All Comments on 'Wife arrives late from LAX'

Have you heard of paragraph breaks?

This would have been far easier to read if broken into short paragraphs.

Have you ever heard of punctuation and a paragraph? I couldn't get past the first twenty lines all strewn together. If you're gonna submit a story, at least make it readable.

Why didn't you break this down into several paragraphs? This was hard to follow and was just one long mess.

If you want to keep writing, I seriously suggest you get an editor. Unless that is you don't care how you write because this was just one big jumbled mess.

I had trouble trying to follow this so I just gave up. You need to learn how to break down your paragraphs, it makes it much easier for people to read.

Extremely long paragraphs lose the reader's attention.

I disliked it. It is very amateurish.

If people area focused on the paragraphs then they are trying to speed read ( read first and last sentences of paragraphs) and they don't care about the content.

I thought this was a great story. I liked how it was from his perspective and not the wife's.

I would like to see a prequel that would be the wife's introduction of proposing this to her friend and maybe find out the 2 women have had some play time.

Good story which lacked readability. New authors always underestimate the need to make stories enjoyable to read. They also don’t appreciate that writing for on-line readers requires a slightly different technique (which includes short paragraphs). An editor would help enormously - if not, try reading slowly out loud, which will pick up some of the issues.

A long block of text like that is unreadable. It actually frustrates and even angers the reader. The frustration if from the increasing difficulty the reader faces trying to wade those this morass. The anger is directed towards the writer for not putting no consideration or effort in their product. This may be the most egregious I've seen in a while, and as had as I tried, the writers droning, monotonous style coupled with the awful construction, I gave up about a third of the way through. Awful. Decent story, but it is horribly written. This writer needs an editor like a fish needs water. Not worth even rating.