You Can Go Home Again

I watched some sports on TV and drank my beer. Makenna sighed softly in her sleep from time to time and then Ripley was kneeling in front of us, watching us. I woke up a little and Makenna was still asleep. Ripley noticed I was awake and reached out, cupping my cheek in her palm.

"Carry her to the car for me, Kaine."

I stood up carefully, trying not to disturb my weary cargo, and carried her out. Ripley opened the back door of her Escalade and I put Makenna gently in her car seat. There was a little pillow on the seat beside her and I used it to prop her head up. I couldn't help myself. I kissed her tiny little cheek. She sighed and shifted a little into a more comfortable position. I stood up, Ripley took a step toward me, pressing all that hotness against me, and she kissed my cheek.

"Thank you, Kaine," she said. "Can we come over some evening after you get off work? I really need to talk to you. I'll bring the stuff for a DNA test. I'll bring her. Please?"

"Friday at six," I told her. "I'll cook." I didn't trust myself any longer, so I pushed past her and went in the house, not looking back. I stood with my back against the closed door for a minute, then shook my head to clear away the cobwebs. It had been a hell of a night.

I was worthless at work for the rest of the week. My mind kept playing over that feeling I had, sitting on the sofa and holding that little angel on my lap. Visions of an incredibly sexy and passionate redhead filled my dreams at night and I woke up exhausted. There was something bugging me, too, something Ripley had said that I couldn't quite remember, but was important.

It finally came to me on Thursday. She'd said something about if I'd stayed at The Cellar, I'd have seen my mom drop off Makenna. What the fuck? I visited my parents regularly, and they hadn't said one word about either Ripley or the little girl. Ripley, I understood: I'd made it clear I didn't want to talk about her. A little girl who might be mine, who they're babysitting? That was another story altogether. I invited myself to dinner at my parents' that night with the four famous words: We Need To Talk.

I was still upset when I got to the house, but dinner and talking about other things settled me down to the point where I could listen. Mom said they hadn't told me about Makenna because they didn't want to look like they were pushing me to get back together with Ripley. Well, that was fair enough, I guess, and I had been pretty vehement about not wanting to talk about her.

It seems they'd been in touch with her, Ripley that is, right along. She'd given them the same bullshit she'd told me about finding herself and seeing if she could make it on her own. It still made no sense to me: her career was all on her own, and that was going great guns. Besides, weren't married people supposed to do things together? I still thought the real reason was she wanted to try out somebody else or more than one somebody else, before we started having kids. That was the only reason that made any sense to me, and I said so.

"I don't think that's it," Mom said. "I know what she said is off the wall crazy, but I think she was really sincere. She thought you'd just live apart for a few months, and then she'd move back in. She had every intention of being faithful to you, and as far as we know, she was, until the divorce was final."

"You mean you two bought that bunch of hooey?"

"No, son, we didn't," Dad said. "We told her that was about the stupidest thing we'd ever heard of anyone doing. When she came to us in tears because you'd left, we asked her what she expected after pulling a stunt like that. Do you know, she actually said she expected that you'd be upset for a while, but would settle down and wait for her to come back? By the time we finished talking with her, she knew she'd screwed up royally, but none of us knew what to do to fix it. We didn't even know where you were."

"We hadn't the heart to tell her to go away," Mom took up the tale. "We tried to help her get her head on straight; I'm not sure how much success we had. Then she told us she was pregnant. She swore the baby was yours, but we didn't quite believe her. Still, we tried to help her prepare to be a responsible mom. She's really done well, Kaine. She's changed from an entitled, flighty princess who would act on any stupid idea that came into her head, to a responsible adult capable of raising a child. Did you know she cut back to half time on the radio, and cut out almost all of her outside appearances, when Makenna was born?"

I hadn't known that.

"Kaine, I know how much you loved Ripley, so I know how much it hurt when she left. I don't blame you for what you did," Dad put in. "Ripley was totally selfish and unbelievably stupid when she left you, but she isn't the same girl any more. Your mom and I see a lot of good in her, especially when she's with Makenna. I think it would be in your best interest to give her a chance to show you how she's changed. If you don't, and she decides you're never going to, she won't be on the market long."

I didn't think it was worthwhile to point out to my parents that Ripley is, by her own admission, a performer. She's good at fooling people. On the other hand, my parents were pretty good judges of people. Stupid is one thing; lying is another, and they were convinced she'd just been stupid. At least she was consistent: she'd told them the same things she told me. I had a few things to think about, so I took Friday off to go fishing.

I've always found the process of finding the perfect spot for a fly to land cathartic. I'm alone in my head, just the sound of running water, the motions of the rod and line working together to make the perfect cast. I caught two big rainbows and a brown and I felt much better. Maybe, I was even confident enough to face Ripley and Makenna. I stopped by and picked up some shrimp and the ingredients to make a shrimp Alfredo Linguini. I steamed some vegetables, tossed a salad and opened a bottle of wine. I had apple juice for Makenna and I hoped she liked it.

I hated the thought of exposing myself to Ripley again. I still felt the pain and rage from the last time, and now I was letting her open up the cracks again. I almost threw dinner away. I had the pot of pasta in my hands, but I set it back on the stove. I thought about just leaving and not being there when they showed up. On the other hand, maybe my parents were right, and I did have the wrong idea about what she'd done.

I saw Atlas lift his head and those little ears swivel back and forth. He got up with a groan and went into the living room. That usually means he hears a car outside, so I combined the Alfredo sauce, pasta and shrimp and stirred it all together. I needed to add the Parmesan cheese, but I'd do that just before putting it on the table. The doorbell rang and I went to answer it.

There they stood. Makenna was hiding behind Ripley again, but when she saw Atlas, she danced forward and hugged him. He's never liked me hugging him, but he didn't seem to mind her doing it. In fact, he wiggled all over. She was even more breathtaking than the last time I saw her. She had on a pretty little red dress and all that curly hair framed her face like a halo.

Ripley, well she was just Ripley. She had on a dark green dress, and she was stunning. She's tall and slender, but she has curves in all the right places. Her waist is long, slender and supple. Her hips flare dramatically, and she has the roundest firmest ass imaginable. My eyes slid up across the heart-stopping swell of her breasts. They were showcased and showing a bit of cleavage. There was a gold chain plunging into that valley with the tiny jade dagger I'd given her for her eighteenth birthday attached to it. My eyes slid up to that face. It's heart shaped, high cheekbones, a slender patrician nose with a sprinkling of freckles on it, those huge emerald eyes and her puffy red lips had curled into a smile. She had a cream pie in her hands. "Hi, Kaine, do we pass inspection?" She laughed, and I felt that old thrill sweep through me.

"Um..." I cleared my throat. "Yes, you two would stop a train. Come in." I stood aside and she went into the kitchen and put her pie in the refrigerator. She seemed right at home. I knelt in the floor in front of Makenna.

"Hi, Honey," I said. I tried to make my voice as gentle as possible. "Did you have a good day?" I asked.

She stopped hugging Atlas, took a step toward me and threw her arms around my neck. I could feel her soft little cheek against mine. She pulled back and looked into my face. "Hi, Kaine," she said. "Yes, I went to daycare and they took us to a thing. What was it called, Mamma?" she called to Ripley.

"The science center," Ripley said, walking back into the living room so she could see us.

"Yes, they took us there," Makenna said. "I liked it. What did you do?"

"I went fishing," I told her. "Do you like fishing?"

"Don't know," she said, shrugging her shoulders. "Mamma never took me fishing."

"Well, we'll have to fix that," I said. "Would you like to go fishing with Atlas and me?"

"Yes," she said. "When will we go?"

"We'll have to work that out with your mother," I said. "Are you hungry?"

"Yes, starving," she said. "Mamma made a pie."

"I saw," I said. I scooped her up and carried her into the dining room. There was a problem. My chairs were too low. I went and got some cushions for her to sit on and we were good.

"Anything I can do?" Ripley asked.

"Pour drinks," I said. "We're ready." I put the cheese in and stirred it until it melted, took everything to the table, and by the time I finished, Ripley had drinks and we sat down to dinner.

Makenna chattered happily the whole time and kept it from being awkward as we engaged her. She seemed to love my cooking efforts and asked for more of the pasta. She ate everything, even the veggies, and we all had a piece of pie. It was chocolate, and very good. Ripley had picked up some new skills. She burned toast when we were married, so I did most of the cooking.

After our pie, we went into the living room and Ripley put an animated movie on for Makenna. We sat on the sofa and Makenna snuggled up on one side of me while Ripley kicked off her shoes and curled her legs up under her in that impossible way women have.

"That was delicious," she said. "You haven't lost your touch in the kitchen."

"Thanks," I said. "Ripley, I hate to ruin the mood, but what is it, exactly, that you're doing?"

"I'm throwing my hat back in the ring," she said. "I've been trying to explain myself to you for a long time. I came over to sit down and talk to you three days after I moved out. You were gone. You disappeared. After I heard you were back, I tried to talk to you. I don't know your phone number, so I couldn't call you. You blocked me so that I couldn't email you. I must have sat outside your office a hundred times, once I found out where you worked. I don't know how you did it, but you never came out."

"I had the security guard tell me when you were there," I said. "I went out another door."

She gave a sad little smile. "I thought it was probably something like that. I came here and parked down the street. I saw you leave, sometimes, but I couldn't ever tell if you were home. You never came home while I was here."

"I always checked," I told her. "If I saw your car, I just went somewhere else."

"Well, that's why I never got a chance to tell you about Makenna," she said. "You were gone all the time I was pregnant. I brought the test kit, Kaine."

"Just leave it when you go," I told her. "Assuming you're telling me the truth, now what?"

"I need my husband," she said. "Makenna needs her father."

"What the hell?" I said. "You drop a bomb on my life, move out, after giving me some psych mumbo-jumbo, waltz right back, drop another bomb and tell me you 'need' me. Well, I needed you, Ripley. You didn't give a da..." I glanced down at Makenna. She was enrapt in her movie. "You didn't care at all about me needing you. Why should I care about you needing me?"

"You're wrong about that," she said.

"Okay, you tell me where I'm wrong," I said. "What, was my co..." I looked down at Makenna. She was still absorbed in her movie. "Was I not big enough for you? Did I not do it for you?"

Ripley looked horrified. "Oh, no, Kaine, don't ever think that. Se... that, was never a problem for us. You know that. No, you rocked my world. You're huge! I never... Jesus, Kaine! What's wrong with you? You're such a man! Why do men think things like that? Do you think every woman is a size queen? Do you think we're all panting for a ten-inch dong?"

"Are you a queen, Mamma?" Makenna piped up. Damn, she was listening!

Ripley laughed. "No, baby, but you're a princess." Makenna giggled. Nice save, I thought. I reached down and squeezed her knee. She smiled up and me, and my vision got blurry.

"I want her, Ripley," I said.

"What do you mean?" she asked.

"I mean I want to be with her," I said. "I want her to stay with me, I want her on the weekends, I want her for Christmas."

"Okay, I thought you'd feel that way," she said. "I know how you feel. The problem is, I want her, too. We can work things out."

"I want her to spend the night," I said.

"We're sort of a package deal, Kaine," she said.

"Makenna, would you like to spend the night with me and Atlas?" I asked her.

"Yes," her curly little head bobbed.

"Baby, do you want to stay with just Kaine and Atlas?" she asked.

She shook her head, this time. "No," she said. She was very emphatic. "I want you to stay, too, Mamma. I might need you."

"You just can't think about you, Kaine," Ripley said. "She's more important than that. You have to think about what she would want, too. I'll work with you and you can have her nearly any time you want, but you have to be sensitive to her needs, too."

That made sense, so I nodded. It didn't sound like the old Ripley, either. "I get that."

"This isn't what I wanted to talk to you about," she said. "Kaine, I need to ask you something. When I told you what was going on with me, I was 100 percent honest with you. It had nothing to do with... you know what. The idea of you not being big enough is ridiculous. Ten-inch dongs are something men are interested in, not women. You've been reading too much porn."

"What's porn, Mamma?" Makenna asked. We both burst out laughing.

"It's nothing, Makenna," I told her. "Um. It's kind of like corn except yucky. You aren't ever going to have anything to do with it."

Ripley was nearly in hysterics. "This is too much," she gasped. "Anyway, it wasn't about that, Kaine. It was about me not being a very mature person. I was so in love with you. I still am. I felt like I was being swallowed and there wouldn't be anything left of me and it scared the hell out of me. I panicked and did something stupid, okay? I thought I needed to get away from you for a while. I never meant it to be permanent. I thought we'd get together a couple of times a week and I'd..." she looked at Makenna and giggled, "I'd knock your socks off. I know this all sounds like BS. It does to me, now, but it didn't at the time. I was an immature child and I thought like one."

"Why didn't you say that?" I asked. "It sure as he... heck seemed like you intended for it to be permanent to me."

"I did say that," she insisted. "I said exactly that, but either I didn't say it very well or you weren't listening very well. Did I ever, once, say, 'I'm leaving you, Kaine. I don't want to be married to you anymore'?"

"No, you said, 'Kaine, I don't know how to say this, but I'm moving out. I have a place over on Pine Street and I'm moving in next Saturday. I need some time by myself. I need to find my own 'identity', or some stupid sh... junk like that." My voice got a little louder and Makenna looked up at me.

"It's okay, sorry," I said. Her eyes went back to the TV, but I knew her ears were on Ripley and me. This wasn't working.

"This is too awkward," Ripley said. "I want you to be able to say what you want to say. Are you doing anything tomorrow?"

"I was going to watch some basketball, drink some beer and wash and vacuum the car," I said. "Why?"

"Can I come and pick you up and take you somewhere?" she asked. "I'll get Mom to watch Makenna. I want to say some things to you. I want you to be able to tell me anything. Will you do that for me, Kaine?"

I was very suspicious. "Where are you taking me?" I asked.

"Jesus, Kaine, stop being such a... wuss," she said. "Do you think I'm dangerous? Do you think I'm plotting to bump you off and throw your body in the lake?"

"Yes, and no," I said. "I don't think you're planning to bump me off, but I do think you're dangerous. You're the most dangerous person I've ever met."

She laughed at that. "Please, I'll be here at ten. I'll help you wash your car afterward, okay?"

The credits were rolling on Makenna's movie. "Okay," I said. "Don't get your hopes up, Ripley."

"I won't," she promised.

I played with Makenna and Atlas for a bit and it was time for them to go home. I got a big hug from Makenna, and a hug and a kiss on the cheek from Ripley. I was buckling Makenna into her car seat.

"When are we going to spend the night with you," she asked, "and when are you going to take me fishing?" She had a memory like a steel trap!

"Do you have a date for Sunday?" I asked her.

She giggled. "No. I don't go on dates. Why do you want to know?"

"If it's okay with your Mom, I'll take you fishing Sunday," I said. "We'll have to talk about when you can spend the night, okay?"

"Yes," she said. She was nodding vigorously and her curls bounced. "I really want to spend the night, though. Can Atlas sleep with me?"

"I don't allow him to get on the beds," I told her. "He gets kind of stinky. We can bring his bed into your room and he can sleep on the floor by your bed."

She thought about that for a minute. "Okay," she said.

"Ripley, is it okay for her to go fishing?" I asked.

"Of course," she said. "I'll see you at ten."

I had nightmares that night. A little dark haired girl was being eaten by a giant fish and I was running to save her. I was running in molasses and it was taking me forever to get there. I shot upright, my heart pounding. I was sweating profusely and it was four AM. I got up and toweled off, adrenaline pumping through my veins. I lay back down. It took a while to get that image out of my head, but the next thing I knew it was nine and the alarm was going off on my phone.

I got up, took a quick shower, got dressed and ate a muffin. I was on my second cup of coffee when Atlas got up and went to the door. It rang, right on cue, and Ripley was there. "Want a cup of coffee?" I asked her. "There's one left. Don't want to throw it out."

"Got a to-go cup?" she asked. "I want to get started."

I rummaged around and got two. I poured hers and then put mine in the other. "Can Atlas go?" I asked her.

"Of course," she said. "Um, would you mind getting him a blanket or something? We'll have two cars to clean up if you don't."

I got the old quilt I used in my car and we followed her out. She had on khaki shorts and a green shirt with the tails tied up, leaving her navel peeking out. It had a little diamond stud in it. That was new. She filled those shorts out to perfection and the way she bounced, I could tell she didn't have a bra on. She caught me looking and shot me a wicked grin.

One thing we had always had in common was a love of cars. She wasn't driving the Escalade that day. This must have been her 'just her' car. I was impressed. It was silver and I knew it was a Mercedes, but that was it. "What is it?" I asked.

"It's a 2003 CL coupe," she said. "Twin turbos, Kaine. 830 ft/lbs of torque."

"Can I drive?" I asked.