Who is Laughing Now

I've heard that I have a reputation for one of the seven archetypes (Overcoming the Monster, Rags to Riches, The Quest, Voyage and Return, Comedy, Tragedy, and Rebirth). As I'll admit to being easily distracted, so this story stumbles across a few of those.

Winter Holidays Story Contest 2022

Alan Jackson; Mark Irwin: "But here in the real world, it's not that easy at all. 'Cause when hearts get broken, it's real tears that fall."

= = = =

Austin, Tyne's boss, loves to be the center of attention. We were at a Sunday night party in his home. With a little alcohol absorbed he shows his true colors. He's about as homophobic as one can get as well as being a sexist, racist, and thinks his religious beliefs are the only ones that matter. I've never taken a shine to Austin, nor he to me.

His house was decorated for the holidays. Way over the top both inside and out. I can't imagine his neighbors are all that thrilled with the gawkers driving by from dusk to midnight.

There were Christmas trees in every room and Mistletoe hanging from every room passage. I'd already kissed Tyne under a few of them.

Having watched the football game I was waiting in dread for the awarding of the quarterly awards. Tyne believed she'd get one of them, which is why I had my fingers crossed hoping that the night would fly by so we could get home and celebrate naked.

There were several card tables set up to accommodate the throng of guests. With the company elite gathered at Austin's dining room table all of the peons were sitting in the folding chairs. Dinner was buffet style. After dinner dessert and drinks were disappearing quickly.

Austin was being his normal anal-retentive jerk. I was a taken aback when he pointed my way and spouted "Now, Ricky over there, he had to marry outside of the family."

Everyone around the living room got a big kick out of that, even my wife Tyne. What the fuck is this? I was simmering under the surface.

"Yeah, by the time he finished high school, at what, around your twenty third birthday Ricky? Well by then, all of his cousins were married or pregnant."

That had everybody howling with laughter, and very damaging to our marriage, so was Tyne. I remained stoic not even giving him the courtesy of a response positive or negative.

"When he attends family reunions, they think that he's still on the prowl and that Tyne must be his parole officer."

The laughter rocked the house. Not once did Tyne look my way, but her laughter rang out as she hung on his every word.

As the room died down I spoke "Now Austin, I remember you saying something about growing up on a farm. We all know what that means. You lost your virginity out in a field of sheep with your jeans around your ankles."

Tyne shrieked "RICKY!"

"Yes indeed, those counting sheep commercials probably make you want to get up and chase after them!"

"Please stop Ricky" as Tyne tried a different approach.

It was deathly quiet "And your lovely bride, I bet her curly hair reminds you of your favorite farm animals. Does she get you to cum quicker by going 'baaaa, baaaa, baaaa'?"

"RICKY, ENOUGH!" from one terrified Tyne.

"GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HOUSE ASSHOLE!" as Austin stood up pointing to the door.

I downed my near empty beer bottle, flipped him off, and left alone.

Heading out the front door, I never looked back. My phone was powered off before I reached the car. It took less than an hour to pack up what little I wanted to keep. I left my wedding band and our ripped up wedding certificate on the kitchen table. Although I wasn't interested in keeping them, I took all of the photo albums I could find. They ended up in the dumpster behind the motel where I spent the first night.

I'd survived parties at Austin's home previously but his alcohol fueled belittlement of me Sunday night was the last straw. Although I had no proof, I believed Tyne was having an affair with the man. Her refusal to stand up against him was enough to end our marriage. If her job meant more to her than my respect, then she can have him and her job. Life is too short to waste it with people like that.

+ + + +

The advent of online banking made it easy to open new accounts, in my name only. Time wasn't on my side. I needed to capture my half of the assets before Tyne realized we were through. Fuck it! I took it all. Let her figure out how to get it back from me. This is war. So what if they make me return it.

When I woke up Monday morning I was confused, but quickly realized where and why I was here. I checked out of the motel and arrived at work at my normal time. My phone was still taking a snooze. One of my friends at work did a quick scan of the parking lot for me at the end of the work day. A woman seemed to be waiting for someone. She was parked on the street and appeared to be interested in the cars in our parking lot.

Since my expense reports were due by Friday, I stayed until 9 Pm working on them. There wasn't much I could do about it now if Tyne was still there. She was. As I approached my car, Tyne cut me off before I reached it.

"What brings you out here at this time of day Tyne?"

"Cut the crap Ricky. My credit card was denied and the checking account is empty. And you ruined our wedding certificate. Here, put your wedding ring back on."

"The savings account, don't forget I emptied that one too. Keep the ring."

"You can't stand a little kidding? You poor thin-skinned child."

"Fuck you. Or better yet, go back to fucking Austin! I'm done with you."

"Over what? Because I was laughing at my boss's jokes?"

"If that's what you want to believe, sure, that's it."

"I don't understand what the big deal is."

"And that describes perfectly why I've left you. Now, unless you want to get sprayed with mosquito repellant, get the fuck out of my way."

"You wouldn't!"

She didn't. I did. Tyne retreated towards her car.

"WHAT IN THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" was screamed at me as I pulled up next to her.

"What's wrong with me? I had a wife who chose to laugh AT me, not with me. If I had a wife who loved me, she would have stood up and said 'Fuck you Austin. I quit! How dare you insult my husband like that. Come on Ricky, let's get out of this stink hole.'"

Unlike her normal quick wit, Tyne stared at me without speaking. I drove off.

After booking a week at an extended stay place, I tried a cafe I'd driven by every day, but never stopped at. It was more than good.

+ + + +

On Tuesday, Tyne's approach changed. A note was tucked under my windshield.

'Ricky, I'm sorry. I should have stood up for you in front of my boss. Please come home. I LOVE YOU! Tyne'

Not having my phone powered on wasn't as stressful as I thought it would be. Checking for messages and emails every few minutes had been replaced with listening to the demons in my head. Without a phone powered on it was easy to not contact Tyne. Sure, I could drive home, but that wasn't going to happen.

When I left work on Wednesday, Mr. Asshole himself was waiting for me.

"Ricky, I'd like to apologize. I was just being silly."

I mosquito sprayed him back to his car. Mental note, buy more mosquito spray.

"YOU MISERABLE SHITHEAD! BY THE WAY, I'M FUCKING YOUR WIFE! YOU'RE A CUCKOLD!"

Suspicions confirmed. Too bad I didn't have that recorded. I bet his wife would love to hear that confession.

Thursday brought Tyne back. She was dressed up more than what was appropriate for a weekday work day.

"Ricky, please come home."

"Dressed like that it looks like you were the company whore today."

"Ricky, I dressed like this for you."

"I doubt that. Is Austin sharing you with others now? You do know he bragged about fucking you?"

"If he did he was lying. I've been faithful to you."

"I doubt that too. I don't know you anymore. I don't like you anymore. Add it all up, I don't love you anymore. This was a five year mistake."

"Don't say that Ricky. I have been true to you, and I still love you. Can I show you a video?"

"I guess."

Tyne walked towards me, while playing with her phone. She stopped a foot away and held up her phone. It was taken by someone other than Tyne. The video focused on Tyne.

'Thanks everybody for taking a minute out of your work day. On Sunday night I did something foolish. Something that might cost me my marriage. Many of you were there. So today, I'd like to say FUCK YOU AUSTIN! I QUIT! HOW DARE YOU INSULT MY HUSBAND LIKE THAT.'

The video followed Tyne over to Austin. She flipped him off, spit in his face, and then turned and walked away.

"You'll notice I've changed clothes. I went home after lunch and changed into this. I want you to come home."

"He says he fucked you."

"That's bullshit. He may have wanted to, but I believe in my vows, and you're going to have to decide who to believe."

"Well, a co-worker of mine happened to capture it. Shortly after I sprayed Austin, he turned his camera on. Watch this video?"

The video showed me walking away from Austin, who by then was leaning on his car rubbing his eyes. It clearly picked up Austin telling me I was a cuckold.

"Ricky, it's not true. Burn the bastard. Send it to his wife. I've got her email address. What can I do to prove it to you? Ask anyone for proof. There won't be any. I'll gladly take a polygraph test. When did this supposedly happen? Help me out Ricky. I don't want to lose you over a false accusation. I know I owe you big time for my conduct Sunday night, but there's never been any infidelity on my part."

"As much as I'd like to, I've been wondering why he chose me to belittle. Is that what you two do when you're alone together? Make a mockery of me?"

Tyne was fighting through the tears "I haven't been with him. I don't know why he was picking on you."

Tyne was gasping for air as she cried. Part of me wanted to hug her. I loved her enough to marry her. What if the asswipe just wanted to get back at me for embarrassing him? Those emotions were colliding with the 'What did you expect her to say?' emotions.

"I still need some time away Tyne. I'm paid up for the week at my hotel. Give me some space."

There were many tears working their way down Tyne's cheek "Please come home Ricky. I love you. Can you still say you love me?"

"I do love you Tyne. I just don't like you right now."

Tyne looked like she was about to lose it. I opened my arms and she smashed into me.

"Would you like to go out for dinner?"

"I'd love to Ricky."

"There's a cafe over off of Third and Sossa. Meet me there."

Dinner was somewhat awkward. Tyne tried to act as if nothing was wrong. I was dealing with a million what if questions. When it was time to leave, I kissed Tyne on the forehead, which caused her eyes to mist.

"Ricky, please don't seek comfort from anyone else. You don't need revenge as I've always been faithful. I love you. Goodnight."

"I love you too Tyne. Drive safely."

+ + + +

Once back in my room, I forwarded the video, of Austin claiming I'm a cuckold, to Tyne asking her to forward it to Austin's wife. Not surprisingly Mr. Asshole was waiting for me after work on Friday. Unbeknown to Austin, security had been alerted and was parked near my car.

As I entered the parking lot Austin made a beeline towards me "YOU MISSERABLE SHIT! I OUGHT TO KILL YOU!"

Thankfully it was only pepper spray that Austin was firing at me. While I was rubbing my eyes he kicked me in the nuts. Thankfully it wasn't a solid shot but I went down none the less. He got it one more good kick before he was tackled by two security guards. The police were summoned. Not only was he charged with assault, but also his threat to kill me. The security guards had it all on video.

Tyne left several messages begging me to forgive her, but I still needed time. That frick'n pepper spray really lingers and I ended up just tossing those clothes in a dumpster out back of the hotel. I was glad it was Friday night as the only other clothes I had weren't suitable for work were dirty and I really didn't want to drop by our house and deal with Tyne.

Monday morning I checked out of the hotel with every intention of returning to my house. However, waiting for me after work were a couple of guys.

"Mr. Williams, might we have a minute of your time?"

I really hadn't caught which one spoke but I turned to them "Who are you and why would I want to talk to you?"

The shorter and I'm guessing older of the two spoke "My name is Eric Brody. I've taken over for Austin for the time being. This is James Sanger who is from our corporate legal office. Your wife resigned last week and we'd really like her to reconsider. Our attempts to communicate with her have been stonewalled. We were hoping you could shed some light on what brought us to this point."

Sitting on the hood of my car I gave a recap of the previous week. I may have glossed over my spraying of Austin turning it into a self-defense response. That's what I'd told the police last Friday. He had no proof and my friend's video picked up after Austin was on the ground cursing.

Sanger tried his courtroom posturing "Look Mr. Williams. Your wife is certainly not without fault in all of this but regardless of her work behavior we very much want her back onboard. She's been the team leader on a lucrative project whose deadline is fast approaching. Can you try to convince her to return?"

"What do you mean her work behavior?"

The two men looked at each other as if one had farted.

Sanger tried to save face "Well, it is well known around the office that she and Austin were overly friendly with each other. We have no proof that they ever violated company policy which only covers their time together during working hours. Our investigation stopped as soon as they left the workplace."

If he was trying to help he certainly failed.

"Listen James. Unless you are willing to share your investigation with me, I have no further comment."

Brody looked anxious "As much as we'd like to Ricky, those are considered proprietary and employee privacy laws prevents that from happening."

"Then I guess you better get on the phone with Tyne and beg a little harder. Good day gentlemen."

Driving away I was more confused than ever. My initial suspicion that there was something going on between Austin and Tyne was glowing hot around the edges. Instead of going home I drove over to a sports bar and called Tyne from the parking lot.

"Ricky! When are you coming home?"

"Well that depends on you. I talked to your company's legal rep a few minutes ago. He insinuated that your office friends threw you under the bus about you and Austin not acting professionally. Care to comment?"

"Ricky, I have always been faithful to you!"

"Let me ask it another way then. Would everything you've done with him have been done with him if your mother was standing next to you?"

The pause answered for her. Tyne repeated "I've always been faithful to you."

"Just not honest. Here I gave you a chance to come clean and you didn't" as I red-buttoned the call.

Tyne called back immediately. I answered with "NOT NOW!"

My phone was powered off quickly then I drove back to the extended stay place. Stopping along the way to pick up some new clothes to wear I pondered if this was going to be my new existence. A burner phone was one of my purchases.

Rather than get ambushed after work, I went in at 4 Am and left at 1 Pm. My boss was fine with that and even suggested that I could work remotely a few days per week. Those that needed to get in touch with me now had my burner number.

My nights were spent feeling sorry for myself and emptying my text, email, and voicemail inboxes. Yes it sounded like Tyne was hurting, but she obviously wasn't completely honest with me.

+ + + +

My time away from Tyne was painful. She seemed sincere about the 'not cheating' but something had been brewing. Sooner or later I was going to have to talk with her.

Around my 1 Pm quitting time I was called to the front desk.

"Are you Ricky Williams?" from a casually dressed woman.

"Yes. What can I do for you?"

"I'm here to deliver this envelope to you. Have a good day."

Taking it out to my car I pondered if Tyne had filed for divorce. I was dead wrong. Inside was the result of a lie detector test and a signed post-nuptial agreement. Line by line I checked out the polygraph results. I went online to see if this was a legitimate testing company. It appeared to be.

'Have you had sex of any kind with anyone other than your husband since becoming exclusive?' NO - honest

'Have you had an emotional affair during that same time?' YES - honest

'Only one person?' YES - honest

'Did you have lunches which your husband would not have approved?' YES - honest

'Did you receive gifts which you should have declined?' YES - honest

'Is it still ongoing?' NO - honest

'Do you love your husband?' YES - honest

There were lots of other baseline questions but I had my suspicions confirmed. Now what?

I turned my original phone back on and invited Tyne, via text, to dinner at the cafe. Her response was a quick 'YES'.

Since dressing up for me had backfired the last time, Tyne showed up in jeans and a sweatshirt.

"Sorry I'm late. Traffic was a bitch tonight."

"No problem. I didn't think you'd ghost me."

"You got that right. So did you get my package?"

"I did. Kind of a good news bad news thing."

"And for that I apologize. I was stupid and although you don't have to believe a thing I say, it was never going to end with my having sex with him."

"Whatever. Part of being married is having the fortitude to tell someone, in no uncertain terms, that you are married and to keep it professional."

With misting eyes "I know. I let you down. I let myself down. Please tell me that we still have a chance."

"Are you still working with Austin?"

"No, he was transferred. The corporate big-wigs lured me back to work with a raise in pay."

"So you got your eye on someone new then?"

"I guess I deserve that. You have my word that I will be the ice-queen with men from now until forever if you'd just come home."

"If I find out something that you've failed to disclose about an indiscretion I will divorce you."

"Read the post-nuptial. It's all spelled out in there. If you find anything, I'm toast. I know you won't because there's nothing to find. So will you come home?"

I reached across and squeezed Tyne's hand. She began tearing up before I whispered "Yes."

+ + + +

Epilogue:

We celebrated the twelve days of Christmas with more vigor than ever before. Her naughty Santa's helper outfit gets me rock hard in an instant. Her blowjob skills get me off rather quickly as well. Santa's sleigh has never been ridden harder.

Tyne taped back together our wedding certificate and it sits on her dresser in a frame as a reminder of how close things came to ending. Her mother helped her reconstruct most of the pictures I'd pitched.

Corporate gave Tyne a bonus to settle any issues she might have had with Austin's conduct. We might have been in his home but awarding the quarterly bonuses blurred that legal line. They felt it was better to close the issue rather than risk a suit. She's still a team leader.

Every time Tyne finds a picture of sheep we print it out and mail it to Austin at his new job location, anonymously of course. We've heard from others that Austin has had a few sheep stuffed animals left on his desk.