WTF???

The nursing staff got Emma and the child ready to go, so they wheeled her down to my car in a wheelchair with her holding her bundle of baby. We had bought all of the baby paraphernalia necessary, so strapped the infant into her car seat while Emma sat in the back next to her. As we drove home, Emma kept herself occupied with the baby and I kept my thoughts to myself. When we got home, we put the baby in her crib and waited until she fell asleep and then we left and went into the living room.

We sat and stared at each other for a few moments until Emma said, "I guess I should tell you what happened."

Emma

I called the house not expecting Rick to answer and was surprised when he did. I figured he would have left me by this time and I wouldn't have blamed him. He came to pick us up and brought us home without saying much of anything. I decided to keep my mouth shut and wait until we could be alone and try to explain what the fuck happened. After we got Rosa (Rick and I had names worked out and Rosa was our choice for a girl) in her crib and she was asleep, we grabbed a baby monitor and went out to the living room. We stared at each other for a few moments until I said, "I guess I should tell you what happened." Rick nodded, so I began...

"Rick, please let me tell you the whole story because I want you to understand everything about me and why this happened. Everything I'm going to tell you is the truth and I'm not going to alter anything to try and make me look better or anything. All I ask is that you let me finish before you say anything. When I'm done, I will go along with anything that you decide, okay?"

Rick nodded and then said, "Let me get us something to drink now so you won't have to interrupt your story." He brought us each a cup of coffee and a bottle of water. I wasn't sure if I should drink coffee while nursing, so I just drank the water.

When he had settled back down in his chair, I said, "Okay, to really understand what happened we have to go back to when I was a freshman in college." Rick's eyebrows went up, but he didn't say anything. "I was away from home for the first time and was relishing the freedom I had. I had had a couple of boyfriends in high school and had sex with both of them, but found it pretty uninspiring, especially after all of the hype associated with sex in high school." Rick smiled and nodded knowingly. I continued, "However, college was different. My parents weren't hovering around, there were lots of boys around and everyone seemed so cool. After a few weeks, my roommate suggested that we go to a frat party and check it out.

"Though we were underage, we were cute, so they let us in. The beer was free for girls, so Julie and I began drinking. I had never really drunk alcohol before because, as you know, my home county was a dry one and my parents never imbibed. So, with all of that temptation I drank and I enjoyed it, a lot! I, also, made another discovery. When I was drunk, my libido shot through the roof. At that first frat party, I had sex with three different guys and loved every second of it!

"After a while, I was going to parties every weekend, getting drunk and having sex. Rick, I was a certifiable drunken slut for two years and loved it...at least for a while. By my junior year all of my drinking was beginning to take a toll and I got tired of all the hushed comments whenever I walked into a room. I knew they were saying nasty things about me behind my back, so I quit going to the parties, quit drinking and I quit being a slut.

"During my senior year I met Ja'Marcus Evans and we started dating. He was a black guy which appealed to my rebellious nature because you know how racist my parents and friends back home are. Anyway, Ja'Marcus was a great boyfriend and a terrific lover and we had a great relationship. However, I was never in love with him; he was more of a friend with benefits as they say. Finally, about a week before graduation, I was invited to a party and broke my moratorium on drinking. I got very drunk and had sex with the first guy who came onto me. Ja'Marcus caught us and dumped me as his girlfriend.

"Now, fast forward to nine months ago. On the Wednesday night of the conference I was surprised by Ja'Marcus at a cocktail party. The first thing I did was apologize for how he found me when he broke up with me and I explained to him about how alcohol affected me. Telling him about how alcohol affected me was, probably, my first mistake. Anyway, he didn't seem too torn up about the past and said that our breaking up led him to his wife with whom he has two children. We talked for several hours at the party and during its course he kept feeding me drinks.

"When I got up to leave, I stumbled and discovered I was quite drunk, so, of course, Ja'Marcus escorted me to my room. When we got to my door, I'm afraid to say my drunken lust overtook me and I kissed him then drug him into my room. I behaved just like I did all of those years ago during my first two years in college. He stripped me, ate me to several orgasms and then I begged him to fuck me. I just couldn't help myself. I knew it was wrong and that I shouldn't let him cum in me, but I couldn't get past how horny I was and how much I loved getting fucked.

"That night he was the first to have anal sex with me and he made me clean his cock afterwards with my mouth. As the alcohol began to wear off, I began to feel very guilty and I think he caught on to that because he raided the minibar in the room and kept plying me with alcohol. I'm sorry to say that we had sex all that night several times.

"Now, in hindsight, I should have told you about my past when we first began getting serious together, but I never thought it would become an issue again. I, also, think that when I apologized to Ja'Marcus and told him about my drunken past, that he saw an opportunity to get revenge on me for what I did to him before graduation.

"So, the next day with a terrible hangover, my massive guilt manifested itself. I blew off the remaining part of the conference citing illness and tried to come to terms with my horrible behavior and my betrayal to you. I decided that I would alleviate my guilt by having sex with you when I returned and let you have anal sex with me. I was praying that I wouldn't get pregnant by Ja'Marcus and that, perhaps, I would get pregnant by you instead during that weekend.

"During the course of my pregnancy, I forgot about Ja'Marcus and was convinced that it was our child developing inside me. My first clue that I was wrong was when you cried out and left me in the birthing room. When I saw Rosa, I immediately knew our marriage was over. It was obvious that she wasn't yours and I didn't blame you in the least for leaving the way you did. Frankly, I was surprised that you answered the phone this morning and picked me up.

"So, I want you to know how terribly sorry I am for what happened. I am totally at fault and will not contest you when you divorce me. I, also, want you to know that you are the only man I have ever loved and I will love you until the day I die. You have been the best husband anyone could wish for. I plan on going to counselling as soon as Rosa is old enough because I can't risk what happened with Ja'Marcus to ever happen again. I have, also, sworn to myself to never touch alcohol again.

"Well, that's what happened. Where do we go from here?"

Rick

While Emma was telling me about her past and how she got pregnant, I couldn't help but think about past incidents I had noticed, but never equated to her drinking alcohol. Several times during parties after a few drinks she would get very flirty with other men, but I managed to keep her to myself and then we would go home and she would fuck my brains out. My primary fear was that she was having an affair, but her story seemed to indicate that that wasn't the case. But, I needed to know for sure.

"So, Emma, did you have an affair with his guy? Did you meet up with him at previous conferences? Also, have you ever cheated on me with others since we've been together?"

Emma shook her head and said, "No to all of those questions. At the conference was the first time I had seen him since he dumped me back in college. That conference was his first, he told me. And I have never cheated on you since we got together except for this one time. I have to admit that I came close at a couple of parties we went to in the past, but you managed to step in at the right moment."

"Okay, well, I'm not sure where we go from here. I'm, obviously, very disappointed that the baby isn't mine. I'm very hurt that you cheated on me and I'm not sure if I could ever trust you again. I'm happy to hear that you weren't having an ongoing affair, though, again, there is a trust issue as to whether you are telling me the truth or not." I looked at Emma and she was staring at the floor as she nodded with each statement I made. So, I continued, "I think I need to stay someplace else for a while and sort things out in my head. I'm afraid that Rosa is going to be a constant reminder of your infidelity which is going to be hard to get past. I do love you Emma and you're the only woman I have truly loved, but I don't know if that's enough to salvage things."

Emma stared at me for a few seconds and then began crying very hard. Between sobs she said, "I'm so sorry Rick. I'm such an idiot and such a weak person. I'm surprised you aren't yelling and screaming at me telling me what a worthless piece of shit that I am, because that's exactly what I would do if I was in your shoes. When you do decide to divorce me, like I said before I'll will not contest anything you propose."

I looked at Emma and said, "You seem to think that divorce is a foregone conclusion."

"Isn't it? Again, if I was in your shoes I would be dumping my cheating ass in a heartbeat, especially after bearing an interracial child that isn't mine."

I chuckled and said, "You make a strong case, but I'm not sure I want you out of my life. My years with you have been the happiest of my life. It's just these past two days that have drug things down. So, with that, I'm going to pack a bag and find a hotel to stay in and weigh my choices for a while. I may be gone for a week, a month maybe longer. All I ask is that you don't try to rush my decision, okay?"

Emma nodded while she wiped her eyes. I stood, went to our bedroom and packed a bag. When I was ready to go, I found Emma in the nursery nursing Rosa. She was crying again and when she saw me she stuttered, "I'm so sorry, Rick. I don't know how else to convey how badly I feel for screwing up your life. I do love you, you know."

She looked so pitiful as I replied, "I know you do and I love you. Call me if you need anything. There should be plenty of food for you and diapers for Rosa." I kissed Emma's forehead and then turned and left the room. I could hear Emma begin to bawl loudly as I left the room and the house.

I checked into a nice hotel, got situated and then sat down to try and figure out what the fuck I was going to do. I decided I really needed to talk to someone and get another opinion so I called my best friend from college and bent his ear for over an hour on the phone about what happened and Emma's story. When all was said and done, he was as at sea as I was.

The next day when I went to work, I was greeted by my personal assistant, Angie, who asked me how Emma and the baby were. I told her they were both fine. She then asked, "Then, why the long face?"

I replied, "Well, there were complications that I'm having to deal with. So, anything come up here that needs dealing with?"

Angie looked at me for a couple of moments and then said, "No issues here. Things are going well. Now, if you need to talk to someone about other things you know you can talk to me, okay?" I nodded and then got down to work.

As the days and weeks passed I didn't get any closer to making a decision one way or the other. One day I was all for divorce and then I would sleep on it and decide to give Emma another chance. I called her every other day to make sure she and the baby were getting along alright and to her credit she never pressed me for a decision. Additionally, every day when I went to work, Angie would look at me and renew her offer to talk.

Now Angie was quite a bit older than I was, probably close to my late mother's age. She was a great PA and I put a lot of trust in her ability to do the job. She was a steadying influence on my business decisions, so after the umpteenth time she offered to listen to my problems and I refused her, she followed me into my office, slammed the door shut and screamed, "FOR FUCK SAKE, RICHARD! YOU'VE BEEN DRAGGING YOUR SORRY ASS INTO THIS OFFICE FOR FOUR WEEKS FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF OVER SOMETHING. IT'S TIME TO GET THIS SHIT OUT IN THE OPEN AND DEAL WITH IT! NOW TALK TO ME!"

I had never heard Angie use any language worse than 'gee' or 'shoot' in the years that she worked for me. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. So, I decided to unload my troubles on her and related the whole story that Emma had told me and what I had been doing since Emma had told me her story.

When I had finished, Angie looked at me with a smile and said, "Wow, that's quite a story. Let me tell you one of my own. I did something similar to what Emma did years ago. I got really drunk and had sex with a guy I didn't even know. My husband and I had been happily married for several years and I had no desire to cheat on him. However, I did and I felt horrible about it. I kept it secret for quite a while until my own guilt just wore me down and I confessed to what I had done. I thought my marriage was over much like Emma thinks hers is, but my husband forgave me because he knew I loved him and that I had made one mistake that he correctly knew I would never make again.

"Rick, you and Emma are the perfect couple. When I see the two of you together, I see two people made for each other. Emma made a big mistake, with huge repercussions, but it is very obvious that she loves you and only you. Please, please, please, find it in your heart to forgive Emma because if you don't you will be miserable for the rest of your life and quit wallowing in self-pity."

Angie looked at me with pleading eyes as I took in what she said. I was very surprised about Angie having made a mistake of such magnitude because she always exuded self-control at all times. I wanted to take issue with what she said and then it dawned on me that Angie was correct about me wallowing in self-pity. I stood up, walked over to Angie, gave her a hug and said, "Thank you so much for being my friend above all else. You're right, I have been wallowing and it's time to get my head out of my ass. Would you mind listening to what I want to say to Emma when I see her tonight?"

Angie smiled and said, "I would love to listen to what you have to say...as long as it's positive."

Emma

As the weeks passed without Rick, I became resigned to the idea that he was going to divorce me. I had, honestly, expected it to happen well before now. I found myself crying more often as the dread of being alone with Rosa began to look like the life I was destined for. Finally, Rick called me and said he needed to come talk to me because he had made a decision. His voice sounded pretty grim, so I figured that tonight would mark the end of my marriage and the beginning of my life as an adulteress divorcee. I told him to come over at his convenience.

Much to my surprise, Rick showed up that night. He came in with little fanfare and sat down in his chair and asked how I was and how Rosa was doing. I told him that we were both doing well and that she was growing very quickly. He gave me a weak smile and then said, "Emma, I have made a decision on how I want to move forward. I have spoken with two people regarding our situation. I told them both the story you related to me and how it has impacted our lives. One person was of no use at all as he didn't know what I should do any more than I did. The other person was much more helpful and related an episode in her life that closely mirrors our situation.

Rick

"I'm sorry I have drug this out for so long, but I wanted to make sure that I made the best decision for my interests." At this point, Emma began crying thinking she knew that divorce was coming. I continued, "I have decided that we should stay together, despite some forebodings. Angie, my PA, said she had made a mistake once before and that her husband was able to forgive her. She strongly pleaded for me to stay with you because she said I would probably be miserable for the rest of my life. As I pondered what she said, I realized she was right. I do love you more than anyone."

As my words came out and Emma deduced that she wasn't going to be divorced, she jumped up off the sofa and flew into my arms sobbing like a baby. I held her tight for a few moments while I stroked her head and whispered comforting things to her. When she quit crying, I looked her in the eye and said, "I'm still very angry with what you did, but I understand how it happened. So, I have some caveats which you must follow to the letter or I'm done with you, okay?"

Emma nodded her tear stained head and said, "Thank you for giving me another chance, even though I don't think I deserve it. As I told you before, I will do anything you ask of me."

"First, the only time you are allowed to have alcohol is at home with me, so you aren't tempted in the future. However, I would like to experience your alcohol driven libido myself on occasion! Second, you will do whatever I tell you to do without question.

"I, also, want to tell you about something else that I discovered in the past few weeks. I went to a urologist to find out if I was the problem when you didn't get pregnant over a whole year. It turns out that my sperm are none functional and that I could never get you pregnant. I had suffered a terrible fever when I was younger due to bad water. Apparently, my testicles got fried and so my sperm hasn't been functional since then. Because of this news, I will accept Rosa as my own since she has, at least, your DNA which is more than an adopted child would have."

Emma smiled brightly as she wiped the tears from her eyes and then she kissed me deeply and passionately. I had missed holding and kissing my wife and it felt really good to have her in my arms. When we broke our kiss, I asked, "Can I hold our daughter now?"

Emma smiled and said, "You can hold her anytime you want!"

Emma

I was elated when Rick told me he wanted to remain with me. I was even more delighted that he wanted to be a part of Rosa's life. The news that we couldn't have any more kids was a letdown, but having my husband back was the best thing to happen to me! When he listed his caveats for staying, I had no problem with anything he asked of me. I had to smile when he said he wanted to experience me when I was drunk...I couldn't wait! Even his demand that I do whatever he wants didn't scare me.

We went into the nursery and found Rosa awake on her back making the little cooing sounds that babies make. Rick picked her up and smiled as he looked at her. "She has grown a lot, since I last saw her. You are probably wondering how we are going to explain her to people, well, I don't think we have to explain a thing. Our only job is to love her as much as possible and raise her in a loving home."

I smiled at Rick and then thought of my parents which caused me to frown. "What about my parents? What will we tell them?"

Rick looked at me and said, "Either your parents love her, or they don't. Frankly, I don't give a shit what your parents think. It's about time they grew up and became the 'christians' they always profess to be and love everybody despite the color of their skin. If they are so small minded that they can't love this beautiful child, then I think it's time to put them out of our lives."