What If? Pt. 09

She had seen herself in the mirror in the cosmetology school. She hardly recognized herself. Carol had told her she was beautiful, but she thought Carol was just trying to give her words of encouragement. But when she saw herself, she looked better than she had ever imagined she would look. She got out the black lace pushup bra and matching thong and was about to put it on when she thought she would like to take a shower first- being careful not to get her hair wet. She went out looking for Carol who thought that would be a great idea. There was a shower off the bedroom and Carol gave her a shower cap. Then she dried herself and Carol showed her the body lotion which she used on her body. When she was all dry she put on the thong and the bra. Just then Carol knocked.

"How are you doing?" she asked.

"Just beginning to get dressed," Diane answered.

"Can I come in?" asked Carol.

"Yes," she answered, "I'm scared."

Carol came in and saw her in the bra and thong. She said, "Now put on the black stay-up stockings and your ankle strap heels."

Diane did so.

"Now look in the mirror," said Carol.

"I thought you wanted me to wait until I was fully dressed," said Diane.

"I didn't know you were going to start with this. Here, before you look in the mirror let me brush out your hair. Then take a look at yourself."

She looked in the mirror and gasped. "I look just like a model in Victoria's Secret!" she exclaimed. And she did. "I wanted to put on the dress first. I wanted to look elegant. I've never looked elegant. Is this what I should wear under the dress?"

"That will work fine, dear," said Carol.

Diane put on the dress and the belt around it and put on the necklace they had bought. She stood in front of the mirror. She did look very attractive from head to toe. "I've got to show mama," she said. "I don't know what her reaction will be, but I've got to show mama. Can I call her up first?"

"Phone's on the night stand next to the bed," Carol said and stepped out of the room to give her some privacy.

Diane called her mom. Her mom answered. She told her mom that she had gone shopping for clothes with Carol and got some new stuff - a different style than what she had been wearing. Could she walk home and show it to her? Would she be mad? Diane could not tell from the conversation what her mom's attitude was other than her mom told her to come and show her what she had bought. She asked Carol to go with her. She was not as steady on her feet in the heels as she would have liked to have been. Carol had her walk around the house a little bit to get used to the shoes and Carol changed into a dress not too unlike the one that Diane was wearing. And she wore a pair of heels, too.

They walked up the street to Diane's house. As they walked up the walk to the front door, the door opened and Diane's mom looked at the two women walking toward her. The closer they got to her, the more the expression on her face changed. Diane did not know how to read it. Was it pain,

regret, anger, remorse, horror? She didn't know. She approached her mother carefully and her mother started crying, but through her crying she could make out the words, "Oh my baby, my poor beautiful

baby! What have I done to you? Oh my beautiful baby girl!" Carol did not know what to do but Diane asked her to come in. Diane's mom, Rose, after she calmed down a little, said to Diane, "We have to talk, but not now, not until my head is clear. I hope it's not too late. I've made a huge mistake. I hope you can forgive me. Please, we'll go to work tomorrow, and once we punch out I have a ton of things I have to tell you, and then I hope you'll forgive me."

Turning to Carol, she said, "And you brought this beautiful butterfly out of the terrible cocoon I've kept her in all these years. I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I hope you'll forgive me, too." Carol understood that there was going to be a lot of mother-daughter stuff going on for the rest of the evening and said her good-bye. She was pretty sure that Diane would be back some time to pick up her new clothes. But she did not know when.

After about an hour, Rose and Diane appeared at Carol's front door. They had driven down and were ready to take Diane's new clothes to her house. Rose had asked Diane how this shopping trip had come to be, and after Diane had explained the events of the previous two days, Rose could not wait to see her daughter model some of her new clothing. Rose could not help but exclaim over and over again how beautiful she thought her "baby girl" was. She could not help but apologize over and over again about what she had done to Diane. Diane did not fully get the apologies.

After Diane had tried on several combinations of her new clothing, it was getting late. Tomorrow would be another day. But Rose knew that Diane wanted to wear some of her new clothing to work. And Rose did not want to embarrass her daughter. So after Diane went to bed, Rose went to a discount department store that was open until midnight and bought herself a new outfit. Something that she hoped would be more in keeping with what her daughter would be wearing. She did not want to embarrass her daughter by wearing the horrible clothes they had been wearing up to now. She found herself a matching bra and thong, a pair of yoga pants, and a stretchy knit pullover top. She stopped at the cosmetics department and picked up a few items and also some things with which she could style her hair. She stopped off at the jewelry department and bought herself a pair of long dangling earrings. Finally, she stopped off at the hardware department and bought a big cheap mirror that she could put in her room so that she could get ready in the morning while Diane used the mirror in their bathroom. Then she came home.

Diane had stated that she would be getting up a little earlier than usual so that she would have time to take care of her hair and put on some makeup. Rose had gotten up even earlier. She was so nervous and excited. It had now been over eighteen years since she had done anything like this. She had showered the night before using a good shampoo and conditioner, and had put her hair up in rollers. Now in the morning she put on her new bra and panties and the knit pullover. She pulled on the yoga pants and put a wide belt around her waist. She put on the makeup she had just purchased. It was magical what a dramatic effect it had on her eyes. She put on the earrings. Because she operated machinery, she had to pull her hair back from her face, but did so my pulling it into a pony tail quite high on her head, and because of the body in her hair the pony tail was full and hung in ringlets down to the level of her shoulder blades. She put on a pair of socks and her usual pair of athletic shoes she used for work and stood in front of the mirror. "Not bad for an old girl." she said to herself and went to the kitchen to make breakfast - and then thought better of the idea. Not much after that Diane came out. She was wearing the low-rise jeans with a tank top that left several inches of bare midriff showing. She, too, had her hair pulled back in a pony tail, but it wasn't quite as dramatic as her mother's. She had put on her makeup just as Janiqua had instructed her and looked amazing.

She walked into the kitchen and saw her mother standing there dressed in a way she had never seen her before. All the heavy lifting and physical work in the factory had been good for her body. She was in excellent shape. And her face, her makeup, she had never seen her mother wear any makeup at

all, and now she looked fantastic. Where had she learned to do that? But she didn't have time to even ask the question.

"You look absolutely ravishing," Rose said as Diane entered the room.

"You don't think it's too much?" asked Diane, hesitantly.

"Not when you look as pretty as you do," Rose replied.

"And mom! I hardly recognize you. When . . ."

Before she could get anymore out Rose said, "I didn't want to embarrass you by making you come to work with an ugly old hag. And I've got a lot of 'splainin' to do when we get home tonight, but for now, let's go stop at a fast food place for breakfast. I want to be seen with my beautiful daughter."

The two of them walked into the fast food place. There was a fairly long line. They could sense that people were looking at them. Diane, especially, noticed that the attention they were receiving was different from before. They were being perceived as two very attractive women. They sat down across from one another. Rose had to say it again: "You are so beautiful!"

They went to work. They entered the factory and walked to the time clock. It seemed as though more people than usual greeted them with a friendly smile and a cheerful "Hello." It was obvious that some people did not even recognize them at first. They heard people comment, "That was Rose and Diane." "They look ten years younger." "I never realized that either one of them was that attractive."

At lunch and break times several people came up to one or the other of them and expressed how much they liked their new look. On the way home, Rose stopped off at the mall and asked Diane to help her do a little shopping. She couldn't wear the same thing everyday to work. Diane followed Carol's pattern and they started out at Victoria's Secret. Rose only bought three sets of bra and panties. She bought a pair of low-rise stretch skinny jeans and a couple of tops including one low cut top she could wear with her new pushup bra and a crop top which would show off her tight abdomen. She bought stockings and a mini skirt, and a nice, figure hugging knit dress - "for church," she said. And she bought a pair of four inch heels to go along with her dress and her mini skirt - but they'd look good with the jeans as well.

They stopped off to pick up a meal to go at a fast food place and went home. They spread out the food at the kitchen table and sat down to eat. "Let's say grace first," said Rose, and she recited a simple table prayer before they started eating.

"Okay. It's time. You deserve an explanation. I'll give it to you as best I can. It's not an excuse. I've fucked up big time. I hope you'll be able to forgive me and we can move on in a more positive direction."

"Mom, you've got nothing to apologize for. You don't need my forgiveness," Diane began to say.

"You haven't heard my story. Wait until I'm done. Then you'll know what I'm talking about."

And with that Rose began her story. "I think my parents had been trying to have a child for some time before I finally came along. They were both in their thirties. I was given almost everything I wanted. My mother must have been happy that I was a girl. She enjoyed dressing me in pretty dresses and fussing with my hair, and I enjoyed it, too. I knew it was because she loved me and loved lavishing her attention on me. I evidently was also a fairly smart girl. I got good grades in school and didn't really work all that hard to do that. I was evidently considered to be pretty. A number of my mother's friends and acquaintances would tell my mother I was pretty or tell my father that he would have to sit on the

porch with a shotgun to keep the boys away. Our school system divided schools up into grade school, grades K-6; junior high school, grades 7 - 9; and high school from 10 to 12. I was a cheerleader for

our fifth and sixth grade teams, and then cheerleader all the way through junior high, and had made the JV cheer leading squad in high school. Cheerleaders were usually considered to be the prettiest girls in the school. I guess often they were. My parents also tried to make sure I was schooled in the social graces. They sent me to dance school to learn social dancing even though a little of that was taught in gym classes in junior high and high school. My mother always bought me attractive clothes and I was schooled in the art of makeup. My mother saw to it that my hair was always attractive. I'm not sure whether she had plans for me to enter beauty pageants or not, but I would not have been surprised if she had.

"After being at the top of the pecking order in junior high, it was kind of humiliating to go to high school and be the youngest ones there. But the humiliation did not last long for me, because a guy who was a senior asked me out on a date after only two weeks of tenth grade. I was the envy of all my girlfriends. But I was not prepared for the guy. He had me thinking I was in love in a very short amount of time and took my virginity in the back seat of his car after we left the homecoming dance. After missing two periods, I told him and he never talked to me again - never looked at me - avoided me completely.

"I told my parents. I didn't have a choice. They yelled at me. They said I was no longer their daughter. Two days later my father dropped me off with two suitcases of my clothes to a home for girls like me. I never saw my parents again. The people at the home were good to me. I was able to continue high school classes and received prenatal care for myself and the baby. It was suggested to all of the girls that were there that we should give up our child for adoption. They gave us biographies of people waiting to adopt children who would give children a good home. I couldn't give you up. You were the only person I had in the world.

"The agency that took care of me during pregnancy took care of me for an additional six weeks, but eventually after that I had to leave. The owner of the company that we work for is a woman (I know, she just sold the business, so I guess, doesn't really own it any more, but the new owners haven't taken over yet) in any case, she had a heart for girls like us and offered myself an another girl a job. With two incomes, we were able to rent an apartment, and the company owner worked it out so that we worked different shifts and could babysit for one another. I worked on the loading dock and was allowed to come to work a half hour late and work a half hour late so that my roommate could come home before I had to go to work. If things piled up for a half hour before I got there, it was usually no big deal and I would have it taken care of by the end of my shift. It was hard, but the two of us made it.

"When you were a little over two years old, a lawyer came to our apartment. She told me that an anonymous benefactor had purchased a house for me - this house that we're living in. You probably have observed that our house is smaller and older than all the other houses around us. At the time, it was the only house at the end of a long driveway. Evidently the donor had purchased the house and a bunch of land around it, divided up the land to make it into the subdivision it is today, and gave me the house we live in. I like to think that the person who gave me the house was my dad - I'm pretty sure it is. But I don't know.

"My roommate and I moved into the house and she lived with us until you were about five years old and started kindergarten. Then she got married and moved away. You may still have a few memories about her. I was able to find child care for you to take care of you when I had to work and you weren't in school. By this time I was working the day shift. When Valerie, my roommate, moved out and I had no other adult at home that I could talk to, that's when I started drinking. You know about that. Never drink enough that I couldn't go to work, but always started drinking as soon as I got home and enough to keep a numbing buzz on. It was when you were six years old and we were shopping for groceries on a Saturday that a total stranger mentioned to me, 'My, what a pretty little girl you have.' I flipped out. That's when I started dressing you in the baggy and unattractive clothes similar to what I wore as soon as I got out of the home for unwed mothers. I was so afraid of boys, men and sex I wanted to be as unattractive to them as I could be, and now, for your own protection, I dressed you in that same way.

"Of course it was a stupid overreaction, and you've suffered the consequences all your life. You've never had any friends, have always been an outsider and different; and even though you are eighteen, have never even been out on a date or gone to any high school social functions. I haven't been fair to you. But I have been so scared of what could happen to you - based on what happened to me - that I've totally overprotected you.

"Then, when I saw you come home the other day beautiful from head to toe, I realized how much I have deprived you. I hope it is not too late. I hope you can have a life not governed by your mother's fear. I hope you can have friends - of both sexes - and that some day you will find a good man to marry and have children of your own. Because I can assure you my child has been the greatest blessing of my life and I am sure she always will be."

This was a highly emotional speech, once in a while laced with tears, but obviously rehearsed over and over again in her mind enough that Rose could get it out without breaking up completely. "There's one more thing," she said. "No more alcohol. I want a clear head with which to enjoy the blessings that I have instead of feeling sorry for myself. As part of that, I'm going to start going to church. You may have heard of the importance of one's Higher Power in Alcoholics Anonymous. I may need that Higher Power, so I'm being pro-active. That's why I bought the nice dress - to wear to church. I'll appreciate it if you go with me, it will be easier than going alone, but even if I must go alone, I will do so because I don't want to go back to the bottle."

Diane came around the table and put her arms around her mother, "Mom, now I know what you want forgiveness for, so I forgive you. But I want you to know that through all you have done, I have always felt that you have loved me. And I have always loved you. Sometimes it seems as though it has been you and me against the world, but I have always felt loved by you.

"I didn't realize it until I was thinking about it at work today, but I realized what made me snap - what made me want to buy clothes like other people wear. It was graduation when we were all lined up in our caps and gowns and I looked like everybody else and it felt really good. I think that worked on my mind and is what finally pushed me to go talk to Carol to ask her to take me shopping.

"I guess I am a pretty passive person. I never really felt like challenging you on the clothes you bought for me, and I was really scared to show you what Carol and I bought. But it seems things are working out all right? I'd dress the old way for the rest of my life rather than lose your love for me."

Rose stood up and had Diane stand up to face her. She gathered her in a hug and said, "Baby girl, I will always love you. And even though I was afraid of it, and still have a little bit of fear for you and what the future holds for you, words cannot express how overwhelmed I am with love for you to see you looking so beautiful and confident. Dressed the old way you looked like you had been beaten down by the world. Now you look bold and confident and ready to take on any challenge. I love you, Diane. I love you with all my heart and want you to be happy."

They stood and hugged and cried, and laughed and let out a flood of emotions. When that was done and they were in the living room relaxing, Rose said, "We should go down to Carol's to thank her for her part in this."

"Great idea, mom," said Diane, "what should we wear?"

"Matching low rise jeans and crop top?" asked Rose.

That's what they wore, with four inch heels and their hair brushed out. They walked to Carol's house. It was a warm evening. Ted and Carol had been walking around their house in thong swimwear. When the doorbell rang Ted went to answer it because Carol was just finishing putting the children to bed. He looked out the window and saw who it was. He looked around for his shirt. They