Whispers From My Heart

"It's hard to understand, isn't it?" she finally broke her silence; she was worried about me, but I knew it was out of love.

"I can't seem to process it though I know what we've read, but how do you just switch from a true believer to one who suddenly has so many doubts?"

How I elected to process it later on was to lay with my head on her thigh, and my lips so close to her pussy that they just as well have been on them after we'd made love.

"You know I want to hold you, baby, but if you feel you want to stay there, it's okay," she told me as her hand caressed my cheek.

I turned a bit to kiss her hand reminiscent of the first time I kissed it; I also noted that she stayed on my thigh too. It wasn't as if she had much choice, but I knew she was more than comfortable being as I was; I knew that by her many soft kisses to my lips and occasional licking between them. We were truly in love with each other, and with our love of each other.

* * * *

When graduation was at hand. I called my parents to let them know the time and where exactly, but as I spoke to my mother, I quickly became disappointed.

"Oh, Hannah, we're going to a revival then. I'm so sorry."

There was more, but not much.

"I guarantee you that I'll be there," Rona made sure to let me know, but I already knew that.

In fact, we had talked about me moving in to live with her permanently, and finding a job in the area. I did have a couple of job offers, and one indeed was nearby.

"Will you be wanting to tell your parents about us?" Rona wondered.

"No, I don't think so. It's not that I'm ashamed, or worry too much about how they'd take it...well, I do worry about that, but only because I know what they'd say, and how they'd feel, especially my mother. Though I'm pretty sure I don't believe as I did before, I know it would hurt her, but in an odd way. I mean..." I couldn't go on for a moment.

"Whatever, it's okay, honey," she tried to ease my sudden discomfort.

"No, Rona. I think I know what she'll do. She'll go into a "believer's shock" that her daughter could be doing such a vile thing, and that I'll go to hell, and she'll tell me that so forcefully, and after that I'm not sure what she'll say or do. I think it's better if I just go and pick up what I have there and tell her that I'm staying with you and let her think I'm a renter, or something like that."

We were silent for a moment, but then I had to say more.

"It shocked me that she didn't think a thing about going to the revival and not my graduation; she didn't even seem to really be sorry. Rona, I'm just seeing how she and my father are–they're totally church oriented. I'm sorry, but it's all so confusing to me right now. It's just so hard to know that all of these years are as if they weren't lived by me at all. That's weird, isn't it?"

"I'm not sure since I've never had anything near this happen to me. It sounds as if there's no way to avoid some great unpleasantness somewhere along the line."

"Yes, a lot of unpleasantness, I guess. Oh, darn it, why does it all have to be this way? Why can't they understand any of it, their foolishness as it's beginning to seem to me?"

With that, I broke down and cried. My life truly had become as if someone else's life, yet I knew it was mine. If I had this to happen fully on my own, I don't know what I would have done, or what my mind would have been like. Fortunately, I had Rona, and she loved me as I loved her. That made her my rock, my everything, but then I knew she was just that for some time. This, I was sure, was temporary and would pass, but my love of Rona wouldn't ever pass, nor would her love of me ever pass.

Still, I needed to lie down, and her lap was as always ever ready to receive me, but this time I had my face turned toward her tummy. As we always were when at home, we were naked, and it wasn't lost on me that her smooth pussy was there to comfort me whether I just slept in a nebulous erotic fantasy, or whether I had to make love to her. For a while, I settled for her hand to comfort me with her sweet caresses. She settled for that too.

Chapter 10

Though my graduation was tinged with a bit of sadness, yet it held much joy for me. It wasn't just that Rona was there, or that she took us to dinner at restaurant that seemed a bit too fancy. Nor was it the fact that Rona had bought me a marvelous string of pearls in the form of a necklace. Yes, a part of my day was not perfect, but when I thought of it later with what I thought was an objective eye, it was as perfect as can be.

It was made more so later that night after we had made some ultra sweet and beautiful love that had my heart singing joyfully. It was what Rona said to me as she held me to her breast.

"Honey, you know I love you so very much, and you have to know that I want nothing more than to have you with me forever. I want you so much that I would love for us to be married, but what I want most is for you to feel free of any problems, to not have anything making you feel in any way that maybe we're not just a dream having, not just having wonderful sex and that's all."

How she said it, sort of wistfully, had me knowing just how much my problems with my religion and family were affecting more than just me. That saddened me, but to hear her say that she'd love for us to be married thrilled me beyond belief. I kissed her breast then moved to be completely atop of her, and hugged her dearly to me.

"Rona, I love you so much too, and I know that at times the thought of us being married tried to come into my mind, but I didn't dare to let myself think of it. I'd love to be your wife, and have you as my wife, but can we wait?"

I know I sort of surprised her by the way she hesitated.

"Wait? Yes, of course, but can you tell me why? Not that I'm pushing you, though I'd love to, but..." she got lost for what more to say.

"Until I make enough to buy your ring too," I said impishly, my heart suddenly light and feeling silly with the love that finally came fully to the fore in me.

'Darling, I'd wait until forever for you," she said after a momentary hesitation, then kissed me hard.

What she did next would be a surprise to me–still kissing me, she rolled me over and was quickly between my legs, but not with her face. She had her full body over mine, our pussies together, and that torrid kiss continued unabated. Of course I was returning her kiss, but soon realized that I was hotter than any fire from hell or anywhere else. My hips were squirming, my pussy was crying out in a need that had a steady flow of sweet nerve messages flowing from it, and then I was having an orgasm that shocked me, and more, Rona was having one with me.

My clitoris was suddenly demanding more as it never had, at least not that I could recall, and so was hers as we kept on having climax after climax in a wild and wholly unruly way. It was as if we'd just discovered the beauty of sex and all the sensations it could bring to us and we never wanted to quit having them.

This had happened before, but not quite as it was happening just then. What was so odd was that neither of us seemed to want to end it as we were both having orgasms simultaneously, and it was so beautiful, but so debilitating that we finally had to listen to the part of our body that said it couldn't go on forever. Our breath couldn't go on either.

"Wha–what did we just do?" I finally was able to ask.

"It's called tribbing, or mutual female masturbation with our clitorises, and sometimes female fucking. However you want to call it, it's addictive for the moment and for sometime after that, and it's a wonderful way to enjoy your lover and see her face–if you can pay attention to her face or anything else other than what you're feeling, that is," she said with a soft chuckle of delight.

"Oh, wow! I'm still feeling it, not to mention wanting more of it. It is beautiful to have your body melded to mine as we love each other. It's sort of like when we eat each other, but more, or really different since we can kiss and feel our breasts mashing together. But yeah, once those feelings got to really going, who could think or feel anything else?"

To my dismay, she gave me a quick kiss, then rolled off of me as she went to the bathroom, and cleaned herself up, then came and did the same to me, but with a flourish that included kissing my lips and licking slowly between them between them as if she were tasting a delicacy. Rona knew how to fill my heart with love of her, and at times like that, I thought my heart would literally burst with so much love of her.

Though we didn't trib again, my face was at her breast, which I kissed over and over, my other hand lovingly caressing her other breast, and my pussy flush against her thigh as close to her pussy as possible, and ever so minutely, rubbed softly, enjoying our love and bathing her thigh with my love as we fell asleep in each other's arms.

There was nowhere else that I wanted to be.

Chapter 11

The work week brought up the fact that I'd not be seeing Rona naked every morning, but as she had on previous Mondays when I'd spent the weekend with her, she enjoyed teasing me by parading in her see-thru panties and far too sexy bra that barely hid her nipples. My mouth salivated on those days, but living together, it would salivate for five days a week. She made it more than difficult to concentrate on anything I did thereafter, including work.

It still amazed me how I could look at her, and admire her as a woman that I wished I could make love to. In fact, I would still look in the mirror and caress my pussy's lips that remained shorn and slick as could be. Yes, it was as if I had just been born and saw myself for the first time as a wholly new person, and never as a child, or a teenager. I was still new to me. All of my life with Rona stayed new to me, as did Rona. She kept on driving me to an insane desire to be with her always.

However, I had a week in which to report to work. I rented a van and went my old home to pick up what I had there and leave forever. Still fearful of what my parents would say, I didn't tell them of my love of Rona, only that I had found a room with her. I let them think as they would. Fortunately neither had a real question that was hard to dodge.

* * * *

My life with Rona was as it had been; we'd spend time enjoying just being together when we weren't making love, that is, and still reading in the bible. As we read, I sensed myself drawing further and further away from all that I had been taught, all that I had believed. There were so many books in the bible, and it said so much, but in reality little of it had been taught to us. I was finding that we'd only been given select snippets here and there, and no full meaning other than that which they wanted us to have. In other words, I found out that they controlled all that we thought we knew about God, salvation, Jesus, and the bible.

Literally, the bible was very imperfect, and full of errors and contradictions. I kept being stunned by all I was learning.

Not many weeks into our time of studying the bible, we both came upon something that we both questioned immediately. Jesus had predicted that certain things would come to pass, and they were dire as could be, but it would be in his generation. That never happened.

Searching, and scouring other sources, we found that pretty much the same thing was in all three of the first gospels, as well as in one of Paul's letters.

My breath halting, I looked off and spoke without thinking: "How could this be? How could God incarnate, the son of God, have been so wrong?"

Stunned wasn't the word for it. This was incredible, unbelievable, yet there it was. I turned to Rona, my eyes not hiding my total disbelief, then whispered one word: "How?"

She was stumped for what to say, what to tell me, but after a while filled with our pregnant silence, she spoke.

"Honey, we've figured that there was no Exodus, at least not as they say, and we know that there is a big mix up in when it took place, and that neither of those times seems logical. We also know that people back then didn't read and write, and there were no books to read anyway, so everyone was illiterate save a few. Since they only farmed and tended their herds, they were ignorant of anything else other than how to stay alive with enough food and water.

"From that, I guess they just believed whatever their so-called betters told them, and it's beginning to look like they were fed a story for whatever reason. That's all I can think of. Maybe we can go from there, but it does look like it's just a bunch of stories that got out of hand."

I tried to process all Rona had just said, and though I did understand it–and it did seem to be right according to what we had read for ourselves–I was still incredulous, my mind wanting to go blank, but I couldn't deny what Rona had just said, or what we had read.

* * * *

Over the next few weeks, all that Rona had said might be was bearing out to be true, or as true as we could find out that it was. More, I found that I no longer believed any of what I had been taught about the bible, and that I was as a wholly new person, one that had been revealed to me by my love of Rona.

One night soon after, I told Rona about Sarah, the girl of my childhood that I always wanted to be near.

"I never understood it, and didn't even put it together when I admitted to myself that I was interested in girls instead of boys as most others were. There's no doubt that I was born to love women–a woman–you!"

"That's me too, but I didn't have to go through all that you went through to realize that," she said.

"Rona, honey, do you remember after I'd shaved my pussy's lips how you saw me as if caressing them in front of the mirror?"

She grinned. "How could I ever forget that. It wasn't just a sexy sight, there was something very beautiful about it, mystical even," she said as if remembering that day.

"I don't remember if I told you then, but I was suddenly seeing myself as if for the first time; as if I was new to me too–a new person that I didn't know but that I loved being. It was so strange, but I liked who I was seeing me become."

"I guess everything was so different for you, huh?" she said more than asked.

I could only nod in agreement, still not fully understanding it all.

* * * *

Not many weeks after that, I had enough money saved to buy Rona a ring, but how to tell her. I didn't want to seem pushy. What if she had changed her mind? I worried about it, and maybe too much, but then she saved me.

"When we do get married, how will it be, and do you want a nice big wedding cake?"

Not believing my good luck, I was still timid. "Do you still want to marry me?" I dared to ask.

"Sweetie, there's nothing in the world that I want more than to be married to you; to let the whole world know that the sweetest woman in the world loves me, and that I love her," she said with a passion in her voice that was new to me, different from the passion that was usually in her voice when we were in our throes.

"Any way we can be married quickly will be fine, and any cake will do. Oh, maybe a chocolate one? A very decadent chocolate cake?" I asked as my face went up in flames such as it never had before.

She grinned. "If that's what you want, then so do I, baby," she nearly whispered despite her just grinning before that.

As soon as we could, we went looking for rings, and it didn't take long to find those that we wanted, including engagement rings. We were like any pair of young lovers, and so happy.

That Friday, we were married, and by a lesbian preacher no less, but in a private ceremony. On the way home, we stopped to pick up our cake, giggling like school girls the whole time. Once home, off went our clothes, and our married life began, but oddly, it was as it had always been with us. Only our formal commitment had changed.

One other thing was unusual: we took turns taking some of the chocolate and putting it on each other's nipples and licking it off, but to make sure it was all off, we took our time sucking on each one.. Later we did the same to our clitorises. Needless to say, I was ecstatic, especially in how it all ended up. This was the new me and I loved the person I had become, the person Rona had shown me I could be, was born to be.

A couple of weeks later, I felt ready to face what must be faced, and that was to tell my parents that I was married to Rona. I wasn't looking forward to what I knew was in store for me, nor how much my mother would hurt, but it had to be done.

"You haven't asked me, or invited me along, but you know I'll go if you want me with you."

"No. This isn't something I would wish on anyone. I wouldn't even go, but it is my parents who raised me, so... Well, wish me luck."

After a long kiss, and hating to part from her for any reason, I did leave.

* * * *

"Hannah, why didn't you tell us you were coming?" my mother asked on seeing me, and gave me a quick hug and kiss.

My father did the same, then looked at me in wonder, probably because he had seen my face that was fairly set, or maybe looking glum at the prospect of what was to come. My sister Brenda was there too, though her husband wasn't.

"Mother, Father, I just wanted to stop by and let you know that I'm married now."

"Oh, goodness, why in the world didn't you tell us. Where is he? Who is he?" she shot out rapid fire, not giving me the slightest chance to get in another word.

Brenda quickly gave me a hug and kissed my cheek, a huge smile on her face. "I guess that's why you haven't come around, huh?"

She was happy for me, but I wondered if she would be in the next minute.

"So tell us, who is he, and what does he do? He's a Christian, right?" my mother peppered me as quickly as Brenda stopped.

"No, she's not a Christian, and her name is Rona," I said firmly, but quietly and awaited what was to come.

What came first was stunned silence, then confused looks, mostly by my mother, but Brenda was similar. My father? He looked furious, but didn't say a word.

"She?" my mother finally got out.

"Yes, mother. Rona," I added her name again.

"Ma–married?" she asked, the one word strangled with her disbelief.

I showed her my wedding band. I nodded knowing that it was about to come.

"Ha–Hannah, what iin the world got into you? Did you join a cult or something?""

I had no idea what made her ask that, but she did, and I shook my head. "No, Mother, no cult. We fell in love, and after some time, we married."

Her face began to twitch, her lips, and her facial skin tightened visibly. I'd never seen her face like it was just then.

"Is she the one you said you rented a room from?" she accused in a strident voice.

"No, I didn't say I rented from her, just that I was staying at her home. I'm sorry if you feel that I deceived you."

"How is it that Satan got to you?" she demanded harshly. "Where did you get an idea such as marrying another woman? Don't you know that you've condemned yourself to hell's eternal fires?"

"No, Mother, I don't think so," I whispered softly, but she heard me loud and clear.

"You don't think so! The bible says that you've sinned, that you're now an abomination to God, and you'll not be saved. You're as good as Satan's whore."

My head snapped back at her last words. It was what I had feared, why I didn't want Rona with me. It was getting to be time for me to leave, but first I had to correct her–I wasn't anyone's whore, but a woman who loved another woman enough to want to spend the rest of my life with her. Before I spoke, I tried to reign in my growing anger.

"I am no one's whore. Rona is a beautiful, caring, loving person who loves me as I love her."

"The bible says that you're both damned, both an abomination before God," she said in fast and certain anger.