With a Feather

The first month went much as I had envisioned the project all along. When Jerry arrived at noon, I fed him a nutritious lunch and talked to him about the program and the tasks we would be tackling. After lunch, he changed into his work clothes. His first task on that Wednesday was to deal with the leaves and other debris that had accumulated during the winter.

I showed him how to start the leaf blower and use it to blow the leaves out of the flower beds and other nooks and crannies.

The next step was how to install the mulching attachment on the mower. Then I showed him how to mulch the leaves for bagging. He caught on quickly. I left him to it, and he had it all done in a few hours. He did a good job and I told him so.

Then, he took a shower, changed into his street clothes, and left for home. He left looking proud of himself. I was proud of him too.

The next Wednesday, I showed him how to start and use the weed-eater. I stressed that he needed to use eye protection. Once again, he caught on fast and did a good job.

By the following Wednesday, I took him through his first lawn mowing experience. He enjoyed using the riding mower. After a few passes, he was mowing like a pro. I showed him how to empty the clippings into lawn bags and put them at the curb for pick-up by the city.

The last Wednesday of the month, I had him transplant some flowers. I taught him how to remove them from the pots they'd been stored in and plant them in the ground.

It was hard work, but Jerry was learning faster than I expected.

It was on the first Wednesday in May that I unknowingly took my first baby step into big trouble. Jerry asked me if we could talk about a personal matter. I told him that it might be alright if it was related to what he was supposed to be learning. It had to pertain to the project goals. I suggested that we talk about personal matters after the daily tasks were finished.

So, after he completed his tasks and showered, we sat down to talk about personal matters. It turned out that Jerry wanted to talk about girls. Specifically, he wanted to talk about dating.

He told me that he had dated just one time. It turned out bad. He said that at the end of the date, he wanted to kiss Jenny. When they were on her front porch near the door, he tried. He said that their noses collided. She jumped back while saying, "ouch."

He apologized and tried again. They had another nose collision and it was even worse. Somehow, he ended up knocking her glasses off. The left lens broke upon hitting the porch floor. When the word got out at school, everyone laughed at him. As for Jenny Clayton, she never talked to him again.

He wanted help. "Mrs. Reynolds, can you give me some help on how to kiss a girl? I need to know how to do it without causing a disaster. Any information that you can give me would be greatly appreciated. I really need help."

I told Jerry that I was not sure that a conversation about kissing and dating was appropriate for his program. I told him that I would contact the program supervisor and get an answer. If it was deemed appropriate, we would talk about it next Wednesday. He seemed to be happy with that.

I did call the program supervisor and explained the dilemma to her. She said that "social interactions" were covered by the program. She thought that dating would be covered under that umbrella. After all, it did relate to becoming "the man of the house." She did, however, warn me to be very careful and not to let it "get out of hand." She also advised me to make sure that my husband was "on board" about venturing into that territory. She suggested that perhaps you should be the one to have that discussion with Jerry.

I did tell you that Jerry and I talked about a wide range of subjects besides the tasks for the day. I mentioned the kissing fiasco that he had described. You had a good laugh about that. I could understand why you would laugh, but to me, it wasn't funny. "Poor Jerry," I muttered. "Today's dating scene is hard enough for normal kids. I can only imagine how challenging it is for him." You stopped laughing, but you didn't offer to have the discussion with Jerry.

I told you that I was trying to help Jerry as much as I could, but I was just feeling my way when it came to determining what he could learn and what he was incapable of understanding. One thing I learned was that he did better when I showed him how to do something instead of just telling him about it. For instance, I told him in detail how to attach the deck to the lawn tractor. When I had him try it, he couldn't do it. When I showed him how to do it, he understood it immediately. The next week, he was able to install the deck all by himself.

He learns by watching and doing much better than listening to descriptions. He is what, in college, we would have called "lab-oriented" rather than "lecture-oriented." Nevertheless, when it came to kissing, I decided to just talk about it.

It was the second Wednesday in May when I explained that first, he needed to set the mood. He should give her a compliment or two. I said, "Just make sure that you mean what you say. For instance, if you like the way she smiles, you could say something like, 'I love your smile. It rocks my world.' Be sure you mean it. Don't be less than truthful with her. "If you like her hair, you can say something like, 'I love your hair. It's so soft and beautiful.' I'm sure you can think up some nice compliments."

I mentioned that it was a good idea to move slowly and make sure that he had her approval for each step. I stressed that if she seemed uncomfortable, he should stop. Then I showed him how to tilt his head slightly at the start of the kiss to avoid the collision problem that had plagued his first dating experience.

He thanked me for the information. Then, he put me on the spot when he said, "Alice, will you let me practice with you? I'm not sure how to do the tilting. Will you help me get it right?"

This was the turning point. I had a fleeting moment to consider if I wanted to stay in "lecture-mode" or resort to "lab-mode." I had already determined that Jerry didn't learn by just hearing how to do something. He learned better by "watching and doing." That's why I crossed the line and decided to show him how to kiss a girl.

He started by setting the mood. He told me that I was a beautiful woman. He said that he had wanted to kiss me from the first day he saw me. Then, he told me that my tits were among the biggest that he'd ever seen. I wanted to laugh, but I had to intervene.

I said, "Don't mention things like breasts until you know the girl really well, Jerry. Take your time. You must work your way up to complements of that nature."

He apologized profusely. By the time we ended our first kissing session, he had the tilting thing down pat and had become a good kisser, even if I say so myself. He was gentle and he progressed quickly. Soon he was kissing me with a bit of passion. I hate to admit it, but I felt my body react to his kisses. I didn't expect that! He was a good student and he said that I was "the best teacher ever." I liked his compliments. I enjoyed his kisses.

On the following Wednesday, he wanted to continue kissing practice. He asked about French kissing. I explained it and told him it was an escalation towards "other things.". He wanted to know what I meant by "other things." I ignored that and showed him how to French kiss.

While we were practicing French kissing, he mentioned that it gave him a "stiffy." He asked me if I was getting one too. It was apparent that no one had ever had "the talk" with him.

He was curious about everything. I finally set aside some time to enlighten him. He needed "the talk."

I explained the female equivalent of a hardon. I explained how lubrication was formed by both the boy and the girl and I told him why. I took him through my version of "Sexual Intercourse 101."

I stressed safe sex for the prevention of both disease and pregnancy. My biggest problem was that he wanted to try everything. I knew I was getting in deep when during some French kissing practice, in the blink of an eye, this boy was feeling me up while tickling my tonsils with his tongue. He said he could feel some lubrication and he wanted to see if I was making some too. I told him to just take my word for it, I was making some too.

Before long, I was inadvertently getting very aroused. So much so that I found myself teaching him how to undo my bra clasps. It wasn't long before his lips and tongue had replaced his hands and fingers on my breasts.

I know now that I was instructing him every step of the way. He was using his hands exactly the way that I enjoyed being touched. It was the same with his lips and tongue. I knew what worked for me, and I presented that as the way he needed to do it. He was being molded to satisfy me personally, but I still justified it as teaching him things he needed to know.

I finally determined that it was time for me to confront the whole issue. I had an in-depth conversation with myself. I could easily predict where all of this was leading. I needed to define exactly what my limits were. How much risk was I willing to take and how far could I let this go?

There was one possibility that influenced my decisions more than a little bit. I kept thinking that there was a chance that Jerry would never be accepted by any girl. That he would never marry. That he would never even have a close relationship. He had lots of problems and that might make it unlikely that any girl would be doing these things with him, ever. Maybe what he experienced with me would be all he would ever get.

I agonized over everything. How far should I let him go? At what point would I be betraying my husband and my marriage vows? Had I already crossed that line?

After much introspection, I decided that I needed to do as much as possible for him; but I also identified the one place I wouldn't go under any circumstance. That place was actual sexual intercourse. That was the top of the pyramid and it was off-limits. I thought about each of the intermediate steps and where they stood in my self-designed permission scheme.

I ultimately decided that I would allow anything that could be defined as "mutual masturbation." Basically, if it couldn't make a baby, it would be allowed. That probably permitted quite a few things that both you and society, in general, identifies as infidelity and sin. Nevertheless, my interpretation would serve as my guiding light from then on. Anything that could not make a baby was permissible!

What about oral sex? I didn't enjoy giving it, but in today's world, it was common. Jerry would be expected to know something about it if he was lucky enough to get some dates. It couldn't make a baby so it would be allowed.

I also had to consider anal sex. I had never done it. You were always dead set against it. You knew there was some element of danger inherent in doing it. Both injury and disease had to be considered. It was a filthy place. Most importantly, you had mentioned that using that orifice for sex was a dangerous misuse of it. That opening was meant for something else. It was a one-way street. It was not designed for two-way traffic.

On the other hand, I knew that anal sex was not uncommon nowadays. I knew it couldn't make a baby. I decided to cross that bridge if and when we got to it.

At the end of the day, I had identified my limits. Actual vaginal sexual intercourse was off-limits. Everything else could be allowed if and when we progressed that far.

I was still afraid of what would happen if what we were doing was discovered. What if you found out? What if Jerry told someone? What if the program sponsor discovered what my "personal matters" discussion had led to? I was in a quandary, but my decision had been made. I knew what I would allow. Was it right or was it wrong? I'm quite certain that I know what your answer would be.

July was a very different month for Jerry and me. For one thing, we had our first sexual experience outside of the school program. It was on Independence Day. You and I had invited some friends to our house for a party that started in the afternoon and would end with a firework display after sundown. I invited Jerry to the party.

During the afternoon when everyone was gathered around the picnic tables, I went into the house to prepare the dessert. Jerry volunteered to help me. I was standing at the sink washing a platter when Jerry came up behind me. He raised my dress. Then, using his hands he brought me to an orgasm right there in my kitchen. Luckily, the window by the sink let me keep track of our guests while he pleasured me.

It was a more intense orgasm than usual, probably because it was so taboo, quasi-public, and risky. That raised the erotic level to an all-time high.

After my orgasm, I used my hands to return the favor for Jerry.

We left on a two-week family vacation two days later. So, we were gone for two Wednesdays. Jerry did the mowing by himself. He did a good job.

When we got home and I resumed the sessions with Jerry, he was super-horny and so was I. We started with a comprehensive review of everything we had done so far. It was our longest session together by far. We finished just in time for me to put new sheets on the bed and put the soiled ones in the washer. I barely had time to take a shower and prepare a quick meal before you got home.

What kept me going was that I felt I was helping Jerry. I was teaching him things that should serve him well in the future. I still couldn't shake the sobering thought that I might be giving him the only sexual experience that he would ever have.

I might be doing him a great favor, but was it worth all the risks that I was taking? That was THE question. I should have given it more thought.

We had developed a routine that we followed each time we were together. I had explained the sexual first, second, and third bases to him and all three were in our routine. He was disappointed that I was not going to allow him to get to fourth base. No home runs.

He was so disappointed that I finally had to mention that there was another way to hit a home run. I wouldn't have mentioned it if he was as big as you are, but he is much smaller. I thought I could probably accommodate him without too much pain. It turned out that he had heard about anal sex, but he thought it was "icky."

I explained that many people, mostly men, considered it to be better than a home run. Some called it fifth-base. He wanted to know why it was better. I explained that a woman who has had babies, as I have, was not as tight vaginally as she used to be. Her anus was much tighter and would give a man more pleasure. He still thought it was "icky" until we tried it. Then it became his favorite thing. It wasn't mine. It soon took its place, however, as the last act in our well-practiced routine

I kept telling myself that he was still learning, and that kept me in the role of "teacher." Deep down, however, a voice was telling me that we were having an affair. No matter what kind of silver lining I chose to paint around it, we were having a cheap affair. Me and a boy younger than my son. Oh, my god.

I needed to start easing my way out of it! I resolved that I would go back into teacher mode in September. I would tell Jerry that it was time for a comprehensive review. We would spend more time discussing the other duties of the "man of the house" and talking about his future. I would encourage him to start asking girls his own age for dates.

I decided that we would devote each remaining session to the non-sexual training that he was supposed to be getting. I began stressing that the end of the program was drawing near and that we needed to concentrate more on the landscaping, mowing, and such. We needed to spend less time on sexual activities. In other words, I wanted to disentangle myself and bring the "affair" to an end.

I knew I had to walk a fine line. If I cut him off entirely, with no hope of any more sexual activity, he might retaliate in some manner. Worst case, he would reveal what we had been doing.

That first week in September was very difficult. I scheduled several landscaping activities. I insisted that we devote the time remaining to just kissing. We needed to make sure that he had that down pat so there would be no more fiascos in the kissing department, like the one he experienced with Jenny. He begged for more, but I didn't give in. He left the house a very unhappy boy. That worried me.

The next day, fate intervened. That's when you informed me that you would have to attend a short seminar in Chicago. You were flying out next Tuesday morning and would return on Thursday evening. That meant that I would be alone all day and all night on Wednesday!

I saw that as a great opportunity to have a finale with Jerry. I could use that occasion to keep his interest up during our review process so he wouldn't feel so cheated. That was my reasoning, but was it my reason? Maybe, deep down, it was something that I wanted personally! Either way, I considered it to be a fortuitous happening.

I phoned Jerry and told him about your trip. I told him that we could spend the whole day and night together next Wednesday if he could create a cover-story to tell his mom. I said, "We can take more time and I will let you decide what we do. We can do anything but the one thing I've forbidden. It's our chance to have a grand finale."

He said, "I like that idea, Alice. I'll be there for sure. I can come up with an excuse for my mom and I'll think about what we should do.

He surprised me with his plan for our grand finale. He came up with a detailed plan. He wanted to pretend that I was his wife!

First, he would come to the house Wednesday morning before I was dressed. He wants me to make breakfast while still in my robe. Then, after breakfast, he wants us to perform our usual sex routine, but this time in the master bedroom. He insisted that we use the bed that I share with you!

Then, we will work together in the yard until noon. We will have lunch together at Mac's and then come home for some additional sexual activities.

In the evening, we will go to a nice restaurant for a good meal. We will go to a movie together and hold hands. When we get home, we will watch TV together on the couch and play around until bedtime.

At bedtime, we will go to bed together in the master bedroom. We will perform our usual routine before we go to sleep. He wants us to wake up at least once during the night and do our routine again.

In the morning, I will fix breakfast again. He will kiss me goodbye and leave as if going to work.

What a plan! I asked what he wanted to do during the times he had set aside for sexual activities. He said, "Let's just let it flow. Let's see where it leads us." I agreed to his plan.

I drove you to the airport early on Tuesday. We said and did all of the appropriate things. As you walked to the gate, you turned and waved at me. I smiled and waved back.

As I drove home, I began to think about tomorrow. I had some groceries and other items to pick up in preparation for the grand finale. The "other items" included a new box of condoms. After that, I spent the evening relaxing and thinking. My thoughts were running wild. There was a mixed bag of thoughts; elation, regret, lust, shame, fear, happiness, and sadness; to name a few. I didn't sleep well for many reasons.