All Comments on 'What I Didn't Hear Pt. 02'

Great story! Loving the relationship between the siblings. I am getting the weird vibe about the parents especially mom. I just hope you don’t turn this story into a family orgie or bring the mom into it. I don’t know why writers always have to do that. Please just keep the relationship going between the siblings!

Going to give you 5* but the move to the BDSM world was too abrupt. It quickly became a distraction and doesn't mesh well with their relationship up to this point. Need to explain the sudden change in "Dad" and what's up with Mom's sudden happiness...5*

Good read kinda tripped me up with the bdsm stuff and the quick change in mom and dad. Maybe some kind of back story or little not in your next chapter would be great.

Won’t lie, I had to breeze past all the golf talk, but another great one.

Seems to me Katie had initiated the rough stuff, then to,d Connor that was how she wanted it, only rougher next time. Personally, it is NOT Old Al’s cup of tea. But, if it has to do with the story, then i

Will go with it. You are doing a great job of walking us through the development of their relationship., and their own development as well. I can easily recall my own cluelessness after high school, not knowing which way to go. They both seem to need a bit more maturity, but they are still fairly young. Sheesh! I’m talking like they are real people! That says a lot about how effective your writing is.

Great story, although the people in this family sure get sick a lot! I can't wait to read the rest.

Great story! Love it.

The characters are very hollow. The reason for the fight is unrealistic and just outright lame.

I like the overall story, but it's just a bit cluncky

Still building. Are we going to descend into bdsm now. I hope not.

4/5

I like the story for the most part but the most irritating thing in the world is over use of a word or phrase and in this case it is “shot back” to me that seems like a more aggressive response and no one here just replies or responds… it’s always shot back. Crazy annoying but other then that it’s a good story

Second read, and I totally understand the other readers comments. Not putting you down! But constructive criticism is part of becoming a really top notch writer. I don’t think you will disagree that you are not quite in Hemmingway’s class just yet. Truly, some reason for dad’s 180 would help a lot. Sadlyfor Old Al, my dad was an asshole to his last breath.

Wow, the main character is a real piece of shit: Lazy, selfish, stupid, ignorant, oblivious, abusive... no wonder he's hated by his father. And the sister is no better: Innocent to the point of being dumb and submissive with a love for pain and zero independence. And everything is set up in a way that has no logic or realism, too mechanic and convenient. And just because the sister suddenly grow up curves in one day, he is now 100% interested and in love with her. Nope. Not my cup of tea, unlikeable and childish characters, and everything is too dumb and forced to keep reading. I'll pass on this, but please consider these mistakes I found so far, for your future projects:

• "yea" instead of "yeah" ("yea" is an old way to say "yes/yay" for voting)

• "damnit" instead of "dammit" (when used as a 1-word)

• "laid" instead of "lay" (laid is past tense for "to lay" *an object down*. Google "To Lay vs To Lie")

• "breast" instead of "breasts" (you use the singular word for both singular and plural)

• "smart ass" instead of "smart-ass"

• "awe" instead of "aw" (onomatopoeia for cute sound)

• "nosey" instead of "noisy" (loud)

Take care.

Also:

• misuse of "shot back" (that's the aggressive way to respond when someone is angry or during a fight)

was a good start. don't care how it is going now

Second time around. I still do not understand how the story takes it’s sudden launch into BDSM

It comes out of nowhere. They have their fight, she goes off the rails and suddenly has a boyfriend she brings home. That night whilst Lucas is still there she makes up with her brother and out of the blue slips into a BDSM lifestyle. A weird reaction to say the least. What brought this on?

5/5

Domination is one thing, but abuse isn't cool at all. The role play was fine as well as the no-contact discipline when Katie was 'sent to her room' by Connor. But the rough sex and Katie gagging and choking were very uncool. I was totally disgusted by it all. You can try and justify it by saying that she asked for it like Connor said, but it still doesn't make it right. There's a line that should never be crossed and just because this is a fictional story doesn't give you a license to cross it. I have to totally agree with Wargamer's comments about the BDSM not fitting well into the story anyway. 🙄

However, the miscommunication leading to the unnecessary drama between Connor and Katie was a great plot device. I've had this happen in real life, but fortunately for me my relationship wasn't illicit in any way, shape, or form so I was able to publicly call out my girlfriend and shame her for misunderstanding my secretive business. I was going behind her back to buy her engagement ring and since we were already living together, I had enlisted the help of a friend from work who happened to be female. I came away smelling like a rose! 🌹 I'm going to have to put this in a story somewhere. Thanks for the inspiration! 4/5

Decent story but I'm not really feeling a deep connection between them yet. While the BDSM angle isn't really my thing, I'm curious to see how it goes in this story so will keep reading. Hopefully it doesn't becoming overarching and drown out everything else. The drama caused by a lack of communication (surprise, surprise) and the temporary boyfriend was a bit of a cringe moment for me. It just felt too contrived even though it's actually realistic, which is the really sad part. Well, here's hoping their love blossoms and Katie can still have her kinky needs met.