All Comments on 'With Best Friends Like This....'

Hoes before bros LOL

This is my first submission, and I'd like feedback on how to improve... I have 2 more parts to this story almost ready.....

I would really like the story to continue with bill getting some of the action.

For a supposedly smart guy he sure seems awfully slow.

Bill kept saying Le.... and breaking off, the description was all matching too.

Duh!

Tw0Cr0ws... I added the 'Le..' to associate the 2 girls, some people wouldn't. Do ya think it was too much? Remember, some details have been enhanced and emphasized to (in my opinion) hopefully make for a better story.

I'm not insulting or complaining, but I've got other stories I'd like to post, and I just want to give the readers what they want... Thank you for your input.... I admit, I did have parts in there when he put the 2 together, but *I* think it'll work better in the long run... (yeah, I know that does nothing for now, but, we'll see)

Thanks again...

Anonymous... Bill got ALL the action..... Did that not come across correctly? Do I need to change some of the He's to Bill's?

Anonymous... thank you. It wasn't so fun when it happened... I mean, I'm sure it happened somewhere, sometime...

Again, everyone, please help me improve my stories.... any editors interested in working on these, message me.... thank you again......

I'm sorry, but no, that just doesn't work. And you leave it like that? Try again.

Anonymous, I would like to improve my stories, but just telling me "that just don't work" doesn't help. What doesn't work?

I'm sorry I 'left it like that'. There is at least 2 more parts, I'll edit the title now (if I can?) to show that. I did submit the second part. Please, if you read it, give me some constructive criticism, even if you don't like it, let me know why, how to improve it. Tell me what you like/dislike/what would make it better. I have lots of ideas, and I don't want to put out crap :) (This IS my first, it may not be the best out there, but at least a few (I think) enjoyed it....)

Here's a prime example:

'I'm not letting any of that sweet hot cum get away from me!' she scream!"

I mean, honestly, can you seriously submit anything that bad? She would not have screamED (notice the past tense marker) anything like that. In addition, NO ONE would use as many! Exclamation! Marks! As! You! Do!

Then there was the MAN FUCK. What does that mean?

Tenses jump, punctuation is a guess.

You don't need an editor, you need to learn English composition.

I appreciate you pointing out my grammar mistakes/typos, I will fix them if I ever figure out how to edit (if it's possible? or do I have to repost it?) and know what to look out for in my future stories, but I'm still confused.

Do you mean it doesn't work because of a few (or even a lot) of grammar errors, or it doesn't work as a story?

Ohh, and 'MAN FUCK', I think/hope most people can figure out what someone yelling 'MAN, FUCK!' means, even with a missing comma.

So silly its good.