You and I

"Whoa, a- are you sure?"

A wicked smile and a shove from Chris was her only answer. Jill fell onto the bed, and Chris fell on top of her. She worked her way back down to Jill's breasts. Cupping the left one, Chris sucked the nipple. Jill could only groan and grabbed a handful of Chris' hair. After a similar assault on the other breast, Chris moved down to Jill's navel. Her tongue teased and licked its way to Jill's underwear band. Her hot breath exploded on Jill's crotch.

"Time to get rid of these!" Chris grabbed Jill's pants on each side of her hips and pulled with surprising strength. Of course, neglecting to remove Jill's footwear prior to the pants complicated the liquidity of Chris' move. After a small struggle at her feet, Jill lay bare.

Chris took a moment to admire the sight before her. "Beautiful, just beautiful." Chris removed her own shirt. Jill reached up, caressing her breasts. "Are you ready, birthday girl?"

Jill had been waiting for this moment. So relieved it had come, and not passed her by. So ready was she that Jill almost climaxed with just the kissing.

* * * *

"Are you seeing any one these days?"

Jill snapped out of her daze. The years had been very kind to Chris. "What? Oh. No..." Jill hoped she looked as good. She spent hours picking out an outfit for the reunion. In the end, she tossed out a new pantsuit she purchased for the occasion and settled on blue jeans and a fitted shirt. A tad understated, yet classic. Hopefully, it was also sexy.

"Really? Jill, I figured you'd have 'em knocking down your door in that big city!" Chris placed her hand on Jill's elbow and led her to a nearby table. A blush crept into Jill's cheeks. "You were always such an attractive young woman," Chris gazed at her old friend. It had been years since she'd kissed those soft lips, yet it suddenly felt like just yesterday. All those emotions came flooding back. Chris leaned closer, her voice barely audible in Jill's ear. "You still are, in my opinion."

Jill could only stare. The hunger was palatable. Why, on God's green earth were we not together? "How 'bout you? Any time to date?" Lame. If she could've died right there, she would have. Since graduation, Chris had been saddled into caring for her terminally ill father and managing his business. This past winter, he passed away. Jill hadn't been able to come back for his service. She settled for long-distant condolences and the standard potted plant. "I am so sorry about your dad, Chris. I know how important he was to you."

Pain clouded Chris' face. For a moment, it bubbled to the surface, aging Chris before Jill's eyes. In the beginning, Chris only needed to mind the store while her father rested or went in for treatment. Slowly, his organs begain to die. The kidneys had been the first to fail. His only survival option, dialysis, took incredible time and energy from the whole family, and truly could only prolong the inevitable. Chris spent every possible minute caring for him. Time not spent at the store, she washed, fed, medicated, and offered any confront possible. The once handsome, self-made business man ended his life as an emaciated, jaundiced shell of a person. The man who once was sole provider for his family- the epitome of strength and independence- was reduced to being dependent on others for even his most basic personal needs. Chris pulled in the reins and pushed the pain back under.

"Yes, thank you." Chris sat back. "It's been difficult..." A heavy sigh escaped her lips. "But at least we all had time." How different her life had ended up. She was so carefree in high school. Thinking her life stretched out before her, a landscape of possibilities. All it took was one moment, one diagnosis, and it all focused to a pinhead: Time to grow up. As the oldest, Chris stepped into her fathers shoes. She ran the business, sent her younger brothers off to collage, and led both parents through their darkest hours. She and her mother still cried at night together.

"I guess what doesn't kill me only makes me stronger." Chris' voice broke. Wiping tears away, she tried to smile. As if to make light of her sorrow would make it go away. Sitting across from Jill was like having all those possibilities taunting her. A physical manifestation of how it could have been had her own life not been put on hold. "I haven't even moved out of my parent's house, Jill... I still live at home." Tears began to spill down her cheeks. "I haven't done anything..."

Instantly, Jill gathered Chris in her arms. She smoothed Chris' hair and whispered into her ear. "Shhh. Don't talk like that." Jill held her until sobs quieted. With both hands, Jill held Chris' face firm and looked into her eyes. "You have done more important work than I could ever do. Your family needed you. Hell, my family disowned me!" She kissed her forehead. "Why else would I be gone so long?"

"I thought you forgot about me." Fresh tears pooled in Chris' eyes. "We were supposed to leave here together."

It was true. Jill remembered how, that weekend at the cabin, both of them had made a pact to get out of this place: Together. But then, everything fell apart. Chris backed out. Moving, college, a career, all canceled. Jill had been angry, and blamed Chris' parents for holding her back while her younger brothers were able to pursue reasonably normal lives. What kind of people deny their own daughter her future? She thought. In the end, it didn't matter who was really at fault, if anyone at all. Jill couldn't stay, and Chris couldn't leave.

* * * *

"What do you mean you can't come?" Jill was screaming now, her face glowing with rage. "This is what we talked about! You said you wanted to go!" Jill slammed her fists down on Chris' dresser top and cleared its surface in one swipe. It was less than a week before graduation. They had it all planned out. She burst into tears, not able to believe her own ears. "You said you loved me..." Defeated, she hung her head. Jill knew this was a battle she couldn't possibly win. Blood is thicker than water, after all, and on some level, she knew it was best for Chris to stay with her family. They needed her, and hell, wasn't that one of the reasons Jill loved her so much.

"Hush, baby." Chris gathered the sobbing Jill in her arms. This was hard on both of them. "You know I love you, but right now my father- my family needs me." She smoothed Jill's hair and planted kisses. "I have to stay."

"What about me?" Jill looked up, sniffling and wiping her eyes. "Chris, I need you too! I, I don't know if I can live without you."

"Stay. Get an apartment in town. Enroll at the community collage here. Stay here with me."

"I can't! I can't stay here." Jill pushed Chris' hands away. Rage was rising again within her. "My family hates me! This whole town hates me!" Backing away, hands up in a defensive gesture, Jill distanced herself and resolved to make her stand. "I won't stay here!" She turned to run before she broke into another fit of uncontrollable sobs. "If you don't understand that, then... then fuck you!"

Jill left town the day of her last final. She didn't even stay for the graduation ceremony. Of course, she knew she was wrong. Chris had made her own decision to stay with her family. She was always so strong. That was why Jill loved her, and why leaving hurt so much.

* * * *

"I know, baby. I was so wrong. I was so scared." Jill held Chris' hands, desperately trying to convey sincerity. "You are so wonderful. I just didn't know how I was going to go out into the world without you."

"But you did it. Now you have everything you used to dream of." Chris managed a smile.

"Yes, I did manage to get everything I was looking for." Jill paused. Her heart was pounding. This was the moment she came for. Time to show her cards. "But I still didn't have you." Now they were both tearing. "Please, Chris. I need you. I don't care anymore about my job, my car, my house... I want to share my life with you, wherever that takes us. Together. Just like we promised, when we were kids."

"Oh Jill, my place is here now. It's too late for me."

* * * *

Jill had figured she'd died and gone to heaven. Chris was between her legs and Jesus, it felt good. She licked and sucked Jill to climax like a well seasoned lover. First, in the bed, then in the shower, then back to the bed. Chris was full of surprises, and knew how to pull a seemingly endless stream of orgasms from Jill. Jill was a tad worried how well she would be able to reciprocate.

"Oh God, Chris, that was so worth the wait!" Jill held Chris in the dying candlelight. They had consumed most of the wine, and stopped long enough for only a brief snack. "I am so tired..."

"Shhhh." Chris pulled the comforter around them and kissed Jill on the forehead. "Just go to sleep." She wrapped Jill in her arms. "Happy birthday, baby."

By the time Sunday rolled around, Jill had managed to reciprocate quite adequately in many spots throughout the cabin, the front deck, and even out beside the fire pit. While lying in each others arms, both girls pledged to stay together and made plans to run off as soon as school let out. The world, however, had other plans for the two. From the moment Jill stepped back into her house, things began to fall apart.

"Jill, your father and I have been thinking," Jill rolled her eyes as her mother sat next to her on the bed. Apparently, it was time for a quality mother-daughter lecture. "and, well... we think you're spending too much time with Chris. It just doesn't look right, you two always together, day and night." Jill's mom looked down at her lap. "People are talking, saying you two aren't normal, that you girls are kissing!" Her words turned into a hiss. She stood up in front of Jill before continuing. "Please, just take a break. You'll be going off to college soon, anyway, and I'd like to enjoy some time together before you go. Maybe you can find a nice boy to go out with instead. It shouldn't be hard. You are really pretty, if only you would stop hiding under blue jeans and sweatshirts all the time..."

Jill could hear nothing but the roar of her world crashing down around her. She and Chris had been so careful. She couldn't imagine who could have seen them, and who would tell her mother?'

"...Chris' mother and I agree, this is really for the best ..."

Jill snapped to attention. "What? Did you just say you talked to Chris' mom about this?!" Her head was spinning. She felt like she was about to vomit. Jill bolted past her mother in a surge of panic. They knew. Somehow, they all found out she was queer. Hell, Jill pondered, it was probably all over my face when I got home. Leave on friday a sheltered virgin, and back on sunday a toaster- wielding, nympho lesbian freak! Jill raced to Chris' house. Her life felt as if it was falling apart. She was so close to being able to leave with Chris and start a life, together and away from here.

"Fuck! This can't be happening! This can't be happening!" Jill had to find Chris. If she couldn't see her anymore, she felt as if she would die.

* * * *

"Please, Chris. I was a fool." Jill grabbed Chris' hands and pulled her closer. "I was a young, hormonal fool. I didn't know any better. I want to be with you. I don't care where we live, so long as it's together." Jill had played her cards. Her whole life had been leading up to this. This one moment. She searched Chris' eyes for any reciprocity. "I love only you. My home is with you."

"Oh, baby." Chris gently cupped Jill's cheek. Over the years, she had been dreaming of this day, hoping that Jill would return, in spite of everything. Even after her father's death, Chris had never thought of dating anyone else. Her heart had been claimed a long time ago. Fresh tears ran down both their faces. "I've been waiting for you to come home to me."