All Comments on 'Who is the Divorce Party for'

she does it and he doenst divorce her

OK dont do this second thing or I'll divorce you

she does it and he doenst divorce her

OK dont do this third thing or I'll divorce you

she does it and he doenst divorce her

OK dont do this forth thing or I'll divorce you

A low grade cuck is still a cuck

I'll buy the guy a drink anytime, he is a no nonsense man.

Congrats on publishing your second story. It takes balls to step up to the plate and take a swing.

Would you mind if I offered a bit of advice? Download Grammarly. They have both a free and a pay version. It works with MS Word, Google Docs and other programs and will help you greatly with grammar, tense, plurals, possessives and other issues.

When writing your story, you may want to stop and question whether a normal person would ever consider behaving like your character is. The wife was an imbecile. It was very difficult to believe that anyone would behave the way that she did. There is a temptation to have characters do something stupid if it moves the story along. Don't fall into that trap.

Good luck and I look forward to reading your third story.

Could I suggest that if you make changes after the editor has finished, you send the story back for editing again? There were errors in grammar, spelling, punctuation and switches in who was narrating that weren't always identified as such.

Despite having a preference for btb stories, I didn't mind the story otherwise.

There were a few spell check gremlins but I’m not one of those who knit picks the story to death and then miss the whole point. Just my humble opinion, I think he should have separated from her for awhile instead of divorce right away. and see how she reacts. Couple of months on her own might tell the story. Does she become a party girl or become the woman he married again. Interesting take. 4 stars.

He has anger issues. She is stupid. No trust so why try and stay? They will be miserable.

There were quite a few little errors in spelling, wrong word use (defiantly vs. definitely), etc, but they didn't ruin the story that much. Overall a decent short story, but I suggest that if you make a bunch of changes after the edits, send it back to the editor for a second look.

You tried to tell the story in first person with two POVs. That doesn't work. Then you switched tenses. You used past and present tense off and on. That doesn't work. Then you mixed in third person with two first person POVs in a conversation that was a mess. You tried to pluralize the word wife, so you made it possessive instead, with "wife's" rather than "wives." You used defiantly when you intended definitely. You have a story to tell but don't quite know how. Find a reliable editor and then trust them. The editor you used here simply doesn't cut it.

Dull. Boring. Wrong category. Try again. Someplace else.

This was edited? There were FAR to many errors to be blamed on post-edit changes

Alternating POV is NOT good, and you even messed that up! On page 2, you switched to Gail's POV without labeling it.

Several times you used present tense even though the story took place in the past.

The back story was mercifully brief, but was STILL too long. All you needed was something like: "I hate cheaters. My mother cheated on my father, destroyed our family and drove him to an early grave."

You could benefit from an editor or beta reader. You should also use Grammarly. It is free-ish. Switching who is the narrator (pov) so often was bad. In this story, a neutral, third party narrator would probably have been better.

Thank you for not making Gail a slut and for the MC getting help. He was broken.

KB

You had the germ of an idea, but clearly lack the writing, spelling, editing, or punctuation skills to weave it into a readable story. Too bad. Don't give up your day job, Sam.

The ending feels a little rushed. There's more to this story. I'd love to read more on their relationship after the party. What happened with Gil. How things progress.

Yeah some serious problems but you tried. It takes guts to put yourself out there and a lot of the ways who roasted you, even those with valid concerns have uneven written a darn thing except their name. Good idea but next time get an editor but don't stop writing if you really enjoy it.

Regards,

C

not at the story but at all of us commenters. Sam, congrats on a second story. The reason I have to laugh is because a person over 60 starting to write is amazing. For all the commenters under 60 that know so much gets a second laugh. The fact that you tried is all that needs to be noted. If you were a contributor to this site for say 10 years and screwed up then, yeah get an editor but your not. To all the Anony's that complain, you try it, or better yet try getting an editor to spell check your comments.

Thank you Sam for your efforts.

I did enjoy the overall story but it was a bit choppy.

You really need to get an editor to fix some of the mistakes and maybe help it flow a bit better.

I like the overall plot but it needed to be fleshed out a bit more as well

Keep trying you will get there. I gave it a 4.

First let me congratulate you on your courage to post in LW. Second ignore most anonymous comments. Third I agree with the many authors below (most multiple story authors) that more editing was needed. The below authors gave really good insight and advice - especially if I ever get the time and incentive to publish here. Overall you did good and the editing issues did not prevent me from being able to read. It was more a quality of reading. Good story idea and characters were well created.

I do encourage you to keep writing and I will keep reading.

First let me congratulate you on your courage to post in LW. Second ignore most anonymous comments. Third I agree with the many authors below (most multiple story authors) that more editing was needed. The below authors gave really good insight and advice - especially if I ever get the time and incentive to publish here. Overall you did good and the editing issues did not prevent me from being able to read. It was more a quality of reading. Good story idea and characters were well created.

I do encourage you to keep writing and I will keep reading.

Good idea, good story. All the authors have told you exactly what you need to work on to get better. Both of your stories had good ideas, so keep working. You are already better than 75% of the stories posted the last five days.

Damn WiFi went down as I was getting to page 2....NOOOOOO!!! I was dying to find out what happened. Anyway, great story. Enjoyed it a lot.

If they had anything worth saying they would at least identify themselves.

Good story, I do agree that an editor helps.

🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟

The wife Gail should have proceeded with the divorce and cleaned the dumb twisted cunt of a husband out. Plus what he did with the cameras in another person’s house was illegal. The cunt should have went to jail. One star rubbish

Smooth your transitions a little. Your doing just fine. Im like you, I have a bunch of stories written but need an editor and a stiff drink for all the negative comments. Keep up the good work. Hope to join you here soon. And yes im 60.

The premise was good, the story enjoyable. I gave you five stars.

Sam, hold your head up, Buddy; you put out a creditable beginner's story. You got a lot of good advice, study it and try not to make the same mistakes again.

BTW, everybody seems to advise getting an editor--and it ain't a bad idea, but I wish you more luck than I had when I started posting here--I never did find one who even answered my request, so I said, "The hell with it!" and studied everything I could get my hands on, including the writer's resources here on LIT. Yeah, I still make mistakes but not nearly as many as I used to, so WTF!

Did you notice that almost all the hateful comments came from people who don't seem to understand how to register a user name--or maybe they just can't stand the idea of us being able to address their stupid comments.

Good Luck! cd

Two things about writing. The story and the grammar. You need some help on number two. There are editors here that will go over your piece before it posts and correct it for you. Your story was interesting, and will please all the guys who come here to read about women cheating. Yours was original in that the woman didn't even cheat and almost got divorced. Interesting to say the least.

It is how you get better.The story wasn't bad in terms of plot, I thought it was a good touch that Bill figures out he has old wounds that almost made him do something stupid.He had a right to be angry with Gail but ultimately she made the right decision ,she didn't cheat and she admitted why she covered for Gail.

One suggestion,don't try to write in the first person until you have more experience,it can be hard to write multi person point of view and have it flow,the third person omniscient narrator is easier. One thing I do when writing is to read it to myself aloud,to see if it all flows and seems right,that often helps me w grammar and usage issues as well as flow.

but when his wife lied to him, his anger is not the issue. putting any of this on him is a miss.

The story wasn't bad but the locks on the door were illegal. You just can’t do that as the police will arrest you. I’m glad they work it out with a baby no less ,he would be paying for 18 to 21 years if they divorced.

But your grammar is horrible. My favorite was swapping "farther" for Father. Funny! Punctuation is also not your friend. As far as the story goes, Bill is a complete, controlling asshole. Gail should have accepted their divorce, taken her daughter and moved far, far away. Who could live with his attitude and manipulative manners? She'd get custody, alimony, child support and a lot more when the Judge finds out what Bill was doing. You do realize he has no legal standing to lock her out of her house, right? Find a decent editor and try again.

2 stars

If you are going to write and post stories online it is important to use the right words. So many amateur authors make mistakes with homonyms--words that sound alike, but are spelled differently and have different meanings. In your case you wrote "defiantly" instead of "definitely." They are very different words with very different meanings.

The story was decent. As most commentators already stated there were grammar, usage and punctuation errors. I ran the story through the free Grammarly. It picked up around 40 errors. Microsoft Word picked up a few more. Still, between the two programs a bunch of stuff was missed. Things missed were quotation marks, runons and fragments. I'm not sure if the paid version of Grammarly would pick it up. I'm not a writer so no go on paying a monthly fee.

I enjoyed the story except for the end. Bill kept saying there would be consequences to Gail. Not sure what they were. She lied and deceive multiple persons and actively covered up for an adulterer. Knowing she was wrong and caught, she doubles down and defiantly goes to a no husbands allowed divorce party where cheating was not only going on, but participation was expected. For all intents and purposes her actions were giving her husband the double bird.

She may not have cheated in a physical sense, but she did betray his trust. Her actions basically declared that cheating sluts at a party were more important than her devoted husband. Her penance? Her being served divorce papers? One can deduce they were stopped. The counselor concludes Bill has issues. Nothing was said about Gail's actions being wrong by the counselor, just he has mommy problems. So other than sleeping in a separate bedroom, barely not talking and no sex she pretty gets away with it. Heck, a lot of menopausal women would be ecstatic if that happen. Having the counselor pretty much blame the husband? Bonus!

That being all said, I gave the story a four rating. The milquetoast ending cost the story a point. I'm not an ardent BTB person, but reconciliation needs to be earned. I'm not sure what Gail did to earn it. It looked like he did all of the work and changing. She only had to play out the string.

(BTW, I generally don't consider grammar in rating unless the story is unreadable. I think content is more important).

I think the need for an editor has been covered by the other comments. I didn't have any problems following the story line and was interested enough to read it all. That's a good thing. Yes, you need to work on the writing, but you already know how to tell an interesting story, and that's at least half the battle in creating something that people will enjoy reading.

Bebop had some great advice, so pay some attention to what he suggested.

Keep writing, you WILL improve. And like I said at the top, I had no problem following the story line, even as it is now, so don't get discouraged. Thanks for posting.

Admitting that you "suck at grammar" doesn't excuse posting a story with bad grammar.

KNOWING that you suck at grammar requires an extra effort to get it right!

Other have recommended Grammarly, I copied your your story into Word, used its Spelling/Grammar checking and found 14 errors!

It flagged a missing apostrophe on "Sally's house."

It flagged where you said "sad to myself" where you meant "said."

It flagged where you had the verb "advise" instead of the noun "advice."

It flagged several places where you left out the comma after "she said"

If flagged where you had "she running" where it should be either "she's running" or "she runs"

I flagged the missing comma after "he asks" although both sentences should have been past tense anyway!

There were a few others that I didn't bother documenting.

My main point is, it took me longer to type this comment than to run the Word spelling and grammar check, including copying the story into word and correcting the errors!

It's simply an insult to your readers to refuse to make MINIMAL efforts. Again, this was using a built-in Word function, NOT getting an add-on, NOT finding an editor or Beta reader, not even reading over the story yourself (which I HIGHLY recommend! It seems like every time I read my story I find another error!)

Bill could not have spelled out his expectations any better plus he went into counseling for his problems. Very believable plot and execution. The grammar can be corrected by any editor, the story cannot. Good job!

Thank you for the effort.

You are courageous at any age when you post your story on the internet, lol.

As a storyteller the behavior of your characters needs to make sense to the reader. What you know isn't what we know about the characters. Only what you leave on the pages.

Good luck with this endeavor..... I'm

AMerryman

Good, original concept for an almost cheating wife story. But...

Grammarly, the free version, is well worth a try. You truly need it. At times it seems English is not your native language.

Only because it was painful to read, I gave it 3*. I feel bad because your story has so much potential.

For your own personal growth, try to get better with grammar.

If you send your finished story to me, I will beta read it and try to catch the obvious-to-me errors, and unclear spots.

I am a slow worker, and have stopped trying to do full edts. But short gems like this would be fine, 3 pages max maybe. I can go a week without using my computer, but usually it would be a few days delay.

Thanks again, stay proud, you're good, and getting better.

I'm sorry, to ADMIT that you "suck at grammar," and don't make MINIMAL efforts to do better, is insulting the readers.

If it doesn't bother you, fine.

Who gives a Rats A_s, I personally like to read an enjoyable story then worry about where the ., are

When You get out of kindergarten you might actually learn to spell.

Ignoring the grammar and laziness in not proof-reading, the complete improbobility of being able to plant cameras, the wife not actually doing anything apart from standing up to her 3 year old husband, then that life little else, complete waste of time

so to be clear at least 5 wives were being whores, and four of the husbands are cucks

Before I comment I want to start by sharing with you that I cared for an elderly woman across the street for some time before her son sold her house for her and moved her to an apartment. She would tell me stories about her terrible home life as a young girl. The opening of this story sounds incredibly like what happened between her own mother and father. In her version, however, her family suspected that her mother had actually poisoned her father. I just thought you might find that interesting. Having said that, I could not, in good conscience, rate this story because I could not finish reading it. The character situations are not believable. Gail is Sally's only friend, but Sally's going to have a fuckfest with all her friends after the divorce? I love the "hen party fuckfest" genre, but it has to make some kind of sense to be immersive. The names "Gil" and "Gail" are too close (unless you're talking about twins); the first time I saw "Gil" I thought it was a typo. Switching POV in first-person narratives the way you did generally doesn't work. I understand that in Loving Wives we want to write in first-person to give the reader the full emotional impact of the character's thought process, but if you're going to be switching POV like that it's generally better to write it in third-person limited and describe how the character is feeling that way. If you insist on switching POV in first-person, do it on a per-chapter basis, or start a new section. If you're going to use sections, don't use the same POV twice in the same chapter. I come to Literotica to read erotic stories, but with the opening comments about potentially divorcing Gail, and the "I hate cheaters" stance of the primary protagonist, I suspect that this story is heavier on revenge than it is on eroticism. I did not rate this story.

Terrible writing and story-telling.

You need to be more literate in order to write a story. Misspelled words, incomplete sentences, basic errors in syntax, lack of agreement between subject and verb, apparently no rereads. Poor effort.

0 stars - just a poor story

Too many errors (see I used too not to)

lets get right to the idiocy here. Every woman here was a cheater. Obviously you are one of those weak males who look at women as being less than men. Its clearly shown here.

This is why so many writers arent good. The fragile male "superiority" issues will never help anyone here write a good story.

I'm sure the feminazi's and cucks will love it tho.

Great story

There were no innocents at the party. Don’t tell your friend or any of the other husbands what’s going to happen. Bring gasoline to the house, block all the exits, and remove all the parasites from society!

EVERYBODY at the party had some blame. Sally was seeing other guys while married until her husband found out. Gail, knowing how her husband feels about cheaters, helps Sally instead of telling her she's on her own. Then she hides it from Bill, making him an indirect helper for Sally. Worse, she's going to the Divorce Party, in spite of Bill's wishes. The fact that she's there shows her disrespect for her husband, even tho she didn't have sex with any of the men brought in. Double that she woke up the next morning in the house.

Brilliant move on Bills part by installing cameras & live feeding the activities to the other husbands. The women all deserve what they're getting. And (not clear on this) Gail shouldn't be totally off the hook. Good story. 4 stars Bob

I read your 8ntro to your third story right after reading this story and decided to not put myself through the torture of more of your inept writing. You should not publish any more stories until you get help. The word usage fully illistrates Malapropism fully. Your story ideas are okay so an editor could help you with your word usage problems, but a good proofreader would help also. GET HELP and you could become a favorite writer for a lot of people.

detroitdave

Sam. Some of the commentators are partly right and partly wrong. You have way too many grammatical and other errors in your story. But the other side of it is that every writer has to start somewhere. If you want to write, don't give up and don't get discouraged by criticism. Keep on working on it regularly and you will continue to improve until everyone recognizes your talent. More important, you will be proud of your own accomplishments. Good luck.

First, you desperately need an editor. Second, it is very hard to follow who is talking because you don't give any indication that the view point has switched. Third, when naming your characters, don't make them similar as with Gail and Gil. 3 stars.