Wings

"Got a beer and some bug stuff, cranky." I hand her the beer and tube where she sits on an old upturned bathtub. She slaps it and I sit beside her to watch her dab some little bits of stinky mossie stuff on her arms.

"I'm really sorry, Jax. It bubbles up inside me. All the angry. All the loss and then I give someone a face ripping. I'm really sorry."

"Accepted."

She falls against my shoulder. Her head knocks on my arm. "You're good to yell at though. I like the way your face sort of looks like, 'the fuck drugs this bitch on'?" She laughs and kisses my cheek again.

"Oh sorry. I forget."

"Forget?"

"Forget my... face... when... You don't flinch from me. I forget how ugly I am."

"You're a fuckwit, Lara." Her laugh is gorgeous. "It's dark anyhow. I couldn't see your horrible noggin. You probably didn't even know you were kissing a black fella."

"Do you want to hear something really fucked up, Jaxon?"

"Hahaha. We're getting pretty good at fucked up, Lara."

"That moment when I hesitated. You know?"

"Yeah..."

"I wanted to run. I could see her skin bubbling and peeling away. Her eye popped like a grape and I wanted to vomit but I ran in there just as much for you as me. I wanted so much for her to... She told me... To bring her home to you... And me... And to..."

"Shh." I held her as tightly as I could without hurting her. I pulled her to me and held her like I wished I could hold Sammy... But not. This was not for Sammy. Sammy flew on angel's wings. This was just my heart hurting for another little girl standing frightened at the school gate. This was just for Lara.

When she settled, she made me cry. She sucked in a deep breath and stomped her foot and said, 'hmmph," before standing up to leave. And I just spilled my stupid brown eyes on my face.

"Oh. Jaxon honey. That was such a Sammy thing. I'm so sorry, honey." She held me. She held me while I remembered every time that I had held Sammy and god what a fucked-up mess.

There were about twelve more beers waiting in a little bucket with some ice on the veranda, and a note from her parents saying they'd gone to bed. We drank them all and we shared some stories. She told me of some of Sammy's flying adventures; close calls and shenanigans. I told her of Sammy's school days and then it was really late.

"Jax?" She asked really quietly like she was apologising for something.

"Hmm."

"Can I sleep with you?"

Time stood still for a little while. I wondered if she was offering me her body.

"I don't mean... Just, you don't seem to mind touching me... Not fucking... I just would really like..." And then she is sobbing in horrible gut clenching spasms and whole-body tears. "Someone to hold me again." She finally blurts.

"I'd be honoured," I tell her and kiss her face in the dark. She gasps and I know from the feel of rippled skin on my lips it was the wrong side to kiss but I kiss it again anyway. "Come on. Teeth and bed."

She nervously shuffled her pretty smelling body in a t-shirt and undies into bed beside me.

"Hold me, Jax?" She timidly asked and I snaked an arm around her shoulders and drew her in to be my little spoon. "Sorry. My legs."

"Shh, my little phoenix. Shh." And she shushed and we slept and the angels in my dreams that night still burned but they burned brightly and flew joyously.

~~<>~~

"She's taking us by storm"

There's an old friend of mine, Elise who I catch up with now and then. We're sharing a meal she baked and brought over.

"Lasagne okay, Jax?"

"Mmm great." I grumble hungrily with my mouth full. It is good too. I'm not being kind about it at all.

"You'll make someone a great wife one day." I tell her after I've swallowed.

"Ha. Ha. Ha, dickhead." She's married to a bloke called Steven. They have two children, Sarah and Ben. Their kids call me uncle and I treat them like family even though I have no brothers and sisters.

Steven is away a lot with business. He's an agriculture consultant. He'll sit and talk to you about it for hours, but don't let him if you can help it. It's just so goddamn boring. He cooks a mean barbeque though and never lets you bring your own drinks.

At one of those barbeques he said out of the blue, "Jax. We're like brothers, right?"

"Contrasting brothers." I reminded him of my skin colour and he laughed.

"Listen." He took a swig of his beer and studied the cooking meat for a moment before continuing. "Elly needs more to hold than a damn phone. I'm away all the time and I'm worried... We both are... We talk you know."

"No, I have no fucking clue, Steve."

"She has needs and god help me I try and keep up when I'm home, but we're worried that she'll crack under pressure and take some stupid risk."

"Are you? Look I don't think she's that sort... I certainly haven't seen her with anyone if that's what you're asking." Perhaps he's asking me if she's having an affair?

"Jesus Jax... Thing is, she likes you. We both trust you. And she finds you attractive. If you feel the same way about her, then it's okay with me if you two act on it while I'm away. I never want to talk about it or have it rubbed in my face. But... You get what I'm saying?"

I looked over at where Elise was setting the table with salads and such and she winked and smiled. She knew what he was talking to me about apparently.

"I've never... Ah... Considered even... Thought of Elly like..."

He slapped my back a couple of times, "We know. And you probably never would have if I didn't bring it up. So, completely up to you. You and her, I guess. But Jax, mate. You really would be putting my mind at ease if I knew she had someone we could trust when she had itches to scratch. Okay... End of conversation. Never to be spoken of again."

We said no more on it. We drank beer and next time he went away Elly and I fucked. A lot. He was right. She really did have some appetites.

That was years ago now and she's slowed down a little. The kids keep her busy now they're older and she still makes time to check in on me and maybe clown around in the bedroom a little. These dinner dates are my favourite. The kids stay with her Mum overnight and we can enjoy each other less frantically.

"Seeing anyone?" She asks. It's usually code for, 'are we gonna fuck later?' She knows that if I'm seeing someone, we won't.

"I don't know. I..." Jesus. Am I considering Lara romantically?

"Oh! Jaxon this sounds exciting. I was worried you'd never give anyone a fair chance. I thought maybe that with Sammy gone now, you might... Too soon?"

"No. Actually no, really. I'm doing really well with that. In some ways, it's..." I'm not sure what it is. I haven't really taken this mental path yet.

"You're being forced to let go. And it's working. You've been grieving that girl since the time you sent her packing to the Air Force. It's healthy to move on now. So? So, who is that has you wondering if you're seeing someone?"

"Haha..." The irony is splendid and not lost on Elly when I tell her, "Actually, I am building some kind of friendship with Sammy's lover, Lara."

"Oh, you tragic, tragic man." She giggles into her wine glass. "If there is a simple, straight forward way to proceed, as usual you take the other option."

After washing down a little more lasagne, she's got her giggles under control enough to ask, "Well, come on. Details and drama... I'm not just here for cock, you know?"

So, I explain things from when the pretty pointy girl turned up that day, through to sleeping with her at her parent's house. Even the bit where she woke us both up snoring in the early hours and took herself back to her own room after giving me a lovely warm kiss right on the lips.

"Oh, I'm so excited for you. Finally, a little romance in your life. Isn't it scary and delicious?"

"I'm not so sure that it's romance. I don't know what she wants from me. Friendship would be fine."

"But you'd like a little more?"

"Hell, I don't know. I don't even know if that's a very smart thing to consider, given her relationship with Sammy and the grief we both feel. I worry, you know."

"Worry that the grief is confusing feelings?"

"Something like that."

"I love it. It's refreshing to see you confused. You're usually so decisive and all action. Speaking of which... Technically, you are not seeing anyone so help me get these dishes done and come find me in the shower."

She's actually in the bed already by the time I pack the dishwasher, take out the rubbish and get myself through the shower. She's looking through my phone.

"Oh, Jax sweety, she is sending so many mixed signals. "

"Really? You're reading our messages?"

"I like this one. 'You know when you kiss me on the burned side, you're actually kissing my butt? That's where they got the skin from.'" She hands me the phone and sits up in bed. The covers fall off her and her lovely breasts stop me forming speech for a moment as I towel off.

"She's hedging. Testing for attraction. I bet her burns really fuck her self-esteem in the arse. So it's half, 'I like you not caring about kissing my scars' and half, 'I want you to think about my bum' but with enough humour involving skin grafts to make it less risky on her behalf."

I stand naked and rather non-plussed by the inquisition, beside the bed. There was an erection led me into the room in anticipation of other activities and he's showing his interest in this discussion by looking at the floor.

"And your reply is perfect. It was something about actually kissing her butt. Naughty and definitely not friend zone, but not so naughty as to be outright rude. It's so much fun all that testing the waters part. Oh... No, we can't have that. Bring him over here, sweety."

She's a lovely, generous lover, Elly. She's never one to think only of herself. I thank her by rising to full mast under her expert oral attention.

"That's better. Much better." She licks her lips and opens the bed covers for me. "Now let's find something useful to do with him."

I think everyone falls into a pattern of pleasure eventually that sates their various desires. For us, Elly insists I take her missionary initially to get her well warmed up. Usually, like this evening, she is wonderfully wet already and waiting eagerly for my intrusion. She apologised in our early days for the sizing of things down there with comments about babies and destroyed vaginas.

She has nothing to apologise for.

I slip quickly and deeply inside of her and she pulls me down hard on top of her. She loves the weight of me on her and my face at her breasts while we do this part. Suckling on her large breasts, I move gently thrusting inside her with my weight mostly held on her pubic region. She cums so quickly like this.

By the time I've started worrying about my own edging release she has usually ridden through a couple of small orgasms. It's easy to tell. She's quite vocal. Once I asked her if she ever faked an orgasm. There were times I wasn't sure. Her vocalisation didn't occur with the usual gripping at my dick by her vagina.

"Oh sweety, what would be the point in that?" Was her reply. Since then, I've left her satisfaction to be her responsibility.

She grunts and grumbles then urges me over on to my back so she can ride me hard and fast to another orgasm and this time I volunteer my own. There is a thing she does about now usually and tonight is no exception. She excuses herself to go and wee. This is where the night sometimes changes.

If she's satisfied, she'll return and we'll sleep for a few hours. Or maybe we'll go and watch some television and return for another round, or like she does this evening, she will wander back with this naughty look on her face.

"Oh no. We'll have to see about that." She play acts a pout, and crawls up my legs to suck my dick into her mouth. In moments, her hand tight on my base and her sucking full lips have me very hard and quite sloppy. It's deliberately sloppy, I've learned over time. Sloppy to allow this next thing she does.

She squats like a slender sumo over my middle and uses my knob to smear her wetness back over her bumhole, then sockets me against the little ring. I know that sticky feeling there means she's worked some Vaseline into her arse and confirm it as she relaxes down upon me.

My knob slips past her sphincter and she claims me deeply, sitting down hard on me with her eyes closed and a slightly pained smile on her face. She told me once that Steve won't do this with her. I have no such qualms and when she opens her eyes and grins naughtily, I know what's coming. She'll make me awkwardly follow her over into a doggy style position without pulling out.

Tonight, as I try and balance on my knees, I don't even need to be told, "Okay, now wreck my arse."

I know that I need not worry at all about her pleasure. I know she will masturbate herself while I pound into her and she will time her own orgasm to coincide with mine. Having just cum, I'm here for a while tonight and she told me once, she edges herself. Almost cumming, stopping, almost cumming, over and over until I grunt and spurt as I do again this evening.

"Oh fuck yes, do me. Fucking wreck it. Oh god yes." And always, her bum grabs at the root of me in time with her orgasmic contractions.

"Oh, Jaxon. Those are always the big ones, sweety."

I like this part. My dick softens and I pull out of her. Her gaping hole mesmerises me for moments as it pulses slowly closed, then she flops down on her tummy making satisfied noises.

We're chatting over breakfast; civilised conversation about current affairs and local news.

"Is it Lara?" Elly asks when my phone dings. "Perhaps I should answer and tell her what you did to my bum last night."

"Cheeky cow." I tell her and check the phone. It is Lara, and she's attached a picture of a cute looking grey puppy.

[Don't need you anymore. Got a real friend. Meet Dilly.]

I hand the phone to a hyper-curious Elise. I'm a little worried at Elly's tapping on my phone. It looks like she's replying. A few moments later she gasps in shock and hands the phone back with a very red faced look.

[Almost as cute as you.] I appear to have replied.

[Kiss my arse. :)] And she sent a picture of the scarred side of her smiling face.

"The poor kid. That's horrible." Elly says.

"Not so bad when you're face to face. She does like to rub it in a bit now and then." I smile and ring her number.

"Hi Lara. You're on speaker. My friend Ellie was being naughty and replying to your messages."

"Hi Elly." You can hear the smile in her voice.

"Gidday Lara."

"Hope I didn't frighten you with my picture. I was teasing Jax."

"My fault for playing with his phone."

"The puppy is cute. Dilly is a funny name." I tell her.

"Short for DILLIGAF. Do I look like I give a fuck? Got him a few days ago. After your cuddles the other night. Oh shit... Elly isn't a special friend is she? We really just cuddled Elly. I crave skin contact. Nothing happened. Just nobody touches me these days and-"

"Relax sweety." Elly laughs, "He is a good cuddler, but I'm married with children and he's a lovely friend."

"I'm glad he has some friends. We're both, I guess... Well, the whole Sammy thing is getting easier but still..."

"Yeah sweety, I know. I'm sorry for you. Jax tells me you two were together. And your injuries Lara... You're very... um... I'm embarrassed, I don't know what to say. It looks so painful."

"Just annoying now. My hands hurt now and then but the skin is all healed. Oh, Jax!"

"Yeah?" She sounds excited.

"I got approved for some experimental surgery over in Western Australia on my left hand to see if they can repair some of the tendons and joints. If it works, they'll do the right one. I might even be able to wipe my bum... Oh, sorry Elly."

We both laugh and she continues, "They're gonna do a little bit of work on my ear and nose as well as some abrasive work on my cheek and neck. The grafts have taken really well but there are some contractions and... you know, insert big medical terms here."

"Might stop that cute snore you have." I offer dryly.

"Oh, fuck off. It was probably you." She giggles. "Oh shit, Dilly. No! Damn it. She eats everything. Gotta go."

Elly is sitting there with a very smug look of absolute contentment on her face. "Jaxon dear. We are not having sex again for quite some time."

"Hey?"

"Your face, sweety. I haven't seen you that happy for ever. You make this work okay? I like her. So did Sammy. Maybe you can all end up happy."

~~<>~~

Actually, it ended up being Elly who got things kind of rolling. She rang me a few weeks after our hook up with some wild ideas and a big request. I've spent all day today trying to figure out whether and how even to have that conversation with Lara. It's a lot to ask.

As luck would have it, Mum chose that evening to drop in unannounced for one of her usual life and cleanliness inspections.

"What's bothering you, boy. You all screwed up like a baby trying to chew steak."

So, I outlined the dilemma and she just looked at me like I was mad. "Garn, give it. Your thing. Your phone."

She takes it and taps slowly at it, then puts it on the table where I hear it ringing.

"Hello Jaxon?" I hear Lara ask happily.

"Nah. This his Mum."

"Oh Hello. Is Jax alright? He's not hurt or something?"

"Not yet. I'm gonna belt him around a bit later but. Has he mentioned that he's a bloody dickhead yet?"

"Haha. I kinda worked that out for myself Mrs... Um... Ha. I-"

"Waters. And I'm Laurie. No one calls me Mrs Waters."

"Hi Laurie."

"So, the boy needs to ask a favour of you and he's all myall about it."

"Myall?"

"Ole fashioned and dumb."

"Is he there?"

"Yeah."

"Jaxon. Spit it out you bloody nong."

"Shit. Lara... Look, you remember Elly?" I tell her.

"Your 'not special' friend?"

"Yeah. Thing is..."

"Oh, bloody hell boy." Mum interjects, "His niece has a school thing and they want a bloody speaker. Elly reckons you'd be perfect. And this cockhead is all weird about asking."

"Shit Mum... Lara, they want a motivational speaker, is why and I don't know how you feel about public appearance and speaking. It's a lot to ask and shit... I don't know."

"Oh... Well, that is... I'm not sure Jax. Is it a big school?"

"It will just be the year eleven and twelves at their careers night. So maybe a hundred kids and their parents."

"Shit. Shit... I don't know. I never much... And now... Oh god, don't hate me if I can't, Jax."

"Think about it for a bit." Mum says, "it's not for another few weeks. And girly."

"Yes Laurie?"

"You a big woman. He tol' me about what you did. If you can run into fire, you can talk to some kids."

"Hey Lara. Just think about it please. Ellie-"

"You'll owe me."

"Anything. You don't know what Ellie is like when she gets an idea."

"I'll call you back later. I have to take Dilly for a run. Bye Mrs, Bye Laurie."

"Seeya girly."

"Bye Jax."

"Bye Lara."

"Fucking idiot. Just like your bloody father... Too much thinking, not enough doing. I gotta get. You need to clean this fucking gunya up. Looks like a bloody bush camp."

Then she kisses my cheeks and says, "Hmmph. Eat something proper too, boy. Skinny as fuck, ere."

"I'll do it." Are the first words that Lara says when I answer my phone an hour later. I'm sitting on the deck and watching the sun dip.

"Are you sure? Don't let me pressure you."

"No, I will. I'm actually a little excited, I think. There are things you don't know about me, Jax. Life wasn't easy for me. Sammy just... Everything just always fell into place for her. And she was so smart. My family life was hard. They were lovely, just... we had no money and dreams cost money. Fuck, I'm waffling again. I'll do it. Maybe sitting down and writing something worth telling a bunch of kids starting out will be helpful to me as well."