What The Hell Ch. 01

"I am very sorry."

"Abbie left me Josh. He is my constant memory of her."

I thought to myself how lucky I was and how Roni had challenges abound, and more yet to come.

We sat for a while just chatting about life, her background and mine. She shared with me her love of music and the arts. She told me of her times volunteering as an usher at the Wang and the Hatch Memorial.

Our conversation was interrupted by the ringing of my cell phone. I wanted to ignore it as I was enjoying this conversation but I couldn't. I excused myself, apologized and retrieved my phone from my purse. It was Carl, ugh!

She nodded and I stood from the table and answered the phone. "Hey."

He wanted to know when I would be home. As we chatted the whole time I was looking at Roni. My heart was suddenly breaking for her I might have been her only adult non-cancer interaction and I was talking to Carl

"Carl, give me a few minutes, I will call you back. Bye." I hung up and went back to the table and sat.

Roni looked at me with curiosity. I lowered my head, holding back the tears and trying to be strong. I knew this was not the right moment. Suddenly I felt her hand touch mine.

"You know Alexa, I am not blind. You hesitated to take a call, you were curt, and you brushed him off, and ended the call as if you didn't want to talk."

I raised my head looking at her. "Gawd, how are you so smart?" I tried to smile.

"Clinical Psychologist, it's a blessing and a curse." She smiled. "Hey, I should go check on him. He needs ..."

I stood with her. "Wait, I want to meet you for coffee again, I want to help, please Roni."

"But why?" She asked.

"Just because Roni, just because. Please think about it."

She smiled, opened her purse and handed me a business card. Text me, I am here most days." She turned and walked out of the cafeteria heading to her son's care.

I looked at the business card. Veronica L. Davidson, Phy. D. Clinical Psychologist, Massachusetts General Hospital

"Holy fuck!" I quickly covered my mouth, grabbed my purse and made my way to the Information / Registration Desk where I turned in my visitor's badge and ran to my car.

I got to my car and sent Carl a text that I was headed home and would be there shortly. I slid the business card in my wallet behind my driver's license. I closed my purse then turned on some music, the Boston Pops and headed home.

~~~

Things between Carl and I really came to a Nor'easter level storm and argument on the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Carl became very upset with me when he brought up our plans to go away over Thanksgiving and he wanted to leave on Wednesday to go with his parents to their cabin in Vermont and spend the weekend skiing.

I kindly reminded him that I was scheduled to work. I was very calm when I shared with him that we previously had this discussion, and that my schedule had been sent to him on his personal and work calendars. This was so he knew my work schedule.

He denied any knowledge of this conversation or that he had received anything related to my schedule on his phone. I know I had shared with him what my schedule was. This was his excuse, the bastard.

I was working 12 hour day shifts Wednesday, Thursday, Thanksgiving Day, and Friday I was off Saturday and Sunday and I would go back to my normal schedule on Monday.

Again he denied that he knew what my schedule was. The usually calm and loving Carl broke the mold when he quickly stood and pointed a finger at me and started speaking in a very loud tone.

I asked once, twice, and a third time for him to lower his voice and speak to me with love. I knew the breaking point was near when he screamed at me how I never do what he asks of me including "our damn wedding."

And that was it the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back. I stood. I felt my insides boil and my heart throb in my chest. I was going to cry but I took a deep breath.

"I know about your affair. I've known since early October. You were away in Las Vegas when I found out. When you come back from Vermont next week, we can discuss my timeline for me moving out. "

I paused and felt crushed, I was broken, and I had all but given up. I was officially alone in my life. "I will find somewhere to sleep for a few days."

He stood there almost statuesque, his hands clasped. I could see that he was not straining, but they were clasped tight.

I walked to our bedroom, threw my scrubs, make-up and some other clothes into an overnight bag, and grabbed my purse and my phone. As I left the bedroom, I stopped in the living room. I removed the ring from my left finger and set it on the side table then walked out the door.

In the car I called Al explaining everything in between tears. He told me he would be home shortly. He was 'out' but I could make myself at home. I panicked and pulled off the side of the road into a Dunkin. I needed to regroup.

I didn't have a bunch of choices, well only two. There was Mary Beth but no I couldn't do that. Lisa and her husband, no, that left Al and Roxie. I called her and as she answered the flood gates opened wide. I cried like a little girl. Thirty minutes later I was pulling into Roxie's driveway.

I basically just ruined my life, walked out on my cheating and lying, and now ex-fiancé and it appears I am going to couch surf through the holidays.

What the hell was I thinking?

~~~

December - Present Day

I apologized once more then turned and walked out the front door, down the walkway. I was at most two steps down the walk when I heard the door slammed shut behind me.

I got in my car and pulled out of the driveway of what would now be known as my and Carl's place. He promised to pay back a fair portion of the mortgage which I had contributed to over the last fifteen months we lived together.

I drove south to Dorchester moving back into my childhood home. As I turned onto Fairfax Street I mumbled. "What the hell was I thinking?" I was twenty eight years old; I just left my ex-fiancé.

I finished my shift on Christmas evening and drove home. Al was sitting there with gifts still unopened and dinner waiting. I took a shower and threw on some clothes, flannel lounge pants and a Bruins sweatshirt. Most of my stuff was still in boxes. A crew from the hospital and some friends from the area helped me move. I wasn't ready to deal with apartment hunting. Al still threatened to call his buddies from the old gang, I told him not to waste the energy on a cheating slimy bastard.

I got through the week of work with a semi-smile on my face. I was walking out of the nurse's lounge trying to decide what to do with three days off besides crying. My phone vibrated a text message.

'Hey slut, I have good beer, better wine and excellent Irish whiskey. Come over and get drunk with me.' It was Roxie. I almost laughed out loud.

I decided to have fun and reply. 'First, I am not a slut, and I have told you time and time again you aren't enough woman to satisfy me.' I giggled.

My phone rang. It was Roxie. "Hey slut." I said with a giggle in my voice.

"Bring that amazing personality and your incredibly sexy body over to my house so I can get your drunk and ogle you knowing you are straight. I promise not to touch too much once you pass out." Roxie said.

I laughed, "Okay but only if you dress sexy for me slut. And I mean like really sexy, I want cleavage and lots of flesh showing. I want to see that beautiful and shapely ass in silky shorts." I laughed out loud, Roxie did the same?

"Hey, seriously I love you. I can't thank you enough. I am on my way." I hung up, locked my phone, put on my coat and headed out to the parking lot.

I took a deep breath and exhaled. "What hell was I thinking?"

~~~~ End of Chapter 1 ~~~~

Thank you for taking your time to read this first chapter. I hope you enjoyed reading it. This was a fun escape for a bit. I will write more when time allows.

Your votes but more importantly your feedback and constructive criticism are appreciated and will greatly enhance your reading pleasure.

All my love,

Aoife