All Comments on 'What Happens While Hiding'

Great story. Well paced, descriptions making visualization easy...a pleasure to read. Looking forward to seeing more from you.

"$50 but it includes a full open bar." Lilia said.

‘I paid for the drinks and Lilia handed them out.’

Doesn't 'an open bar' mean the drinks are within the entry fee?

Nice story. As someone mentioned, well paced and nicely descriptive. You should write more.

Hot story. Good pacing and doesnt feel forced or rushed.

Kern for a part 2

Wow, very Hot story, Who...! Thank you!

Liked the story. Need some more!

Very enjoyable as a first story.

Needs another chapter or two great stuff keep it up

Well done with only a couple editing missteps. Look forward to part 2. 5*

Cool Story.

Great story, great pacing. Can't wait for more, but please have some one "Beta" read it before you submit.

I really enjoyed that, especially the climax (that was super hot!). Very good story on its own, though I wouldn’t mind a part 2 =D

Great story. Please continue.

Brilliant, hot, not enough stars!

Tc

Woah.... Just wow! Amazing story and very detailed. Can't wait for part two. 5 stars

Good start, keep it up. Could have benefited from a little lower pace, give it time to build a little, there were parts that felt a little rushed, though not much. Grammar was mostly good, though some inconcistencies in the story line, but just small stuff. Looking forward to act 2.

A delicious read. Made my night that much hotter.

Loves the story, but I feel the three of them got screwed by the organisers. $50 cover with an open bar, but they still paid for drinks? I would have been pissed!

Well written. More stories please

Why does a room "barely bigger than a coat closet" where three persons were "barely able to shut the door behind" them have a lock on the INSIDE?? And how can he SEE anything in there??

A guardian driver brother who drink several drinks and takes E is such a buffoon that it's really off-putting.

Not a fan of drug use. May want to mention that at the start of the story.

No, you lost me on this one when drugs were used…plus your storyline is pretty average ⭐️

Fantastic, thank you for writing!!!!!!

Very hot! I loved it!

You started the story off fairley well, but, then your inability to proofread demonstrated your lack of talent. In point, they shared his flask on the ride in because the $50 cover included an open bar. So the first thing they did was get drinks at thebar where brother "paid the bartender". I agree with other comments, this story doesn't need drugs, lots of alcohol is plenty of motivation. I suggest that you lay out your story in outline form first so you can follow the threads from start to end, then flush it out in words.

Good start. There were some issues along the way, but nothing too major.

The drugs don't really contribute to the story in any way; in fact, one of the effects of MDMA (aka 'Ecstasy') in men is that, while it activates some of the same receptors that Oxytocin does (thus heightening emotional closeness), it acts as an inhibitor to the libido, making it difficult to achieve an erection (or event want to have penetrative sex). It does make sense for the girls though, as there's no inhibition of the libido.

So not only do the drugs not add to the story, it's also the wrong drug to use.