You Jackass!


After our first month the job eased up and we went to working ten to twelve hour days. Finally getting to relax in the apartment I fired up my computer and checked my emails. I had spoken to Tina on the phone and knew something was eating at her. She wouldn't tell me what it was. Her email told me.

"Daddy, I'm so upset I can't stand it! Mom is having an affair! I saw them together at Margo's Mexican Restaurant last Saturday. Mom is dressing like a slut some evenings and goes out "for dinner" and comes home smelling like sex. (Yes, Daddy, I know what sex smells like.) Please, come rescue me!"

Her email was dated over a week before I read it. I called home. Tina answered.

"Hi, Honey."

"Hi. Mom's not home."

"Good. Get everything you want to bring with you packed. I'll be home this weekend and you're coming back with me. Don't say anything to Donna about me coming home. Ok?"

"You'll be here on Saturday?"

"Yes. That's my plan."

"I'll be ready." We talked about other things for a while and then she said, "I hear her car. Bye Daddy. I love you." She was gone.

The next day I got another email. "Mom came home drunk. She walked in with her blouse torn and one boob hanging completely out. It had three hickies on it. She saw me and didn't try to cover up. She was proud of the hickies, Dad! She said her friend "loved her big tits and knew how to treat a woman's big tits." I heard her on the phone with someone and she told them she was hiding money from you and had been doing it since she started at the propane company. She had almost enough to buy her half of the house and then her big buck was leaving his wife. She called him her big buck three different times, Daddy. When she got off the phone she stripped down and fell onto her bed. She had bruises on her legs and her butt. She used to make sure we didn't see her naked. Tonight she didn't even close the door. She slept naked on top of the bed.

Daddy, Mom has no hair. What's that all about?"

I was about to write her when another email came in. "You don't need to answer my question about hair. Mom wasn't drunk last night, she was high. When she got up this morning she came to breakfast naked. She explained that men who like eating pussy don't want hair in their mouths. She told me not to tell you she was "playing around."

I have an idea. I know you know where Carolyn Campbell lives. Her brother has a truck. As I pack I'm putting the boxes in their garage. On Friday I'll tell Mom I'm going camping for the weekend. You can pick me up at the Campbell's and we'll be in Denver before she even knows I'm gone."

I wrote, "Thank you for telling me about Donna. I knew. I'll see you on Saturday at the Campbells. ILY, Dad"

The next morning I was in the office with the regional manager of the company. I explained everything to him. He had some good ideas. He asked for Kathy's phone number. He called her and asked what the asking price was on my house. She old him. He said, "I'm willing to buy the house at that price, but I want you to help your brother and me. I want you to call Mrs. Peterson and tell her you have a firm offer forty thousand higher than the asking price. Tell her that the new buyer wants a fifteen day closing."

"I get it! If she wants the house she has to come up with twenty thousand more and quickly!"

"Exactly. If she cannot come up with the money by Friday you'll accept my offer."

"I like it. Can you tell Pete what we're doing?"

"He's right here. Tell him yourself." He gave me the phone. Tina and I would be leaving the Campbell's and going to Kathy's.

I thanked my manager and he gave me three phone numbers to call. Realtors who would help us find a home.

When I got home and fed myself I checked emails. Nothing from Donna. A note from Tina: "Mom is frantic. She says she has fifty thousand, but she needs seventy-six thousand and she needs it by Friday! She is on the phone right now talking to Buck and pleading with him for the money. She is promising him things she would beat me for even saying. I hope you know what's going on. ILY.

As I read my computer dinged and a new email came in, from Kathy. "Please call me when you have some time to talk... preferably before Saturday."

I hit the speed dial on my phone and she answered immediately. "I can give you an hour, then I must get some sleep."

Kathy said, "Do you have a new place in Denver?"

"No. I have three realtors to work with, but I haven't called them yet."

"Don't. I have friends in Denver. They will find us a place, a place we can afford as soon as you say yes."

"Us? We? What us? Which we are you talking about?"

"As soon as you left town, the town died. When you were here there was an energy here and now that energy is gone. Not everyone felt it or noticed it left, but I felt it and I feel it's gone. I don't want to live without that energy nearby. So, my house is sold. Your house is sold. Tina is moving on Saturday. Can I move, too?"

I thought about how much stuff Tina would be bringing. It would fill my truck. Kathy had a house full.

"Yes and no. Yes, you can move, but not Saturday. We need to get movers to move all your stuff."

"Pete, I know all that. Listen to what I said: I have friends in Denver. They will find us a place, a place we can afford as soon as you say yes."

I waited and then said, "Yes. One place for us where we can live. One place."

"Ok. I think you've got it."

"Not quite, little sister. Do you want to stop being my little sister?"

It was quiet a long time and she said, "I have loved one man other than Dad my whole life. I want to live with him and share his life for the rest of mine. You are that man."

My head started spinning inside. I'd spent my life protecting her, being her Big Brother. What she wanted was way outside the role of Big Brother. I couldn't just say "Yes."

"Can I give you my answer on Saturday?" I asked.


There was nothing left to say. I did go to bed and I did dream. In the dream Kathy and I were standing at the railing of a cruise ship, kissing.

When my cell rang the next morning I was at work, walking down a hallway. It was Kathy.

"Donna just left my office. She gave me a check for seventy-six thousand dollars. She said you agreed to sell her the house for half the equity."

"Cash the check! Do whatever it takes to take me off the paperwork. What's left of the mortgage belongs to her. I hope her boyfriend makes good money."

I called my lawyer and said, "As soon as Kathy tells you I'm free and clear of the house, have her served."

"What about her boy-friend?"

"Send his wife copies of the pictures so she knows they're a gift from me."

"You know him?" The lawyer asked.

"Only by his screen name, 'bigbuck".

"His name is James Buck and he owns the propane company where your wife works."

"It may be unethical for you to call her and solicit her as a client, but it isn't unethical if I call her."

He gave me her phone number at home. He suggested that he prepare to have them both served at work and hand deliver the pictures the day before to his wife. I agreed to call her in the morning of the day she would get the pictures. From that moment we played a waiting game.

After work on Friday I went to my little apartment and slept six hours. I was up at midnight. I had an ice chest with beverages and snacks in it, some CD's, clothes for three days and at twelve-thirty Jack climbed into the cab with me. He was driving home with me to drive his family back to Denver. We talked, listened to traffic reports, weather reports and a couple CD's as we drove. Jack knew all about what was going on in my family, except what was happening with Kathy.

I wasn't sure what was happening there, either. Our last conversation sounded to me like she was asking to live with me as my spouse, but we had never started down that road. I'd kissed her on the cheek when she graduated from high school. Maybe what she had said was that she'd loved me all her life and I'd protected her all her life and we'd live together as family... without sex.

That's why I didn't mention Kathy to Jack. I knew that I'd say yes to living together and I was ninety plus percent sure that if Kathy said she wanted us to live together as husband and wife with sex, I'd say yes to that, too.

We traded driving in Las Vegas, where we had breakfast and gassed the truck. Jack drives well and we'd traveled many times together over the years. In Alamogordo we pulled into his driveway at eleven-fifteen in the morning. We got out of the truck. He hugged his wife and I made a quick pit stop. Jack's wife, Joline, gave me a bag with two sandwiches in it and a kiss on my cheek. As I pulled away from their almost empty house my cell rang.

"Speak to me," I said.

"You are no longer responsible for the house in any way." My lawyer said. "Donna and Mr. Buck are both at the propane company. I am ready to deliver the pictures to Mrs. Buck at your request, and have them served."

"I'll call you before noon." I turned at the next corner. I drove to the home of Mr. & Mrs. James Buck. I backed into their driveway. When I opened the door to get out of the truck their front door opened and a buxom woman came out. She was in tight jeans, a t-shirt that was too small and a baseball cap. No shoes.

She said, "Excuse me. This is my home. Why are you here?" She stayed up on the porch. It gave her a power position and a bit of safety.

I smiled and said, "I am either your best friend in the world or a nasty son-of-a-bitch. My wife says I'm the latter."

"I don't know you, do I?"

"No, but you know my wife. She works at the propane company, Donna." At the mention of Donna she stiffened. I continued, "In less than an hour I can have copies of pictures here of your husband fucking my wife. Not once or twice, but over the last year or more. I have a lawyer and my wife will be served divorce papers before she and James go for lunch. Are you interested?"

"You have proof?" She sat on the top step of her porch as she asked.

"Yes. She's the one..."

"With the huge knockers." She finished my statement for me.

"I want the proof and I want to hire the lawyer!"

"I figured you might." I dialed my cell and said, "There's a lady here who wants a good, mean lawyer to take her case."

He said, "Hand her the phone." They talked for ten minutes. A car parked in front of her house and a man carrying a big envelope got out. He handed it to her. She signed for it and he left. She handed the envelope to me and said, "Please open it."

I did. She poured the contents of the porch and saw all the pictures spread across the porch. She spoke into the phone, "Ok. What do I do now?"

She made notes on the back of the envelope. I gathered all the papers and pictures. When she hung up she held the envelope open I deposited everything inside. A truck parked in front of her house. The side of his truck said, "Jim's Locks."

As he began changing the locks Mrs. Buck said, "Our lawyer is through. All James' credit cards are cancelled and he has lost access to his personal and business credit. There is a restraining order prohibiting him from being within five-hundred feet of me or the house.

She offered the locksmith and me something to drink. We both accepted soft drinks. As I prepared to go get Tina my cell and her house phone rang. She rushed inside and I answered. The lawyer's voice said, "They both have been served. We have it on video. I'll send you a copy in Denver. The people we used did a great job of having it be a surprise."

"What did they do?"

They made two poster board replicas of those winning checks from Publishing Clearing house. Then they pasted the papers on the poster boards and covered them with white butcher paper with each of their names printed large on the cover sheets. They went into the propane company with a video crew and asked if Donna Peterson and James Buck were there. The entire staff went crazy and your wife and James proudly came forward and posed with the cameras. At the crew's instruction they ripped the cover sheets off the "checks" and the crew leader said, "Congratulations! You've been served." Ten seconds later they were outside and gone. The crew leader said they heard your wife scream."

I thanked him as I parked at the Campbells. Tina called out from the porch and four of her high school friends loaded my truck in less than five minutes. They each took a turn saying Good-Bye to Tina with kisses and hugs. I thanked each boy and Mrs. Campbell for helping us.

My cell rang on the way to Kathy's. The ID window said, "Donna." I decided to answer.


"Don't Hi me, you bastard!" She screamed. "You had me served divorce papers!"

"Last I heard infidelity is grounds for divorce. Even if it isn't, I'm not married to you. I stopped being married to you the first time you sucked bigbuck's dick!"

"And I liked it so much I'm going to keep sucking it!"

"Then why don't you sound happy? I gave you what you've wanted. Freedom."

"I am happy! You stay there in Denver. You won't be missed here."

"I made you a promise a couple of months ago. I promised I'd pay for your breast reduction surgery when the house sold. Do you still want it?"

"What's the catch?"

"I don't give you the money. You told me you wanted to use the hospital in El Paso and Juarez. I'll pay them. You pick the date for any day after our divorce is final and I'll send them the money."


"Because I promised. For the rest of your life every time someone looks at your chest, including you you'll think Pete bought these for me. Now it's up to you."

"I won't think of you at all. I'll be thinking about James."

"I'll still do it." I hung up. We were at Kathy's. Her car was loaded and a moving van was in the driveway. She came to my truck carrying a package. I opened the door and got out. Kathy looked at Tina, hesitated and then handed me the package. It was two walkie-talkies and batteries. She said, "So we can talk whenever we want." I handed the box to Tina and asked, "Can you get them to work?"

She went right to work. I walked to Kathy's car and checked it out. It was loaded and she'd used bungee cords to strap thing down against load shifts. Up front she had a small ice chest and a bag of Doritos. I grabbed the Doritos.

"Hey! I like those!"

"That's why they're going with us. Tina will drive your car to Las Vegas, where we'll gas up. She can take whatever snacks she wants from my truck. We can talk all the way to Las Vegas."

She took the Doritos and walked back to the truck. She opened the passenger door and handed Tina the keys to her car. Tina asked, "What's happening?" I sat in the driver's seat and said, "As of now, you're an adult. The three of us have a six hundred mile trip to get done. First leg, you drive Kathy's car, I drive the truck. Second leg we'll discuss in Las Vegas."

Tina looked at Kathy and asked, "Is there anything to snack on in your car?"

I said, "Take anything you want from here."

She took a banana, a baggie full of grapes and a Mars bar. As she got out of the truck I said, "Follow us. Ok?"


Kathy got in and I backed us out. Kathy teared up and waved at her old house. I stayed quiet until we were on the highway north. For an hour we talked legal issues, divorce, real estate, Tina and Heidi.

In the second hour Kathy saw a sign for a rest stop. She called Tina on the radio and asked, "Need a pit stop?"

"Yes!" I put my turn signal on and we stopped. Kathy's car stopped beside us and Tina ran to the building. As soon as she went inside Kathy turned to me and said, "Kiss me."


"Kiss me like you've wanted this kiss since you were thirteen!"

I leaned over and we kissed. I didn't think I had wanted to kiss her since I was thirteen. A few seconds into it I was sure it had been at least that long. The suppressed wanting was released and I wanted more. I suddenly thought of Tina's reaction if she caught us! I jerked away and looked towards the ladies room door. Tina wasn't there. She was six inches way from the window on Kathy's door, grinning like the Cheshire cat. She laughed, slapped my truck and got back into Kathy's car.

Kathy said, "I didn't need the pit stop. I needed the kiss. Let's go." I backed out and headed north again.

I said, "I think I have my head on straight, but I have to be sure."

"Ok. I've had lots of time to think this over, so let me explain it to you. Ok?"

"Open the Doritos and a beverage please." She did. We shared.

"When I asked to live with you I meant be your wife. I know we can't get married. I know we shouldn't have babies. I also know you had your self fixed after Tina was born. What you may not know was that I was also fixed. No babies. I have always felt like a more-than-aunt to Heidi and Tina."

"You've always been a big part of their lives and I know they love you."

"They both have known for a long time that I love you. Anyway, here's how I see us: We buy a house with both names on the title; Pete Peterson and Kathy Peterson. We have a four bedroom place. The master suite is ours, Tina has a bedroom and we have an office for my business. The forth bedroom is a guest room and your office. Tina's room has a door to the outside and her own bathroom. We pool all our money and we discuss every expenditure bigger than groceries."

"I want an agreement about sex."

"Oh? What do you want?"

"I don't want to beg. I won't beg. In my past there have been long dry spells and lots of things that were off limits unless Donna was drunk. I want to please you and I want you to please me. I do something with you and you aren't wild about it, tell me how to make it better for you. I love giving oral, and getting oral doesn't do much for me. That's the past. What works for us, works for us."

Kathy turned a little in her seat to face me a little more directly and said, "I don't have a lot of experience and none of it is in the recent past. Jose' was a Wham-Bam-Thank-you-ma'am kind of guy. I've had plenty of orgasms and most of them came with batteries. I want to spend lots of time exploring love with you. A real partnership in every way."

"That sounds like we're already in agreement."

"Donna told me once she was pissed at you because you wanted her to shave her bush."

"Did she also tell you she shaved it for bigbuck?"

"No. Do you want me to shave?"

"I'd love it." I paused, "But maybe later. I haven't seen you naked since you were three or four."

"Too late. I now look like I did then. Smooth."

"Kathy, what do you want?"

"I want you to touch me, often. I want you to take me away some weekends and we'll hide out somewhere, making love, eating great meals and sharing life. I want you to make me laugh. I want to wake up in your arms."

"Uh-oh! A high maintenance woman!" She socked my arm.

"If I ask you to do something, just for my pleasure will you do it?"

"Probably. Ask." She said.

"Look behind your seat. There's a file box with a lid. Go inside and get the top thing in the box, please. It's a towel."

She twisted around and got the towel. She started to buckle back up and I put a hand on the buckle. "Please take off your jeans."

She smiled and began. I glanced over often and saw the jeans worked down and off along with her shoes. She hesitated and then removed the teal colored panties. I noticed they were wet. Teal everywhere except where her juices made them dark blue.

"Yes, Sir." Kathy said.

"Fold the towel and sit on it, so it catches your juices, please."

"Done, Sir." She said when she was on the towel.

I checked the speedometer. I was steady at seventy. I glanced at my mirrors and saw Tina about two hundred yards back. No other vehicles within a mile.

"Kathy, I want you to take two fingers and dip them into your honey. Then give me a taste. Put those fingers in my mouth, please."

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