Who's the Fool Now

All mistakes and errors are mine and mine alone, sorry you will have to deal with that. It is what it is amateur writing for my enjoyment and maybe yours.

All constructive criticism and guiding comments will be welcomed and appreciated. Derogatory or hateful comments will be removed.

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Jack&Dianne (John Cougar Mellencamp)

Life goes on long after the thrill of living is gone, hold on to sixteen as long as you can. Change is coming making us women and men.

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Chapter 1

We always pulled pranks on each other in college, that is how we met in a way. My name is Jack, I am the type of person if I see some one down in spirit I try to lift them up and get them to laugh. So it was with Diane, after a couple beers and some joke telling challenges her spirits had lifted. She had just split with someone she thought was the one for the rest of her life. It wasn't long and we became a college thing, not really exclusive, but damn near it, that cramped my style so to speak.

I didn't really have a style it was more of a self commitment of not getting married before a certain age. I wanted freedom to do the things in life that I dreamed of, like taking a trip to Machu Picchu Peru, Egypt to see the pyramids and other such places. Live life with only my own worries and no somebodies to have to be concerned with, Diane had other ideas though, I could tell she was on the hunt. I avoided getting to close but she managed to fan the flames.

I was still being aloof until she landed in a ER with some kind of viral pneumonia. That was when I found I was hooked, that beautiful blonde cheer leader looking woman had me. Me, damn it, me, I was nothing special, I wasn't going to be on the cover of a magazine or music star or movie star. I sure as hell wasn't going to make it in the porn industry, unless I was the camera man. I wasn't going to be extremely wealthy either, I was in college for archeology that was going to be my field of work. I wasn't going to get rich unless I wrote a book. Diane on the other hand was in computer science, leaning towards Big Data engineer, ya, she is smart.

I helped her get over her illness, filling in for her, recording the lectures and retrieving her materials so she didn't get behind on any thing. I had to sit on her to make sure she got her health back and not over work herself.

We went together on spring break traveling down to Key West, it was late in the afternoon when we stopped in a Tasty Freeze. That song came on we began singing to it.

'Little ditty about Jack and Diane, two American kids growing up in the Heartland'

We began laughing, soon, it wasn't long we were running off behind a shade tree or maybe it was the moon lit walk down the beach? Any way it wasn't long after we were running off to the alter. Diane got her big wedding and tropical honeymoon. It wasn't long after that we landed jobs, mine at a museum and her's at a big tech company.

Chapter 2

We were doing good enjoying life and our work, at least I was anyway. Diane enjoyed her work, it just brought a lot of stress with it. I would do as much as I could to help relieve her stress, pull little pranks and jokes on her, love on her, it usually worked unless she had a really bad day. Then the coup de grâce would be a full body massage. Our lives were good for the first couple years. We discussed children but neither one of us really wanted or had the time for a baby in our lives.

After a couple of years our sex life had dwindled down, so I thought of a plan to spark it up. I knew this young man I worked with, he had these rather feminine features. I don't know if he was gay, I didn't ask, but his actions were a bit feminine also. I ask him to do me a favor and if he wanted I would even pay him, after hearing my proposal he agreed to do it for just for fun.

Diane was in one of her moods lately so I had him come over, the guy could cook too. I managed to get the day off and we prepped the scenario for when Diane would get home. He put on this outfit and began making a lovely aromatic dinner.

Diane came in the house to see a woman in a french maids outfit flittering around the kitchen. The outfit was very short you good see the lacy panties underneath. Diane was in a sour mood asking 'What the fuck!, Jack'?

"Babe, I hired her to help out around here to take some of the load off you and she cooks too." I said, as innocently as I could while starring at Denis's ass.

He looked good, with a brunette wig on stockings and heels, he even did the make- up bit too, I was thinking he may have been into doing drag. Right on cue hearing us he bent over to check the oven, Diane started going ballistic on me, which surprised me knowing the pranks and jokes we had done on each other. Then Diane went over board and started making accusations, just before she went out the door.

"Well you can just enjoy your little fuck toy!" She said.

I raced after her as she climbed in her car as I beat on the window trying to get her to stop. I just wanted to tell her it was a joke, a prank, she didn't listen. She damn near ran me down as she raced away.

I walked back inside visibly upset as my friend finished the dinner, telling me Diane would be back. He couldn't believe this happened either because he had done this before for another friend. He changed his costume apologizing to me getting ready to leave.

"Aw, man not your fault, but you did really look the part. If I hadn't known I would have believed you were a woman too, a damn good looking one." I said.

He laughed and said he had received that reaction before, some men had even hit on him. I asked why he even dressed up like a woman, he smiled saying 'Let's call it a fetish and leave it there'. I asked him to stay for dinner but he refused saying Diane might come back soon and he wanted to be gone. I hoped she would and understood what he meant.

Chapter 3

It was five days later when she finally came back home on the weekend. I had been trying to get in touch with her, with calls and messages to no avail. I even called her company on Friday asking about her, they were a little cold shouldered until I explained I just wanted to make sure she was okay and alive. They lady said yes she is alive and only missed Tuesday, that was the day after the blowout, I thanked her. I was relieved nothing serious had happened.

Diane started right in with a verbal fight and accusations. I was keeping myself civil feeling I was the blame for this abuse anyway. I tried to explain that night but Diane wasn't listening. This went on for a couple of hours, the bickering and belittling of me, she kept calling me 'Little prick' and looking at my crotch. So I smarted off to her.

"Well, you didn't seem to have a problem with my equipment for along time." I said. "Maybe we should divorce and be done with this!"

She looked at me wide eyed and just shut up after that we barely spoke that evening, Sunday was the same. We kept to ourselves for the next three days, the fourth day I came home early, I took a half day. I was greeted by a loving wife, with kisses and hugs, which was a surprise she was even home. I smelled a rat kind of thing going on here for some reason, especially when I made advances for sex and was put off. I was told with smiles and body to body rubbing 'Wait until later.' I actually thought my wife had come to her senses, but she kept looking at the time.

I remembered it was April 1st was thinking there might be a prank involved here. Then the knock on the door came as Diane had went towards the bedroom giving me a coy lustful look and unzipping her dress. I walked quickly to the door to get this caller out of the way, probably a solicitor I thought, I opened the door.

"Jack Burgess?" The man said.

"Yes. What can I do for you?" I said.

He opened a leather brief and handed me an envelope.

"You have been served, Mr. Burgess." He said, and promptly turned and left.

I shut the door looking at the envelope thinking 'No fucking way'. I went to the living room and opened the envelope to look through the papers, I looked at the last page for the signature, it was there. This wasn't a prank or joke.

Chapter 4

I heard Diane coming back down the hall, with a lot more noise coming with her. She appeared with a multitude of travel cases and a hulking figure of man, or was that a Neanderthal, with a smirk on it's face.

"April Fool's! You little dick fool." Diane said. "You can stay in the house until the divorce is over with."

There was a moment of silence as I looked at her and Neanderthal man. I had a moment to think, I needed to read this and check with my attorney. I began moving towards Diane to give a hand shake and tell her 'Well played', Neanderthal began to move towards me. I slipped my hand in my pocket and brought out my lock back knife, Diane had seen this move before and knew what I could do with it. She also knew this was our house I could end him and claim he was an intruder and attacked me.

"Bobbie, let's go, we are done here." Diane said.

They began moving towards the door with Bobbie the Neanderthal gathering up most of the travel cases. She went out toting one on wheels and a carry bag, that left two still in the house, it had just began to rain. I watched them through the open door as the rain picked up, I smiled.

They looked like two pusses afraid of water. I grabbed up the two remaining cases flipping the latches on them. I quickly threw them out of the door cart wheeling in the air. One bounced off her precious Mercedes causing a dent as it spilled it's contents. The other followed quickly with me calling out.

"Here, let me help out! Fucking skanky bitch." I said.

I quickly shut and bolted the door as I heard Neanderthal Bobbie slam into the door as I called the police. I looked out the window and watched them get soaked in the rain gathering her shit up, even her sex toys, I didn't know about. Bobbie must had said something when he picked up a rather large dildo, Diane tried to snatch from him. I saw it flying towards the front and heard a thud, she started for the front door, she looked seeing me through the window laughing. She left it as I thought 'They are off to a good start'.

The police arrived, Neanderthal and Diane had to explain things in the rain but the Officer had to visually see me and came to the door. I opened the door has the officer was looking down and I followed his gaze.

"Drop something Officer?" I said, looking down.

His eyes snapped to me then smiled and chuckled saying 'No, not mine'.

"Must be that young lady's item then, it doesn't belong to me. You may give it to her if you wish." I said, he laughed at me.

"I'm not touching that thing." the officer said.

He turned and called out to Diane asking if she would like to retrieve the item, she looked at Neanderthal Bobbie and said 'No' I could keep it. He shook his head and allowed them to leave. I explained the phone call and what transpired and I actually was in fear of injury. He understood sizing me up and asked if I thought there would be anymore trouble. I told him I certainly hoped not, there wouldn't be any from me, he shook my hand looked down and laughed, then left.

I had the divorce papers looked over it was simple and clean, with out any children involved. Diane would get the house after it was finalized, problem was it would take six months, she didn't see that coming or didn't hear it. I managed to whittled it down to three months. She made more income than I did so that was a sticky point, I managed to refuse any payments from her, against my attorney's wishes. We really ended up with neither of us wanting anything from each other. It took the courts for some reason four months to get it done, a court back up I believe it was.

Chapter 5

Karma is a bitch. It has been five years and two books since I even had seen Diane. I was even a well payed guest on a TV program once with a possibility of future guest appearances. I traveled the world often to archeological sites just like I had dreamed in college.

I was at a book signing which surprised me the number of attendees. I was busy signing when I reached out for a the book to sign quickly when I asked who to sign it to, the answer shocked me.

"To Diane will do." I looked up to see a smiling face saying. "I really am enjoying this book Jack."

I was stunned for a moment, at the same time the store was closing. I asked if any waiting could come back tomorrow seeing there was many yet to sign. Those that couldn't I took names and addresses to send them a signed copy, I held on to Diane's.

We finally got that accomplished and a time set for tomorrow when I finally got to turn to Diane and gave her a hug with a big smile. I was starving and asked if she would join me for dinner which she accepted.

We went to a nice restaurant and caught up on each others lives, well more mine, she avoided talking about her's. She did say she had left that job with that big company. I asked if she was still living at the house and she told me it was to big and it was sold, she was living in a smaller home now. It had been five years so I accepted that.

She told me she had tried calling me, I told I had changed phones several times. I didn't give that number out very often, she asked, I gave it to her. Her next question surprised me.

"You know that item someone left at the front door of that house. I looked for it when I moved back in and didn't find it." She said then giggled. "I assume you trashed it."

I chuckled and told her she would assume wrong then. I did keep it, why I don't know, a remembrance I suppose to remind me not to be the fool again. I know it is at my house, where I don't recall.

We ended our dinner and I signed a special message in her book. I saw her to her car which was no longer a Mercedes but a used Chevy Equinox. Diane had down classed some, I asked and she said it was loaner as her face blushed a little.

Chapter 6

I was giving a speech at a fundraising for a new archeological site about a year later. I was speaking with the wife of a french man I had worked with when Diane appeared. Gabrielle was quite pregnant and Alphonse and I were quite good friends. I had just given Gabrielle a side hug and kiss when Diane spoke.

"Jack! good to see you again." She said as she eyed Gabrielle.

I don't know what came over me, I guess the year's date. I acted nervous as I introduced Gabrielle and Diane then I leaned in and whispered to Gabrielle. This situation was to good to pass up.

"Oui, nice to, meet, vous" Gabrielle said as she looked up at me, I smiled.

"Assez proche" I said, as Grabrielle smiled.

Alphonse came over next and complimented me on the presentation. Gabrielle whispered to her husband and he smiled telling her yes he would play along.

I introduced Diane as my ex-wife to Alphonse who questioned me on her status. I told Alphonse single I believe as I looked at Diane with a questioning look as she said, yes single at the time. Alphonse quickly took Diane's hand a placed a kiss on it with an interested look. Diane blushed quickly as Grabrielle then came in scene, taking my arm and clutching it with her left hand flashing the rock on her finger.

Gabrielle asked me if we could go home as she held her belly full of child. We spoke briefly in french then I asked Alphonse he if he would be so kind to see Gabrielle home in english. Diane's mouth was hanging slightly open as Gabrielle spoke again in french shaking her finger at me. I kissed her on the cheek smiling saying 'Oui mon amour' then Alphonse and Gabrielle headed for the exit.

We watched them and just as they reached the exit Gabrielle turned and shook her finger at me and smiled and shook her head.

"I,I, didn't realize you were married and expecting a child, Jack" Diane said with almost a whimper.

I could see her eyes watering and her face reddened, I knew what was coming next. I was going to play it off but wasn't in me to be that cruel. I told her I wasn't married that was Alphones's wife and child.

"But, but, you were talking like she was your wife and she grabbed your arm wanting to go home." Diane said.

I quickly took her by the arm and guided us to some where more secluded before saying anything else. I asked her what day this was and she told me Monday.

"No, month and date Diane." I said.

Then it dawned on her April 1st the same day her and Neanderthal man left our then home.

"I guess I deserved that. I'm sorry I won't bother you ever again." She said, as she started to leave with tears running down.

Chapter 7

I grabbed her arm and stopped her telling her she was coming with me. I cradled in my arms a moment and wiped her tears away and we quickly made an exit. I escorted Diane out and to my Tesla and went to my house. It was a very quiet trip, not even engine noise to listen to so I put on some meditative music.

We got to my home, which definitely impressed Diane and we talked, I questioned and listened mostly. Diane didn't just quit that job at the big tech company she was terminated shortly after the divorce was finalized. The house wasn't sold it was foreclosed on and her employment went from almost two hundred grand a year to just over one hundred grand a year as an IT manager. I actually felt pity for her. We talked some more and she drank a lot more as the night almost became day. I finally got her off to bed, all though I had to undress her and pour her in to bed. I turned out the lights and and closed her door.

I woke up after a few hours sleep, a nightmare dream jolted me awake. I checked in on Diane and could see she was still sleeping it off. I dressed and went for a breakfast carry out, stopping to get some needed Pedialyte.

Diane was still sleeping when I got back so I checked on her again. She had managed to kick off all the covers and was lying there quite naked. I watched her for minute watching her breasts rise an fall, yes she was still breathing, Diane still looked sexy hot to me.

She stayed with me a couple of days healing up over the weekend. I drove her back to her rented apartment, it seemed her credit score plunged too, that small house wasn't a house. It definitely wasn't what I thought her life style was.

I didn't hear from her for almost a month, then she called. She said just a friendly call, but I could tell something wasn't right in her voice. She asked if she could call again sometime, I told her yes any time, I heard in the background that Jack&Diane song, it was on repeat play.

"Tell you what Diane, come and visit sometime. Just call or message me before, so you don't make a wasted trip. Some times I'm gone for awhile." I said.

"Really, you mean that?" she asked.

I told her 'Yes I do and if you need me I will do what I can.'

Chapter 8

It wasn't long, maybe three months and she came for a visit. We talked and joked around for a long time that day, it was evening and I was expecting her to leave anytime. Then it got quiet quickly as the conversation and things seemed to just die, I heard her give out big sigh.

"Jack, I, I, I, need help." Diane said. "I'm desperate, I really am."

I looked at her a minute rather blankly with out emotion, then she burst into tears. I didn't run over and cradle her in my arms or anything like that, I let her have her moment..s. Finally through some heavy sobs and tears Diane spoke, telling me she would be on the streets in seven days. I sat there listening as she told some unsavory things she had done to keep a roof over her head and food to eat. I was totally shocked as how far she had tumbled.