All Comments on 'What She Didn't Know'

This could have been a really good story. But, it was devoid of any real emotional element. The dialogue seemed woooden and flat. The husband never seemed to be genuinely hurt or angry and the wife was a cartoon who the reader could feel nothing about.

It seemed rushed. Like you could not wait to finish writing. That is fine to do in the first draft

This needed more development in several more drafts. IMHO.

Typical cheating wive stories do little for me, but your lead in suggested this was different, and it was: sci-fi or fantasy or whatever one calls it. The magic power was beyond my ability to suspend disbelief

The "super-hypnotist" aspect of the story was just plain silly in the context of a loving wives tale.

Some of the elements like the powers were a bit off the wall but that also could be interesting if presented well . You explained that just fine , but the story as a whole did seem rushed and the emotion wasn't there . I give 3 stars as I liked the story in a very general way but I wasn't crazy about it at all .I felt disappointed that the energy of a good story wasn't there . But it wasn't a swinger/swapper/wimp/cuck story so I do greatly encourage you to keep on writing for LW .

I didn't really have a problem with it. Others have said that it needs more emotion or something. I am not a writer, so I don't know how to help with that. If you keep trying, I will read them. As Mongo said, we need more stories along this line. Good luck.

I thought this was a very good well written story. It was an interesting read and it kept me reading until the end. Well done for this story and thanks for your time.

I am looking forward to your next story.

You need to be more patient as you develop the story that elucidatess your premise. You write well enough that you do not need artifices like mind control or super soldier histories to show the emotion and conviction of your characters.

I am looking forward to your next work.

A good storyline and I thought that his ability was a little sci-Fi, but interesting.

Different than a lot of stories that are posted under the loving wives genre, and was a good read.

Thanks

You told the story dispassionately and (for me) that left it without the punch to get me to care about any of the characters. I look for something in a story that has me care what happens.

I know you can do it. I hope you do.

I liked your story and gave it a 4.

Please read my story, "The Principle of the Thing" by calibeachgirl. It is very close but with a much happier ending.

Wasn't sure about the psychic abilities, but it was okay... A nice read.

...but you presented the scenario in a realistic way which is rarely done here. Would have liked to have seen the myth of "puppy love" shattered after the cheats moved in together,but I don't think you had protagonist appear too dispassionate,he roared at the appropriate times and a few good lines to boot. Love the "emotional double enema".

I thought you did a pretty good job of writing a readable story that was based on a stupid pretext.

It did not happen frequently enough to show a sex addiction. It is just stupidity and loose morals.

The story was a bit strange, but I liked it. Keep writing, I like your take no prisoners approach to cheating sluts.

A little crazy I think, but still a good story. I hope you write some more. I hate cheaters too.

The magic eye stuff killed most of the enjoyment for me. It's too over the top for a LW story.

This story should have been in the 'Mind Control' archive. Yes, it had a cheating wife and you could have tagged it as such.

While the adultery was the primary focus of the story, the 'solution' so overshadowed the other elements for 'normal' LW readers that they, as the comments have indicated, feel betrayed.

That said, from what I recall, the writing wasn't bad and I liked the fact that having 'magic powers' didn't fix all the problems in this guy's life. He can still be emotionally hurt. He still has to do his taxes. That was a nice element that you normally don't see.

I've read all three of your stories. In all of them, you go hard for revenge. Your best was the one that actually had the most plausible revenge scenario, IMO.

Take that for what it's worth if you continue writing. I like your character development and your style. My disagreements are purely on a plot/style basis.

A little too strange to buy into at any point. Oh well...

Tough story to read. The mind control doesn't fit (wrong category) and the pretense of the story is based upon cheating that was almost predetermined.

I don't know what the fuck I am saying.

Fuck it.

That one word kinda says it all.....

It seems to me that when you start with an unusual premise, it ought to have an equally unusual ending. The only way I was able to swallow the idea that this guy was a super hypnotist was the expectation that the ending would make it all worth while. Instead, this fizzled and tried to end as if it were a normal cheating wife story. What was I expecting? The set up was hubby being invited to see her therapist. A seemingly innocent invitation. The twist should have been the therapist being a super hypnotist as well. During therapy he discovered she had been hypnotized, treated her accordingly, and now was going to hypnotize the hypnotist into taking her back. Now that would have been an interesting ending for an interesting tale.

He used his ability for good then evilish then not -

I got the concept easily enough and he was a good guy in a bad situation - he fixed what he could and regretted the harm he caused but took nothing away for himself at ll -

Interesting and a bit of a self martyr condition going -

Keep writing

I hate it when I start to read a story only to find out it is in the wrong category. This is clearly a Mind Control tale. And, his attempts at revenge and punishment fall apart and cause harm to all parties,

Sorry but your attempt to be too cute backfired,

Delightfully filled with cliches and extreme situations. At least there might be a light at the end of the tunnel. With respect to the fantasy, it gives nice punishments because they are reversible.

In the beginning he has shown he can't do anything while surrounded by turmoil. How about if Mark punches June? I think she lets go of his cock and he's gone. End of silly story. The remainder was simply implausible.

or la la land for this bs dream land cloud 9

2 stars

You obviously know what is right; why do you give a shit what the left-wing liberal do-gooders think? Their only concern about cheating is that they get away with it unscathed. I say, let's scathe em good!

For the read.

This story belongs in the Supernatural category.

Where no one needs to read it. This was really awful.

knowing full well there will be some form of consequences. TK U MLJ LV NV

... It is in the wrong category, Sci-Fi or Mind Control is a better fit. The story was a bit too long due to the author’s efforts to tie up all loose ends.

The intriguing part was Cliff's job tied into his talent/skill set, although the character himself was not as "fleshed out" as he should be. With a power like this any human would develop an ego of god like proportions. Then with a job in intelligence, as distrustful as that community would need to be, a much more interesting story or stories are available to the imagination.

Think of the possibilities, a super ego with an immense power and a powerful, nervous, secretive agency trying to control or eliminate this character. And the sex could be unlimited in quantity or kink. Come-on writers, someone sink your teeth into this, Panther fan.

A good read and maybe a little too long as author wantes to finish all loose ends.

Wrong category perhaps as the story was heavily tilted towards mond control.

Great story, a little trippy ! I loved it!

just implant the thought in wifes head not to be a adulterous cheating cunt?

I loved the twist with the cheating wife's husband having mind control abilities. His desire to have someone love him for himself is totally believable!!! While it might be great to have a sex slave wife, there would never be real love and it would become meaningless. It's a great story, with revenge for him and healing for her. Liked the ending with him walking away...

Your protagonist is a serial rapist. Raping untold unwilling women and even wives and mothers and daughters at the same time.

I would have put a bullet in his crotch and in each major joint while leaving him on a fire ant hill.

The rest of the story was bland and unsatisfying.

Useless story all around.

mind control makes for a stupid story

Parts of your story make no sense at all!! If he told Mary to pull off his balls, then how is that imaginary? You can't have her squeezing his cock so hard it hurts him and then telling her to pull his balls off and that is only imaginary....Anyway the whole story was shit! The dialogue was stilted and sounded to much like speeches than a conversation. I gave it a 2...probably 1 too many!!

ALL your stories get 1 star.

Stop writing, asshole!

It definitely should have been submitted under mind control and it became unnecessarily long. But I disagree with the brutal criticism. I liked the concept of mind control. I keep having similar dreams whereby I somehow came to possess a partial shipment of an experimental drug that had a combination of effects. It had strong hypnotic effects; it made the one who administers the drug capable of guiding the subject by powers of persuasion; it had strong qualities of a truth serum and it could be used simply as a sleep medicine and pain reliever. The subject often awoke feeling a lot better when they awoke. Dreams that they had became "memories", as if they had actually occurred at an earlier time in their life. Run with this idea. Good luck.

This is so far out you have to catch a airplane to get back! Shooott or sheeiittt either will do, Basically it's His fault in the second half of the story. What with the mind control and all that Bullshit, he fried her poor brains! :- So Yes I Feel For the Wifee and a little bit for her lover.

Anyway that's my Comment 5 ★ WOOF!

If she and Mark needed "closure," once should have been enough!

Sex addict? - Except for a few (FIVE isn't a couple of times!) times while dating, she had been faithful until she ran into Mark, despite his travels. That doesn't sound like someone sufferign a sex addiction to me!

Yeah, fuck her! Sex addict or not, she was a hideous cunt. She was MARRIED to Cliff when she claimed to be IN LOVE with her primary living dildo Mark, too. Fucking whore. Being a sex addict is one thing; it would've understandably still hurt Cliff, but at least that would've been just that and maybe they could've gotten her help. Entering into a marriage half-assedly while still having feelings for another man, lying about being totally in love with her husband (get fucked) and then fucking said other man is the hallmark of a cunt

Granted, it should have been put under "mind control." But the premise makes for a change of pace. Did the punishment fit the crime? Or was having his gonads shrunk and torn off overkill?

It seems with this kind of power, just simply making him violently ill for the rest of his life if he cheated on a spouse would be sufficient.

BFF, pychos, now mind control. So many ways to get revenge on cheaters. Big plus to include wife and affair partner in revenge. BigK is getting soft though, both cheaters lived this time.

Just a goofy story!

He forgot to plant the thought in his wife's mind, not to fuck some one else behind his back. Duh..

The writing was technically reasonably good, and the approach to burning the bastard and bitch was creative. I think this one deserves a better reception than it seems to have gotten.

Put it where it belongs so I never have to read this garbage. WTF were you thinking???

Now I know how uninformed some readers can be. Doesn’t anyone else have this power? I can do it with my eyes closed !!

Ok, back to reality ——- this isa stupid mindless story with no thought given. It’s an absolute waste of time.

After the line about the CIA buying him a plane so he could do their dirty work I realized what mindless drivel this is.

Lots of bullshit!

3 stars decent writing but too sci-fi fantasy without adequate background

Like sci-fi fantasy

Punishment matched crime

Incredible horse lumps. Unenjoyable. Ten minutes totally wasted.

Not that bad as a fantasy story. I enjoyed it as it was very different.

You have a LARGE imagination

I can live with the sci fi aspect of the story, but the ending still stunk. either punish the wife or don't but did she really regret what she did?

Kind of all right story that doesn't get carried through very well. These kind of mind control stories are questionable, not in what they do, but in what they don't do. E.g. he could have helped June solve her problems without all the trauma she had to endure.

... rotten ending. The sex addiction plot device was a cop out in my view. It was too easy and took away too much of June's culpability for her actions of betrayal. The whole thing felt designed to gain her more sympathy than she really deserved. The latter parts of the story would have been better served describing his new situation with his girlfriend Dawn and how he deals with her and his lack of trust. Tell us if he eventually marries again and if he decides this time to confess about his powers. Would have been a much more interesting epilogue than this beating a dead horse over his ex. Honestly, after all she did who cares if she and Cliff can become friends again some day? The ending of the story should have focused on Cliff's future love interests, the evolution of his work, and how he feels. Any mention of June could have been a footnote.

This guy possessed super natural abilities. The story started weird and ended weird. In between story was very unrealistic ab normal. I keep reading thinking it might get real but no so.

The "super hypnotism" use wasn't well thought out and felt contrived to support the story instead of being a vehicle driving it. How it was used and the consequences could have used more realism, even in a "fantasy" story.

Not a bad story, but in many ways sad, who among them won anything?

4/5

Can we say dumb?

Could have been a better ending for the MC. But that's life.

No sex? You have way too much time on your hands

Not bad, the "super hypnotism" was an interesting twist, and I liked that the MC despite his "powers" wasn't a monster abusing them with him even helping out the wife's former lover eventually. Wish it had a more satisfying ending, reconciliation or new love or something rather then it being open ended. Gave it a 4.

This one was stupid. Even for Lit. Not your best effort.

.

2 **

Silly

I gave it 4 stars. I understand he broke up the cheaters marriage. Giving him his dick back, probably meant he would be back with her again. Wifey got off to easy tho. Should have made her think she was 70, and her pussy could not lubricate, and sex would be painful. THAT would have curbed her addiction.

Ewwww! If my ex told me what she just said it would most definitely erase any slight thought of sex with her again! In a way that is the BEST thing to have happen to this guy!

Cliff, don't you love me anymore?"

I took a deep breath, saying, "Yes, I still love you and that's what makes this hurt so much. I loved you with everything I had; no one can just shut off that intense an emotion

Ummm, THE LIES YOU TELLING... YES, some people can in fact shut off that "intense feeling and emotion"😕😒..... lies lies lies... love can in fact turn into hate, even indifference in a instant. Depending on the crime. This wife cheated, CLEARLY the "feelings and emotions" weren't as strong on her part. She fuck'd another man🤭🤭🤭😭😭😭😭😭😭.. the stupidity.... some people take betrayal seriously.. trust is very important to most.. once that's broken, no amount of "love and emotions" is getting that back. Yeah you can stay together and try to make it work. But I can assure you the relationship will NEVER be the same. There will always be doubts, always be insecurities, always be mistrust. That's what happens when your mate stabs you in the back🙃... to say you can't turn that feeling off is actually absurd..... Depending on the depth of the betrayal. I guarantee love can turn into straight indifference (skipping the hate)... I don't give two fucks how long you've been with someone. After learning of their betrayal and how deep it went, fuck love and fuck the backstabber... at least it is for me... I am not wasting my love on someone who clearly doesn't feel the same. I will move the hell on and find someone who deserve me... I'm surely not using the you can't just turn that love off easily bullshit.. why not? The cheater was able to turn their love off that easily.. why shouldn't you? Am I suppose to love the cheater more than they love me? The fuck you say😂😂😂😂😂.. fuck all of that nonsense... in the end he got rid of her. So that'd good

Wow, I didn't know want-to-be Psycho-therapists read revenge Lits. A good hypnotist can definitely do what Cliff did. Even create elusions like Cliff did. His abilities came naturally, and he developed from there. Others can be trained to do it, but they are probably not as good. Some of the readers need to realize that this story could be more truth than fiction. Good job. Well done. Keep writing.

XYZ

Good story but sadly, it ended badly for Cliff because of June's actions while June is getting better because of her parents with a small assist from Cliff. So, in the end, she fucked-up, he suffered, and she got better.

My only complaint is the "sex addict" part. She wasn't a sex addict before the divorce. Her behavior was probably more driven by guilt, low self-worth, and depression. And poor impulse control.

You certainly like that word

So the MC is a rapist and we are supposed to be sympathetic because he has a cheating wife? You are delusional

Different!

4

[31.03.23]

Fun stuph!

11/10!!!!!

Just dumb 3 stars from Xluckylee

If a person really could read minds, or make people do stuff, he'd go nuts in a couple of months. D

I don't usually like stories with this sort of trick, but I did like the final meeting. I think every spouse who is cheated on hopes their spouse will someday appreciate what they lost.

Good story. I just can't get into the 'magic mind' control.

This belongs in fantasy or scifi not loving wives never happen as written