Whispers From My Heart

"I'm sorry, and no, you're fine. I've just always loved to notice a woman's beauty ever since that was awakened in me. I really mean no offense, nor will I be a problem, but if my looking at you bothers you to where you're uncomfortable, please tell me," I said, needing to set her at ease.

"I believe you. I'm Velda Smith," she said, then laughed. "Yeah, Smith. There's lots of Smiths in Arkansas. My daddy used to read some private detective who had a secretary he thought he remembered as being named Velda and had me named after her. That was before he got saved and toed the line," she said with a smile.

I smiled at her telling about her name. "My name is Hannah Rogers-Hendrickson," I said, holding up my wedding band.

"Oh, married, but..." she let it hang.

"She died a little over a year ago. I only come here to look at all the women I never thought of looking at as a child or teenager, or even in college," I owned up to her as if it were natural to do so.

"So you just like looking at the rest of us?" she asked delicately.

I blushed. "That's true now that you mention it. Until I met my wife, and we fell in love, I had never seen or thought of looking at another woman. Anyway, she more than fascinated me, and I thought of how many times I might have looked, or wondered about looking, but the thought never came to mind. When we got together, I looked at her all the time, and she encouraged it. She liked me looking at her, and so did I."

"A part of that sounds kinda like me, in a way. My folks would die, or kill me, if they knew I liked women."

"Sounds like deep religion, or religious beliefs," I ventured.

"You too?" she wondered.

"Uh-huh. Very much so. When Rona, my wife, and I were married, I went to tell my parents. They pretty much disowned me if that's what turning their back on me is."

"Wow! That took some guts. I'm not sure I could do that. Mine would disown me too, and maybe more. They're big on going to church; they hold to the bible and no homosexuality, and I do mean none. They pushed the bible at me a lot. I was almost too scared to think about how I am, my loving to be with women. They expected me to get married to a God-fearing, church going man, but I couldn't. Hey, want to ask me to dance?" she suddenly said with a huge, inviting and friendly smile on her face.

I had to smile at her impishness feeling that she was so refreshing.

My dancing had improved under Rona's tutelage, but I thought maybe Velda might be disappointed because she was much better than I was. However, by the time we got to the dance floor, it was slow music, which helped immensely. She smiled a lot, we said little, but made cute faces at each other, her more than me. She was pretty gregarious and it went well with her openness. Gratefully, after we had a couple of dances, we mutually returned to the bar and chatted a little more until I thought I'd best take my leave.

At home, I thought of Velda more, sensed my growing enchantment with her, and prayed to Rona for her forgiveness if I was being unfaithful.

* * * *

I returned to the club the next weekend, and found she was already there. No sooner had I walked in than she saw me too, and came to greet me. Her greeting was very prolonged; in fact, she didn't leave.

"I hoped you'd return. I've thought of you all week, and couldn't wait to talk to you again."

"What do you think you liked talking about the most?" I toyed with her a little.

"Everything. It's like I know that you understand me, that we have a connection."

"What about all the others you've met and talked to? You did seem to enjoy being with most of them, if not all."

"I did, I think. It's nice to know you're around people that you have a lot in common with, and maybe some of them have more in common with me, but you made me feel connected right away. Maybe because of the religion thing; I don't know, just maybe. Is it okay with you though?"

"Yes, Velda, it's fine with me. I enjoyed our conversation too."

As we continued talking–and yes, a small part of it was about religion–but I noticed that that part really spoke to her person, held her interest as if she wanted more of it. In time, I thought I should leave though, but she wouldn't have it if possible.

"Come to my place, Hannah. We don't have to do anything, but I just want to talk some more with you. Will you come? Please?"

With her range of cute faces to make, she dug deeper into her bag and came up with a new one that was charming to say the least. I couldn't help but smile.

"Sure, that might be nice. I'll follow you, okay?"

"Yes. There's plenty of parking, and it's not a bad area."

* * * *

Where she lived was a quiet area, and we did talk about religion. I went into more detail about it, how it affected me, tore me apart, that is.

"So that's what made you stare at me, at women, that is?"

"Sort of," I laughed. "Rona opened up a whole new world to me. It was as if magic fairy dust had been sprinkled on me and I was transported to another world. I don't know why, but it gripped me and never let go."

"Wow! That's not how it happened to me, but then I haven't been with a girl yet."

"No? I'm surprised."

"It's a small community, or town, that is. Almost everyone knows everyone else, and the preachers preach about hell and damnation all the time, and that devil whiskey they call moonshine. Anyway, it seems that hell and the fires are a big thing because of homosexuals, he says, and everyone agrees with him, or they act like it. I had to get out and find out for myself, and I couldn't do it there."

"And so far no one has tempted you enough to explore your inner person yet?"

"Well, not exactly. To be honest, I wondered about you. You're pretty as can be, and you're honest too. When I say honest, it's like there's no room for playing games with you. The only thing odd about you is how you stare, but you don't seem to mind what people think if they don't object, and some of the others know some about you and they don't mind you looking."

"If you're wanting to explore your inner lesbianism, maybe you should find someone that's experienced. For me, Rona was experienced and taught me all I know, though we never talked about it, about her and how she knew what to do. It was just obvious, and I was crazy about her already."

"Don't you miss being with someone, Hannah? I mean..." she stammered unintelligibly and never said as she thought to.

"I guess I do, but it's like I'm still lost in my make-believe place with Rona. We were as happy as two people can be, and it's like I can't forget."

"Religion doesn't bother you any now though?"

"No. It did for the longest time, even after Rona and I got together, but she helped me to learn the truth of it all, or most of it anyway. I'm very comfortable with myself now save that Rona's gone."

We talked more about religion, but then I realized it was getting late.

"Velda, it's getting late and I should be going."

"No. Please. I talked to a lot of others, but not like with you. Stay–I promise, I won't try anything. Oh, I said that already, huh?"

I grinned. "Yes you did, and I believe you."

"Maybe you can stay the night? I've got some clean night shirts, or pajamas if you prefer."

"No, I don't think that would be wise just now."

"Does that mean you think you'd like to some time?" she asked with one of her cutesy faces.

That flustered me, and I was momentarily at a loss for words. As gorgeous as she was, if I had really thought about it, I'd probably have had to admit that I would want to be with her, or at least find out how it might be, but that wasn't in my mind that I knew of. She bailed me out.

"Will you just stay with me in bed, our clothes on 'cept our shoes, that is, if I promise again that I won't try anything?"

What madness overcame me at the moment, I didn't know, but she caught me in what must have been a moment of weakness.

"Okay, as long as you stay true to your word."

She literally clapped like a little girl about to open up some Christmas presents and expecting to get exactly what she wished for.

Just as she said, we were in bed with our shoes off, and all the covers under us. I'd say that we talked up a storm, but it was Velda who did just about all the talking.

* * * *

Before I knew it, I woke up and we were holding each other. I pulled away as fast and quietly as I could.

"It was nice having you hold me," I heard her sleepy voice. "I hope you don't mind that I didn't tell you that you were holding me. I think you had a sweet dream too, but I couldn't make out what you were saying. I told myself that it had to be nice though. Real nice," she emphasized.

I knew my face had gone up like stoked embers.

"I'm sorry," I mumbled. "I think I should go."

"Are you mad at me?" she asked plaintively.

"No, I'm not mad, just..." I couldn't finish, at least not so early in the morning.

"Then stay and let's make some coffee and have something to eat, okay? I mean, it's been a while since I had anyone to eat with," she pleaded in one of her special ways.

The fight I had with myself was a short one, and a bit of common sense and decency won out, or I told myself it did.

"Yes, that'd be fine," I said clumsily.

It was fine. I'd not had anyone to eat with since Rona left, and to be honest, it felt good. Aside from that, Velda did all she could to not say anything that might make me uncomfortable, at least not until I was about to leave.

"Can I call you?"

When I hesitated, she began to look sad, and it wasn't one of her many faces, it was genuine.

"Will you be at the club next weekend maybe," she asked hoping I wouldn't disappoint her.

"Yes, most likely, that is. I usually do go there now."

"You like to look at the girls, huh?" she asked, but not in a complaining way.

I blushed again, and hoped it wouldn't become a habit with me. I just nodded. As I was about to go, we both spontaneously reached for and hugged each other, and kissed our cheeks.

"I did enjoy talking to you," I told her.

"Me too, but I guess you know that, huh?"

I smiled and felt good as I left. Velda was giving me a lot to think about.

Chapter 14

There was no doubt that I was more than attracted to Velda. How could I not be, she was so gorgeous in a little girl, but very sexy way. She had all of those valuable kittenish faces that were at her command, but I knew instinctively that there was a very troubled girl inside of her. Religion had been drummed into her body and soul, if indeed we have a soul. Nonetheless, her mind and heart were at war with what she had been taught, and it was a mighty war that raged within her.

Over the following weeks, I was drawn to the club, but to see Velda, and she was always there, apparently always awaiting my arrival. She would smile at me in a very private way, a way that told me I was the one she was waiting for. My heart would throb and whisper something continually to me, pushing me into her orb.

We'd talk about things that weren't important, smile, gaze into each other's eyes, and I'd get lost in that deep greenness. She was pulling me in, and at the same time, when we'd invariably leave to go to her place, and wind up on her bed, I'd learn more about the devils she was harboring in her. They were more than formidable, worst that mine had ever been, and mine had been horrific, albeit unknown to me until I met Rona.

Velda had been openly living with hers since a very early age for she quickly understood what her mind and heart were telling her. There had been no quiet, unheard whispers within her–her inner world was constantly shouting at her, pushing her to explore, to be with other girls, and in the most intimate way.

Finally, though she'd always been true to her word and not trying to seduce me, or tempt me too much, what we both knew began to crop up. She had been crying.

"I so want to know what I feel so strongly, but something in me keeps me from it. The terrors I've been taught that await me if I give in keep gripping me, tightening my stomach into knots, and I don't know what to do."

"How was it, really, then that you were able to leave and come to try to find out about how you sense that you are?"

"I don't know. Honestly, I don't know. I'd thought about it many times, especially as I grew older, but it always just died in me. Then one day, I just left. I didn't tell anyone, and I think I consciously didn't even tell myself. I just did it; I left. Maybe it was that I knew that I'd saved enough money to be on my own for a while, and then I was able to find a job right away, and somehow my thoughts were blocked out, were kept from trying to tell me about how I was destroying myself."

"Velda, you're always so happy acting and looking in the club," I said, wanting to say more, to ask about it.

"Yeah, that's true, and I felt happy as long as I didn't have to think, but when I'd leave and come to bed, it would all hit me, tear at me. Those visions of hell, of its fires, and all kinds of horrible, faceless devils tormenting me endlessly would hit me and I'd sense myself wanting to go home again and repent of my sinful self, but when I talk to you, I don't see any sins, anything wrong with you, and it makes me wonder more about myself–to hope I guess. Hannah, something in me tells me that it's not wrong, that it's right, and beautiful just as you are. I know what you've told me, and shown me too, isn't wrong, but it still won't go away, won't stop troubling me."

So hard had her crying started that before I knew it, she was on my breast and I was holding her tightly to me, and caressing her everywhere my hands could touch her, as well as kissing her head many times. This was the contact she'd said she wouldn't try to push on me, but it just happened. Which of us had initiated it made no difference, she was in need as I had been, though not nearly as badly as Velda was needing.

* * * *

When we woke up the next morning, she was still on my breast, and I still held her to me tightly. I knew it wouldn't be long now until we both did as we knew we would, and it both troubled me and excited me.

"I'm sorry," she quietly said with her head bowed down as we parted and left the bed.

"Don't be. You needed to be held, and it was sweet holding you," I unabashedly admitted.

"Was it, Hannah? Really?"

"Yes it was. I just hope it doesn't add to your problems."

"Probably, but I quickly began to feel so peaceful. Warm too, an–and happy, you felt so good."

Not wanting to promote anything that would trouble her mind, I was quiet, but then the quiet lasted too long.

"Think you have something we can have for breakfast?" I asked to change the mood, or direct it before it got out of hand.

She nodded, and we went to her kitchen. She quickly decided on some eggs and bacon with toast. Coffee was also made, and I was helping her. As we moved about, we kept bumping into each other. Every touching was electric, and I sensed that it might not be long before the inevitable happened. She knew it too, but if anything, she seemed to be promoting it as best she could without being obvious.

When we had finished eating, and were cleaning up, then washing the dishes, our proximity was too great. When we had turned toward each other, and our eyes met, it was as if there was a strong pull of gravity between our gazes that grew exponentially, drawing us together until our lips were nearly touching.

"Don't if you don't really want to, or if it will trouble you later," I heard myself warning her.

"I don't care," she whispered, her warm breath felt by my lips which closed on hers as soon as her last word was out.

The kiss was sweet as could be, my need just about as strong as hers, though for some different reasons. In the bedroom, she was nervous, but wanting. Her breasts were heaving as mine were, and she showed no reticence about taking her clothes off just I was doing. In a flash, we were before each other's eyes and surveying what we desired.

As I had with Rona, so was I with Velda, my eyes taking her all in in the light of day where nothing was hidden or obscured. She was as lovely naked as I had imagined she might be, if not more so. When I beheld her vagina, I was enthralled–it wasn't shorn as mine was, but it stunned me with its beauty. She was covered with a flaming bush that had me thinking of it as the home of our Goddess showing me where to worship at her temple.

I felt no compunction at the sudden thought that came unbidden to me, no worrying that I might be thought of being blasphemous. Religion had no hold on me as it had in the past.

I knelt before her, and stared at her glory, then bent to kiss that gorgeous bush, sensing that I might be burned by it. It appeared like a burning bush, but it was as a warm invitation for me to enter into it as best I could, and my fingers parted her hairs so my lips could drink of the love she had to offer.

"Oh, god," I whispered then moaned as I licked between her lovely lips and tasted of her sweetness.

Her hands came down to my head and held it gently to her as she groaned quietly in delight at my sudden intrusion. I felt her body quiver, then her legs spread. Luckily her back was near to a wall, and she leaned slightly back, and somehow knew to give me more access. She lifted a leg over my shoulder, and I took as much advantage as I could, and licked as deeply into her pussy as I could, and swept my tongue slowly up hoping to find her clitoris at the end.

It was more than just there–her clitoris was fairly large, surprising me for the rest of her being so slender, and my touching of it with my tongue sent her into spasms of sheer sexual joys. Her hips jerked quickly back and forth at feeling the sensations that had to be jarring her whole body. I thought that I could sense those lightning like bolts flashing through her, the shards of pleasure stinging every sexual nerve so beautifully and spreading throughout her body.

At last, she quivered again, but powerfully so that she thrust her hips at me, and pulled my head into her and tried to hold me there for a long moment as she liberally flowed onto my tongue and into my mouth. The heat my body was feeling was known to me, and very welcomed as my remembrances added to my present enjoyment of her pussy and her love.

I didn't dare to lick again for I knew just how sensitive that lovely button of pleasure was, but I didn't want to leave her so I held her with my cheek against her wet pussy hairs. Fleetingly, and oddly, I thought of how wonderful she would feel to me if she was shaved, but in an instant, I knew I didn't want to not be able to see her hair surrounding her pussy's lips, it was so erotic and beautiful looking. Then I looked up and saw tears in her eyes, but they weren't tears of worry or sadness. I knew they were tears of joy. I'd had those before too.

At last I kissed her pussy again, and got up.

"That was so exquisitely sweet," she whispered slowly as her face drew near to mine, then she kissed me softly, her lips not leaving mine anytime soon. "I love you, Hannah. God, I love you."

Somehow we were in bed again, and she was at my bared breast, kissing it over and over until she finally took my nipple and sucked on it lovingly sending sensations of desire through my whole body, but centering in my pussy that I felt was flooding the bed.

"I saw how naked you are, and I wanted to go down on you, but you beat me to it. Maybe now I can," she said, her hand suddenly on it and between my lips that were drenching her hand I was sure.

It had for she lifted her hand to her mouth and licked my love up, and closed her eyes as she savored my love with a soft , deep moan of sexual pleasure. In a rush after that taste, she was at my pussy licking like a wild woman one moment, then slowly, treating each drop of my love as a delicacy, her eyes closed as she moaned in sheer delight. I was moaning too for she was sending those magnificent feelings hurtling through every nerve of my body and each was exploding in my brain giving me the sense of sexual nirvana that flooded my whole body and consumed my mind.