Yogabot Pt. 02

The next day was one of the most unhinged, disconnected days I'd ever had.

When I woke to the sound of my alarm, I just wanted to curl in my blanket with a peaceful smile on my face. But as I forced myself out of bed and into the shower, I realized how ripe I was, then remembered why. That's when I got weirded out.

I had been with a few boyfriends. And we had played around - watched some porn, tried some kinky things and generally did some experimentation. But I had never been drawn to the submissive role. I had always preferred mutual play. If it got BDSM-ish, I generally took the Top role. I am a strong woman, physically, mentally, and emotionally. I like charting my own course and solving my own problems, not being someone's object.

But, last night... Last night I would have dropped to my knees in a moment if Mark had come back. In fact, I had, while just fantasizing about it. What was this? How did I become a stupid, slut - a ditsy toy for some random guy to fuck whenever he wanted?

And, it was Mark. Sure, I'd been crushed out on him before. And he was cute and everything. But he was more like a brother to me than a lover. We had never even hinted at anything between us except friendship.

What the hell was I doing? What the hell happened to me? And why the hell was I still so horny thinking about the way he effortlessly took control of me?

By the time I was out of the shower, and staring to get dressed, I knew it was a bad idea for me to go to work. I would be distracted, flushed, humiliated, and dripping with arousal all day. So I logged into my laptop and told my colleagues that I had to work from home today, since the apartment maintenance staff was coming over. Of course, it was a lie. But I just didn't want to face other people, even though they had no way of knowing that I was clasping my hands under the table and pretending I couldn't separate them.

I tried to concentrate on work; I really did. I also failed miserably.

By mid-day, I was searching the internet hoping to find some information on why hypnosis gave me such an arousal response, hoping I could find an article or two on this. My hope was way too small. I found communities inside of communities talking about various aspects of erotic hypnosis. I found videos, audios, chat bots, discords, forums - basically an entire world of hypno-kink people I never knew existed.

At the bottom of it was the common theme of erotic submission. This surprised me - not that it was there, but that it might be the key to my arousal. I did not consider myself submissive or suggestible.

When a bunch of girlfriends go out to drink wine and eat seafood, we talk. We talk about guys, sex, periods, lesbians, and everything else. I can tell you which previous boyfriends of my friends were good lovers or bad, which ones were well hung, which ones were a little rough. And I can tell you which girls liked each. A surprising number of women were willing to admit that they had submissive fantasies. When some movie showed a sexy scene of a girl being tied up, I can tell you which of my friends wanted to act it out. And which did.

And on some level, I get that. There is a certain attractiveness about a strong, confident man taking charge. There is something to be said for trusting someone so much you want to let him make the decisions. For some of my friends, this was the recurring fantasy they had at night when they pleasured themselves before falling asleep.

But not me. For me, it was always Prince Charming. Or the friend-turned-lover. Or the nice guy at the gym. Or even a stranger at a bar. But it was always a shared experience.

Generally, my lovers were like this too. It wasn't boring, exactly; but it wasn't kinky. I'd been tied up with scarves a couple times, but not so that I wasn't able to escape if I really wanted to. And I tied up a couple of my dates the same way. But it wasn't my thing.

And then.

Then my whole world collapsed.

I started to realize that my love life had always been good, but never great. As I read some of the stories and posts, and watched a couple of the videos, it occurred to me that maybe I'd been lying to myself. Maybe what I had always chose the route that made me feel safe and took the least effort. And maybe, this is why my orgasms had never been memorable, while the one last night was so intense.

But it wasn't just submission and BDSM. Had he tied my hands with rope or something, I probably would have freaked out. But he didn't have to. At some level, I knew I could pull my hands apart. There was nothing holding them. But, yet, I couldn't. I tried; but I couldn't. Which told me that this is what I really wanted. Maybe that was my revelation. On some deep level, I didn't just want him to tie me up and fuck me. I wanted him to control me completely. So completely that I couldn't resist it even if I thought I wanted to.

I actually got up from my laptop and walked into the bedroom and stared at the spot where I had been kneeling, naked, not able to breathe from the intensity. Even after, exhausted emotionally and physically, I had still been wet and my greedy pussy had begged for more. And this morning, it was worse. It didn't just beg, it demanded.

I forced myself to go back to my laptop and tell my co-workers I needed to log off early, so they wouldn't miss me. I already knew what I was going to do, even if I pretended I didn't.

I went back into my bedroom, and stripped naked again. Then I opened my nightstand drawer and pulled out the only sex toy I had - a 6 inch purple dildo that I got at a friend's bachelorette party. Since then, I'd used it rarely. Now, I craved it. I needed it to feel full inside.

I decided to go back to the living room, so I could put my laptop up on the table next to the sofa. I tossed a towel down on the sofa, since I knew I would make a mess.

Then I started flipping through some of the pictures and videos and stories on the erotic hypnosis sites, pretending it was me who was the subject. On some of them, a girl was given a command to "freeze" and was unable to move. That hit me hard. It reminded me so much of my dilema the night before, with my hands "frozen" together. Sometimes, these girls were posed in different ways, but still completely unable to move of their own accord. I imagined what that would be like - to have my own body obey, when my mind did not. And then I again remembered last night, when my hands obeyed Mark, while my mind was confused by it.

Then I started thinking about hypnotic yoga. If Mark could make me freeze, and pose me, could he make me get into yoga positions and freeze there? I had seen stage hypnotists freeze someone so they were so solid, they could be suspended between two chairs. So, I assumed Mark could do that to me. On some level, I more than assumed. I knew it. I knew it because of what he had already done to my hands. And I knew it more, because I knew I wanted it.

A couple hours after starting, I sat there with my dildo sliding in and out of my wet, needy pussy and I knew I had crossed some sort of line. I had not orgasmed. And somehow, I didn't want to. It wasn't the orgasm I was after, even though I knew it would be as life-changing as the one last night. I wanted to stay there, aroused, lost, pretending to be controlled. It was like the feeling I got during a good hard run, when you get your runner's wind and you are just riding the wave.

I realized that I had been denying this part of me for a very long time. And, in doing that, I had denied myself of the release that came with it. That changed the night before. When I embraced this part of myself, it gave me this intense release, both erotically and emotionally. I likened it to someone who is homosexual, finally crossing the line and admitting it to themselves. It just felt right. It felt like who I was, and who I had always been. But yet, it changed everything.

I kept reading, and watching and looking and imagining, and the arousal and the right-ness kept growing. Then I started to bring it into my life and imagine what Mark would do to me next. Would he make me freeze, naked, in yoga poses so he could see me exposed? Would he make me service him? Or use my pussy the way my dildo was now? Would he let me cum, or make me wait, the way I was making myself wait?

All I could think of was being unable to resist his commands. Maybe I'd be aware of what he was making me do, but my hands would just pull my clothes off like his puppet. I wanted it, if only to know if it was what I had been missing. I wondered if he did bring me to orgasm, what it would be like. Would it be like the one last night? Or better? It had to be better than the orgasms I'd had with my boyfriends. They seemed so pale now, so empty. More of "oh that was nice," than "OMG, that rocked my world!" I wanted my world rocked.

Of course, I was nervous. Mark and I had flirted, but, in spite of my old crush on him, I had no idea if he even found me attractive. I am not ugly. But at 5'8", I'm a few inches shorter than him and not quite statuesque. And my boobs are barely a B cup. I am strong and fit and healthy, but his last girlfriend was a bit overweight with larger breasts than mine by 2 cup sizes. What if that was his thing? What if he liked curvy women?

Or what if the hypno kink thing weirded him out? That would be so humiliating. But, I knew I needed to try. I needed it badly. I would feel guilty if I ended up using him to appease my needy pussy and my weird fetish, but I could live with a little guilt.

I watched the dildo slide wetly in and out of my pussy, seeming like a hypnotist's pocket watch. "In and out.. follow the movement." I was nearing the edge of an amazing orgasm. As much as I had told myself I didn't want to cum, my body hadn't listened. Now, I was at the point of no return, dripping wildly, thrusting with steady, deep thrusts.

"I could just cum now and it would relieve some of the tension," I lied to myself. "Then, when Mark gets here, I won't throw him down and start grinding into him before he can speak. Because if I didn't cum soon, I wasn't going to be able to stop myself. I would need a good, hard fucking - no words, no kissing... just fuck me, Mark!"

"Wait!" I thought suddenly. "Wait, Mark.. he is coming over... what time is.. ohhh shit!" as i looked at the clock. The minutes had turned into hours. Now he was due here at any minute. And I was naked, smelling like sex, on a sofa with a wet towel under me. I had to put some clothes on and straighten up my wet, sex-mess.

I pulled the dildo out as fast as I could, feeling a pang of emptiness after. I stood up and nearly doubled over as a near-orgasm made me tremble. But, there was no time for that!

I grabbed the towel and rushed to the ice cold shower to wash the sweat off, reminding myself there was no time for playing with my pussy in the shower. I toyed with the idea of answering the door naked, and maybe kneeling, but decided I should at least keep up the facade and throw on some yoga clothes.