All Comments on 'You and I'

Very sweet story. I enjoyed it.

I was very proud of my translation of "corgel" (meaning, tentatively, cordial). A part from a few heterographics, quite a nice romantic story.

It jumps around totally incoherently and makes almost no sense.

This story bounced back and forth far too quickly and too often;it also feels rushed and incomplete as well. There are some strong points in the writing and a good depiction of high school girls and the intensity of the emotions they exhibit; keep trying.

I did not find it difficult to follow the plot as others seem to have, in fact the jumping backwards and forwards in time is a style I relish; also the pace of the story which again some think to be too quick clearly shows that all the “action” happens very soon after the couple are re-united.

I would love to know how the couple will get on after a twenty year separation. Does Jill still have any family that hate her still living locally and will they cause problems? It is suggested that Chris’s mother wasn’t overly happy about the two of them being so close, will this cause problems? Will Chris’s brothers and any of the locals cause some hassle? There is plenty of potential plots to write another two or three “chapters”.

Great story from start to finish! I can't wait to see where we go from here! As the Title Line indicates, there's, "Only One Thing Missing": The "To Be Continued" tag at the end!

Please, please, please, please! Turn your spell-checker on while you're writing or have an editor proofread your work. Some truly horrible spelling errors nearly ruined a nice romantic story.

It's amazing how we try to put the past in a bottle and forget about it over time. The past will always find you in the present. Loved the story. reminds me of someone I know. ME. Thanks

What everyone else has said. There were already a few instances of misspelling and missing words, but you *really* lost it about halfway down the first page, ("The other two mermured corgel condolences..."), and after that it was just a torrent.

RULE # 1: Don't annoy your reader.

I followed this perfectly, if there were mistakes as other comments say, (all the anonymous ones if you notice) it did not spoil an enjoyable and sweet read.

I like Flash backs it allows the reader to know why the characters feel how they do, and shows the characters at different life stages.

I agree with the comment about this story has the potential for a sequel. I for one would like to read how Chris and Jill get on back in the town that Jill ran from.

Thank you for sharing you lovely story

I had no troubles with the time-shifts although it would help your readers if you gave each different time period a heading, preferably in bold text. For me, the main problem was the atrocious spelling that spoiled the story. One or two might have been typos but there was such an abundance of spelling errors that typos wouldn't have been much of an excuse. I recommend finding a good editor.

So true to life and family, hope to read more.

So you can't spell -- big deal, I can't either. However I glossed over the mistakes and was treated to a very enjoyable romantic story. Your story-telling is good. I liked the popping back and forth between present and past. And of course I am a sucker for a happy ending.

I just wanted to correct you on something I saw quite early on in the story. When the main character introduces herself and said she "preferred girls" that is not the correct speech anymore. As someone who has a very close, good friend who is a lesbian and is open about talking about her past relationships and current relationship (aside for the dirty things) and she always stresses it is not a choice or preference. She dealt and grappled with, for months, her identity and sexuality and finally came to that conclusion that she was just attracted to girls. It wasn't a preference, it was just a difference in biological attraction. She felt no sexual or physical attraction for men.