All Comments on 'While You Sleep'

This needs to be a screenplay.

AWESOME SAUCE!! 5 STARS

READ A PARA OR TWO, SKIPPED TO END TO PUT ON A ZEROZEROZEROZEROZERO....

Lost me from the first page, seeing his wife in gangbang an leaving his kid there , gladly gave it 1 ⭐️ to this and all your stories

Pac-Man istan! :0. Priceless! I love it

5 Stars on one of my Favorites. My only complaint was where did the Russians get the Apache Helo's

Wow. While this was a great, well-told story, I felt there was more at the end. Millicent seemed real, like a number of girls I have known (a composite, perhaps). Rick was very similar to a FBI agent I worked with in a youth group while my son was growing up. I could see a similar strain in his family life, but his wife was much more mature than Danielle. Would love to have seen some of the character development after Rick's recovery; that experience often changes people, too.

I could only give this five stars.

Loved the story! Wouldn’t it be great if Secret Service agents were always loyal to the constitution and not to the president that they protect? Trump’s team forgot who they serve.

5 Stars as it is that great a Story

The ending should have had more detail and length.

I couldn't pass page 1. The husband is a secret agent, wife goes down hill. Husband wants to take the child away but his work is too important to do it right now...

I wasn't going to read this story but decided t read a page or two. I gat so involved with it that I couldn't put it down. Well done 5 stars

I do love rereading this one

Great short story, even got me choked up two or three times. If there was in short comings it was in the exwife character and those associated with her. I truly enjoyed this story….

One of the few stories by this author worth rereading.

My only problem was seeing the faces of my favourite top gear presenters as I read their parts in the story lol. Enjoyed it immensely!

I've had this one on my "Read Later" list for quite a long time, I've put off reading it only because of its length; I've not had many opportunities to sit long enough to read it and I hate stopping in the middle of a story once I've started reading. I'm glad I finally sat down and tackled it, it's one of the better offerings this site has on tap. I loved the play on names with "Pacmanistan" and the "Top Gear" connection. From one hotrod car lover to another: Bravo!

Out of all my favourite stories, this is my favouritist !!

Great story. But not for the LW component. Danielle was a shallow, irredeemable nut job who was beyond delusional and selfish. This author rarely adds any nuance or depth to the cheating wife. In the end you she ended up just like her mother, alone, taken away in a car and (presumably) dead. Her part in this story was almost incidental and her perspectives grew tiresome as nothing really changed in her mind. The rest of the story was fun. Thr instant romance between Rick and Millie was hard to believe but hey it worked out in the end. The part where he gets her to jump out of the car and take off, knowing he would die was priceless. Her comment about naming their first kid "Shed" was hilarious.

I actually loved this story and the use of the Top Gear presenters names, but my biggest laugh came from Pac-Man(istan). 5 stars all the way.

An absolutely ripping yarn EXCEPT! FFS the Clarkson, May, Hammond bullshit. For me this derailed the tone of the story. Without that bullshit, it would be an award winning yarn,

Danielle is one delusional woman, and remember YOU created her. Kudos on writing an excellent story.

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐

Still a good fun romp!

Great story, action adventure, cheating heartbreak, new better romance, and revenge the living better style. 5

Great read, loved the use of the names of the UK Top Gear presenters, Clarkson, May and Hammond.

Great job!! Fun read.

Absolutely stellar. You did so good with this. A handful of typos. Very descriptive and loads of action.

This author has an amazing gift in presenting and telling a great story. Five!

What an amazing story, well written with a great storyline. In beginning I wondered where the storyline was going but soon it became an amazing adventure where Rick finally got his divorce, full custody of his daughter and an amazing new wife and a happily ever after. 5/5

Second time around and still good, Daniell was a real delusional wacko, could have explained her in two sentences. Our hero and the presidents daughter quite the guy. Keep writing, Please!

Wonderful story. Edge of the seat kind of wonderful wish I could give ten stars

% Stars on a great story .Keep up the great work . I wonder why Rick wasn't wearing any Bullet proof vest

What an awesome story. 5 stars

One of your best.

Love your stories thank you

Well done, a really good one. Didn't mind the changing pov as much as I normally do. 5*

Very good story. Such a good read. Thank-you ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

Good story. 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

Decent story but rushed ending. This one could have done with another few pages of Millie and Rick’s relationship. Good premise overall though, pretty unique.

Long but high quality story. Moved at a good pace, hated to see the end. Write on.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

The action is technically sound, but the characters acting as dumb as they typically do in Stang stories makes the combination awkward. When Millie started smirking and joking to 'keep the mood light and relaxed' right after watching a guy get murdered for protecting them, I checked out of the story and just treated it as a comedy from then on.

Good story lots of action. The start was a bit overwelming and the narration of each character was a bit long. especially by the the stupid wife. I think she needs to re-boot her brain. But overall a good story.

For once, one of the authors long stories was a good one.

To all aspiring critics, commenter's and the like. Most endings seemed a bit rushed because as a writer you have to end it somewhere or it will dribble on endlessly. Sometimes it is hard, especially on this site, to know when and where to end it. So many people do not like longer stories and refuse to read anything past say three to four pages long. this one was 12 pages long and it does have to end. I'm sure Stang could have fleshed out another couple of pages with kid/daddy meeting and stuff. Block out their official courtship and whatnot, but would it really have added to the story? Some things just have to be cut for pacing. My advice, if you think you can do better... have at ye! It's not as easy as it seems.

Beautiful

A good story. Would like to see it 'fleshed' out a bit more. A sequel or two would be great.

Sorry, I hit 4 stars by mistake instead of 5.

Found it an excellent story but just fell away slightly at the end and felt a little rushed.

Sorry, but this one bored me to tears. All the characters are mere cardboard cut-outs - two-dimensional. The story desperately needs heavy editing and is overly long by at least a factor of 2. And seriously, very trite and infantile. At best, a C-grade comic book. But don't even try DC Comics - this is way below their standards.

Excellent story. The only comment I would say is that the ending was too short. Did they have any kids of their own? What about the guy that gave them the mustang? What happened to pacmanistan? Did they get rid of Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde?

Hopefully they remember the good samaritan and his car, great story!

ONE OF YOUR BEST!!! Loved every word.

IT'S THE BEST STORY I'VE READ IN A LONG TIME!

This needs to be made into a movie and what about the dude that lent him the car

I just love The Grand Tour and Top Gear secret agents

Ive read 4 stories by this author....all 5*s. This was another one. Out of the box creative writing. Well done!

Excellent story but the ending seemed very rushed.

Whaka whaka whaka whaka ..... LMAO!!!!

Great read.

I wasn’t sure if I would enjoy this story as loving wives isn’t usually my cup of tea and after reading the introduction, but AuroraIncident had you on her favorites list so I thought why not give it a shot. This was more of a novella, and a thoroughly enjoyable one at that. It started as loving wives, went through some intense action adventure and ended with a bit of romance.

You don't find any action/adventure stories in loving wives anymore. Most of the good writers who take you on a journey are gone.

Pacmanistan???? Power Pellets????? lmao.

Great story , enjoyed almost all until the end, Totally gobsmacked at the ending , just so abruptly finished almost as though it was time to finish because your pint was getting stale, Still 5⭐️, Outstanding nevertheless....

They are nearly as bad as The Ohio State. I remember upsetting Michigan one year when I played for the REAL U of M. That's the University of Minnesota. I was a TE on the Gophers when we beat them (1986). Two years prior I had wrestled for the Gophers and beat Trost.

It's bad enough I have to keep reading about Mustangs (at least it is the Big GT version) but this Michigan stuff turns a guys stomach.

And even though The Ohio State BLOWS, Woody Hayes is still a GOD.

U of M again I have a one question quiz: Who is the only Michigan football player to ever receive a standing ovation from the fans in that shithole Horseshoe in Ohio? One hint: his son is the star of a long running network tv show. Good story about a guy that isn't toooo stupid, a beautiful young woman who turns out to have big brass balls, and a stupid whore who just couldn't stop being her mother. Signed: BTW And fuck Woody Hayes.

I like how you weave multiple character's stories into the mix, the change of perspective made me 'change gears'.

Millie's story was quite unique, her transition almost required a literal kick in the pants but she finally took charge of her life and became... 'presidential'.

I know this is fiction but quite a few times in the ending it became... too unreal.

Danielle was a huge psychotic problem. I'm glad she just disappeared, although that is an evil thing to think.

Great job! More!

Great story but thought the ending was a little rushed

Danielle was finally seeing that she had turned into exactly who she didn't want to be: Her mother. And then suddenly the author chooses to reverse her entire transformation. Why? The author even goes as far as to imply that she died the same way as her mother did.

She was an interesting character with depth and severe flaws. She realized she could never have the love of her life back, because of how she had acted, but then she just forgot?

There was a really good story there, but the author killed it by completely and suddenly changing Danielle's character, with absolutely no explanation given.

There are plenty of other flaws in the story line, that I am not going to waste time detailing here.

It started out as a serious story with a clear potential for 5/5. Unfortunately it ended up as a rag-tag patchwork of different writing styles and unbelievable, inconsistent characters.

3/5

... no matter what your locale.

5+++++

Nice touch to use Top Gear presenters as character names.

I like most of your stories but you copped out to the PC crowd with your location and description of the country. You described a Muslim state but labeled it Christian, what a chicken shit you are! You need to be honest like your character!

A trip down memory lane!...Oldie but a Goldie!.....What can I say that hasnt already been said ?......I Know! Antarctica (Bit of useless b.s.)...Thanks You definitely have My Endorsement! ★★★★★ WOOF!

Did his friend who loaned him his Mustang ever get his visa and/or a new Mustang?

This could be a screen play if you expanded it.

Enjoyed a few of your stories but this is the best, really enjoyed the Boy Scout attitude of the Rick character. 5 stars.

The emotions and feelings were all relatively shallow and the plot and dialog were god aweful. I stuck through it all 12 pages, but you got 2 stars from me. It had moments that were good and there was certainly potential.

I agree with this story for the most part. I wish all the stories were 10+ pages that were interesting enough not to skip past parts in order to maintain sanity. There was something about the chase act that felt very right. Mainly, because he got hit a bunch and said not to bother trying to help him at the end. This story begs for an author's vision of a failure scenario...she dies, he finds out from a downed military person's radio, and fades to black in a sea of regret and cheers from the radio.

What I've found is that stories that have a favorite to view ratio over 0.05% tend to be good, and it's useful in figuring out whether a highly starred story is good or not...since there are a number that aren't good at all. This story is about 0.098%. In this range, I've never been disappointed.

It was quite enjoyable story about a real man, a slut wife, a real gal and a Mustang.The number of practical intelligent woman in it is impressive.

How many children did they have? and grandchildren? Finish the damn story!

Great Story. Worth its 12 pages. I can live with the famous name usage but....PACMAN-istan... really? Come on you're a writer, you can come up with a real-sounding country. [ie. The Republic of Equatorial Kundu (from NBCs The West Wing)]

This is probably up there in the top five stories that you've written. I like the characters there believable, the protagonist is awesome and totally likeable, and it's just an awesome story. I'm hoping is going to be another one behind this maybe or an offshoot.

I find myself drawn to the really good stories in this form and this is definitely one that I have visited multiple times, savoring each and every one.

One of your best.

You should! May you have a long life and a large-deep to do Bucket list! Again FAN BLOODY TASTIC STORY! Love you all! GREG. THANK YOU STANG STAR 06

OUTSTANDING!

I got half way through it before I realized that I had read it before (I'm an old man, LOL) and never mind the negative comments. I read strictly for my pleasure and try not to pick at little things as some do. Since I am not perfect at anything I dare some of your critics to actually write a perfect yet entertaining story. Keep up the good work. Lamar

Nicely written

Ah, another very good tale. It makes up for a few of SS06s that are not very good.

What a great story to read on a rainy day. So engrossed in the story that I ignored the rain. Thanks for sharing. It had it ALL....

but the ending is to short it's like you cut it off in hurrying to finish story I think at least two more page should do it perfect,like to give it 5 but the ending cut 1star from it

no matter the cost or suffering, TK U MLJ LV NV

I love all of your stories. Especially back on the block. I would have love to hear Rick's perspective in the end as well

First off your story is Fantastic! Now the comments! Peoples it's fiction! Enjoy it! Oh some Mustang Eh! But it is Not Chrissie Ha Ha! Those who don't like my comments

"BLOW ME" LOVE YOU ALL. GREG. OH 10 STARS = 100 %. BYE.

I liked it. Fiction so liberties with logic is ok with me. A good read.

ape. If anyone should die i's you dear annomy you fucking brain dead asshole cock sucking fag. Gave this a5 to help the score.

Immersion in the story was unexpectedly broken several times due to naming the characters after the hosts of the British version of Top Gear. It's difficult to imagine the team of Jeremy Clarkson, James May, and Richard Hammond as steely eyed Secret Service agents.

Just reread this one....read it first a while ago...still a great read!

Nicely done, congratulations.

Very well done.

How come Stangstar's lead character never finds out what happens to his overrated Mustang when its tail get knotted by a Mopar Hemi? Even with all the money he's pumped into that hunk of iron, there's at least a dozen production cars that'll blow the doors off of it.

When you think Mustang... think Elmer's glue.

I truly enjoyed this story.