All Comments on 'What I Wish Could've Been'

You wasted half the story with b's that didn't need to be there at all. There was no description of the mother, and the only sexual references were velvet tunnel and spf stfffy. You do not use terms like breasts or venus mons in in Literotica either. If you are going to continue writing, I suggest you find an editor.

hope you do more with this,,

Like sp9983, I noticed lots of mistakes in this one. While the punctuation was annoying, I found the spelling almost entertaining, mixing up the usual errors (eg. of instead of off) with some I've never seen before (eg. know instead of now). I disagree, however, with sp9983's suggestion to get an editor. Considering that the story wasn't much chop to start with, I wouldn't wish to waste that person's valuable time.

1st. Thank you sp9983 for the constructive criticism. The truth can be harsh at times and I asked for this at the beginning.

I agree I added a fair amount not necessarily pertaining to the story at hand.

This description of the mother is down about 2/3’s on the first page. My mom Rebecca, has short Maybe four inch black hair. green/brown eyes. average nose. without lipstick red lips. Is five foot-five. one-forty-five-ish lbs. Caucasian. Curvy in the right places with a small belly, but with a large 42D breasts with a bit of sag. Heck she is 48 at this time and still looks good. Below that is the Daughter/sister. Below that is the brother/son and below that is the sister/daughters girlfriend.

I also realize I didn’t have many sexual references. Granted this was my first written story. But it was my second posted story.

I can promise the second chapters too the two stories I’ve written. Have a lot less b.s. as you put it, more story and better descriptions.

I’m just starting and working out what is and isn’t used on literotica. Also I’ve picked out a few editors to beta check my stories in the categories I plan to write in.

Too much Detail about nonsense. I do not need to know all the blue prints of your house.

bad. Really bad.

BTW, what the hell is a hill with Platos?

Awesome story please write more with Jane in the mix!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Part of the sexual relations were good but too much detail in other parts. Would like you to write more with mother and put a little sister in as well!!!!!!!!!