations. Then the penny dropped.

If I was successful and blocked Roger's blackmailing, he could simply do what he had been threatening all along and release the video. Fred would be sent to prison and all of the terrible things they had done to prevent it would have been wasted. Fred and Lisa couldn't try to explain that to me because they didn't want to appear to be asking me to fuck Roger to save them. Oh, shit. This was way too complicated.

I had to fall back on my legal training and my experience leading large cases. I had to get past the emotions and analyze the situation rationally - which no human can ever really do. The first step in a case is discovery. Gather all of the facts from all sources. What facts did we have? A rape in 1999, which was reported to police, but never solved. That meant that there was a case file in the police records. I had to see that. But you can't just walk in there and demand a long dead case file. Who could get hold of it? Of course, a DA from another jurisdiction. We did that all the time to share evidence to help other trials.