What The Fuck!

"WHAT THE FUCK?" I shouted as I watched a man fucking my wife on our dining room table like there was no tomorrow.

Nick, one of my company's new sales reps had my once prudish wife of ten years bent over our dinner table slamming into her so hard knocking one item after another off of the table, I barely caught my bottle of beer before it too had fallen off. They were working it so hard that I obviously didn't matter.

"Tell me baby, you love my dick better than your wimpy husbands." Nick bellowed knowing full well that I was still there watching them.

"I like how your cock feels in me." Susan, my wife grunted between Nick's hard thrusts.

"Tell me what I want to hear, or I won't let you cum again." Nick shouted with glee in his voice.

With some reservation and possible remnants of love she might have for me, she finally dejectedly answered. "Your dick is better than my husbands."

As another dinner roll escaped the violence being perpetrated to our dinner table and dropped to the floor. I grabbed my half full beer bottle and drove it across Nick's head with as much vile and anger that I had within me.

It took a moment for my wife to realize the ramrod that was pistoning in and out of her had left her orifice as a loud thud hit the floor. I was already going through our front door when I finally heard her scream.

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So here I am at O'Reilly's a local Irish bar that I must have driven by a thousand times without ever going in.

The bar was surprisingly not very busy for a Friday night. I was able to obtain a golden seat at the far end of the bar. Right between the restrooms and the exit point for the bartender behind the bar. I planned on drinking a lot tonight. I wanted to do a lot of drinking in a very short time. It would only be a trivial matter of time before the cops make out my truck, in the parking lot, and discover where I am hiding and come an arrest me.

"Slow down buddy." Indicated a lovely blond angel bringing me another beer and another shot of whiskey.

She looked like that girl on the Saint Paulie's label (A well known German beer). A very buxom blond woman with golden flowing blond hair.

"I doubt I will be here much longer anyway." I told her.

"What do you mean? Are you waiting for someone? Or something?" She asked inquisitively.

I paused a moment while looking at the front door at a couple of guys coming in, with relief. "Yea, the cops, they should be coming to get me any moment."

She looked toward the door with concern. I reasoned she was thinking I was some hardened criminal or something.

"No...No..." I spoke. "It isn't like that."

"Like what?" She asked.

"I am not some creepy serial killer." I spoke as if I was trying to convince myself.

"I am intrigued, hang on." As she walked away to quickly assist three other customers.

She arrived with another beer and whiskey in hand. "Okay this round is on me, however only if I like your story." She smiled with a smile that could make a married guy, hem me, blush.

I stared at her for a moment wondering if I could share this burdensome story with her or not.

Finally,

"Will you promise not to judge me too harshly then?" I pleaded.

She smiled at me again. "Quit the stalling and tell me your story already."

"I don't even know your name. I can't tell a complete stranger my problems." I bellowed.

She pointed at her name tag right next to her wonderful ample cleavage. I cannot for the life of me think how I missed that observation. The name tag read Jackie.

I reached my hand out to shake hers. "Jim...Jim's my name. Glad to meet you, Jackie. While still staring at her name tag...yea right.

"Okay so I work at Southern Security just down the street as one of the managers. I manage five crews that run around installing our equipment. So anyway, we recently added a new man to our sales force." I paused with pain in my voice followed by slamming my shot of courage (hem whiskey) down my gullet.

"It is kind of a tradition with me to invite new guys over to my home for dinner. I like making them part of my family." I took another swig of my beer.

"This asshole, whom I am not going to honor by giving out his name came over for dinner tonight." I grabbed my wedding ring and twisted it around my finger with angst.

Jackie glanced at what I was doing and then back to my face. "Continue."

"So apparently, the word was out that this turkey was well endowed. I didn't think that kind of crap mattered with my wife. I said with much sadness in my voice.

"Did your wife ever indicate that she was ever unhappy with you?" Jackie asked reluctantly.

"We have always been quite vanilla in the bedroom. She had never ever complained before about our sex life though." "Could sex be better, absolutely!" As I looked down at the table with sadness.

"Look we have been married for over ten years. I challenge any couple to have the same wonderful sex life as they have when they first find each other." I shouted defensively looking around hoping nobody else had heard me.

"So anyway, my wife wore this skimpy sexy outfit something I have never seen before. I think she bought it just for our dinner. She was acting like a schoolgirl around our guest. Argh!" I paused for a moment while I was trying to get a certain image out of my head.

"So, during the course of the dinner I asked my wife about the dress. She blushed. It seems I was the only one that didn't know about this guy sitting at our table." I indicated dejectedly.

"It was at this time this asshole smirked and indicated that she had probably heard about him. He further stated I should reach over and feel her panties. He said they are probably soaked thinking about him." I shook my head in disgust.

Then I don't know why I did it. I reached over to touch her between her legs. I had to force her reluctant legs apart to feel.

"Sure enough, her panties were so wet they had made a wet spot on her seat. My wife turned a dark shade of red when I felt her up in front of our guest." Tears were beginning to form in my eyes.

"What may she have heard about you?" I asked the dipshit with a slight anger in my voice.

"It was at this time this smug confident jerkwad opened up his trousers to reveal one of the largest cocks I have ever seen, and it wasn't even hard. I looked over at my wife who couldn't stop staring at his grotesque member. I was in a daze as this jerk then proceeded to ask my wife if she would like to touch it. Fast forward, the two eventually proceeded to rut like rabbits without any care that I was still there.

"You didn't kill them...Did you?" Jackie asked with a lot of concern in her eyes.

"Well, I didn't kill the wife. As for the walking hardon, well, I just don't know. I broke a beer bottle over his head and left." I indicated. A look of relief washed over Jacky's face.

"Yea I doubt anyone is really looking for you, even if they called the police." She stated, trying to be supportive of me.

"Well, I hope you're right. It doesn't bode well for my line of work." I uttered.

Jackie left again to take care of a couple of customers and then brought me another beer and whiskey.

With that heavenly smile of hers she said. "Tonight, is your lucky night."

"How is that?" I was a bit surprised by the statement she made.

"You see I don't normally work here. In fact, believe it or not you are the only one that sees me for how I really am." She said with a wink and a smile.

"Okay, so are you like my guardian angel or something." I joked and was the only one laughing.

"Close but no. I am a Jinni." She said seriously while destroying the heavenly smile I preferred seeing.

"Have you been drugging my drinks? Because there is no way I just heard what I think I just heard you say." As I stared looking into my beer as if I could see anything resembling drugs.

"Shouldn't you be like a Leprechaun or something since we are like in an Irish pub?" Another one of my weak attempts at levity.

"Let's just say I like you and your story speaks to me. Look I generally don't do this, however since I feel sorry for you, I am going to grant you three wishes." She said seriously while looking into my soul.

Playing along I thought for a moment, then smiled. "Okay I wish that I had Hardon's dick instead of my pathetic willy!"

"Does this pillar of greatness have a name?" She inquired.

"Ah Hell! I'll play along. Nick...Nicolas Crawley." I surprised myself by saying out loud the name of the individual that brought my world to an end.

She closed her eyes and touched my head for a moment. I thought I felt something. Yep, nope just the touch of a very beautiful woman.

"There!" She spoke.

Wanting to desperately believe her, I pulled my pants out enough for me to peer into them. Yep, nothing just like I thought. My same ole pathetic weeny.

"You both will have to be asleep for the changes to take place." She stated.

"Would you like another round sweetheart?" Jackie stated with a different rough voice.

I looked up from my groin to see that Jackie was now a much older woman, her smile revealed teeth that had yellowed from decades of too much smoking.

"No, I think it is a good time for me to close out my tab." Bummer I thought to myself. The woman of my dreams was poof...gone. Just like that. "Can you call me a cab please?"

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I briefly turned on my cell phone to see if anyone important was trying to reach me, I didn't even think about the fact that someone could be tracing my whereabouts, I guess it was more out of habit than anything else. I noticed about twelve messages from my wife. Yea I am going to be checking them out. I am so pissed at her. There is nothing she can possibly say that will make me feel better about anything. I quickly turned-off the phone before I reached my destination a cheap seedy hotel on the ghetto side of town.

I paid with cash and got my room, lucky number seven. Lucky my ass, the room smelled of cigarettes, vomit, and urine. It obviously wasn't the Holiday Inn. My bed had two massive dips in its surface. The mattress probably should have been replaced at least ten years ago. I was too tired to even worry about that. I took off my clothes. I laid down on the bed and tried to sleep. The bed began to spin like a top. I read somewhere that if you put one foot on the ground when you're drunk and while trying to sleep that the world will stop spinning. I also heard that sleeping on the floor is even better. Yea not happening.

Wouldn't you believe it? I still couldn't sleep. After wasting another five minutes looking for the remote control for the television. I finally figured out how to turn the TV on. It is about that time I am busting a move to the restroom. I am staring at a nasty crusty old toilet reluctantly assuming the notorious position of respect for the ancient porcelain goddess to worship her as only an amateur drunk can. For the next fifteen minutes I have my arms wrapped tightly around her giving her all that I have to sacrifice in her honor.

"This is the crappiest situation I have ever been in. I wish I could put all this junk out of my mind and get a few hours of sleep." I said to nobody.

After a few moments of staring at some stupid infomercial, without realizing it I dozed off to sleep.

The sun shone brightly through the crappy drapes on the window hitting me squarely in the eyes. Some loud noise, a jack hammer or something, began pounding on the nearby street.

"WHAT THE HELL?" I shouted, pretty sure that I was the only one that could hear my complaining. My head was hurting, my mouth was dry like I had been eating sand from the Sahara dessert.

I reluctantly got up and stumbled over to the sink and tried to scoop water into my mouth. After about the 5th miserable attempt to bring water to my mouth I finally noticed the plastic cups off to the left of the sink. "Argh!"

I filled up the cup with water and then began to stare at myself in the mirror. The events from yesterday began to play through my mind.

"What am I going to do? What does my future look like?" My mind wouldn't quit. It kept running through all the possibilities of what my future looked like, and nothing looked promising.

My thoughts were in the zone...it took a long while to realize that someone was knocking on the door.

"What the hell? Did the cops find me?" I thought to myself.

I peered through the eyehole in the door. "Dam can't see a thing." I whispered to nobody.

Someone had blocked the other side with gum or something. I tried to look through the window. Yea still nothing. "Dam!"

"All hell let's get it over with." I thought.

I carefully put the crummy chain in its place and opened the door a crack.

There she was the funny beautiful woman from last night. She said she was a jinni. It didn't even cross my mind how she had found me. I took the chain off the door and let her in.

She smiled at me as she came in carrying 2 cups of coffee.

She handed me a coffee. Good morning. I want to tell you something that I should have told you last night.

"What? That you aren't really a jinni? I scoffed.

"No, I am a jinni." She shook her head.

"The penis that I gave you is the cursed Phallus of Loki." She said with seriousness in her voice.

I hadn't even checked to see if my cock had changed or not. It was at that moment that I pulled out my underwear and took a peek. Starring at me was the big cock that had brought so much recent pain to my life.

"What the fuck?" I exclaimed. "You were serious."

Then it dawned on me, she said something about cursed.

"What do you mean about the cursed phallus of Locutus? I said because I wasn't really listening the first time.

"Loki!" She exclaimed.

"Yea, Loki cursed some guy thousands of years ago and this cursed cock has continued to make the rounds ever since." She informed me.

"So, there are two ways to get this cursed equipment. One is to kill the man that has it and of course you know the other." She indicated with a kind of sadness in her voice.

"Your funny, cursed equipment. So, what makes it cursed anyway?" I laughed.

"Jim, you need to take this seriously." She yelled.

"Okay...Okay I'll bite. What makes this awesome penis so nasty?" I asked half-heartedly.

"If any woman sees it, they automatically need to worship it. Nothing else matters to them." She spoke with seriousness in her voice.

"That doesn't sound that bad." I said as I began to pull down my underwear.

The jinni couldn't look away fast enough and rushed right over to my cock and began to fondle it and kiss it like it was the most valuable thing on the planet. It obviously affected female jinni's as well. I was in the moment and this curse that she spoke of no longer mattered to me, at least for the moment.

"Jackie, you're doing good. Keep up the good work. Argh! You sure know what you are doing." I grunted.

It seemed that Jackie wasn't listening. She obviously had something else on her mind as she began to undress herself. It looked like she had other ideas in mind for my cock. Jackie was all over my cock taking it as far as she could down into her throat.

It didn't take long for me to feel that inevitable urge and Jackie could sense it as my balls were beginning to fill up. She took me out of her mouth and then dragged me with her towards the bed. She didn't need to spell it out for me. She wanted me to finish inside her. She laid on her back and looked at me with pleading eyes. I felt power surging through me. I wanted my release very badly, however, why should I let an opportunity like this be passed up? I ran my giant freak of a cock up and down her gushing pussy. Teasing it and making her really beg for it.

"How bad do you want me?" I teased.

"Don't play with me baby. I need you inside me....NOW!" She cried.

"Baby?" I teased. "Do I look like a baby to you?" As I started to pull away.

"No Ba..Honey you are all man. Please show me the man you are and put it in me." She was beginning to seem desperate.

I put my cock up to her outer lips and began to slowly spread them. I was driving her insane. She lifted her pelvis to try and get me inside her. I pulled back immediately. After all I was in charge here. Finally, after an eternity of teasing. I stuck it in her and began to force my way in slowly.

"Dam you are so tight!" I grunted.

She didn't appear to be listening. She just needed me inside her. I worked my cock in and out of her each time getting a little bit deeper. I kept doing that until I had bottomed out in her and then I just lay on top of her enjoying her warm luxurious pussy. Her pussy continued to convulse around me pumping my cock as if it belonged there. It felt so wonderful, I knew that I could probably cum from just being in that position.

"Fuck me God dammit!" She screamed.

"Such language." I lamented with a smirk on my face.

I kissed those luscious lips of hers and she opened her mouth to let my tongue in. I gently bit her lips as I began to slowly pull my cock out of her. A slight moan escaped her lips. I steadily pushed it back into her. In and out I began to pick up my pace. Sweat pored off of our bodies as we were both working hard at getting off. It was amazing. It seemed that I could control how and when I wanted to cum.

She began screaming as she began to cum. She came so much that it was as if she had peed the bed. I later found out that this cock can make any woman squirt. Even women that don't squirt. Her fingernails dug into my back as she gripped me. Wave after wave of heavenly bliss went through her as she convulsed on my dick. I rammed into her even harder and faster. I wanted to maximize her pleasure and she didn't let me down. She began to scream louder and louder as more waves of pleasure coursed through her body. I then decided it was time for me to reach nirvana as I let loose wave after wave of spunk up into her waiting pussy.

After laying on top of her for a while kissing her and caressing her awesome body as if I might never get to do that again, I rolled off of her and onto my back. She rolled up onto her side snuggling into my body. She kissed me on the neck and continued to fondle my package. It was as if she wanted to revive him and entice him to come out and play some more. It felt good so I let her continue as I thought about what had just happened and what it all meant for my future. I simply couldn't see any bad side to this curse. If all women had that reaction to me when they saw it, my future was going to be wonderful.

"You have one more wish left. Would you like for me to remove the curse?" She was still fondling my cock and balls.

I had my eyes closed so what she said didn't register in my mind. At least, at first.

"Wait what? I have only one wish left?" I asked angrily.

Her demeaner had changed. It was as if she didn't want to make me unhappy.

Trying not to piss me off she indicated that I had used one of my wishes to get some sleep.

"Bummer." I said dejectedly.

I began to think about things. I knew one thing I had to make my last wish count, and I had to do it now because I didn't want to let anything slip out accidentally, later.

She continued to lovingly caress my body while kissing my neck and ears. With my eyes closed I remembered that the current lottery was sitting at just over a record breaking 1 billion. I opened my eyes and said to her I wish that I might win the current Powerball jackpot.

She sadly looked at me and blinked. I guess that she just made it happen. I closed my eyes smiling. Life was about to become really awesome for me.

She kissed me all over my body while touching me. I was in heaven. Women worshiping my body and taking care of me as if nothing else in the world mattered to them. What possibly could go wrong?