With a Feather

"I know that you're a man of forgiveness, and that's a good thing. But you are also a realist. You're a counselor at this institution of higher learning. If this affair became known to the administration, your job would be 'gone with the wind.' Our family would be shunned. It would affect all of us. I'm sorry to say it, but it's the truth. I trust you to do the right thing, Dad. You listen, then decide what should be done."

After Larry left, I called Alice and told her that I would be a little late. Then, I grabbed my headphones and I listened.

The Evidence:

I understand that piece of hyperbole now, "You could have knocked me over with a feather." I didn't want to believe my ears, but they had been listening to some overwhelming evidence.

I had to face the truth. My choice for "the most moral woman on earth," had just been exposed as an adulteress. Even worse, she took advantage of a fragile boy that was in her care. It was completely unbelievable.

I, on the other hand, had been exposed as a clueless moron. How could this have happened right under my nose without even a whiff of suspicion on my part?

During her most recent lunch with Jerry, she mentioned that next Wednesday would mark the end of his school program. She said that she would allow him to have "a little extra fun" on that last day.

It was obvious from the sounds that were recorded in the bedroom that there was already some intensive sex going on between the two of them for quite some time. She always gave him some instructions and followed them with some practice.

He never said much, but he made plenty of noise. There were groans, gasps, and squeals. Most of the words they said could not be considered conversation. There were many repetitions of, "Oh, god. Good lord. Jesus," and other such exclamations. You would have thought they were in church!

At one point, there was some revealing conversation. Jerry crowed, "Sex with me is more interesting and fun than sex with Allen, isn't it?"

She answered, "Jerry, please never bad-mouth my husband. He's the love of my life. Don't ever compare yourself to him again. You are two very different people. Remember, after next Wednesday, we'll be through doing this. All we have left is today and next Wednesday. After that, never again. We've been taking some frightening risks. We've been lucky, but this could cost me my marriage if it ever becomes known."

For some crazy reason, hearing that made me feel better.

She continued, "Promise me again that you'll never tell anyone what we've done. This is important, Jerry. Promise me again."

"I won't tell anyone, Mrs. Reynolds," he answered.

"You haven't told anyone, have you, Jerry?"

"You know I promised you that I wouldn't, but I don't see why we need to stop next Wednesday. Couldn't we still get together? We could do something like we did on the Fourth of July, or better yet, repeat what we did when Mr. Reynolds was in Chicago."

"No, Jerry. It's just too risky. We have to end it."

At that point, Jerry began to whine and to tell her that she was like everyone else. She didn't really care about him since he wasn't smart.

She assured him that she had feelings for him, but she just couldn't continue to keep secrets from her husband and risk her marriage. She finally relented and told him that perhaps they could get together sometime in the future if the right conditions were to occur.

"Like when Mr. Reynolds took that trip to Chicago?" he asked. "That was the best time that I've ever had," he gushed.

"Maybe something like that, Jerry. But what I want you to do is find a girl your age. You'll be a great boyfriend for some lucky girl. You should start thinking more about that and less about me."

Now my mind was spinning again. I remembered the get-together at our house on Independence Day. Jerry was there. We played games, had dogs and burgers, and watched fireworks. What else happened? How did I fail to notice?

What did they do when I was in Chicago? There was sure a lot happening that I was unaware of. I was clueless. Like I've said, I was a mushroom, that's for sure.

When it was apparent that their latest sexual encounter was over, she mentioned that she had only let him enter her vagina two times. She admitted that she thought allowing that was a flagrant betrayal of her husband and her marriage vows.

She said that she would let him do that again, even though it would be just pure adultery, on their last time together. It would be a farewell present. After all, everything she'd taught him about sex was for the ultimate purpose of showing him what he needed to know to father children someday and have a family. She would allow him to experience it exactly as it would need to be done to make him a daddy on that last time.

I was in a quandary. What to do? What are my options? How should I react to this betrayal? It appears that I have two choices. I can try to protect her, or I can bring the consequences down on her head.

This is a lose/lose situation. I agree with Larry, I have very little confidence that it will remain a secret for very long. The fact that Alice has told Jerry it must end probably ensures that he'll start blabbing. While he was having sex with her every week, he was unlikely to do something that would end it. When it stopped, that might be a different and dangerous situation.

He told Larry about it long ago. Who else did he tell? The one thing that I have going for me is that I know about the "last time together celebration" that will happen next Wednesday. I know, but they don't know I know.

I could hire a PI to obtain some video evidence. But why spend the money and risk getting someone else involved? I was reluctant to let someone else have any knowledge of the affair. The fewer people that knew, the better. I was thinking of a better plan.

Catching:

When I got home that evening, I faked an upset stomach and spent the evening in the den, which I use as a home office. Alice came in several times and I kept telling her that I still felt sick and somewhat nauseated. Actually, that wasn't a lie. I did feel sick. What I'd learned today made me want to puke.

I convinced her that it might be a contagious bug and I slept on the couch in the den. That got me by for one night, but I still had another night before Wednesday. Guess I need to feign illness one more night.

Wednesday morning, I told her that I had two meetings to attend. One was a breakfast meeting and the other one was after lunch. I put on my jacket and walked out the door. It was the first time that I can remember that I hadn't kissed her goodbye and said, "I love you," when I left for work.

At lunchtime, I took leave and left work. I drove to our neighborhood. I parked in the alley behind our house. I had my phone connected to the cloud. I had "ears" in my house. I waited for something to happen, but it was quiet. Then, I heard some sound from the guest bedroom mikes. She was saying that this was the last time and reminding him that no one must ever know.

From that point on, there were a few breathless conversations and more passionate sounds than I needed to hear. I listened and stayed put until it became clear that it was time for her to give him the "something special" that she had promised. It was time for her to allow him into her vagina again. Since she had mentioned that it was exactly how to make a baby, I assumed it would be bareback. At that point, I called our landline.

The phone on the bedside table rang. She took the call. She seemed to be somewhat agitated. I heard her taking some deep breaths and trying to calm down. I heard some muffled sounds in the background.

"Hello," she finally managed.

After a few seconds of silence, I said, "I forgot an important paper that I need for my afternoon meeting. I'm at the house. I'm coming in to get it. I just wanted to make sure you wouldn't think I was an intruder. I'm coming in now."

I ran up the stairs and opened the guest bedroom door. They were laying on the bed. Both were naked. Jerry saw me first. He jumped down and began reaching for his pants. Then Alice saw me. She just froze in place. "What's going on here?" I yelled. Alice was in shock. She just stared at the ceiling.

I walked into the room. "Answer me!" I thundered. She did not attempt to answer and she didn't budge. I looked around the room.

Clothes were strewn haphazardly on the floor. They must have been in a hell of a hurry or a fit of passion. There was a baseball hat hanging on the doorknob. It was a Teresa Academy hat.

I'd hit the jackpot. I took pictures of everything with my phone. Jerry was about half-dressed when I saw him running away. He hadn't said a word. Alice glanced at me. What she saw in my eyes caused her to grab a pillow and put it over her face. There was complete silence from Alice. Not a single word. Just some muted sobbing.

"Alice, is this what you've been teaching Jerry? It's pretty plain to see; you're having an affair with him. He's younger than your son! He's mentally challenged to boot. Did you think in your wildest dreams that this was OK? Did you think I would put up with this?"

She didn't answer or even move. I ripped the pillow from her hands and snapped more pictures of her and the room. I wanted her to know that I had ample evidence of her affair. She finally muttered, "Let me clean up and take care of myself. Then, we will talk. I'll tell you all about it when I get myself together. This is the worst moment of my life, Allen."

"Mine too, Alice. Unfortunately, I still have a meeting to attend. I'll come home after the meeting. I want, in fact---I demand to hear what you have to say about this betrayal of me, our family, and our marriage," I shouted.

"Yes, when you get home, I'll tell you about it. Please bring something home for us to eat. I won't feel like cooking," she croaked.

I took one last look at her, then stormed out of the house.

Explaining:

Three hours later, I came in with some take-out food. She was sitting at the kitchen table with a notebook and a calendar beside her. She had a notepad too, with writing on it.

I distributed the plasticware and dished out the food. We ate in silence. She mostly just picked at her food. I finally said, "Alice, let's get this show on the road."

"Allen, you've already surmised that I did things with Jerry that I shouldn't have done. I think that hearing all of the details would just hurt you more than what I've already done. I don't want to add to your hurt and that's what telling you the details would do.

"Can't you accept that I'm sorry beyond words and ashamed beyond belief? I don't know if you want to divorce me or try to save our marriage. If there is any chance at all of saving it, then we just need to start all over today and move forward from here. You most certainly know in your heart that Jerry was never a threat to our marriage, Allen. I'm not in love with him, of course. He's just a boy, like you said. You are the only one that I love.

"It all comes down to one thing. I was sorry for him and I wanted to answer some of his questions. Some of them were of an intimate nature. I tried to explain things to him, but he didn't understand. It was like teaching chemistry without any labs. It was the 'labs' that got me into trouble. I just kept getting in deeper and deeper until I found myself at a place of no return.

"Jerry's program is over now, and I won't be seeing him anymore. It's all in the past and that's where it should remain," she finished.

I screamed, "What happened to that moral woman that I married. First, you submitted lies to Jerry's school. I thought that was bad. But this? This is unforgivable, Alice. You want to hide the truth from me to spare me more hurt. I'm your husband. I'm the father of your children, at least I have always assumed that I am. Now, I am not sure of ...."

"Don't say that, Allen," she interrupted. "You know you are. I've never been unfaithful before. Even what I did with Jerry was not being unfaithful, as I see it in my mind. Allen, if a doctor amputates a leg to save a life, he shouldn't be charged with bodily mutilation. I was trying to save a young man's life! I was trying to prepare a boy with considerable disabilities to live as normally as possible in this world."

I screamed again, "Do you think a court of law would see it that way, Alice? I doubt it. I need and deserve to hear the truth so I can make some decisions about the future of our family. You owe me the truth. Let me determine if it was being unfaithful, or not. I'm not even certain that you'll tell me the truth, Alice. The woman that I married would have told the complete truth, but then she wouldn't have told those lies about Jerry to the school or participated in this despicable love affair either."

"It was not a love affair, Allen. Can't you see that?"

"How can I see anything if you won't tell me what happened. If you don't start telling me every detail, I'll leave right now and file for divorce. I have enough evidence right now to justify it. You have one chance, and that's to start telling me the truth right now. Don't lie to me. It won't work, Alice. If you lie to me, I'll know, believe me! You must tell me everything and not one word can be even a white lie. Have you got that?"

She said, "Allen, I'm so sorry. I regret that I'm not the woman you married. I know that I'm not, but the enormity of it just hit me this afternoon. Starting right now, I'm going to be the woman that I was. I won't lie to you. It will be painful for me and for you too. I won't lie or bend the truth in any way. I'll be the woman that you married.

"I'm afraid that you won't understand what I'm going to tell you. Hell, I don't even understand it. But I would rather tell my story to a professional. I think we should let this story come out in the presence of a marriage counselor. Would you agree to that? I need someone knowledgeable about these things to help me understand how they could have happened. I think you need that too."

I didn't answer. She sat on the bed crying and watching me. After a few moments, she said, "Allen, please go to a counselor with me."

"I think what I need to do is hire a lawyer, Alice. But if you get an appointment with a certified counselor, I'll go with you. I don't think it will help, but I owe you that for all the good years we had."

Counselor:

The counselor's name was Sharon Blue. Sharon started by asking each of us about our goals. What did we hope to accomplish in our sessions?

Alice said that she hoped to get me to understand why she did those things. She thought that I needed to hear her reasoning. Her main goal now was to save our marriage, if possible. If not, she wanted to protect me from the possible fallout from her actions.

I stated that my primary question is why she broke her marriage vows. What part of it might be my fault. I wish that I had devoted some time to help her with the project.

As to the affair, I already knew quite a bit about what she did because Larry had provided me with recordings of her conversations with Jerry in the kitchen and the bedroom. As I said, now I need to know why!

Alice was very upset to find out that I had those recordings.

"Larry knows about this? You have recordings of everything? Will anything that I say make any difference, or have you and our son already judged me?"

"Those recordings tell me what happened, but they don't tell me why you chose to cheat on me and why you made a conscious decision to end our marriage. That's what I need to know."

"How do I know that you actually have recordings?" she asked.

At that point, I answered with anger, "That's rich, Alice. You don't trust what I've told you. Coming from the cheater, that's rich. That's just too rich, Alice."

With that, I grabbed my phone, turned up the volume, and started playing a recording of a particularly juicy episode. When she realized what she was hearing, she began yelling, "Stop, stop!" I stopped.

Sharon asked me if I had any desire to save my marriage. She wanted to know if I had already seen an attorney. I told her that I had been thinking about it and probably should make an appointment. "I haven't made a final decision about the future of our marriage. I need to know my options from a legal standpoint."

Sharon told Alice that I deserved an answer to my "why?" question. Alice stated that she couldn't sit there and tell me her story face to face. She said she would never be able to get through such a horrible task. She preferred to write everything down and have someone else read it aloud at our next meeting. I reluctantly agreed to that. Sharon scheduled our next meeting for two days later.

During the ride home, only Alice spoke. She said, "Allen, you've known about this for some time. I had no idea that you knew. Our marriage is over no matter what I do, isn't it?"

I didn't answer.

Two days later, we were back in the counselor's office. Alice had her written statement ready. They asked a secretary to come in and read aloud what Alice had written. I didn't take my eyes off of Alice during the whole reading.

Alice's Statement:

Allen, this is the most difficult thing that I have done in my life. I told you that I didn't want to hurt you more than I already have, but you said you wanted your wife back. You wanted the moral me. You wanted the truthful me. I've heard it said, "the truth will set you free." I'm afraid that in my case, it will be a "free" that I don't want.

This is what you wanted, so here it is. The complete and unvarnished truth, to the very best of my recollection. If it makes me less in your eyes, as I'm certain that it will, that's the consequences that are my due. The complete truth is my only hope of ever getting your trust again. I will take that chance since it is all I have left.

It all started when I heard about the program that the Teresa Remedial Academy was offering to their students. Its purpose was to provide practical training for the students, covering tasks that are needed to run a household. There were separate programs for girls and boys.

I thought of Jerry. He was a student at the Teresa Academy and a friend of our son, Larry. All of us liked Jerry. We felt sorry for him. If this program could benefit him, shouldn't we give it a whirl?

The program for male students covered mostly outdoor tasks, like caring for the lawn. Things like flower and vegetable gardening could be included. Some simple household repair tasks should also be part of the mix. It was designed for boys to learn the practical things that the "man of the house" should know.

The program would be taught from noon until 5 pm every Wednesday. It would begin in April and last through September. The students would receive academic credit for the time spent doing the assigned tasks. Also, the sponsors would provide monetary rewards for the students. It would be like having a part-time job that provided both money and school credit. Sort of like an apprenticeship. The program would be taught by qualified adults, using their own facilities.

I talked with you about it, and you agreed that it would be a good program for Jerry. The only problem you had was how you could give it the required amount of time. You reminded me that you had signed up to teach summer classes this year in addition to your normal duties. I assured you that since my editing job allowed me to work from home, I could take on the lion's share of the tasks.

To participate as teachers, we had to complete an application. Since both of us have college degrees and professional careers, it wasn't hard for us to qualify and obtain the necessary certification. It didn't hurt that you have been a professional educator for your whole career. As it turned out, just as you suspected, you were not involved in this project very much. It was my thing, so to speak. I was doing a good deed. I was making a difference in a life. That's the way I saw it. That's the way it started.