All Comments on 'When I Wear the Mask'

I'm speechless. Just ... wow.

You wrote a very awesome story, and I am very grateful. I will read it again and again. You are amazing! Randi.

Hack, cough..........

@nthusiastic: Cool! Impressed you found it so fast, too. :) Thanks for having a read.

@blackrandi1958: Thank *you* for inviting me to contribute to your event! ^_^ I wouldn't have written this story without the focus. Glad you enjoyed it!

@Anon: Heh heh heh, I know. Ain't fantasy great? ;D

with the trough-man as the hero. TK U MLJ LV NV

OK probably something is wrong with me for being turned on by that sex scene. I think I very much like the idea of one-upmanship on the part of the person in the "victim" role; when they surprised the predator by accepting the attack. Yup. That works very well for me. And yet you did not back down or soften it, for example by doing something like having him take off the pig mask, or saying anything even remotely sweet to her, which I also appreciate. I might like to play video games in Easy mode, but I prefer not to read my erotica that way, so thanks for keeping everything on Difficult. :)

I also enjoyed the non-linear timeline of the narrative, the skipping back and forth between the slaughterhouse chase and the background information/events.

Lots of good moments in this one. That one guy's head hitting the top of that vehicle stood out to me as really perfect for that scene. Him insisting his name wasn't Caleb when he wore the mask. Her moment of realization when Management comes to "congratulate" her. All in all, a tightly-written, filthy, perfect short story. Thanks for going with this one!

~Eris/D&T

I think this is one I will still be getting new insights into after 10 reads. But, I was never too good at literature, anyway. Eataski certainly didn’t try to make it easy.

5* now. Maybe more latter.

but dont understand what she has been tasked with,nor what how this world she lives in is organized. More like a couple chapters in a novel, than a whole, complete story.

YOu have an engaging writing style, one that makes me desire to learn more about each character and the world around them. But this didnt deliver on all that. Is this part of a series that you have writtten? If so you should either pro- or epilogue that fact for those of us who dont read your stuff regularly. I am almost strictly LW, and only here because of the Magical Mystery Tour event.

Thanks, tazz317. That bit I read about Trough-man was quite informative, and I can't deny the parallel. ;)

Ah, my lovely Eris. You're welcome, and thank you for such great feedback, and for saving the story. I almost ditched this idea, but you perking up during my pitch turned up the laser focus beam to eleven. ;) Of course I wasn't going to put it on "Easy Mode" after that! :D

Lickideesplit, cheers. That's generous of you. :) I know most people don't come here for dark intense pieces except occasionally in Non-con and Erotic Horror (and this would fit in either), so thanks for giving it a try and making a comment! The insights are there if you want them, but it does require extrapolating.

Patillie, much obliged, I'm glad you found the style engaging and wanted to learn more. This is not part of a series, no. All there is, is what you see. The tagline which you normally see, helping to give you an idea what the story is about, is missed if you come from the Mystery Tour story list, but the description I gave was: "Urban horror dystopia has its own mascot."

For the structure of the world, "dystopia" is an important distinction, as is "urban horror." Short stories don't have to explain everything about how a world operates, only give you an idea. But if I should write a sequel, there would certainly be more insight given just what the overall task is for Cammie and in explaining that, we learn more how the world operates. Explaining that in this story took away some of the mystery and tension, since the story is about Pigman right in front of her, not the bosses far away who put her where she is.

Dear Etaski,

I'll admit it took me a few tries to get through this story. It doesn't help that the first two times I tried to read it was at 2am on a weekday, lol. Tried again tonight when I wasn't too tired and managed to "get the ball rolling" so to speak. Definitely not a spoon-fed story! I'm also surprised it was just 4 pages... I'm used to you elaborating a lot more ;) This was quite a contrast compared to your usual, but it was fun to read and it was interesting to see a different style from you.

So I guess the "back & forth" between present and past adds to mystery (you're left wondering how she ended up like this), it has a slight whodoneit aspect and a riddle in it (with the word puzzle), and there's no explanation for what's happening in the world or why the characters are in the situation they are which also adds mystery, but the whole thing felt more to me like "withheld information" that truly mysterious. I understand that sentence doesn't make much sense, but I guess things are only mysterious to me if I care to wonder "why" or "how"? So I think the trick is to get the reader attached to the characters, attached to the world, set the stakes, etc. and give enough information to pique the curiosity and get the reader invested.

While reading I realized quickly enough that I wasn't going to learn why Mason and Cammie are "fucked" so to speak, who her employers are, what the hell is going on in this world, how exactly she ended up tied to a meat processor, who this Mason guy is anyway, etc. It became a story about a man in a pig suit forcing himself onto his victim (and I don't mind that per se), with some intermissions in between for a bit of somewhat related background. I sort of gave up on the mysterious aspects because I wasn't going to get any answers... it's all up to me to imagine. Maybe that's what the genre is about, maybe some of it is poor reader comprehension on my part, but overall I thought there was too little information for me to really get into the "mystery".

Anyhow, thanks for the read!

-Vince

P.S. yep it's me.

Perhaps it's not as different of a style as a simplified, stripped-down version of my usual. From that stance, I can say with clear conscience that I withheld no information which you needed, definitely not with the intent to make you draw a sense of false mystery from that because that would be lame. It was all there; you lacked nothing. As you said, it wasn't elaborated.

This one requires some abstraction and reflection behind the action, and it emulates some of the best horror/thriller movies I've seen (hence my dedication). Every line of dialogue and every detail described tells you about the background, the world, the motives. All of my favorite horror/thrillers require this, I love the mental exercise. If something seems pointless, sometimes I have to slow down and consider whether I'm asking the wrong questions.

Unfortunately, the questions you asked here (and were looking for matching the answers) were far away from the questions to which I provided answers in the story. I can't do much about that. Answering your questions wouldn't make the story any more complete than it is. I think it would make it worse.

Again, thanks for trying.

Etaski,

I think we agree, this is not the genre of story I do best with. Now that I think of it maybe I shouldn't have posted my previous post here... it may read like I believe your story to be bad when in the end it turns out the genre is just not something I'm used to. The story itself is somewhat of a puzzle in that I had to read it twice (and some parts more) before it started really piecing together so to speak. And it's also true that answering too many questions would take away from what your trying to do. So, I appreciate you writing something different and it was good to experience something new.

Also, I thought I should add, when I wrote "It became a story about a man in a pig suit forcing himself onto his victim" well, that's an unfair description. It's more a story about a woman staying in control of a situation designed to leave her helpless and frightened. I also had a thought that maybe Mason and Pigman are working together as a "good guy / bad guy" style thing trying to ensnare Cammie for their own enjoyment. Alas, there's no way to know :).

Anyhow, all the best!

-Vince

Well! That's a kind revision, thank you for writing it. It did sound like you thought I hadn't played fair. I'm glad you got a little more out of it than it seemed. Thanks for acknowledging the main character's willpower being worthwhile.

Heh heh, that's an interesting thought. True, no way to know for sure right now, but the link between Mason and Pigman is worth delving into a little deeper, should I ever write a "sequel" to this horror tale. ^_^

i haven't read your story yet but i rated it a 5. why? cuz u were selected. and i have read some of your other stories. y'all are great story writers and i thank u for your efforts.

I know the ratings aren't as high here as they are with Sirana tales, but I'd dig a sequel.

Actually, I'd be wayyyy more into a prequel that's more Cammie a backstory episode but that's just me.

Then again, I'm still hoping for follow up on Barter Me This so I get the feeling I'm going to remain disappointed >__<

I actually really dug the non linear, *drop you smack dab in the thick of literal shit* feel of the story, and I felt I got most of what you were trying to convey about the context. Question though - How'd you choose the title? Unless I missed something more about Cammie's undercover work than simply the fact that she was UC, it feels like the title refers primarily to Pigman and his pov. Notable choice, if that's the case.

Tl;dr excellence as always♡

I'm really glad you enjoyed this and felt you picked up the context available, and well enough to want to see more. Heh, actually a prequel already exists in the form of a 60K word novella I wrote in 2011, I've just never released it anywhere. I've had thoughts to do so, but it would need a thorough edit/update being 7 years old and I haven't had the time to do it.

I deliberately left this story open for a sequel, it's quite possible. :) Maybe a different style; this was selected for the Mystery Tour event and it was a challenge I enjoyed. Although I grant I have no plans for any continuation of Barter Me This, but thanks for the mention.

Kind of related, my upcoming "Geek Pride Day" story (new event May 25th, 2018! https://www.literotica.com/s/the-literotica-geek-pride-story-event) is set in the same universe; you just get to see the "Uptown" side of things, whereas this is definitely "Downtown." :)

And lastly, your question on the title. ^_^ I'm thrilled. You picked up that there is more than one way to interpret it. The obvious reference is the guy wearing the literal mask, but if you take Cammie, Pigman, and Mason, they're all wearing masks. More than one, sometimes. They have to in order to get through life, but shit happens *because* they do. I liked that I could look at the title from multiple viewpoints, so went with it.

Many thanks for your thoughtful comment!

Yeah, unfortunately Barter Me This doesn't strike me as having a lot of potential for further exploration, it's just one that I like to return to for fap material with great background :) So no worries, I wasn't holding my breath.

And if you ever exhaust yourself on material or motivation to work on the Sirana series (God forbid), you know you'll have at least one fan who'd be thrilled to see you pull out that prequel!

Happy to hear I have a stroke story that fits the bill!

And thank you! Pulling out that prequel is genuinely on my "Want To" list. It would be less running out of material for Sirana (yeah, that's probably not happening any time soon, given the planning I've been doing on the God Wars (next epic) just in the last few months), but it could very well be simply a "break" to so something different. :) That's why I wrote this story, after all, and why I'm also supporting the Geek Pride Day event. Helps the brain keep active and not get in a rut.

Until then!

Mood, atmosphere, and an eery, dystopian setting are just the beginning of what makes this story memorable. Throw in a handful of truly compelling characters and top it all off with some filthy, disgusting sex and what you have is the best story I've read this year. This is the story I want to be able to write some day. Great work again, Etaski.

Once again, Etaski has transported me to a world Ive never been to but could now make a painting of. I felt like I did the first time watching Blade Runner, instantly transported to a dark, dirty part of the city that most people try to forget exists. Another heroinne who survives on her wits instead of looking for a hero. I hope to see more!

I can add nothing to the comments. I just wanted to agree with the ones filled with superlatives.

I love the way you don't lay it all out for us, the scene develops with time