Wings

"Well, if you're sure. I'll let Ellie know. I'll give her your number and you can work out the details."

"Sounds good. Oh. I have conditions."

"Shoot."

"I stay at your house overnight. You have to cuddle me to sleep again."

"Okay."

"And you drop me home on your bike."

"Done. Anything else?"

"Not spaghetti."

"What?"

"I don't like your spaghetti. I know you were proud of it, but it is just a bit wrong. I think it's the vegemite. Maybe you can take me somewhere nice for tea."

"Done. And thanks, Lara. Ellie is insistent."

"I think I'll get to like her."

"How're your surgery plans going?" And then we spend what amounted to half a bottle of wine for me, talking about her surgeries and life in general. She asked about my business and I whinged about inspections and staffing and before too long, she was yawning and I was too.

"Jaxon?"

"Yup."

"I gotta go or I'll talk to you all night."

"Same."

"Looking forward to my cuddles. You don't know how well I slept that night."

"Me too, Lara. Me too, phoenix girl."

"I like that. I don't feel like much of a phoenix. I'm still stretching my wings and trying to get up."

"You'll fly again, Lara."

"Night."

"Night."

~~<>~~

"They tryna take our voices

They tryna make our choices

So we scream loud, loud, loud"

The auditorium is pretty crowded. Kids mill at different stalls and the hubbub of voices is annoying. Lara's fingers curl tightly into mine as we wander about.

"Miss Pennington." The Air Force recruitment officer says when we near their display. "I am really sad that I know you from the news. Very proud to meet you though."

He stretches out a hand and Lara shakes it firmly.

"Still carry the pictures." She tells him and taps her head. "Can't believe I'm here to talk these kids into doing the same thing, but we all have dreams don't we."

"We sure do. We sure do. I flew 'eff one elevens' in a few theatres. Long before your time, love. But still carry... Well not like your scars. But I..."

"The big scars are the ones we can't see..." She smiles and pats his shoulder. "How you doin' with the kids?"

"Oh... They all like the pictures and grab bags but you know... The ones who are going to make it already are."

Her speech is profound. I'm crying when she finishes. She demonstrates so much bravery. She stands there at a podium with her burned face and clawed hands turning notes and holds the whole room spellbound.

My favourite part is when she looks at me and says, "Surround yourselves with the people who give you wings. They're the ones you are going to need when the going gets tough. You are going to doubt yourself. You are going to fall. You are going to wonder what you ever thought you were trying to do in the first place. But they are the people who are going to help you. They are the ones whose belief in you will give you the wings to rise from the ashes and climb high in the sky. They are your crew."

Then a few hours later I wash the night off. Her smiling lips still in my memory as I recall her shaking hands and Elly saying, "Thank you, Lara. Let me kiss your arse too." Then my beautiful friend kissed the burned part of my blushing Lara's face.

"My?" When did I start thinking of her as mine?

"So Jaxon." I turn as I towel off and pull some boxers on and my jaw drops. She stands steamy and burning her blue eyes intently into mine with her towel scrubbing at her 'a little longer than bob length' hair. "This is my body."

I take it in. It's offered and I drink of it deeply.

She's... Both broken and beautiful. Like a statue someone has tried to repair after an accident. Her feet and then at boot length the ragged, red blushed, shower fresh scars that fade near her knees and my god... She's naked. I knew that and yet... I see her sex. She has shaved a kind of stripe to it and I see puffy... Shit... This is...

Her eyes. I need them. But I get snagged halfway up her body. Her breasts hold me in thrall. Small, pointy things. Pointy like the rest of her. I want...

My eyes raise to hers and I see her smile. "That's what I was hoping for. Thank you Jax. Now... tonight if you can, would you show my broken body how it feels to be loved again?"

I swallow down my lust and reach for her. This kiss is...

"You know most of the skin on my face came from my belly not my arse?" She struggles to tell me while I kiss her.

"Well, I'll get to your arse in a little while." I lift her up. As gently as I can.

"I'm not going to break, you fuckwit." She laughs at me. "Thank you for tonight. I felt... I felt so... People listened, Jax. They didn't see my face. They listened."

"Oh, they saw you, phoenix girl. They saw you and they dreamed of flying too."

Then I'm inside her. We are on my bed and I'm deep inside her. She's wrestled me down to my back and she's taken me. Her face looks pained but happy and she grinds and holds my jaw.

"Godamnit, Jax. Oh god yes... Sammy said... fuck..." And then she falls to her side and sobs.

"Sorry." She whimpers. "Sorry."

"Shh." I try to brush her hair and wipe her tears. "Shh."

"It's so fucked up."

"It's 'our' fucked up, Lara. No-one else's. It's our place. We'll work it out."

I hate morning people. I really liked Sammy's two coffee's rule. But I'm changing my mind.

I slept so well. I had an armful of tough, beautiful, sobbing phoenix girl when my eyes closed finally last night and this morning...

This morning, I have a hot wet mouth engulfing my usual offering of morning wood.

"Took your time." She giggles at me as I'm wiping sleep from my eyes.

"Sorry for last night. I was so emotional. And you... Just... Shut up, ok?"

I shut 'right the fuck' up.

"In me." She tells me when she mounts me. "In me. I'm... I got the pill... I hoped we'd..."

And a few beautiful minutes later, I do that too. Her warm, pointy body falls down on my chest and I hold her inside the cocoon that the smell of us and the moment have formed. Her little quivers eject me with a messy squelch and she giggles.

"I forgot how awkward and messy it was with boys." She laughs. "Jaxon?"

"Hmm."

"Don't make 'us' awkward and messy now. I don't know what's happening between us, but I really needed that. I love having you as a friend. Please don't let this fuck it up."

She curls up in my shoulder like a cat with a warm spot in the sun. Her breasts press into my side and the wet mess of her sex presses on my thigh where her legs splay along and over me.

"You don't even see my burns, do you?" She asks between little kisses at my chin. "Look, Jax. Let me show you properly."

She rolls away to lie on her back and lift her legs up like a kid kicking in the air. "These were actually the best ones. Mostly second and third degree. My suit helped a lot. They're flame resistant. These burns were from heat transfer, not direct flames. My face was from flames. From when I carried Sammy out. If you look here," She takes my hand and traces lines on her face, "you can see where the grafts join. They came from here, look."

When I sit up to look at the places she indicates on her tummy I see a patchwork of pale squares on her hard abdomen.

"But these ones." She holds her hands up in front of her eyes. "Fourth degree. Some of the skin was completely melted off. I saw bones here and here. She indicates her little fingers. The weird bit was they didn't hurt at all. Everything else felt like a cheese grater had been taken to me, but my hands didn't hurt at all."

Then she's looking at me seriously. It's hard to look seriously at a pretty naked woman after you've just made love for the first time, so I was smiling.

"I'm going to run away now and then. It's what I do. Don't chase me, Jax. I'll come back when I'm ready."

Nodding seems like a reasonable answer, so that's what I do. She kisses me sweetly and deeply.

"I woke myself up snoring this morning." She blushes. "Hopefully the next surgeries fix that."

"Didn't hear a thing." I tell her honestly.

"Is your bike fast?"

"Can be."

"Good, I like fast."

Then we snooze like proper freshly fucked people do.

~~<>~~

We fell into a comfortable cadence spending most weekends together, after that. Usually, I'd ride down to her parents and we'd explore on the bike. She took to the pillion seat with enthusiastic glee. I loved the way she stretched her arms out now and then and sang to herself. I can only imagine how much she enjoyed flying.

A few times she visits Toowoomba as well. Her and Elly are firm friends now and Elly insists I bring her to barbecues when Steve is home. Presently, Lara is perched on my lap talking to Sarah about her upcoming surgery. The doctors have brought it forward because there was a cancellation or some such thing.

"Some joint reconstruction and tendon grafts basically. Really painful and slow to heal. Hopefully it will give me more movement in my fingers and some grip strength. I was really quite lucky that there wasn't too much deformation."

"They do look gnarly though." Sarah says, "But at least you can still eat and you know, like look after yourself."

"Yeah, I guess. Bloody frustrating though. There's a chance I might lose my little fingers altogether. They don't work at all anyway so whatevs."

"I bet you miss Uncle Jax while you're in hospital. Six weeks is a long time."

Lara's blush is lovely. "Nah. He stinks. It will be good to get a break from him."

"I am going to miss you, Jax." She tells me later as she rides me on the couch at home. "Six weeks! I've got kind of used to having you around every weekend."

"The distance." I grunt out. She's so tight around me and hot. And her cool skin against my chest while she moans against my neck makes it so hard to hold off much longer.

"Well. We'll. Just. Have to. Oh fuck-fuck-fuck. Oh god yes." She shudders on me and my balls tighten and I heave into her over and over.

When she's stopped twitching and clutching at me, she straightens to gently pull my chin towards her. We kiss quietly and intimately. "We'll just have to get six weeks' worth in this weekend, won't we?"

We tried. She was walking a little uncomfortably when I dropped her home.

"Hey fuckwit?" She smiled beside my bike looking up at me. "Come here."

We kissed like we weren't going to see each other for six weeks.

Then she took my hand in hers and looked at it quite seriously. "I really like you, Jax. It's getting kinda big. Frightens me sometimes."

"I really like you too, phoenix girl. Don't get all sappy on me now. You've got some fighting to do. I know you can do it."

"Go on. Fuck off then." She turns quickly away and takes two steps before running back for a hug. Buried in my chest she grumbles, "I'm scared, Jax. It's going to hurt and I need you. You give me reasons to be strong."

I hold her head till she settles. Then she makes me laugh by assembling herself sternly, stomping her foot and saying, "Hmmph."

I'm still smiling about that silly Sammy gesture when I park Veronica in the garage at home.

That was almost three months ago now.

Her first surgeries on the left hand were so successful that they started on the right hand after the first signs of progress around four weeks in. She explained over face time that she could now move her thumb, index and middle finger of her left hand through almost a full range of motion with growing strength. Her little finger on the left hand had been amputated at the first knuckle.

Her ear, she was very proud of. I think she sent me about twenty pictures of it after the bandages came off. She was particularly fond of sending me left then right ear photos and asking if I could see any differences. Apart from some slight swelling still, they look quite similar.

But it was her nose and face she was happiest with. Surgeon's skilful dermabrasion had reduced the scarring between grafts to be almost imperceptible and Lara assured me that by the time her skin inflammation settled they would be. Her nose she loved. Her nostrils were symmetrical again and her snoring gone. They had to do some deep work in the cartilage and sinus and I think her voice is a little different but she tells me I'm imagining it.

Every day was different for her. Sometimes when she'd call, she would just cry and tell me how much pain she was in. They replaced the first and second joints in the thumb, index and middle finger of her left hand and fused the joints in her ring finger. Along with the tendon grafts, and her stubborn refusal to take the quantities of pain meds they prescribed, she was suffering. And I was too far away to do the thing she wanted most which was to simply hold her.

Then just when the pain was all settling, they started on the right hand and more skin grafts. She kept the little finger on her right hand. She was happy about that. She asked often about Elly and the kids and my work and mostly I think she wanted distraction.

The whole time I watched in awe as she pushed through in determined Lara style. She fell down so many times and got up fighting every damn time. But my world was empty and the big hole she left in it highlighted how much she had come to mean to me. Every now and then I'd turn to tell her something or want to ring but she only got service when she was able to make it down to the canteen as they were strict about phone use.

"I miss you Jaxon." She told me one afternoon. I was sitting in my office at work with my stupid employees making faces and rude gestures outside, while I smiled into the phone. "It's not about Sammy anymore. It's about you. I need you. I couldn't have gone through this without you. Your voice... I wish... I miss your touch. No-one really touches me."

"I miss you too, Lara."

"Jaxon, listen. Elly told me how things were before I came along."

"Oh, righto then. We haven't..."

"Haha, I know. She told me about that. Your rules. Just... Look. My skin crawls for you. I want you. The intimacy. I miss it so much. I know you probably feel it too. I want you happy, Jax. Do you get what I'm saying?"

"Yes and no. Yes, I know you care about me enough to want me happy and no, I won't invite Elly back in my bed. Besides, she wouldn't go for it either. She loves you."

"Just saying, Jax is all. It's okay. Okay?"

"I love you enough to wait, Lara." Oops... We haven't actually used that word.

"Silly bugger, you'll be sorry." She giggles.

~~<>~~

I shuffled nervously in the parking lot beside the ute. She was being let out today. They'd flown her back to Brisbane to let her convalesce locally. There was going to be a lot of physio and outpatient stuff, but she was going home to her parents. Doctors didn't want her living alone in her unit until the bandages came off her right hand and she was fully independent.

Without fuss, she spilled out through the doors, smiled at me and walked toward the ute.

"Stranger." She smiled at me and filled my arms.

"Wow." I tell her when we break. "Your neck and... wow your cheek."

"Good boy. That's what a girl needs to hear. Now take me home, I have a new trick I want to show you."

"Oooh!" I make a show of rushing around to open her door for her. Her giggles follow me.

The car ride south from Brisbane to her home is quiet. I'd like to think it's comfortable but she's fidgety.

Finally, she opens up a little as we near the Tweed bridge. "I've had a lot of time to think."

"That sounds dangerous."

"Fuckwit." She laughs. "Don't make me regret missing you."

"Sap."

"Hmm... You know that speech thing I did for Sarah's school?"

"Hell yeah, you were awesome."

"Thanks, but you have to say that. So, look even if these surgeries on my hands work as well as I hope, I will probably not fly again."

"You'll fly again, phoenix girl."

"Shh. Let me finish. So, I am going to find another way to make something good out of what happened to Sammy and to me. If there is a way that speaking about it can help other people, then I'm going to do it."

"Okay."

"One of Elly's friends who was at that career's night contacted me on messenger the other day."

"Yeah?"

"She works with channel ten and is a friend of the O'Rielly's."

"They have friends?"

"Yeah. My first thought too. Anyway, she wants to do a human-interest thing; interview her parents and then me. I said yes."

"Well good for you."

"On one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have to come on with me. I'm so damn nervous."

"Haha. You say that but you'll be fine Lara. Okay, though. I'll do whatever you need."

"I knew you'd say that. The money from the show will give me enough to start thinking about a business idea I have." She bops me with her elbow as she slides across the bench seat to buckle in beside me. "Want to see my new trick?"

I nod and smile at her then my eyes widen as she finger walks down my chest with her left hand.

"Wow, Lara. Look at them go." They move so freely and surely now.

"You aint..." She takes hold of my zipper and 'zzzippp'. "Seen nothing..." She fishes my dick out. "Yet."

Her previously crippled fingers form a soft yet firm grip around my rapidly hardening dick.

"I can wiggle them all, see?"

"Oh god yes." I groan as she independently applies different pressures with her fingers around me and strokes gently up and down.

"I spent days practicing this in hospital. Silly physio tried to motivate me with squeeze toys and personal mobility sermons. All I could think about was blowing your mind with a wristy. How am I doing, honey?"

"You're gonna make me crash if you keep that up."

"Oh sorry," She holds firm to my dick and shuffles over a bit on the bench to drop her lips to me as well. "I'll just do this instead."

The combination of her stroking hand and her hot wet mouth on me have me trying really hard to focus on the road and, "Shit. Lara, I'm gonna..."

She locks those pretty lips down hard and sucks three months' worth of spunk out of me. Every ounce of my attention is trying hard to focus on the road as I pump into her mouth. "Jesus..." I huff as she sits beaming beside me.

"Hey," I tap at my chin and watch as she takes the hint and wipes a little bit of stray jizz from her own chin.

"I think he missed me." She says licking her finger clean.

"Him and I both."

Her parents are just as happy as my dick was to see her. Although they contented themselves with hugs and kisses, thankfully. Elaine has been cooking all day by the smell of the house and Eric is keen to show Lara her car.

While she was away, I was able to swap the battery in it and give it a quick service. There was nothing majorly wrong with it. Those little turbo diesels will run forever.

"It could use a set of tyres soon, girly." Eric tells her. "When you get that bandage off, you'll be free as a bird again."

Her right hand is still bandaged. The dressings will need daily changing for another week or two. As her dominant hand, there was more work done to it for mobility sake.

When dinner is finished and beer is passed around, I find myself sidled up to Eric on the long veranda. Mossies whine like fighter squadrons and a gentle sea-breeze soughs through the cane. Lara has not stopped talking since she got home. There is a theory that people need to get so many thousand words out every day. She's been in hospital for three months with no visitors. This could be a long night.

We can hear her and her mother in the kitchen. They are discussing her business idea. From what drifts on the wind it sounds like she wants to do some kind of coaching and motivational thing. She would be perfect for it; she really is a driven soul.

Eric talks about his farm. He's lamenting cane price predictions when we both shut up having heard the same little drift of conversation.