Wrong Pills

"I'm looking for my brother Rob, who I think works here."

"Kari, you're not going to believe this."

She first looked puzzled, I guess because someone she didn't recognize knew her name. Then her eyes got very big and her mouth dropped open. Frankly, it looked like she began to shake. I dashed around the counter and caught her before she fell, and helped her into a chair. Mercifully, it was slow just then and I waved at one of the others to cover for me.

"This isn't possible."

"I wish it wasn't true."

"Your name tag says 'Robin'?"

"It makes more sense under the circumstances."

"How? And you don't look like Rob, though you look like you could be my sister."

"At this point I am your sister."

I spent a little while explaining what had happened with the pills and how Chelsea was making me stay clean. I had to get back to work but told her when my shift was over and she said she'd be back then. For the rest of my shift I had both anticipation and dread. I still had not fully accepted myself as a woman, even though I'd now lived as one for months.

When my shift was over, I was met by Kari and our sister Natalie who was 21. At one time, Natalie and I had been close, but that kind of disintegrated when I got too deep in drugs. I was even more hesitant to see Natalie than I had been to see Kari. I still had no car, since I was trying to get my finances under control. I'd been riding the bus, but they offered to drive me to Chelsea's place.

"I have a couple of joints. Would you like some?"

"Nat, not only do I not want any, I'd appreciate if you didn't use it around me."

"Shit's legal now."

"If you want to do that, please let me out, and I'll find my way home."

"That's okay. I don't need to."

"It may sound paranoid, but I can't even start down that path."

"There's no evidence that weed leads to hard drugs."

"I know, but for my own sake, I have to stay completely clean."

"What about alcohol?"

"I'll have an occasional beer, usually just one, never more than three."

"Shit, it's hard to believe you're my brother."

"I'm not your brother anymore and can't ever be. I'm your sister."

They got me back to Chelsea's place and I invited them in to meet her. Chelsea gave them both a fishy look, but I introduced them as my sisters. Natalie told her that she's offered me a joint and that I'd turned it down. Chelsea had a grim expression when she heard that.

"If you have any drugs on you, please leave now."

"I... I don't. I just know how Rob used to be and wanted to see if he -- she -- had really changed."

"Getting her clean was hard enough on him without that kind of shit."

"I'm sorry. Can I buy dinner for all of us as an apology?"

"Let's just order in a couple of pizzas to be delivered."

We ordered the pizzas and chatted while waiting for them. We had a little beer in the place and each of us had a beer with our meal, even though Kari shouldn't legally drink.

"I've heard stories about those gender change pills but figured it was just an urban myth."

"Believe me, they are real. I'm living proof of that."

"You're really female -- I mean completely?"

"I have periods and could get pregnant if I were stupid enough to have sex with men."

"Sex with guys isn't all bad, if you give it a chance."

"I gave it a chance, and have had enough."

"So I guess you sleep with women."

"I sleep alone. Someday maybe I'll do otherwise."

"Shit, it sounds like the wild and crazy brother we had changed personalities when he changed genders."

Chelsea spoke up, "She stays away from drugs or she's out on the streets."

"But no lovers either?"

"Kind of hard when you're sleeping on a sofa."

"You don't let her sleep with you?"

"Not my thing. Sorry."

"Well, Robin, are you sure we can't fix you up with a nice guy?"

"Absolutely not."

I still was uncomfortable with myself as a woman. I didn't like having female parts and frankly tried to avoid even touching them myself. I sure as hell didn't want a man touching them and really didn't think I wanted a woman touching them either. I showered, but touched myself as little as possible in order to get clean and nothing more.

Chelsea convinced me I needed birth control, even if I had no interest in sex with men. Hell, I didn't want the sex I'd already had with men. Taking the pill every day was too much of a reminder of what I was. I really wanted an implant, but sadly my insurance didn't cover that, but would cover an IUD. That, of course meant going to a gynecologist.

The least objectionable was a female gynecologist, so I set up the appointment. I hated having my female parts open to even a doctor. Then of course she had to first check me out with a speculum and take a pap smear. Then after she was done with her examination, she had to insert the IUD into me. I tried to just close my eyes and ignore what was happening. Once she was done, I was quite happy to dress and get the hell out of there.

Someone told me about stone butch lesbians, which were women who enjoyed touching and pleasuring other women but didn't want to be touched themselves. The problem with that was that, in truth, as a guy, I'd just given the women enough pleasure to get them to let me stick my cock into them until I came. I now had no cock and didn't want to have someone touch my cunt and remind me I wasn't a guy anymore. Sure I could let myself be used the way I'd used women, but that thought really turned me off.

So I didn't think I wanted to do anything with anyone. Chelsea didn't want to be intimate with me, and I had no interest in the guys who seemed to regularly flirt with me at the coffee shop. Once in a while, a woman would catch my eye, but then I'd think about having her touch me and that was an immediate turnoff. What then is a girl to do?

Once I had a little money saved up, I began thinking in terms of finding something better than Chelsea's sofa. There was a girl named Sarah at the coffee shop looking for a roommate. She was just in a one bedroom, but with twin beds. I figured it wouldn't be any worse than the college dorm I was in for a couple of semesters before the drugs took over.

In some ways, it would be far better, since there was a living room and kitchen. So we'd share a bedroom and share a bath. It was still better than the gang bath in the dorms. The price was within what I could afford so I jumped at it. If I wanted to bring back lovers it would suck, but since I didn't it was fine, as long as she didn't.

It turned out that Sarah was about as interested in a relationship as I was -- which is to say not at all. Sarah had a car and since we worked at the same place, I just rode with her and gave her what the bus would have cost as a contribution to gas money. We both got some benefit and we made sure to get the manager to put us on the same schedule.

When I was with Chelsea, I had to pick up after myself as well as doing some cleaning and cooking. So it was no big deal to have to do much the same when sharing a place with Sarah. In one sense, it shocked me how easily I dropped into being domestic. Growing up, about all I'd ever had to do was mow the lawn and take out the garbage and I did both as little as possible.

I found that a couple hours a week of cleaning was more than sufficient for a small apartment, and Sarah at least felt I was carrying my weight. It is weird to say, but the change had not only forced me to give up drugs, but had made me grow up. I was no great cook, but neither was Sarah, and pasta with sauce from a jar along with a few simple recipes managed to suffice.

I made sure that Sarah was not into drugs before I moved in. She did like to drink a glass of wine in the evening, and if she was wild and crazy, might even have two. Forget the slop that teens have been known to drink, we could find cheap and drinkable Chardonnay, Pinot Grigiot, and Sauvignon Blanc and that satisfied us.

I found that Sarah liked some of the silly romance movies that they had on cable. I was pretty dismissive at first, but after a while found they could be enjoyable. So Sarah and I would spend our evenings sitting together on the sofa, slowly sipping our glass of wine, while watching a romance movie. Rather different from the life I'd led before taking those stupid pills.

I didn't want to admit it at first, but eventually began to realize that taking those pills had probably saved my life. I'd come close to ODing a few times before and honestly might well have died of an overdose by then if I hadn't been forced to clean up my act. I won't say I liked the life I was living, but at least I was still alive.

Sometimes Sarah and I would just talk after watching a movie and before going to bed. She had been hurt in her former relationships, though she didn't want to go into any detail about them. I made it clear that I'd done a lot of drugs and told her I'd had a very bad reaction to one drug experience which had made me change course.

I didn't want to tell her that I used to be a guy. I wasn't sure how she'd react to that, and wanted to keep everything as positive as I could. A couple times we fell asleep sitting together on the sofa and were a little chagrinned when we woke up, but each stumbled to our own beds. Still, everything stayed pretty good between us.

One evening as we were watching a movie, she got a call on her phone. She looked a little shocked, and went in the bedroom to take the call. She wasn't in there long, but when she came out, she was crying. She walked over to the sofa and I got up and hugged her for a long time, before we both sat down on the couch again.

"What happened, Sarah?"

"That was one of my exes. We broke up because they were abusive as well as cheating on me."

"What did they want?"

"They blamed me for the breakup."

"Why?"

"They said it was my fault that they had abused me."

"That's bullshit."

"They said that if I hadn't been such a bitch, they'd never have cheated on me."

"Are they kidding?"

"They said that if I could behave, they might take me back again."

"I hope you didn't agree."

"I told her to go fuck herself."

"It was a woman?"

"I hope you're not offended."

"I just didn't know which way you swung."

"Since we're sharing a bedroom, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"No, it's fine."

"I didn't want you to worry about me hitting on you."

"I might not return the feeling, but that wouldn't bother me."

"I hate to ask, but could you hug me again?"

I pulled Sarah to me, hugged her tight, and kept holding her. She snuggled into me and cried on my shoulder for the longest time. She fell asleep there and I dozed off as well. We woke up a few hours later.

"We need to go to bed, Sarah."

"I hate to ask, but can you hold me and sleep beside me tonight?"

"Should we really do that?"

"I promise I won't molest you, Robin. I just need some comfort tonight."

"It seems like we're going farther..."

"We can both stay fully dressed and no sexual touching."

We got up and stumbled into the bedroom. We laid down on my bed and she spooned me, being careful to keep her hand on my stomach. It felt weird, both to be the little spoon and because when I was a guy, after we fucked, I never bothered to touch the woman as we slept. Sleeping like this was really out of my realm of experience.

Sarah fell asleep pretty quickly but I lay awake for a while. I wanted to help her and this seemed to and we weren't doing anything I especially disliked, I just wasn't sure how to handle this. Eventually I fell asleep and had some of the strangest dreams. In some, I was back to being a guy and made love to Sarah. In others, I was a woman with Sarah making love to me.

I woke up in the morning and found that somehow the two of us had managed to turn over in that tiny bed. I was now spooning Sarah and my hand was cupping the underside of one of her boobs. Of course we were both still fully dressed, so it was through her clothes, but it was still disconcerting. She had her hand on mine holding it tight, which made it hard to pull away.

"I'm sorry. I didn't do that deliberately."

"That's okay, and I wouldn't have minded anyhow."

"I shouldn't have..."

"I invaded your bed and asked to cuddle up."

"But we shouldn't -- I shouldn't..."

"I know, it's not me, it's you. I've heard that more than a few times."

"A while back, after doing some drugs, I was gangbanged by a bunch of guys. I haven't wanted to touch anyone or be touched since."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable or dredge up bad memories."

"Please don't feel that way. Once I got over being uptight, it did feel good holding you."

"You're sure?"

"I don't think I want anything more intimate than that -- not right now, but that was fine."

"So you'd be good with doing that again?"

"Yeah. but the bed is a bit small for that."

"Let me see what I can do."

We both got ready and went to work. Sarah made some phone calls while she was on break, which I thought was curious. We headed back to the apartment after work and were met there by two women, who were friends of Sarah. Zoe and Chloe had a large bed frame and they took the twin beds apart, put down the new frame and put both box springs in that frame.

They took the two twin mattresses out and brought in a large mattress which was the same size as the two twin beds together. They had sheets for the new mattress, so now instead of each of us on a twin bed, we were essentially sharing a king size bed. I was a little shocked, as it seemed a very rapid escalation. Not that I minded sharing a bed with Sarah, but this was fast.

"I hope you don't mind, Robin."

"I didn't know this was what you meant."

"We don't have to cuddle or touch, but if we want to, this makes it easier."

"You got a mattress this fast?"

"I had given this to them after my last breakup, but the twin beds work better for their kids."

"Okay."

"If it's a problem, we can do something different."

"It was just kind of a shock."

When we went to bed that night, we were not touching each other. I was relieved since I was worried that the new bed was a signal of some kind. I was surprised in the morning, when I woke to find myself spooning Sarah. Much like the previous night, my hand was on her, but seemed to be on one of her breasts rather than cupping just under it.

She woke up shortly after I did and seemed pleased that I was touching her. She turned over facing me and gave me a very quick kiss on the cheek before getting out of bed. I waited for her to start to get ready before I got out of bed. She took longer to get ready than I did, since she used makeup and spent more time on her appearance.

I tended to do little more than shower, brush my hair, and put on jeans and a top, along with undergarments, of course. Sarah seemed to be very chipper as she drove us to work. I was rather more subdued, since I was uncertain as to what exactly was happening or where we were going in terms of our personal relationship.

That all kind of set the tone for how things seemed to go. Sarah and I would work, eat dinner, sit and watch a movie while cuddling, then share a bed. I always started the night on my side facing away from her and she seemed to respect my privacy, but I'd always seem to wake up lying on my other side and spooning Sarah with a hand on one of her breasts.

I couldn't understand why I always initiated contact like that. Okay, it did feel good cuddling with Sarah and spooning her, but I was still more than a little reluctant to be intimate with her. For the first few weeks, she would give me a quick kiss on the cheek as she got up. After a while that progressed to a quick kiss on the lips.

Okay, I like girls and Sarah was cute and sweet. I was still worried that it would keep getting more and more close until be actually had sex. If I were still a guy, I would fuck Sarah with no hesitation, though when I was a guy I'd have done it without really giving a shit about her or how she felt. I'd simply have used her and moved on.

As it happened, I found myself developing some real feelings for Sarah, which scared the shit out of me. Given my hesitations about being touched, I wasn't sure that was how things should be. I was torn between the attraction that was building towards her and my own unwillingness to have much physical closeness. Still, it seemed as though we were slowly getting closer.

It seemed to go on with a slow build for weeks and weeks. In the romance movies Sarah loved, usually in the final minute the couple finally kisses as they finally accept their relationship. One evening as the movie ended, we were cuddling as usual, then at the final kiss, Sarah turned to me and gave me a passionate kiss. I kissed her back, but was more than a little conflicted by it all.

"Sarah, is this really where we should go?"

"I like you, and I thought you liked me."

"I do like you, it's just..."

"Then why not just try it?"

"Sarah, you need to know something."

"Is it that horrible?"

"I used to be a guy."

"You don't have guy parts, and you have periods."

"There's a pill that can change a person's gender completely."

"I thought that was some kind of urban myth."

"It's real -- very real."

"You wanted to be a woman, and now you're not sure?"

"I took it by accident, thinking I was taking something that would get me high."

"Isn't there supposed to be another one that would change you back?"

"It doesn't work when you take three at a time, like I did."

"And now you're stuck as a woman, when you don't want to be."

"And I hate my female parts."

"If you're stuck as a woman, you should try to find a way to enjoy it."

"I'm not sure I want to."

"Please, let me show you how it feels being a woman loving another woman. If you say you didn't enjoy it, I won't ask again, but let's just try."

"I don't think I want..."

"Until you try, you don't really know, do you?"

"You'll stop if I tell you?"

"I'll let you touch me first, and we'll take it slow."

Sarah stood up and took my hand and drew me to my feet. She led me to the bedroom and she lay down on the bed and pulled me down beside her. We just kissed for a long time and she didn't touch me sexually as we did. She stroked my arm and my back, never getting as far down as my ass. I began to really enjoy kissing her and relaxed into it.

As a man, I'd had sex with more than a few women, but this felt different. After we kissed for a while, Sarah took my hand and placed it on one of her breasts. I guess that was good, since I'd have been more antsy if she had grabbed one of mine boobs. I stroked it sweetly and it brought back some memories of some of the better sex that I'd had as a man.

We continued to kiss and I kept caressing her love mounds until she stopped and sat up. For a moment, I thought we might be done, then she pulled off her shirt and threw it on the floor. That was quickly followed by her bra and her slacks. Sarah was now in nothing but her panties and lay back down beside me, kissed me and put my hand back on one of her titties.

Her nipples were very hard and I had an urge to kiss and suck on them. Then I was struck by the fact that Sarah was nearly nude and I was still fully dressed. I realized that I should take off at least some of my clothes. I pulled off my tee, followed by my sports bra since I tended to wear them rather than standard bras. I unzipped and removed my jeans, leaving me in only my boyshort panties.

I wasn't sure that I was completely comfortable being unclothed while we were sharing physical intimacies, but it seemed like what I should do. I returned to kissing her and fondling her mammaries, only to have her ask if she could touch mine as well. I didn't feel like I could say no, given how much I had been touching hers, so I agreed.