With a Feather

I heard the knock just after the sun peeked above the horizon. I answered the door in my robe. Jerry gave me a long kiss.

We sat down to a breakfast of bacon, eggs, biscuits, gravy, and grits. For all practical purposes, we were a newly-married couple. We ate our breakfast and with every bite, the lust level in the room increased. We all but ran to the bedroom.

This was a sea change for me. For the first time, I would be doing sexual acts in a bed that had only known the same two lovers since it had been delivered to our new home years ago. Would I be desecrating my marriage bed? Can a bed be desecrated? It doesn't actually change, does it?

Why had Jerry specified that we use this bed? Was it to show power over you? Was it to build himself up as he put you down? Enough of that thinking. Here's the thing, it's naughty, that's what it is. It's naughty, slutty, and taboo. It's mindless, risky, perverse, and against every rule. It's irresistible!

The day went just as we planned. Everything was good. We were just like any other husband and wife. The sex was not good, it was great! Everything was going as planned. We went out for lunch. We saw a movie together. We held hands during the show. Jerry felt me up a couple of times and put his hand up my skirt once. We kissed too many times to count. There was lots of tongue activity.

We left the theatre with a tent in Jerry's pants and with my panties so wet that there was a creek running down my legs.

We didn't watch very much TV. We must have been very sleepy. We were in bed by 8 pm.

It was then that we crossed a boundary. We had already made it through our whole routine once. After a short rest, we began again. It was going well. When we got to the final act of the routine, we were in the "doggie" position. Without any warning, he made a quick adjustment and his penis changed direction. Before I could react, he entered my vagina for the very first time. In an unpreventable instant, we were violating my only rule!

This was a big violation of my self-described ethics. For the first time since my wedding, someone else's penis had entered my birth canal. Yes, he was wearing a condom, but it was still full-blown intercourse. I began to crawl forward in a futile attempt to get away. I finally just resigned myself to reality and allowed it to play out. It was too late anyhow. The rule was obliterated, but even worse; I was enjoying it.

The time to have prevented all this was when I heard about your trip to Chicago. I didn't need to tell Jerry about it, did I? Perhaps at some level, I knew this would happen. Perhaps I facilitated it.

When we finished, Jerry whispered hoarsely that it was the best feeling he'd ever had. It was good for me too, but I refrained from saying so

The next time happened in the middle of the night, just as Jerry had envisioned. At first, I thought I was having an erotic dream but I opened my eyes and the dream became reality. This time we used the missionary position. It was even more intense. Why did I allow him to break the rule a second time? Well, that ship had already sailed. No use to drop anchor when the ship was already underway!

Perhaps the first time was technically rape since he penetrated me against my will. He knew it violated my rule but did it anyway. Once that rule had been broken, what was the point in enforcing it anymore? I took some comfort in knowing he was wearing a condom. At least I wouldn't get pregnant!

The next thing I remember was the sun shining through the bedroom window. Jerry was sleeping beside me. The world was all shiny and bright.

I quietly dressed, tiptoed downstairs, and started breakfast.

A few minutes later, Jerry came down. He was fully dressed. He sat down at the head of the table. He had never sat in your chair before. He looked at me and said, "Good morning, honey. We had a fantastic day yesterday and what a night! I'm glad I was able to take a day of my vacation. It was time well spent. I will never forget last night as long as I live. I wish I could get away from work again today, but I think you have a visitor coming in from Chicago today anyway. I suppose you will have to spend some time with him. You be a good girl when he gets here."

We were still playing the game, his fantasy, just like he planned it! "I hope you have a good day at work, honey," I answered.

We made small talk as we ate. Then he got up, walked over to me, kissed me lightly on the cheek, then headed for the front door.

I jumped up and followed him to the door. Before he opened it, I placed my hands on his face and gave him a hard kiss on the lips. "I will never forget this time that I spent as your wife," I whispered.

There were tears on his cheeks as he left. My cheeks were wet too.

I spent a few minutes in the kitchen finishing my coffee and remembering everything. Then, I cleared the table and headed to the bathroom.

I took a long shower complete with a thorough douche. When I finished, I did it all again. Nothing could cleanse me enough to prepare me for your return.

I cleaned the bedroom completely removing all evidence of the passion that reigned there a few hours ago. Slowly, the fantasy faded and reality began to return. I began to comprehend just how "out of hand" things had gotten.

Now, there I was just a few hours away from meeting you, my trusting husband, at the airport. Will you be horny? Will you want sex tonight? If you do, will I be able to hide what has happened?

It was finally a certainty that my role as his teacher had been exposed as nothing but a hoax. I felt sick inside. Was my marriage over?

I found it very difficult to have an affair. There are so many things that can go wrong. So why do so many of us take on this gruesome yoke? Is it worth it? Is it ever worth it?

I hugged you when you came through the gate. I avoided kissing you. I was afraid something in my kiss would let you know what a slut I'd become.

You were so happy to see me. Your face was aglow! If you only knew.

You were very talkative as we drove home. You talked about the flight, the seminar and the people you had met. I gave the expected reactions to your enthusiastic statements.

It was after we got home that you asked the dreaded question. You asked what had been happening at home. "I see that Jerry didn't mow the lawn," you stated.

"We decided to let it go to seed. Hopefully, that will fill in some bare spots," I answered.

"So, what did he do then?"

Were you suspicious? Had you heard something? "I was busy, so I let him go home. I told him that I would give him credit anyway."

"There you go again. You treat him differently than anyone else, including your own children. You never eased-up on them like that."

"Allen, they were never mentally challenged, either. He's in a whole different category, honey. Surely you can see that, can't you?"

"I thought that the purpose of that program was to turn him into a more knowledgeable adult, but instead, he's changed you. He's caused you to lower your standards, Alice."

I turned my head away. I didn't answer. I hid my tears.

I went to bed with my fingers crossed. I was hoping that you wouldn't make any sexual advances. For one thing, I still felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Also, I was deathly afraid that you would find some evidence of what had happened. I had looked my body over carefully, but I could have missed something. See what I mean about how difficult it is to manage an affair?

Sure enough, you did feel amorous. You turned toward me and said, "I missed you, sweetheart. I think I missed you more than usual. Every time that I visualized you, I saw you naked in this bed."

My god, were you picking up something from me? Is that even possible? Could it be some kind of simpatico?

As the foreplay began, I couldn't help but make comparisons. You were so gentle. You were so loving. You were not in a hurry and you made sure that I was with you every step of the way to the spectacular culmination. I lost myself in you. Even though I was still sated from yesterday, I was responding. Not so much to your touch, as erotic as that was, but to the overflowing love that you used to anoint my body, heart, and soul. It was an overwhelming act of arousal that was nothing short of divine.

I felt like I was wrapped in a cocoon of love. Instead of the excitement of yesterday, there was the security, tenderness, safety, and sweet closeness of tonight. I was beyond content. I was mindlessly happy that things were still good between you and me, but I wondered for how long.

It was obvious that I'd gotten away with something awful. You didn't see anything. You didn't sense anything. You didn't suspect anything. I had come through it all undamaged, but I wasn't pleased about it or proud of it.

The next Wednesday, I had a long talk with Jerry. I told him that next week would be our last time together. The school program would be over, and we would have to stop.

He said that he understood that, but he wondered why we couldn't get together sometime when you were gone like we did when you went to Chicago.

I could tell he was upset about ending it all and I decided that it might be best not to destroy all of his hopes. He would probably keep quiet about all of this if he had some hope that he would be able to see me again when an opportunity arose. Knowing that, I strung him along by telling him that we could try to set something up when a good opportunity arose.

We went to the guest bedroom. I informed him that my vagina was back to off-limits. Any funny stuff and I would never see him again. We performed what had become our normal within-the-original-limits, routine.

The following weekend was going to be a great time for the Reynolds family. Our son, Larry, would be getting back from his internship in New York and our daughter, Julie, would be there too. We would have some much-needed "family-time" and hear all about Larry's adventures in New York. It would be so fulfilling to be together as a family.

I would like to say that it happened just that way. In actuality, there was some unpleasant conversation. Now I understand it better. At that point, Larry already knew about me and Jerry. Then you found out. That led to disaster.

All that is left for me to cover is my memories of that last horrible apparition when the sun went dark and time stood still. The dreadful day when I was caught in the ultimate act of betrayal. I had decided to finish Jerry's training by letting him perform the unencumbered act that could create a baby. I had prepared for it by obtaining a "morning after" pill. There was to be no condom this time. Only your sudden intrusion kept that from happening!

As to how I feel about it, what can I say? I feel terrible. I feel awful. I would do anything to make amends, but I don't see how that's possible.

Why did I do it? It started because I felt sorry for Jerry and wanted to help him with that special school project. It went astray when he asked if we could talk about "personal matters."

Did I try to take advantage of a mentally deficient boy? That was never my intention. It began with me showing him, in response to his request, how to properly kiss a girl. His experience with Jenny Clayton started it all. It soon morphed into me preparing him to become "the head of a family." Did it go too far? Yes, it did; but he needed to know what to do and how to act.

I taught him how things progressed between a man and a woman from the first attraction to the ultimate expression of love. I took it one logical step at a time. He learned best by doing, so we did things that, at the time, seemed to be a natural progression toward my self-proclaimed goal.

At some point, I realized that in doing those things to fulfill my goal, I had designed a personal sex slave to my own specifications. He learned to do things the way that I wanted them done. He did things the way that I had taught him. He learned to push the right buttons; my buttons, specifically. How could I not be enormously aroused and fulfilled when he pushed my buttons exactly to my specifications?

Also, as time progressed, we fell into a routine. We were behaving like a married couple, or even worse, like cheating lovers. At that point, I realized that what started as self-defined laboratory sessions had morphed into an all-out affair. A cheap, long-term affair of my design.

Did I take any action to put a stop to this insanity? Every time I tried, he sent me on a guilt trip with words like, "You are no better than all of the others. This proves that you don't like me any more than they do."

What about love? I think that he fell in love with me. Once during our time as "husband and wife," I told him that he needed to find a girl his own age and start concentrating on her and forget about me. He said, "Alice, you are the woman that I want. I would do anything to have you. I don't want anyone else. I have already found the woman for me, and it's you. Face it, Alice, you are the only woman that I will ever want or love."

I was moved by what he said, but it scared me too. This was not what I had set out to do. It had gone terribly wrong.

I like Jerry a lot. Maybe there is some love in my heart for him. Who can say?

I don't love him like I love you. I don't want to be married to him. I don't want to have children with him. How could anyone think that he could provide for me or give me anything more than sexual pleasure? There was never any thought of a future with him. I know these things for certain.

I convinced myself that because of these things, he presented no danger whatsoever to my marriage. I was wrong. In my mind, he didn't present a danger, but what we did together will, in all likelihood, destroy my marriage and hurt you, my husband, in the most grievous manner possible. So, yes, he was --- he is ---a danger to my marriage. More correctly, the things we did together are a definite threat to my marriage.

I want to end by saying, "Allen, you did nothing wrong. This was never about you in any way. It was all about my desire to help a disadvantaged boy. That's all it was about! Nothing else was a causative factor. Whether you believe it or not, I love you with all of my heart and whatever is left of my soul. I'm so sorry. Now, all I can do is whatever it will take to give you your life back and give you a new chance at happiness. That's my only goal now."

Aftermath:

I was in shock at the things Alice had written. I already knew some of what had happened, but I was not prepared for hearing the amount of lust, betrayal, and self-justification that poured from her innermost soul.

There was nothing I could say. Did I know this woman at all? Had our life together been one huge deception?

The counselor said that she was trying to digest all of the information that Alice had given us. She suggested that we meet again in a week or so. By then she hoped to be ready to give us some recommendations.

She said that she was convinced that Alice had deceived herself with the notion that it was all "training" for Jerry. Having said that, Sharon intended to approach it as nothing more than an affair wrapped in an elaborate disguise. She gave me some copies of Alice's statement as I was leaving.

Alice caught up with me outside and asked me to have coffee with her, saying: "I have something I need to tell you, Allen." We walked to a nearby coffee shop.

She told me that she knew I needed some time to digest what I'd heard today. "I have packed a bag and I will be going up to Dallas to visit my sister. I need some time to consider my options, Allen. I won't bother you with phone calls or messages. We will both have some time to see what life apart is like. I'm certain that I will miss you. I hope that you will miss me too."

As we parted that day, I felt tears on my cheeks. As I drove, my thoughts turned to the legal ramifications. I have every reason to believe that their affair will not remain secret. Jerry told our son about it months ago. I'm certain that his sister knew when we talked that day at church. That's why she gave him that implication-filled hip bump.

I need to get a good attorney to figure it all out. In all probability, the only way to defend her actions will be to discredit Jerry's story on the basis that it is just one more in his multitude of unimaginable lies. What a strategy, fight the truth by claiming it's a lie.

Legally, the fallout from her actions could go far beyond her. I can foresee a hugely embarrassing trial that would cost me my job and adversely affect both Larry and Julie. A good attorney might advise us to join the prosecution against Alice since her actions were unknown to us and in no way supported by us. It could be the only way that her family comes out with some degree of dignity. What a morass we find ourselves facing.

Consequences:

The next day, I met with Nathan Evens, a highly recommended attorney. He had read Alice's statement, which I emailed to him. He thought the chances of keeping the affair secret were remote.

He stated that he could see no way forward outside of getting a divorce. "When this all comes out, you and your children will be affected very adversely. I'm certain the college won't want to retain you as a counselor after such damaging publicity. Your children will have problems too. You may be forced to relocate to someplace where no one knows what happened.

"Having said that, if you throw her under the bus by filing for divorce with full disclosure of her affair, she could end up in prison. A good prosecutor might be able to convince a jury that she took advantage of him. Can you live with that? It's your call, Allen."

"Well, Nathan, we had a lot of good years together," I answered. "We made two fantastic children together. I realize that I can't be with her any longer, but I'm not seeking revenge. For the sake of our family, I would like to avoid her being prosecuted, if at all possible."

"In that case, Allen, I think the best strategy is to delay applying for a divorce. You and Alice can decide how you will make things seem as normal as possible. How you act in the privacy of your own home is your business. In public, however, you must act as if nothing has happened. In the meantime, we will prepare to undermine Jerry's credibility. If push comes to shove, we need to have proof that stories he tells can't be believed." It didn't escape my notice that he was saying what I had been thinking.

He continued, "I think we can do that unless there is some hard evidence that we don't know about. I will retain a PI to go to the Teresa Academy and talk to faculty members and students. He should be able to determine if any hard evidence exists. If there is hard evidence, then we will be forced to throw Alice under the bus. While you may not want to do that, it's the only course of action that might protect your job and your family in the face of some actual proof of the affair." That's where we left matters, waiting for a report from the PI.

After several days had passed with no word from Alice, Julie received a call from Mary Gibson, Jerry's older sister. Mary wanted to know if any of us had seen Jerry lately. She went on to explain that he had been missing for a couple of days. He had disappeared before, but usually for no more than one day or overnight. They were getting worried.