All Comments on 'Why Did She Hate Me?'

This story has a lot of potential. Unfortunately there are a LOT of awkward sentences, run-on sentences, story fragments that have no obvious connection in the flow, unnecessary repetitions, words that are out of place or the wrong choice of words.

This makes it a very tough read. This kind of rough draft needs some serious going over by someone who is willing to help give you some tough editorial feedback.

I didn't make it past the first 3 paragraphs because of the number of typos. It sounds minor, but when readers are reading your story small things will disrupt the flow in their minds and lessen the enjoyment. This story might have potential, but at the moment it can't realise it. I don't want to smack you down or anything, please do resubmit this without the errors, but for now it isn't a good story.

You could use commas, parenthesis, ANYTHING to straighten this story out. I don't read these stories for their literary brilliance: I read them to jack off. But while jacking off, it's hard to keep the hard-on when you're stopping to wonder after every other line, "What the fuck did I just read?"

I liked this story & I can't wait to read the rest of it. The story line means more to me than does the punctuation unlike some other people. Write again soon.

You desperately need an editor. The story wasn't worth trying to follow with the horrendous grammar, punctuation, spelling. If I have to figure out what you are trying to say, then I won't read it.

I thank you for your honest comments. And yes I am currently searching for a editor. I have started part but I am still currently writing it. I am sorry for all the errors. This is the first story I have written.

but I must agree with the others about desperatley needing spell-check & editing. Your use of English is horrible and difficult to read.

That was a nice first story you wrote I like the plot line about the two cousins. I like how you have it reading like a good story there are some run-on sentences but nothing major. I would like to see a second chapter on how James and Rachel finally get together. I also would like to see them work on gaining more insight into how and why he stayed away for the four years. I did like the first chapter and hope you write another chapter to the story.

you ruined what could have been interesting with your abysmal writing skills. You are not a writer. Find some other occupation. I'm not a native speaker, but this hurt my eyes.

The story plot could have been exciting but the grammar and spelling was so horrible I had a hard time reading and gave up in the middle of the story. I think you need a remedial English course.

you could have had a good story if you spent more time in school learning there were way to many wrong and miss spelled words please find an editor and do a rewrite and do not post any more stories without using an editor you just drive your readers away if you are writing for yourself that is fine but don't post them unless you use an editor

First, great plot! But as it's been previously said, the writing is a huge problem here, it constantly pulls you out of the story. Lots of syntax errors, you've got to learn how to construct your sentences, as the use of commas is not optional. An editor would surely help you with a lot (like "over whelmed" = "overwhelmed", and "peace" should've been "piece"), but not for all.

Secondly, the dream scenario is pretty much always a bad idea, and a very bad one, as it gives you the feeling you've read all that for nothing. A story should feel real from the beginning till the end. Your characters were perfect, the situations, the emotions, and the reactions, all of these were superb. But then comes the dream part, and it throws all that away. If you'd said it was a dream in first place, maybe... But then again, it's so much more interesting when you feel it's really happening.

Keep it up! Because everybody can learn to write well, but not many can write something good. And that part you definitely got it in you.

I loved your story. Please don't let those comments below stop you from continueing to write this story and others. Please post a second chapter soon. Some people like to put others down so don't pay too much attention to them.

I love your story, I think that it is a great first story & a good beginning. Please continue writing this & other stories. Don't let the comment of some of those below bother you & stop you from writing more of this story.

Hello sorry it has taken so long for me to respond. computer issues compounded by work issues. As I was finishing up the 2nd chapter my computer crash and I lost all the work I have done. I am in the process of rewriting the story. Depending on the feed back I get from it I will either continue writing stories or the second chapter will be my last story I write. As I said I am having to rewrite the story so I hope to have it edited and then corrected within the next 2 weeks and will post as soon as I am happy there are no major spelling and grammar issues.

I enjoyed reading this story, it is fantastic. Please continue with it.

Wonderful story, I really liked the 1st chapter. Hoping too see the 2nd chapter soon.

Wonderful story, I really liked the 1st chapter. Hoping to see the 2nd chapter soon.

no guy that stayed away for so long because he didn't want to face his cousin would ever go back for any reason way to unrealistic also very similar to the story "A SCORE TO SETTLE" basicly the same thing only with a cousin not a sisterboth were bad for the same reason please keep your stories within the boundries of human nature or put them in the fantacy area

Love this story but where is chapter 2. This story is great & it needs to be completed. It has been too long since this chapter was writen, you need to write another chapter soon.

I want to see more from you.... but, spend a little time proof

reading.

I really hate to low rate someone who is telling a good story, because of grammatical problems and spelling errors. Some of the best writers on this site aren't too careful about being absolutely perfect. Your story, however, was so replete with errors that it was difficult to follow. I will read the rest of it, because you seem to have a feel for writing a fairly good incestuous love story. I hope you will not stop writing, but I do hope you will find yourself a good editor.

no way a guy would ever go back and even less of a chance he would get back together with her i know it happened to me my cousin told me she never wanted to see me again and i haven't seen or talked to her in over 20 years and probably never will even though we live in the same town so keep it atleast sounding realistic

This story had potential but all of the dreaming ruined it. The fact that they both had the same clairvoyant/psychic dream where they declared their love for each other makes the story too unrealistic.

Then the fact that everything happened the exact(word for word) way that it happened in their dreams makes this story more made for sci-fi than erotica.

I did my very best to read this whole story without stopping. It seemed like every sentence had an error of spelling or grammar in it. I like the story, but I gave it a 2 because of errors.

Fix it and resubmit it. I do that all the time!

SCHUPPINZIGH

Did you let a third grader write this story?

Hurry up an finish. I want to know if they confess there love to each other an how far the new relationship will go

Your spelling and grammar bite, but the story is nice.

Jumbled timeline, Difficult to follow and a very odd ending.