What was It Like, That First Month?

Editor's Note: Over the next little while I am going to share some stories told to me by a girl I met in 2017 at a bar in Koh Pha-ngan, an island in the Gulf of Thailand just north of Koh Samui. Koh Pha-ngan is famous for its Full Moon Party with attracts upwards of 20,000 party-goers, sometimes more, every month. I met her in a bar on the outskirts of Thongsala, persuaded her to leave the bar and travel the length of Thailand with me from Surat Thani to Hua Hin and on to Chiang Mai. In that time, I got her to share some of her stories. These are her stories, and my understanding of them. I remain in touch with her to this day.

Question: What was it like, that first month? Did you go with a man every night?

Yes, I was with at least one man every night that first month. With some men, it was 'short time' in a room at the back of the bar, meaning they got one shot. There might be one or two of those a night, or sometimes these men would take me back to their room for 'short time' if they were staying close by. I usually let these 'hotel' men have a second shot for free if they treated me well. Sometimes they reciprocated with a tip. Sometimes it turned into 'long time'. Sometimes it was just free. It depended on the character of the man. Some had good hearts. Some didn't. That's life.

The bar itself opened in the afternoon, but most girls didn't start working until the early evening, and we usually stayed open until around 3 am. Most foreigners don't realize that the girls often sleep in a room at the back of the bar. In some places, that room doubles as the 'short time' room. In other establishments, it is separate.

Then there were 'long time' customers where a man would keep me overnight and into the next morning. In those cases, I would usually get fucked two or three times that night and at least once again in the morning. Sometimes a man would keep me for three or four days, and sometimes even longer, but that first month I got fucked at least once every single night.

Question: How did you come to work in a bar?

A cousin of mine encouraged me to join her at her bar in Koh Pha-ngan. I asked her what it was like. She said it mostly involved sitting with customers, drinking, playing games and chatting with them. I told her that I couldn't speak English and that I understood only a few words. She told me not to worry, that I'd soon learn enough to get by, that the men were understanding, and that Google Translate would help. She said I would get 30 Baht for each 'lady drink' that a customer bought for me. I asked if would have to have sex with customers. She said it was up to me. Some girls did. Some girls didn't. I could pick and choose, and if I chose to do it, I could set the price. I could charge more to do it with old or ugly men, or I could decline, and I could charge less if there was a man I really liked, or even nothing at all, but she said that in that case, I would have to pay the bar fine myself, which was 300 Baht back then.

I had my doubts. First, I hadn't had sex in years, not since my dead-beat husband had left me for another woman. Second, I doubted that any foreigner would want me, a thirty-two-year-old mother of three, especially one whose husband had left her for another woman. Where I'm from, in Phetchabun, it seemed that no man really took notice of me, so yes, when I went to the bar, I went with great doubt. Third, like many women from rural Thailand, I was both attracted to and afraid of foreigners. Still, I decided to go out of desperation. We simply couldn't survive on 200 Baht a day.

Question: Were you surprised to find that you were so popular?

I was really surprised. After my husband abandoned us, times were tough. I had three children to look after, plus a sick mother. Growing up in rural Thailand, I had little education, so it was difficult to find work that paid well. For years I was able to make ends meet by working in a factory, but when the factory closed, I had to take a job as a farm labourer. Foreigners have no idea what that's like. At my last job, I worked long hours in the field, under the hot sun, for a 200 Baht a day. [Editor's note: In 2017, that was like $5 USD a day.]

I didn't think of myself as attractive at all, but on my very first night, I was chosen. I wasn't the first to be chosen, but I was the second out of eight girls working that night. You can't believe how thrilled I was, or how much it boosted my confidence, to be chosen. The same thing happened the next night, and the night after that; I was either the first or the second to be chosen. My string of success, at least in terms of getting chosen, continued for well over a month.

Question: How long was it before there was a night where you didn't have at least one man?

Well, I started in early September and that didn't happen until sometime in October, so sometime during the second month.

Question: Before you started at the bar, what experience did you have, sexually I mean?

Very little. I was 18 when I slept with a boy for the first time. He was a friend from school and I guess I became his 'Gik'. [Editor's note: the literal translation of a Gík in Thailand is a friend for sex.] That lasted for a few years until I met my husband. He was a police officer. He pulled me over one day on some pretense and said that he'd let me go if I gave him my phone number and agreed to go out with him. [Editor's note: I saw another policeman pull this very same trick on my friend when we were in Hua Hin. He flagged us down on our scooter and threatened me with a ticket for not wearing a helmet. She bartered with him for a bit. Then he motioned for her to join him in a little police hut where he said he'd let it pass if she gave him her number and 300 Baht to help him with lunch.] One thing led to another and soon I was pregnant, first with one child, and then another, and then another. All the while he maintained a string of Giks and eventually left. In true Thai style, he left me with no support. [Editor's note: This happens all the time in Thailand. It's a cultural thing.]

Question: So what were your thoughts about going with foreign men?

I was a girl from rural Thailand. I had essentially no experience with foreigners apart from what I saw on TV and in the movies, and also the stories told by other girls. We all loved to listen to those tales. They came from countries about which I knew little or nothing. I thought of them as strange and powerful creatures. I was afraid of them, but also curious and envious of their lifestyle and wealth. Having white skin is also a big thing in Thailand, as it is in all Asian countries, so I was particularly attracted to 'falang', meaning people from Europe and America. Like a lot of Thai women, I wondered what it would be like to be bedded by a 'falang', and like a lot of Thai women, I feared the prospect of being impregnated by men with dark skin. I came to learn that what I was really afraid of was unknown. Good people come in all shapes, sizes and colors. So do bad people, and I met some of each.

Question: From when you started to when you quit, how many men do you think you fucked?

I would guess there were at least forty that first month in September, probably more. The next month, October, there were at least another thirty in October, but some of them were very bad men, and because of those bad experiences, in November, December and January, I left Koh Pha-ngan to work as a maid at a resort in Koh Tao. I didn't go with customers there, at least not in the same way. Sometimes a hotel guest would ask me to stay a little longer and offer me some money to play around. Sometimes I would agree if the money was right, especially if they were young and handsome. In February I returned to the bar, but business was slow so I would guess I was with no more than twenty different men in that last month.

What did men think when they discovered you had been married?

Some never asked. Others didn't seem to care. Some got really turned on at the prospect of fucking another man's wife.

Did you get any complaints about having had children, about your body I mean?

None. Some women really show the scars of childbirth. Others don't. I was one of those, at least not on the outside. I'm thirty-two, but many 'falang' told me that I looked more like twenty-five. Maybe they meant it. Maybe they're just trying to be nice. It helps that I don't carry a lot of weight at 47 kg, and I'm taller than the average Thai woman at 160 cm. My stomach is flat. My breasts are firm, and my nipples proud. My skin is silky smooth and light brown.

Back in Phtechabun, I never thought of myself as attractive. Thai men tend to prefer girls with whiter skin, but foreigners seem to find me and my coffee-colored skin to be very attractive. They seem to especially like my face, or maybe what they find attractive about me is that I find many of them attractive.

The other crazy thing about being a mother is that it fulfils a MILF fantasy for some men. It's not really a 'thing' for Thai men, but for some Western men, it seems like kind of a 'turn on'. If I had stretch marks on my belly, or my tits sagged, or I showed other scars of childbirth, it might have been a different story, but in my case, the only real evidence that I was a mother of three came in the form of the pictures I showed when asked.