What the Hell was She Thinking

I took a deep sigh. "To be honest, there is now so much water under this bridge, I don't know if we can. But let's try. The first thing, is that this whole proposal needs to end. Your decision to exclude me from the discussion and the subsequent proposal is unacceptable. If you want to continue as Susan's surrogate, I will continue with the divorce.

"Next, we need to restructure our marriage. I gave you room to be your own person, but you appear to have taken that to mean I would accept anything you did. A wife, who respected her husband as an equal, would never have suggested what you suggested. A wife, who understood how much stock her husband puts in his marriage vows, would never have even thought this was acceptable.

"So we need to figure out how to repair the broken mirror."

The use of the phrase, 'broken mirror' made her jump.

"You said that before. You said once broken, a mirror can be repaired, but you will always see the break. Is our marriage going to be like that?"

I looked her in the eye, and said, "I'm afraid so."

By this stage, Stephanie was off-the-chart outraged. She said, "What about poor Susan? You are taking away her only hope of a baby."

I kept my eye on Hannah, and said, "Hannah, you can harvest your eggs. The clinic will fertilise them with Barclay's sperm in a test tube, and implant them in a surrogate. They offer that service. But Hannah, once you have your eggs harvested, I expect you to get your tubes tied."

We decided a few years ago we were not having any more children, but Hannah had said she did not want to be sterilised. She said her period made her feel special. She did go on the pill to make sure we didn't have any accidents. When I mentioned getting her tubes tied, she went white.

"Please don't make me do that."

I just shook my head. "You really don't get the issue. You were willing to play games with your body. The only way I can ensure you don't do that again, is to remove your body from the equation. That means making it so you can't get pregnant 'the old-fashioned way'. I'm sorry, Hannah, but when you play with fire, you can get burnt."

I don't know whether Hannah was devastated or furious.

She was crying when Stephanie piped up again, "You are truly heartless."

I turned, and said, "I learned from the very best, Stephanie!"

Hannah agreed to the sterilisation if I stopped the divorce. We settled on a position that I would suspend the divorce and stop it, on the day she went into hospital for the sterilisation.

A month later, we were sitting in the IVF clinic. The clinic had helped Sarah and Barclay find a surrogate, and John and I had paid ten thousand dollars each to her. The procedure to harvest the eggs was simple, but left Hannah a little sore. One week later, Hannah went into the hospital to be sterilised, while I went in front of the judge to withdraw the divorce petition, which he granted without question.

Life proceeded in what looked like a normal way, but our once-very-active sex life had disappeared to absolutely nothing, and we regularly sat in different seats at night watching TV, with nothing to say to each other.

The surrogate was implanted with two viable eggs about a month after harvesting. Unfortunately, she had a miscarriage at three months. No other eggs were viable, and Hannah could not provide any more.

Hannah stopped having family events in our house, and I happily avoided events everywhere else.

It didn't take a genius to work out that we were really two people raising kids, who had a piece of paper saying we were married, but had no actual relationship. Everything I had predicted was coming true. Hannah had proposed a no-win situation and this outcome was inevitable -- the loser, Hannah, could not stand the winner, me.

Life went on like this for ten years. We did everything for the children -- sports, events, PTA; you name it, I was there, and Hannah was always at my side. Every parent envied us, but at home, we lived different lives. Sure, we shared a bed, but we had no intimacy. We did fuck, and as time went on, the frequency of it increased, even going back to two or three times a week, but there was no love in what we did. We both made sure the other got off, but we always slept with our backs to each other after we finished.

Martin had started his own business at the age of sixteen, creating apps which he sold on various app stores. He was doing quite well when a large company from San Jose swept into town one day, and offered him a seven-figure sum to buy his business, plus they offered him a job in their facility at six figures a year. He was twenty years of age, and he ripped their arm off for the offer. He and I went to San Jose to see the location, and he rented a house in a gated community just outside the beltway.

James was twenty-two and had just married his girlfriend from college. They were both accountants and worked for John. They rented a small place, but property prices had shot up in our town, so they could not afford to buy yet. I was organising for the trust fund to buy them a house.

Hannah and I were empty nesters, and it was clear neither of us had anything we wanted to say to each other.

Two weeks after James' wedding, Hannah asked me to be home early. I arrived at the house to find her sitting in the nook with a suitcase in the kitchen.

She had been crying, but she started, "Mark, I think we both knew this was coming. Ever since that day, in this room ten years ago, we have not been man and wife. We have been ships passing in the night, with a few benefits tagged on. I think it's time to accept that our marriage is broken and, like the mirror, no matter how hard we try and avoid it, the cracks are just too big to ignore. I have filed for divorce, on exactly the same terms you used. I suppose you don't need me to have these properly served. My attorney's details are in the envelope. Can we do this as simply and amicably as possible?"

I had to agree with her. When I had filed ten years ago, I had split everything. She had her own chequing account, her own investment account, her own retirement account and her own credit cards. I had the same. This divorce was ten years in the making, but you can't stop a car crash once it has started. It very much started in this room ten years ago.

I nodded. "I think it is for the best. I will not drag it out. Let me see who I will use and we can have it wrapped up as quickly as possible."

Hannah stood up and gave me a kiss on the cheek-- the first tender thing we had done to each other in a very long time.

She said, "I have packed enough for a week. I am going to rent one of the apartments in the same block as James'. I will let you know when I have it and will get people in to move my stuff out. Are you happy if I take some of the furniture?"

"Yes, just leave me a couple of seats and a bed."

She laughed at that. "I doubt most of this stuff will fit in my new apartment!" Then said, "See you around, Mark," and left the house for the last time.

I felt a little sad, but the main feeling was one of relief. We had not been a couple for a long time and this brought closure.

I contacted Liam, and he agreed to work for me again. The judge wanted us to go into counselling but we both said the marriage was not worth saving, so he granted the petition, and the divorce was final in ninety days, on exactly the terms Hannah had proposed.

Shortly before the divorce was final, James announced they were pregnant. The problem was he hardly came to see me. So, I made a couple of big decisions. The first, was to sell my business. I had just put it on the market, when one of my biggest competitors came in and offered thirty million dollars to take it off the table. I ripped their arm off; no way was the business worth that amount to anyone but them.

I then gave James the house, and moved to a small town in the Napa Valley. The town was so small, it didn't have any auto mechanics, so I set myself up in business. This time, I kept it small, only me working in the shop, doing the hours that I wanted. Even better, Martin was now able to work a lot of his time remotely, so he came to live with me in my new home, working from an office we set up in the basement.

I travelled back and forth to our hometown. James was still a bit off with me over the divorce, but he wanted me to be a part of baby Jane's life. I loved coming to see her.

About two years after she was born, I ran into Hannah at the house. She was dating a doctor who was one of her clients. I was pleased for her.

It was not long after, that I was at a networking event in my new town; I had been invited by my accountant. At the event, I met Ruby, a thirty-something little dynamo, who ran a web-design business. The networking group was having a drinks party the following night, and as we left, Ruby said, "I hope you will be at the party."

I looked at her, and realised she had a cheeky grin when she said it. I smiled, and asked, "Okay, are they fun?"

Without missing a beat, she said, "This one will be, I promise."

Ruby was twenty years younger than me, but she devoured me that night. We never married, but I never lacked for company after that night.

After the miscarriage, Susan was devastated. She started counselling, then gave up her job and went back to college to become a special-needs teacher. After finishing college, she started a job at a local school as a teacher in a class for children with special educational needs. In that class, she found all the love she needed. Her depression faded and she began to think that not having children was the best thing that had happened to her.

Barclay turned into a right-old prick. Susan caught him trying to impregnate the surrogate 'the old-fashioned way'. He had succeeded! He then married her and they eventually had three children. Then, he caught her cheating. During their divorce, it was discovered that their first child was his, but the younger two, each had different fathers. Because he was named on the birth certificate and the biological fathers could not be found, he got stiffed with child support. He was now living in a rather seedy part of town, where most of his clientele come from. His ex-wife basically turned the children against him, and he never sees them.

I get the feeling he wishes he never had children!

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