What is Love

She winced, my comment biting. "I have said sorry, Max, a hundred bloody times. If we are going to make this work, then you have to let go."

Sitting up and brushing off her arm, I replied, "I wish it was that easy, Darcy. You hurt me, you lied, and now I don't know if you're telling the truth, or not."

"You have to believe me, Max. I learned my lesson. I love you, I want you back in my life. I promise, I'll never lie to you again."

As I glared down at her, I spat back, "Okay, let's put your honesty to the test. When did you see Alyssa last?"

She flinched, and her expression tightened. Her eyes fluttered and she looked away, unable to hold my gaze. "I see her from time to time. We still work together."

"Okay, let's be a little more direct. When was the last time you slept with her?"

She quickly turned her head, and I watched as the red flush crept over her boobs. "Come on, Darcy, when?"

"That's not fair, we were broken up. Until you came home, I thought I would never see you again."

"When, Darcy?"

"A couple of weeks ago. It's nothing serious, we just hook up occasionally if we're feeling horny?"

I sniggered. "Oh yeah, that's a great basis for a relationship."

She tried to pull me down into a cuddle. "Cut me some slack, Max. If I thought there was any chance of a relationship with you, I would never have done it. If you let me back into your life, I will never see her again."

"But you work with her."

"I meant as a hook up."

"You will still remain friends with her?"

She saw where I was going, and muttered, "No, not friends. I can't do anything about the work thing, but I will stop being friends with her."

Flopping back on the pillow, I stared up at the ceiling. I felt her body snuggling beside me. Her hot wet mouth on my neck, kissing, nibbling. Damn, she knew me so well.

I felt myself squirm, I love my neck being nuzzled, it is one of my strongest erogenous zones. A nerve must run directly from my neck, to my pussy. I felt the little tingles, the swell, and pulse building.

When her hand cupped my breast and her thumb flicked idly over my nipple. I let out a contented sigh of appreciation. Her lips moved slowly as she kissed her way to my mouth, her leg draping over mine, writhing until it slipped into the tight gap. She pressed hard, her knee rubbing on my pussy lips.

I rolled towards her, enjoying the delicious kiss. I was horny; what can I say. She knew my body so well, knew what I liked. Our bodies melded together as we enjoyed the seduction of the kiss, her hot wet fanny rubbing on my thigh as she ground her knee harder into my pussy. I felt it slip between my lips as my secretions covered her smooth skin. I was hot, and i could feel myself slippery and juicy.

Her fingers pulled and twisted my rubbery nipples. She played me, knew me, understood, I was lost in our intimacy.

We writhed together, as she fucked me, her knee like a giant wand rubbing me off. It is my favourite sex, I love oral, and fingering, but this, this is my favourite. Kissing, and squirming, fucking, her wet pussy all over my thighs. I could feel her juices on my flesh, searing, burning, her mouth sucking frantically on mine. Biting, Panting.

My orgasm was upon me, without warning. The tingles growing into electric shocks as my body shuddered wantonly, my purring moans loud in her mouth.

As I came, she rolled me onto my back and her pussy attacked my thigh with a vengeance. She ground down hard, riding me like a bucking bitch in heat.

Her whole body shook as she sat up, squeezing my leg, her pussy convulsing wildly. Her head flopped from side to side, her eyes closed as she growled like a bitch, a dirty sated bitch.

Afterwards, she flopped down beside me, her mouth next to mine, little butterfly kisses pecking graciously on my skin. "God, Max, damn girl. I love you."

Squeezing her in my arms, I whispered, "I love you, too."

We showered, and she rushed off to work as I headed for the hospital. Mum was in the waiting room when I walked in. "Where the hell were you last night?" she grumbled. "Good lord, would it have been so hard to send me a text? Let me know you were all right."

Contrite, I replied, "Sorry, Mum."

"Well, where in heavens name were you?"

"Darcy's," I spluttered in a whispered sigh.

Her expression changed instantly. She put her cup of tea down on the seat beside her and pulled me into a hug. "Oh lord, I'm so happy."

As we embraced, she asked, "So, what happened?"

I winced. "I don't know, Mum. I stayed the night, but I just don't know. I want it to be all good, I just don't know."

"Oh, sweetheart, it's meant to be. I know you love her, and I know she loves you. If you could have seen her after you left. She was a broken soul. The number of nights she cried on my shoulder."

Trying to change the subject, I asked, "How's Dad this morning?"

"He is being examined now. The surgeons are with him."

She picked up her cup of tea, and said, "Go and get a drink, darling. They are going to be a while."

When I returned, with scones and a cup of coffee, Mum was smiling, staring out the window. She looked up with a loving embracing smile. She accepted her scones and fresh cup of tea. We ate in silence until we saw the medical team leaving Dad's room.

He looked so much better than the first night. He had regained some colour, his eyes were back to normal and he looked happy. "They're sending me home later today," he stated thankfully, the pleasure so easy to see.

"What are you going to do, Max?" Mum asked.

"I'll stay a couple of days, then I need to get back to Thames. I only have a limited amount of annual leave."

She squinted as she whispered, "What about Darcy?"

"Darcy!" Dad mumbled, shocked.

"Yes, they have been talking." She glanced at me quickly. "Haven't you, sweetheart?"

"Yes, we talked, Mum, but nothings decided. I don't know how it could work. I have to see out my contract at Thames. Plus, I like it. It's a lovely little town. I was hoping you guys might come up at Christmas. I have a spare room, you could stay with me."

They glanced back and forth before Dad said, "You know what. That sounds like a great Idea. I could use a holiday after this."

"Darcy could come with us," Mum injected quickly.

I shrugged. "Guess we'll see." That seemed to douse Mum's happy mood.

That night I was helping Mum cook dinner, Dad was in the lounge watching the news on TV, when Darcy walked in. I was a bit stunned, but as she slipped into a hug with Mum, she said. "Your Mother invited me for dinner."

Mum blushed as she saw me glare at her.

The dinner was nice, it was a lot like old times. Darcy, up until our breakup, had been absorbed into our family, and she was a regular at the dinner table. Dad loved her as much as Mum.

After dinner, Mum and Dad made themselves scarce as Darcy and I chatted in the dining room. "We could go back to my place," she suggested quietly.

It was tempting, there was no way we could have sex there, it's an old house, and insulating walls was not one of the selling points. "No, I can't go with you Darcy. I need to stay and help Mum, in case there are complications."

"Can I stay with you then?"

"It'll mean no sex?"

"Yeah, don't worry, I remember."

"Darcy, I don't know what to say. I don't know how we can make this work. I have to see out my contract at least, plus I really like it up there."

"Well, maybe I could move up there?"

"What would you do?"

She shrugged. "I don't know, I could get a job doing something."

That night, we hugged and kissed, even managed to finger each other to silent orgasms; it was fun. I remembered back to when I lived here, and we used to try and have sneaky sex. Mum knew, and told us both that she heard us.

Our goodbye at Christchurch airport drew plenty of attention, as we kissed and hugged passionately. It was hard saying goodbye; in just those few days we had found some of our old love, and it was hard to leave.

Sitting in my seat on the plane, I contemplated how the hell this would work. Could I trust her? God, it was so hard to understand. I felt the nervousness seep into my body, insecurities strangling me.

Back in Thames, it was late at night. The drive from Hamilton was slow, the fog was thick and conditions treacherous. It gave me time to think, which wasn't good. All I could picture was Darcy and Alyssa...

Arriving back home, I took in a big gulp of air; it was good to be home. You can't beat sleeping in your own bed.

Arriving home on Friday night meant I had the weekend to recover, catch my breath.

It was an uncomfortable night. I may have been home and in my own bed, but my mind wouldn't slow down, nothing made sense. Darcy, damn it, I tried to cast her aside. But, like the proverbial bad penny, she was back.

It would be easy if I didn't actually have real feelings for her. Those few days had re-ignited the spark, I thought extinguished, only to find a burning ember that now laid waste to my emotions.

I slept late, very late, the sun sat high in the sky. Reaching for my phone, I blinked. Holy shit, ten o'clock, I never slept this late. Lunch instead of breakfast before I wandered into the laundry to catch up and get clothes ready for next week.

As I hung them on the line, I heard the squeal. Turning, I barely had time to open my arms, and Annie was jumping into them. "Auntie Max, you're home."

"Yes, cup cake. I'm back, did you miss me?"

She gave me a big kiss, her arms crushing around my neck. "Yes, I missed you. We got Miss Jury, and she's awful."

I giggled. "Oh no, not Miss Jury. Did she give you lots of work?"

"Yes, lots and lots."

I let her slide out of my arms, and she passed me pegs whilst I hung up the rest of my clothes.

Inside, Annie raided my pantry for cookies and I poured her a glass of milk while I boiled the jug for my second coffee. At the table, her mouth framed with milk, she asked, "Did you get me a present?"

"Yes, cup cake, I got you a present. I walked over, extracting her gifts from my luggage. I thought she was going to scream the bloody house down. She shredded the wrapping like some out of control wood chipper.

As soon as she saw the presents, she jumped back into my arms and gave me another kiss. "Thank you, Aunty."

"It's all right, cup cake, glad you like them."

"Can I go and show them to Mummy?"

"Yes, of course you can."

"It might make her happy, she is very sad."

"Oh, why is she sad?"

She shrugged, her lips pouting. "I don't know, but she has been crying a lot and she is very sad."

"I'm sorry to hear that, sweetie, give her a hug from me."

She scampered away, her arms full of new clothes.

I saw Lily's mum's car in the driveway, but no sign of any others.

My phone chimed, announcing an incoming call. "Hey, Darcy."

"Hey yourself lover. How was the flight?"

"Smooth, no problems. What are you doing?"

"Not much, just finished a visit with your folks. Your dad is looking pretty good. He's up and about, no signs of illness."

We talked for the best part of an hour, giggling and laughing like old times. I had to admit, it was nice having her back in my life.

Annie wandered back a little later, and we ended up baking, as always. Cup cakes, for my little cup cake. Working away in the kitchen, I noticed Lily's mum's car there still.

Not wanting to sound pushy, I asked, "Was Mummy feeling better?"

She shook her head. "No, she's still sad. Nan is giving her a hug. She said to say thank you for the presents, but I said I already did."

"Why is she sad, baby cakes?"

"I don't know, she said she misses you."

"I miss her too, Annie, I miss her a lot."

"I could go and get her, that would make her happy."

"Sweetie, your mummy can come here any time."

She was confused, far too young to understand the complexities of life. She went home with a bag full of cupcakes.

It was a week later when I heard the knock on the door. Swinging open the door, I was shocked to see Lily standing there staring blankly at me. Her eyes red and puffy, her cheeks stained by tears.

I stepped back, opening the door wider. "Are you okay, Lily?"

Her head shook slowly, her bottom lip white as she bit down hard. I stepped forward and pulled her into my arms. "Hey, it'll be all right. What happened?"

"I broke up with Conor." Her voice broke, stifled by the sniffles.

I hugged her tighter and I felt her arms tightening around me. "I'm sorry, Lily, I really am."

We stood in the open doorway like that for ages, it felt incredible having her in my arms, I felt my heart swell, "Come inside, I'll get us a drink."

She gripped my hand as I turned and walked inside. "Where's Annie?" I asked, as I poured us a glass of wine each.

"Mum's got her."

She drank her glass in one long gulp and held it out for a refill. We walked into the lounge and slumped into the sofa. "What happened?"

She wrinkled her nose, "I don't know really. I thought things were going great, but bit by bit, they sort of unwound."

"How do you mean?"

"It's hard to explain. I just saw cracks opening; he never listened to me, I mean. God, would it have hurt him to just listen? No, he has to take over and rabbit on like he has all the answers. Bloody idiot. I didn't want to hear stupid solutions, I just wanted him to hold me and listen, acknowledge that he heard."

After we finished our glasses in silence. She gushed, "It's your bloody fault. You spoilt me, ruined me for men."

I laughed loudly, squeaking disbelievingly, "What did you say?"

"It's true, you set the bar too high; when I measured Conor against it, he couldn't measure up. Even the sex wasn't as good. I don't know what happened. I miss you, Max."

She was in my arms in a flash, and we embraced tightly, her breasts crushed against my own, her heart beat pounded against me. "Max, I am sorry for being a bitch."

"It wasn't your fault, Lily, I shouldn't have been so demanding."

"You weren't. Can you forgive me?"

"Of course, I have to. Annie would never speak to me again if I didn't."

"Max, I was serious when I said you ruined me. I know I didn't understand, but what we shared, it was amazing. You were so warm, open, and loving. You get me in so many ways." She started crying again, "And I miss you."

Overcome with emotion, I just held on tightly, enjoying the feel of her body against me, her breath wafting over my flesh, her smell, her aura.

She leaned in to kiss me, and I leaned towards her, but as our lips were about to caress, I got a flashing burst of conscience. I leaned away quickly, and she started. "What's wrong?"

"Lily, while I was home, Darcy and I, we sort of reconciled. We are trying to make a go of it."

I saw her face droop as the realisation of my words sank in. "You and Darcy?" she gasped. "Oh, god. Really?"

I was lost, I felt crushed, her obvious dismay was clear. "I'm sorry, Lily, if I knew how you felt before I went home..."

"No, it's okay, Max. I should have been honest. Truly, I am happy for you. Darcy is a lovely girl. You should be together." She flopped back in the sofa, my body instantly cold as her warmth vanished.

"God, I'm such a fool, Max. I was such a bitch. I was just scared, the emotions were so strong."

"I know, I felt the same way. I was in love with you, Lily."

"Can we still be friends?" she breathed wistfully.

I got another bottle of wine and we talked some more. Lily was as lost as I was. "What do I do now, Max? Do I look for another woman? Do I ignore my urges?"

"Lily, you're possibly bi-sexual. You said you love sex with men. Perhaps it's just Conor wasn't the right man for you? I don't really know what to suggest. I've never been in that situation. If you are bi, it's just a matter of finding the right person, forget gender and just find somebody you like."

With a deep sigh, she replied, "Maybe. I enjoyed the sex with Conor, but there was something missing, a connection you and I shared. That was so strong, so much stronger than anything I have ever felt. It was so strong, that's what scared me..."

"Why?"

"I couldn't comprehend it. Being in a relationship with a woman. What would everybody say? My mother, Annie. That's what scared me. I realise now, it was love, Max. I love you, I let my fears control my decisions. I lost you for Conor, huh, what a joke."

I couldn't help giggling, and when she saw that, she hissed. "What are you laughing at?"

"You, that's what. I tried to tell you how I felt, and you kept pushing me towards Darcy. Now look where we are."

She giggled as well. "Where does that leave us, Max? I mean, you and Darcy, how does that work? Is she moving, are you moving?"

"I don't know just yet. It's only been a couple of days. God knows."

She grinned evilly, "So there's still a chance?"

"Lily, I'm not cheating on Darcy."

"I wouldn't expect you to, what I meant was, long distance relationships are hard work. They often fail. Sorry, I don't want you to be unhappy, and I don't want to see Darcy get hurt."

"Then what are you saying, Lily?"

She shrugged as she poured us another glass. "I don't know. I guess I'm saying I will be here, if it doesn't work out."

"What about Annie, your friends, your mother?"

"Knowing what I know now, Max, they can like it or lump it. Annie already loves you. That would be easy."

We finished our drinks, and things became a little awkward. Normally, we would cuddle, console each other. Now I didn't know what to do. I couldn't trust myself to hold her and be satisfied with that. I sensed she felt something similar. In the end, she went home.

It created a surreal environment. We tried to slop back into our old friendly relationship, the one unencumbered with sex, and love. It didn't work; our visits were filled with long uncomfortable silences. We lost the one thing that was so important: intimacy. I don't mean sex, or even love. We lost the ability to talk about anything and everything. Now we were so scared of opening wounds, both old and new, that we just talked about mundane things. Work, school, Annie. Anything else was taboo. Because of that, our friendship started to unravel. I knew she felt lonely, and now her world was in a mess. She had opened Pandora's box and didn't know how to deal with it.

I wanted to help, but it seemed every time I tried, it started an argument.

We were trapped in something far worse than the friends zone, it was the unfriendly zone...

My relationship with Darcy sort of got stuck in the mud. We tried to keep it alive.

I decided I needed to find out if we could make it work, see if there was something there, or if I was just lonely. I booked a flight back home for the Labour Day long weekend. Darcy picked me up from the airport. The moment we saw each other, she flew into my arms, and in the middle of Christchurch airport, we kissed like nobody was watching, which was completely untrue. We had a crowd of spectators, some of whom clapped.

As we separated, Darcy spun around and curtsied to the crowd. I, on the other hand, stood rooted to the spot, the embarrassment overwhelming.

I never used to feel that way, I was a strong feminist, and I had lived my life open to the world. Now, though, my expectations were different, now I felt the glaring eyes, and it made me uncomfortable.

I wriggled out of her embrace and moved quickly to the baggage claim area. "What's up, Max? Are you ashamed of me?"

"No, "I whispered in a muffled hiss. "I'm not ashamed, but we could have waited for a more private moment."

"Wow, you are ashamed, aren't you? What happened to the rebellious little placard-waving proud lesbian?"

"I have grown, I guess, and it doesn't have anything to do with lesbianism. I would feel that way about kissing anybody in public, man or woman."

She giggled evilly. "Wow, a social conscience, where the hell did that come from?"