While You Were Sleeping Pt. 03

"No I'm fine. As for trouble, I haven't heard anything, so I don't know what he is telling people." He paused, gave me a look, as if wondering why I still cared. Didn't he get it? I still loved him so much; it hurt me to see him hurt.

He went on, "Anyhow, Sidney said she needed to speak with us, so here we are. What's going on Sid?"

"Well, dad, I graduate in a little over a month. Jarred asked me to marry him after we do, and I said yes!"

"WHAT?" he asked. He sat, looking stunned. Welcome to the club, I thought. At least I wasn't the only one shocked by this news.

"Dad, I know you probably think we are too young, but I love him and he loves me. He treats me right and would never do anything to hurt me."

I could see the gears turning in his head for a minute. "Are you pregnant?" he asked.

She started laughing at that, "No, dad, I am not pregnant. That's funny though, because mom asked me the same thing two nights ago."

He turned to me with a glare. "You KNEW about this?"

"Yes, Matt, I did. She told me two days ago when I came to visit, but we haven't talked lately, so how was I supposed to tell you? Besides, she asked me to wait so she could tell you herself. She loves you so much, and wanted to make sure you wouldn't be disappointed with her."

"Well I'm not really ok with it, but don't have much choice, do I? She is eighteen and can do whatever she wants, right?"

"Daddy, don't be mad at me. I really want you to walk me down the aisle. If you can't accept us, I guess I will have to do it without you."

"Sidney, I never said I wouldn't. I'm shocked, and really think you should wait, but still love you very much. If you say you are in love with him, I believe you and wish you both a lot of happiness. Of course I will walk you down the aisle. Have you set a date yet? You are waiting until you graduate, right?"

"Yes, dad, we are waiting until June or July, I think."

He was smiling at her now. I truly wished it was me he was happy about. After our discussion, he went outside to play some football with the boys, while I spent some more time talking with my daughter about her upcoming wedding.

For a while, it felt like we were a family again. I wish it could last, but knew that it was only temporary.

******

Matt comes to terms with things.

So my eighteen year old daughter is getting married, damn did that make me feel old. I wasn't too thrilled with the idea of her getting married so young, but had to trust that she was making the right choice. She said she loved him, and I believed her. I trusted her, so told her that I would support her choice. She wanted me to walk her down the aisle, and I knew I could never let my little girl down.

As far as my life was concerned, things were moving along, but that was about it. I felt I got my revenge on Jim, but still felt empty inside. The lawyer told me that if Jennifer didn't fight the divorce, it could be official in about three to four months. Deep down, I really didn't want to divorce her, but felt I had no choice. Call me stubborn, but I thought a lot about it, and just didn't see any other way.

The next day, mom took me to my first therapy monthly check-up. The first few minutes of the ride were silent, until I guess she couldn't take it anymore.

"So, are you really going to get a divorce? Matthew, I really hoped you two could work it out."

Uh-oh, she used my full first name. She was getting serious on me, now. "Mom, I love her, but still feel betrayed. How do I know she won't do something like this again? I know she loves me, but is it enough? Sorry if I sound rude, I'm just trying to tell you how I feel right now."

"Ok, that's fair," she replied. "Consider this, your uncle Larry has dealt with something similar. You may want to chat with him about it."

"Uncle Larry? Didn't he get a divorce from Aunt Sue? Did she cheat on him too?"

"You will have to ask him, but I think so. He might be able to give you some advice. I know he is still in a lot of pain, and it's been three years since his divorce was final." Mom had a point. It might be a good idea to talk with someone who had been in similar shoes.

"Ok, I will call him when we get home. Thanks for the advice."

The rest of the drive was uneventful, and we got to my appointment a few minutes early. After dropping me off, mom said she was going to run an errand. She said she would be back at the end of my therapy to pick me up.

I sat in the lobby waiting, reading some email on my phone. My old boss sent me one, saying that my request to start working from home the next week was approved. He went on to say that he hoped I would be able to return to the office soon, as everyone really missed me around.

About that time, Doctor Swinson came out to take me back to the therapy area. The place was unusually quiet, with only one other person getting therapy. The guy and his therapist were working on some leg machine.

"Today we are just going to do a little check-up on progress, and if need be, make adjustments to your home regimen. How do you feel today Matt?" she asked.

"Pretty good, thanks. I am moving around on my own now, with almost no help from my family."

"Good to hear. I must say that you don't look like you were in a coma. Your body has recovered very well. Let's get going, shall we?"

Was it my imagination or was my therapist hitting on me? Maybe it had just been too long since I had gotten any. I was taken over to the parallel bars, and we worked on walking back and forth for a bit. After that, she had me lay on the mat and do some leg lifts and crunches. Let me tell you, those hurt, no matter what shape you are in.

She had me roll over onto my front, and was doing some leg lifts in reverse. If I didn't know any better, I would say her hands were a little lower on my thighs than they needed to be. Of course, my damn traitor of a dick started getting really hard. In this position, it wasn't too hard to hide, but when I eventually turned over, it would be.

I finished the leg lifts, and told her I needed a minute before I got up. She gave me a minute, and then had me roll over and sit up. Thankfully I was down to just a half hard-on. She might have looked at it, but never said anything about it. She smiled a little, got up and walked away for a minute. She came back to help me up, and handed me a card. It had a phone number and an address on it.

"We are about done here. I will expect to see you back in another month for a check-up. This is my home number and address, should you need anything until then. Please, call me anytime, for anything."

She had a very curious smile on her face, and I really did feel she was trying to hit on me. Honestly, she was gorgeous, and a very nice person. I could see falling for a woman like her under different circumstances, or given time. As I was going into the lobby, there sat my mom. Seeing her made me snap out of it. She got up and we walked out to her car, not really saying anything to each other.

When we got in, she let me have it. "You aren't even divorced yet, and you are already putting the moves on another woman. Your therapist, Matthew, REALLY?"

I was stunned. "Mom what are you talking about? I haven't done anything with that woman. She is very good looking, but I have never cheated on Jennifer. What would give you the idea that I have something going on with her?"

"I can tell. I saw it in her eyes when you were walking towards me. That woman WANTS you."

"Mom, trust me. Nothing has, or will happen with that woman."

She didn't say much more, and just drove me home. When I got out, she said goodbye, and I went in the house. I felt really bad now, thinking about another woman while I was still married. What kind of man did that make me? We weren't divorced yet. I mean, every guy checks out other women, but I still felt guilty. My mom knew me too well.

I needed to get my mind off of self-destruct mode for a bit, so fired up my laptop. I got connected to the office network, and checked email. They had de-activated my account after a few weeks in the coma, but had reconnected it again. I had a few emails from the last few days, and several from before my account was locked out.

I decided to read the email from before my coma first, to see if anything important had happened. As I went through them, there were a few from co-workers hoping I would get better soon. There were a few from some vendors that we worked with occasionally, and a few more from some of our clients.

I saw one that shocked me some, and made me wonder why I hadn't thought about it already. It was from a lawyer, stating they wanted to talk to me or my family about a settlement offer. Why had my wife or family not talked to me about the truck driver that caused my accident yet? Were they even contacted during my coma? I would have to ask my mom and dad about that.

I read all the most recent, and found that there were a few new possible clients that needed our consulting services. Two were from larger corporations that needed an "honest opinion of our network", or so they said. Apparently we came highly recommended from some former clients. There was one from a small business that need our help setting up a new POS (Point of Sale) system, and the last one was from an accountant that we helped out from time to time. He, in turn, did our books for us at a reduced fee.

I replied to a few of the email messages, and sent a few to my co-workers about working on a few of these cases from home over the next week or two. I got one response from my boss that he sent to everyone, stating that he was thrilled that I was back on the job and feeling better.

I logged off, and got up to go do my daily workout routine. I really pushed myself, and felt very sore afterwards. I got in the bath and laid there in the hot water, soaking up the lavender I had added. As I lay there, I thought about my situation, and my family.

In a few short years, all my kids would probably be out of the house. My sons were both talking about their college plans, and my daughter was getting married AND going to college next year. I thought about Jennifer, and the plans we had made for after the kids moved out.

We were going to travel more, and visit all of our "bucket list" places we wanted to see. Most everyone has a list, but we were serious about ours. We had actually a written list, still hanging on the side of the fridge. We were going to stay in this house until we both retired, then move out to the country in a little cottage style house. We had even gone online a few times to see what some looked like, picking our favorites.

She used to laugh at me, always picking ones that had big windows, and a pond or lake nearby. She used to say, "You know, with windows that large we can't hide our love-making as well right?"

My joking response had always been, "But honey, who will see us out in the middle of nowhere?"

I noticed that the water was getting a little cold, so figured I should get up. My muscles felt a lot better, but I still didn't want to get out. I got up, dried off, and got into some sweats. About that time, my kids came in the door from school, excited to tell me about their day. Jennifer called a few minutes later. I almost didn't answer it, but I wasn't going to deny her a chance to talk to the kids, so decided to deal with the awkwardness.

"I just wanted to let you know I will be there in about an hour. I was wondering if I could stay for a bit longer than normal, and we could try to have a family dinner together?" she asked. She never mentioned the divorce papers. I was a bit conflicted, but figured it would do the kids some good to have her around for the meal.

"Sure, I guess that would be ok. I will let the kids know you are on the way, bye."

"Bye, Matt."

With that, I hung up, wondering what the hell I was getting myself into. Hadn't I just served her with divorce papers, and yet was letting her come over for dinner? It felt really odd, talking to her on the phone and NOT saying "I love you," as we had done ever since we started dating seriously. Deep down, I missed it. I felt more confused now than ever before.

I guess we were both trying to deal with things, and it would be good for the kids to see us acting like adults around each other. The last thing I wanted was any more negativity that could affect the children.

After hanging up, I called my uncle Larry like I promised my mom I would, and arranged to go meet him for coffee the next day. Then I called the lawyer from the email, and left him a voice mail to call me the next day, when he was in the office. Lastly, I called my mom to ask her about the lawyer and settlement offer, but she said she had no idea what I was talking about. No lawyer had reached out to her, only a few insurance people from my work.

Jenn did come over later that night, and we had a great spaghetti dinner that Sidney prepared. The boys were telling us both about their up-coming games they had, and we both promised to be there to cheer them on. Sidney talked about Jarred some, and also about how excited she was to be graduating so soon.

When Jennifer got to the house, I did ask her about the lawyer and settlement offer. She said that they had contacted her once, but never returned her calls. She had left a letter from them in our office somewhere.

I was really happy that we had that dinner, it felt like old times. When it was over, and Jennifer prepared to leave, I felt conflicted again. We all said goodbye to her as she left, and the kids all gave me a huge hug when she was gone. Damn, will it ever get any easier?

**************

Jennifer helps plan a wedding

Today was going to be the first day of the rest of my life. I woke up feeling positive. To help kick off my new attitude, I was going to help my daughter plan her wedding. I was going to pick her up after school every weekday so we could plan, and we were going to spend every weekend going shopping, or at least browsing.

Aside from work, and helping my daughter, I still had counseling to go to. Even if our joint sessions hadn't worked very well, I thought I should continue seeing Rose. Perhaps she could help me figure out my weaknesses, so I could work on becoming a stronger person. I would still be in Matt's life, even if not married, and I wanted him to see that I wasn't giving up. He might find it in his heart to forgive me, yet.

Sidney and I spent the next several nights discussing the big items first. We would go over the smaller details as they came up. First up, was to pick a date and place for the wedding and reception. She said they wanted it to be outside, expecting the weather to cooperate. We could always have tents or pavilions set up in case it started raining. She said they hadn't decided on an exact date, so we pulled out a calendar.

We looked to the month of June, and looked at all the dates available. She decided that June 11^th sounded right. It was a week after their graduation, and she said they didn't need to wait any longer than that. She later told me that it fell between Memorial Day and Father's day. She didn't want to share her day with any other important day!

I said that day would be perfect. June would hopefully be better weather, and not as hot as a July or August wedding. It was also near my anniversary date, which was June 14^th. We went on to talk about the place to hold it. Choosing the place took two whole days of reviewing and discussing. On the end of the second night with her, she decided that she wanted it to be at the lake. She had spent a lot of her childhood there, and had such fond memories of the place. It didn't hurt that it was also a beautiful location, with a lot of natural wonder and color nearby.

At the end of the first week of planning we had the guest list started. We had the date and place picked out, and had looked up a few caterers for food service. That weekend I took her out to a pizza place for dinner, and sat down with her fiancé. We had met a few times when she brought him over, but never for more than a few minutes at a time.

It was nice, and it gave Matt time to be alone with the boys for the evening, as well. I wanted more than anything to spend it as a family, but would settle for being closer with my daughter. She really was back to her old self, and had forgiven me. I was so thankful that I had raised such a great kid.

We would start up the planning again that following Tuesday, as Monday I had another appointment with Rose. I still wanted to work out how I could have cheated on my husband in the first place. I know I had rationalized it in my head, but there had to be SOME reason for it to have happened so quickly.

When I went in that Monday, she was friendly as always, but started asking me some pretty tough questions. This session was tougher than any other I had been to with her.

"Jennifer, the last few sessions we have tried to explore the build-up to your actions. I want to start working on some other facets of your life and personality. I think it could really help you feel some sort of accomplishment, as you have expressed a deep desire to understand yourself better."

"Ok, Rose. I really do want to figure things out. I know Matt might never forgive me, but I think for me to move on, I will need to forgive myself. I haven't done that, yet."

She ran me through questions about my former boyfriends, past jobs, even some about my married life before the kids were born. She asked me about what Matt really meant to me, as well as some questions about my current job. We went over a few other things about my life, and at the end of the session, she gave me her opinion.

"Jennifer, I can't say for certain yet, but I am starting to think that part of your problem stems from your reliance on others. You work in an emergency department, where everyone counts on you. In every other facet of your life, you depend on others. You seem to depend heavily on your husband, not only for love and support, but also for making decisions and plans for you. When you were younger, it sounded like you depended on whatever boy you were dating at the time, and had a similar pattern of letting them choose and speak for you.

"I am not saying that any of this is negative, just that it could have a lot to do with why you behaved the way that you did with Jim. Most women are very used to being hit on, and can usually handle it without much difficulty. I think part of the problem is that you see your husband as a suit of armor, in effect, and without him around those four months, you were not trying to protect yourself."

I sat absorbing what she was saying. Did I really let the men in my life choose things for me? Did I really depend on others in my private life, to basically shield me from harm?

"God, do I really rely on other people THAT much? I have never really thought about it, but I guess it makes sense. I like to do what everyone else is doing most times, and usually don't speak up or take charge, unless I have to. About the only time I really tell everyone else what to do is at the hospital."

"OK I think this is a good stopping point, Jennifer. You are going to have to take a look at things you do every day, and decide if you feel the need to change or not. There is nothing wrong with letting others be your guide in life, but sometimes you may want to be able to think for yourself more. I will see you next week, ok?"

"Yes, and thank you, Rose."

She walked me to the door and I left, thinking very hard about things that she had said. If I truly depended on others too much, could that be affecting my judgement?

By the time I got to the house, Sidney was waiting for me. We had to continue discussing the dinner choices for the reception, as well as finalize the guest list. We needed to send out invitations soon or there wouldn't be very many people at the wedding.