All Comments on 'What the Hell was She Thinking'

Not bad at all, good story.

Liked it thanks.

4 stars. However, I really believe time is a great healer and if they didn't divorce at the time they should have tried harder to work it out. Basically they wasted 10 years of their life.

Great read.

Very predictable, in fact not much different from the original. It had all the required ingredients for this type of story: a wife who's as dumb as a sack of spanners, and the bonus of a mother in law and sister in law equally as stupid. The honest, hard working and loving husband, and of course the obnoxious brother in law, who managed to qualify as a lawyer despite being as thick as the women.

The plot was OK, but the characters actions just too unbelievable. Nevertheless I fully supported everything Marc said and did, that was until he demanded she be sterilised... WHAT A PIECE OF SHIT! imagine a husband planning to cheat but his wife stops him, then demanding he be castrated? And to cap it all the stupid cow agreed to do it.

It was well written and nicely paced, but too many clichés really, and too many stupid people doing stupid things.

On a side note, he owned the land but the house was built after they married, so surely she owned half the house?

Nice story.

Karnevil, since you seem confused, I will have to mansplain it for you. Women are sterilized via tubal ligation, a relatively simple procedure. Men are sterilized via vasectomy, an even simpler procedure.

Do you honestly think that guys get castrated when they get "snipped" or do you think that castration is an equivalent ask of the request for a tubal ligation? Either way, you would be wrong as fucking possible.

Great writing! Well paced and a perfect balance of narration and dialogue. AND thank you for not taking beating us over the head with a 2 page back flash!

Nice version and writing, but a nitpick. Tying a woman's tubes does not stop their menstrual cycle. A much more major procedure, the hysterectomy would and is usually only used for major health issues such as cancer.

I have a question: was the woman stupid or hard of hearing?

Because after saying over and over and explaining that he was against it and that it would lead to a divorce, she still hadn't understood.

Should she have mimed it or drawn it, maybe? 🤣

A steadfast MC. But the wife was just so foolish. Not a real life wife. D

Well done. I enjoyed your take on this scenario.

Good story. You bounce around between British and American English. Would be best to pick one and stick with it.

Good story.

I really liked the twists at the end, especially Barclays. FYI getting tubes tied is not sterilization- she would still have periods until menopause. MC was correct about the win - lose situation. Good story.

Good story based on the MC's strong stand.

But then he is in purgatory for 10 years in a loveless marriage and his wife's hateful family. I can see giving the marriage a try, as he promised he would do, but it became quickly obvious the relationship was dead. He could have divorced and kept a strong relationship with his kids.

Further, it seems like he is continuing to be punished because he never again marries. It's nice that he has a sexy partner but a marriage commitment is a comfort, especially as you age. His ex is getting remarried, to a doctor, which probably makes his witchy ex mother in law very happy. He did nothing wrong. All he did was refuse his wife and her family's outrageous and insane proposals. Yet, he remains broken, like the mirror. It isn't a satisfactory ending.

I enjoyed the writing. I may be making a mistaken assumption, but I edit for people for whom American English is not their native tongue. You seem to write like it is not yours. Go with what you know best. There are writers here from all over the world and half of them speak different versions of English. They write like they speak and it's another charming thing about reading here to get to know characters who aren't like me. Own that shit, bro. Write another, please, Randi.

It was an ok read, maybe less going over the same ground and more, maybe, trying to find a compromise and trying to save their marriage. I agree the marriage to probably doomed from that point, even though Hannah didn't go through with it. The trust was gone.

A very good story with an appropriate ending.

This was a better outcome than the other tries at this theme. One issue though, just because she had her tubes tied didn't mean she couldn't donate more eggs. They tied off the fallopian tubes, but the ovaries would not have been affected. Otherwise, good story.

The real problem through this whole story was 'Stephanie forcing her involvement and she had no respect for her son-in-law. The second issue in know one would stand up to Steph and tell her to PISS-OFF; who the hell was Steph to demand how conception would happen? Even John did little to shut her down. But yet Steph never paid a price for her interference and causing the divorce.

\

4.1**** hooyah

It was a good read. As with all stories like this, the plot is the same. It's your story and you wrote it your way. Ignore the negative comments, half of them haven't written a single story.

5 stars from me ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

I enjoyed the story. No dissecting. 5 star's.

Waiting for one of these stories where the husband, instead of immediately going to divorce because “his marriage vows are so important to him,” tells the wife that there is a young girl in his office who is depressed because she has never had mind-blowing sex and while she is visiting her brother-in-law he will be “treating “ the girl’s depression!!!!

LOL - Rushed ending. The first 2/3rds of the story was well constructed with good narrative and dialogue. The “rush” started after the final confrontation and raced downhill from there 4.2*

Some interesting differences from the other variations on this topic

Simply excellent for my tastes. 5*

Well done.

Sad story but much better than the idea that she would go through with it when he made it clear they'd divorce, or that he would be okay that she backed out at the last minute...

Still.... Hard to believe it would even get that far....

Enjoyed it though

It is hard to see why was this rewrite was needed. You only used already known plot, repeating it with a lot of talk between the characters, the only change is that the "conception" was not done and then you lost interest in writing this further so you rushed to the ending without anything new to add. The "Barclay" narrative in the end would probably require some writing but you apparently had no interest in developing that character other than using it as a empty vehicle.

You could have had something different if you made this ("Hannah" and "Barclay") into a more elaborate plot. How else would one explain the intentions of "Hannah" to break the family she had over the whole stupitidity. If there was something going on between "Barclay" and "Hannah" prior to that then it could make more sense.

I guess if JustPlainBob took this he would have "Barclay" fucking all the women in the story. :-)

In either case this is not a great story, not even a good one.

Well done. 5 stars worth.

Hooked

Most of the story was well done, but it kind of slipped with the surrogate thing. When they harvest the eggs, they check them for viability,so you would never have a situation w one good egg &no others, for the very reason in the story.

Having her get sterilized before knowing the surrogacy worked was kind out of character. If she got pregnant,he would know she had cheated and could walk away, it was really an act of revenge.

In the end it would have been broken no matter what. The mother in law was a piece of work, she is all so Catholic with the 'born of love, not in a test tube' but thinks letting Barclay screw Hannah is okay. Dear old dad should have shut the wife up,he was the real villain I think.

I guess the mother-in-law was happy when her daughter divorced the grease monkey! Good story.

5

Enjoyed the story. Thanks for your writing.

I did like this one, and could relate to the bitch mother-in-law disapproving of the MC and interfering in the marriage. I've been in that movie, too.

Five stars for a well-written and sad tale of family interfering on a good marriage, and turning it to a divorce.

Thanks for a great read. You should have written the divorce into the story, it would have added punch to the ending.

the ending felt flat (or overly sad) to me and that marriage should have ended during peak drama. primarily because the last years of the marriage sounded pretty miserable.

Tangledweed, I think it's you that's confused. I know exactly how these procedures work, I was merely making an example. A woman's basic instinct and desire is to make life and give birth. By having her tubes tied he is taking that basic right away from her. A man's basic instinct and desire is sex and to have sexual intercourse. A vasectomy does not alter this in any way, whereas castration does. My example was not the procedure but the end result.

I think you'll find I'm right as fucking possible.

Very good until the ending which was pathetic.

ut an ignorant family that thinks they are better than the husband. He took a stand and won.

All that anf you IGNORE the son basically ignoring his father after the divorce? Did you get bored?

Love it. 5 stars.

Would it be better to divorce right away ?

Maybe

A little too cliche on the theme for me.

The father in law should have taken his darter aside and to her to back off and crawl on her belly if necessary to try to make it up to him. And told his idiot wife that she probably just ended her daughter’s marriage. And the threat about half, even though unfounded, would have ended the marriage for me. Evil stupid bitches hold no appeal.

Absolutley stupid story with a well run premise ….

Good storytelling, I really like your broken mirror analogy.

Sounds like all the women in this family are cunts!

A realistic/unrealistic tale with so much stupidity in "the family" people, blinded by their own selfishness. A good intense start followed by a somehow flat ending. Besides the wasted 10 years in a useless marriage, that could have been spent better in trying to rebuild a new life, for both of them, this tale is, all in all, a well balanced tale, not perfect for everyone, but not one-sided like too many fetish-cuck tales are in this LW category. So, a well deserved 5*.

Great story, I agree with your endings, good job working on that. Just a constructive comment, remember your antagonists in the ending. Although I loved the "wish he never had kids" line,Barclay was not the antagonist. He had very few lines or actions, a bit player at best. The Wife and and MIL was the source of the drama and should have the lions share of the epilog. You do a great job with great stories. I can't do it. Just maintain focus on your endings. Thats the payoff!

You should have left it alone. You did yourself no favors by trying to add to the original story which wasn't very good to begin with.

I think the bigger question is, "What the hell were you thinking?" This sucked.

Fun read, but definitely fantasy. No functioning human is that dense, let alone an entire extended family of density. But still, a little fantasy is fun.

The story's only real issue, for most of it, was how predictable it was. I still considered it well written and a decent way to pass a few minutes. Then came the part about having her tubes tied, against her will. Why in the ever living fuck would you put that in here? It's beyond repugnant and tanked any goodwill the MC had banked to that point. So gross.

A good story to read though kind of sad the marriage didn't work out in the end.

Love just flew out the window after that battle of wills.

It was a case of the loser sulk, and the winner -- well, won.

The couple didn't work hard enough to fix it and reconcile.

Thanks Topspot101 for sharing this and the effort.

Minor: I had trouble keeping up with all the names, but enjoyed the story.

Thanks.

Pretty good story.

Just one minor point of fact: a tubal ligation does not stop a woman from having her period as you stated. Trust me. It’s not like getting a complete hysterectomy or something.

Spouse or family? - A difficult choice for Hannah with a mother as in this story!

What the hell does this even mean?

"I had just put it on the market, when one of my biggest competitors came in and offered thirty million dollars to take it off the table. I ripped their arm off; no way was the business worth that amount to anyone but them."

Not bad, Four stars. One little proofreading glitch. Susan became Sarah, once.

JPB

Just another couple items, now that I think further. The house was built after the wedding, so logically it would be joint property. And, how does a tubal ligation prevent the continued manufacture of eggs, which could still he harvested?

JPB

Very good story... one of the best on this site.. yes, it's just a story, but if men in real life had the balls to stick to what they know is right, and not roll over and just give in... this world would be much better off !!! Ten Stars

You did this common trope justice. Well done. Well written.

.

Of course, the plot hinged on unlikely behavior by the characters. First of course being Hannah…..her behavior is only explained if she really didn’t love her husband very much. To be so obsessed with being Susan’s surrogate…to the point of doing it “the natural way” … is only explainable if her love for hubby was quite shallow. This was emphasized in the loveless 10 year aftermath where she did nothing to try to repair the relationship. Very sad, actually.

.

The supporting cast were more cartoon like — evil mother, weak father, selfish sister, and asshole brother in law. The saddest one of these was John, Hannah’s father —- what a wimp. He could have AND SHOULD HAVE ended the farce long before it got to divorce — at which time he finally acted, but too late to put the genie back in the bottle.

.

Finally — staying together 10 years was just dumb. They should have divorced within a year or so when it became obvious that the mirror was truly unrepairable.

.

Strong 4 ****

Karnevil - "A woman's basic instinct and desire is to make life and give birth. By having her tubes tied he is taking that basic right away from her."

The wife of the MC in this story had two children already, rendering that "basic right" point moot. Women have sex with little possibility of procreation all the time, between various methods of birth control, tubal ligations or even menopause. They aren't less of a woman because of their fertility status and despite what some religions may tell you, sex without the intent of procreation is OK and even good for your mental health.

"A man's basic instinct and desire is sex and to have sexual intercourse. A vasectomy does not alter this in any way, whereas castration does. My example was not the procedure but the end result."

This is painfully wrong...the desire to propagate their own DNA in animals is called their primal instinct. This includes the male of the species. If all men cared about was the fucking, then they could all line up for vasectomies as soon as they were legally allowed. It would ensure they didn't get stuck with child support, but I have yet to hear of any young men choosing that option.

I understand your comment, I just can't abide by it. Personally, I think the MC offering his wife the choice of getting fixed or getting divorced to be distasteful, but given the rest of the family insisting on the wife's surrogacy, it seemed to be one way to effectively end that possibility of happening behind his back.

If the land and business were his, excluded from marital assets by prenup, and he built the house on it soon after their marriage, without any financial contribution from her, then as long as he never put her name on the deed, the only part of it that would be considered a marital asset would be any increase in value that happened during their marriage. They had been married 14 years when he served her, so he would have ended up owing her for half of that.

When they finally did divorce 10 years later the house was gifted to one of their children, so their relative shares of its value would have been a non-issue.

Interesting take. She destroyed the marriage when she held the secret discussions with her family. She knew already it was “wrong” in his eyes and he’d never agree. Once you sneak around behind his back and ambush him, the mirror is broken.

Barclay just wanted some strange…let’s face it. Susan is a very weak character or she would have stood up and said it’s IVF or nothing. Stephanie was just odious. Given the prior pregnancy issues, everyone was comfortable risking Hannah’s physical health for Susan’s mental health. That seemed a little unrealistic.

Liked the story, but had read several like it and all seem to ignore one possibility that readily presents itself, for the guy whose wife is going to get pregnant "the old fashioned way". It would seem that fair is fair he would get the other husband's wife, not only for amount of times it takes for his wife to get pregnant but for the time period that his wife is not available due to her pregnancy. I think there could be several different paths that story could go.

I liked it. Keep writing!

You write very well though certain words make me think you are non-US trying to write about the US. For one, the names appear UK??? I think. Maybe Aus/NZ?

Certain jobs like Auto mechanic are illegal under age 18. Heck, minors are not even allowed to ride in freight elevators and must take the stairs!

Hmm, took a negative spin at the end.

Susan started a job teaching children with special educational needs, Her very first step should have been to enrol her mother as a student in that class. While she was at it she could perhaps have carved out an opening for her father too for standing by and allowing his crazed wife to dynamite their other daughter's marriage.

/

"James was a bit off with me about the divorce". James needs a punch in the face, it was his mother who filed for divorce.

I'd be interested to know how billy2002 thinks it's possible to compromise about whether or not one allows one's wife to have sex with another man.

The Mc should have pushed for the surrogacy thing at the beginning and allowed his wife to donate whatever eggs. anything else would have been unreasonable from his side as well. The fight over weeks was too much. I enjoyed your take though. Gamblnluck

Great story. Outcome is more realistic than many the BTB crowd expects in the LW section. Just a bit of a correction - sterilization is tying the woman’s tubes which keeps the sperm and eggs from getting together. The ovaries are still there - so the patient still has periods and can still donate eggs for IVF - she just can’t get pregnant.

"Hannah's dad, John, was an accountant, but was a really nice guy." - Why the "but?" That implies that you wouldn't expect an accountant to be a nice guy.

\

"Alexander (called Alex)" - You've introduced him as Alexander. If you later refer to "Alex," I think we'll know who you mean.

\

"My mother hates IVF" - So? She's not the one who will be having it.

\

"the fact that she was hospitalised during pregnancy before meant that I would probably be awarded custody of the boys." - Probably just temporary until she recovers.

\

"All I will be doing is carrying a baby for my sister." - No. she'll also be fucking her brother-in-law.

\

"Mark, please. I need you by my side to do this." - She's cut him out of everything for months, NOW she needs him?

\

"it will feel like she has lost" - She SHOULD lose!

\

"But you disrespected me so badly, I will not accept you carrying the child." - Even without the disrespect, it's been documented how hard pregnancy is on her, and let's not forget that they're talking about more than one child.

\

"She said her period made her feel special." - Does tying the tube stop periods? I thought just block the eggs from getting to the uterus,

\

"Sarah and Barclay" - SUSAN!

\

"No other eggs were viable, and Hannah could not provide any more." - Again, I don't believe that tying the tubes stops egg production. I actually checked, tying the tubes doesn't stop egg production or periods.

\

@Karnevil, as tangledweed says, the parallel to tubes being tied is a vasectomy, not castration.

\

I see others backed me up on the menstrual issue.

Demanding she has her tubes tied? Seriousl? That just gives her carte blanche to go out and fuck him, or any other guy, just to 'get even' as that's the sort of logic this dizzy bitch displays, day in, day out. Just about the worst possible approach you could have come up with. I would trust her farther than a 2 year old could throw her.

not entirely sure what 'ripped their arm off' means, some sort of slang that doesn't translate well, as you *seem* to use it two different ways, and I'm too lazy to try to figure it out. Regardless, the above story is long, overly repetitive, involved two people suffering through a pointless marriage for a full decade longer than they should have, clearly the kids weren't protected, or need protecting, they both made out like lottery winners, despite parents that openly had no love or respect for each other the entire decade. Just a pointless slog through the mud, with the usual 'martian slut ray hits wife, family backs her up, watch this crazy unbelievable plot unfold now' LW trope. You admit to lifting some of the ideas, but it's pretty clear you made the copy worse than the original, by a wide margin.

3 stars - I 'sort-of-liked' this story.

However, I just can not get past the thought that the majority of the human population is really this stupid.

The divorce was a foregone conclusion and staying together 'for the boys' was not the best idea. They would be totally aware of the horrible situation in their family and that would show up in their future lives in multiple negative ways.

Original and well-written. The sad conclusion does not detract from the high quality of the writing or the story.

Ed

Why could the wife not have more of her eggs harvested after the surrogate's miscarriage? The fact she had a tubal ligation would not be relevant to the egg harvesting process. Did she have some other medical issue that I missed?

Reading again because it was so good, and a comment seemed appropriate on a few details of tne story:

.

When they divorced, the judge suggested counseling. They declined. But maybe they needed to get some right after the events that caused their breakup 10 years previous?

.

It was implied that his relationship with the kids wasn’t too good. That spect could have been expanded.

.

Him getting with a shot babe 20 years younger was a dumb add on . Maybe one nearer his age?

The blame should have been on the heartless, insensitive mother, Stephanie. She kept telling Susan she had to have kids. She should have been told to shut up and back off when the rest of the family saw how it was affecting Susan.

Good story, this was a better version than I have read in the past. He should have dumped her from the beginning….. living 10 years without love . Not to mention Stephanie should have been turned into a punching bag……….

Thank for sharing!

Excellent story with good flow, realistic dialogue and a believable plot - except for the almost obligatory LW feature of the house inherited from the grandparents and of course, the associated pre-nup.

Hannah, as written, was unforgivable. The rationale for staying married to someone who had zero respect for him or his feeling just wasn't there. No consequences for any of the cheaters....

The weakest part of your story was your biology knowledge. Getting your tubes tied is just the female version of the vasectomy, with just the Fallopian tubes being severed to prevent the egg from traveling from the ovary to the uterus. Stopping your menstrual cycle requires actually removing the uterus (hysterectomy) and/or ovaries (oophorectomy).

.

Of course, the biggest kicker is that having her tubes tied would not have stopped her from having her eggs harvested, fertilized, and implanted into her own uterus. She still could have been the egg donor and surrogate. The only thing it would have stopped was her getting pregnant the old fashioned way.

.

It's still a good story. It just could have been made better with science! ;-)

Good story but people with 30 mil don’t open mechanic shops

Attaboy Jaydean

Billy,

Marriage was doomed the moment she asked

Good take on an old story. A married woman would have to be a complete idiot to think that her husband would allow her to do this. Divorce should have gone through the minute she left the house with her suitcase. The next priority would be slapping the smirk off Barclays face.

When you deceive the one person who you are supposed to be tge most honest loyal and trythful with. You cannot expect trust or any other part of fellowship with that person. She was a SORRY BITCH for even thinking of this option.

A gut retching but well told story. I'm amazed nobody thought of adoption. Hannah, for all her bullshit, wound up suggesting something that'd get her pregnant without having sex with Barclay. The problem: Mark suggested that at the beginning, but everybody was too into having her impregnated the old fashioned way. By the time she suggested it, there's too much pain & loss of trust. Another marriage hit the dust. Of course, the mother was absolutely no help.

Mark told Hannah what would happen if she went through with it; evidently, she didn't believe him. Until she was served. By that time, the marriage was in name only. I'm amazed it took 10 years for, of all people Hannah, to serve the divorce petition. However, judging by 2/3 of the story, I feel the last part, starting with her wanting the divorce, was a bit rushed. No conversation along the way between them, or before she went that route.

In spite of that, 5 stars for an overall great piece of writing. Bob

What Hannah, Susan, and especially Stephanie did irreparably fractured Mark's marriage. For the three to go behind Mark's back and discuss this, and for Stephanie to act as she did was reprehensible. The divorce was inevitable.

Mark did the right thing when he put his foot down and drew up the divorce papers. A sad but ultimately inevitable conclusion.

Loved it. 5 stars. Plz keep writing! Always look forward to ur new stuff

Had the makings of a great plot line but the author (as he stated up front) resorted to cliche’ cheating wife tropes. Right down to the cheated on hubby immediately finding a younger better wife and living happily ever after.

Additionally, the overly stiff and formal dialogue (thank you Grammarly) really detracted from the highly emotionally charged conflict between characters. 3*

Didn't like any of the characters, especially the MC. Also no explanation of why doing it 'the natural way' was so important to Hannah that she risked her marriage over it.

I've never understood the bullying mother-in-law trope. I suspect that is because in some faux marriages the wimp ass drone actually allows the mother in law to dominate his wife and marriage. Any dumb shit who tolerates that gets what he married and deserves what he gets. I had to ban my mother-in-law from our house for seven months, and ignored all family gatherings she attended, until she apologized for her transgression that started it. We both put the issue behind us and had a great relationship afterward.

\

In this story the wannabe whore wife "forsook" her husband when she agreed to fuck Barclay and tried to manipulate her husband into just accepting it. That's when the marriage ended. The divorce 10 years later was just a formality. But it would have been appropriate near the end of the story for Hannah to finally acknowledge that her concern for her sister was a complete waste and betrayal after all, especially considering how her sister's life and marriage ended up. But maybe Hannah was just too arrogant and cowardly to admit her mistake, and her weakness toward her mother. She'll probably be divorced again; Hannah loves no one but herself.

Well done.

Well that was depressing.

Very good, with the slow inevitability of fracture as these stories frequently have.

The big thing he might have said was close to a lot of what he did say: "You did not talk to me about the plan beforehand. and then ambushed me, not just for the reasons you gave, but also because you knew the plan was wrong to begin. It just seemed possible, if only you could manipulate me enough, but, you knew it was wrong."

Why omit the MIL, the main villain in my opinion, from the epilogue? The two children, basically throw-away characters got mentioned, but not Stephanie. As far as attempting to create better, more complete endings goes - this gets a 2.5 out of 5.

I gave it 4* because it was an old premise, but the husband didn't take any crap.

It started off well, but the ending was rushed. Them limping along in a broken marriage for 10 years was depressing, and made the reconciliation completely pointless. He would've been better off just divorcing her, then finding a replacement than putting up with her sulking for a decade. Also, the husband was so decisive earlier, it seemed out if character to just passively accept the wife's half-assed attempt at staying married.

The story was good but I think he should have went ahead with the divorce that Friday. As he said the mirror was already cracked and could not be fixed, the marriage was dead, she killed it.