All Comments on 'When Goddess Becomes Human Ch. 01'

You start your story off with an epilogue... which is supposed to be at the end of the story. I think you wanted a prologue instead. There were quite a few small grammatical errors. Since what you have written is interesting, I'd encourage you to seek out an editor to get a second set of eyes on what you're writing.

I assume, from the many, many grammatical errors in your story, that English is not YOUR first language. Although I applaud your effort (you certainly did FAR better than I would, if I attempted to write a story in YOUR first language), all those grammatical errors made it very difficult for me to read your story. In fact, I gave up trying after the first few sentences.

I encourage you to keep writing, (although perhaps you should take some classes in English grammar and Creative Writing first).

Thanks for sharing your story with us, and best wishes in all that you do,

-Rei

Interested to see what follows.

Gomen nasai. The language barrier can be difficult. "Epi" means 'after' (Greek/Latin origin), and "Pro" means 'for' but can also mean 'before.' Logue (logos) is again from the Greek & Latin, meaning 'word.' Prologue comes at the start of the tale, and epilogue at the end.

The story is intriguing, like an uncut diamond. I wish I had the time or I'd offer to help edit the tale for you. An editor would really help, or at least a reader; someone to give you feedback. Most of the readers here are pretty decent, but getting one to help can take time. Don't give up!

The shift from Shou's party to that of the rebels was a bit sudden, and it took me a moment to figure out the transition.

Ai is a kami?

And while your goal to keep it vague so as to avoid any history, for those familiar with Japan -- when you refer to Northeast provinces, are you imagining Yezo in Hokkaido? Or the Mutsu region in NE Honshu? Giving some place names will help the reader orient things in their mind. Was their travel difficult, lasting a few days or a few weeks? As I recall, traveling in the frontier provinces took time, and some roads were difficult and treacherous, especially for large companies of soldiers. This story takes place before Tokugawa becomes Shogun?

Thank you for posting your story. Keep writing!