All Comments on 'What Separates, Also Binds Ch. 01'

Have to give thanks to my editor ErikaKane, for some reason it wasn't added to the end of the story.

you fucked up the first sentence because you didn't use your head. if you had used a good editor you could have saved yourself a lot of bad comments. delete and rewrite put it through one of the free editors here then repost.

if you used an editor they suck and should be ashamed to admit it. this needs a total rewrite by a GOOD writer and a GOOD editor.

to apologize to Erika, this was my fault during the editing process, she identified that part of the story for editing and I failed to catch the deletion when I applied her suggestions. again, do not fault her, this was my bust.

New version has been submitted. Please do not comment on the one typo at the beginning. Also, while constructive criticism is always appreciated, blatant bashing will not be tolerated. Understand that this is my first submission, and mistakes are made. Any other comments besides the previous two (kept for reference) that are negative to the point of being disrespectful will be deleted immediately, and the comment will be reported.