You Never Asked!

Until Wednesday evening.

"Kurt, Anne called me this afternoon. She and Carl have invited me to their lake house for the weekend. It's about 90 minutes from here."

"And I guess you have already accepted?"

"Yes, I have. Well, you are also invited. Anne and Carl would like to get to know you better."

I burst out laughing. "Sab, Anne only talked to me to ask me to pass the bread along at the table. And Carl spent the whole time watching your legs and drooling like a Saint Bernard dog. I would have vanished and they would never have noticed."

She did not let me take her there. "Anyway, since you don't seem about to get your head out of your ass, I told her that I would most certainly go alone. So yes, I am going, with or without you," she told me with a defiant look.

"You told her that? You told her that I have my head stuck in my ass? In other words, you made sure that I wouldn't go. How would you want me to show up there after you described me in such... enticing terms?"

"Well, I am not going to hold your hand there. I am not your mother, nor your shrink. You come or you don't. It's up to you."

"Sabrina, I don't want you to go. I want us to take the time to discuss all this before we go further in there. Right now, I feel betrayed. You may think that what you did last Friday was out in the open, but I never agreed to this, and I feel that you cheated on me. I am prepared to forgive you for this, but I will not be insulted and ridiculed again.

"I am not saying that I want you to never see them again, or that the two of us will never see them again, but I need the two of us to get on the same page before we do this again. A few steps were skipped, and I want us to do it right. Don't you think this is an acceptable compromise?" I asked.

"Kurt, I am going. I haven't had a fun weekend in a long time. If it's so important to you, we can discuss it next week and the week after. But you will not make me miss some fun time."

The conversation was clearly going nowhere, again, and it was getting there fast. I decided that it was enough arguing for that night and that I needed to make a stronger statement the next day. I waited until Sabrina was asleep before going to bed.

I left before her on Thursday. When I got home after work, she was preparing dinner. She did not hear me get in, because she was busy in the kitchen and she was in the middle of a phone conversation. Her phone was on speaker. I could recognize Anne's voice.

"I told Kurt I was going, but I am still hesitating. I know he's mad and I don't want to upset him even more."

"Sab, I told you. He'll come around. If he doesn't come with you this weekend, I'll manage to have lunch with him next week. Count on me to make him change his mind. All men eventually do."

I was dumbstruck.

"Well, I am afraid next week will be a bit late," my wife replied.

"I would have loved to take him to lunch today, but Carl and I are already at the lake, preparing everything. We should be 6 couples. That will be a magic weekend!" Anne joyfully explained.

"Wait a minute, you say 6 couples? That's assuming Kurt changes his mind?" Sabrina asked.

"I have already counted your husband out, Sab. A good friend of Carl's will be there. Dan is a single guy, with everything it takes to make a woman happy. Trust me, I have already done some quality control on him!" Anne said, giggling.

"And if Kurt shows up after all?" Sabrina inquired.

"Not a problem either! I will call Susan, a single friend who will be more than happy to join us too! Don't worry Sab, everything is covered. Carl and I have been doing this for years."

They continued chatting for a few minutes before Sabrina hung up. I was shocked. Six COUPLES. A single guy would be there to make the count even, to stand in FOR ME. Wow. I silently went back out to my car and drove away. I needed some alone time to think that over.

Not a lot of time, actually. It was easy: either she stayed home that weekend and we reset everything to then start over with the swinging discussion and do it the right way, or she went to the lake house, and I would file for divorce. It was as simple as that.

I went back home 30 minutes later.

"Sorry Hon, I was trapped in an endless meeting."

"Oh, that's ok Kurt. I am just done with dinner. Come in, everything's ready."

Dinner was about normal. She gave me the long version of her day. And then the longer version of her day.

I sent her to the living room with a glass of wine and took care of cleaning the kitchen. I then joined her in the living room, not knowing where to start. She was the one to finally throw a peanut to the elephant still sitting in the room, laughing at us.

"Kurt, have you made up your mind about this weekend?"

"My mind was made up yesterday, Sab. And I have not changed it. I want the two of us to do it the right way."

She sighed, stood up and went upstairs. I decided that it was time for the stronger statement. I slept in the guest room that night.

W-WEEKEND

On Friday morning, I was already in the kitchen when she got in for some coffee. She looked subdued. I waited for her to say something. I had hopes that my not sleeping with her the night before would have punched in the right spot.

"I will get off work at 12:00 today, Kurt. I will come back here, then finish preparing and leave around 1 PM. If you decide to come, I'll be happy. If you're not here, I will text you the address in case you change your mind."

"Sabrina, please don't go. Please stay here, so that we can make things right," I begged. I had promised myself that I would not beg, but I was now facing the end of my marriage.

"I told you I needed this. I am going," she replied, with a strangely neutral voice.

"Sab, please, don't choose your friends over your husband. I will not accept being put aside." I needed to try one last time.

She looked at me, sighed, got up and left for work. No goodbye, no kiss, nothing.

To say that I did not have the most productive day that Friday would be an understatement. I had the impetus of a jellyfish.

I left the office at 12:30 and drove home. I parked a few houses away from ours and waited. Sabrina got out of the house a bit before 1:00 with an overnight bag and drove away.

I went to the kitchen to fix myself some coffee, and found a note on the table:

'See you on Sunday, sweetheart. If you finally decide that it's time you finally put some fun in your life, come and join us. Everybody will be happy to see you. If you don't, then I am looking forward to telling you about my weekend and to razz you about having spent yours alone moping.

Kiss

Sab'

That was it. She had done it. She had chosen her friends over her marriage.

The rest of the afternoon was spent making some planning and phone calls.

BACK TO EARTH

Some common friends told me how things went when Sabrina got back from her weekend.

Sabrina was a bit surprised to find the house empty when she returned early in the evening on Sunday. She was expecting and hoping to find me there, full of regrets about my decision not to go, and she had been looking forward to telling me everything about the weekend. Maybe some hot quips about the fun they had over there would tease me enough to go with her the next time.

I had left her a note on the kitchen table, at the same place exactly where she had left hers. Next to the note was a small envelope. She first read the note:

'Sab,

You made your choice, and I can only accept it. I warned you I would not be dismissed. I have filed for divorce. You will be served at home on Wednesday evening. If you must communicate with me, please contact my lawyer. His card is in the envelope.

Kurt'

She found the card in the envelope, along with my wedding ring. Her initial reaction was to smirk at the bad joke. She told herself that she would let me stew for a few days. I would eventually come around.

That is what Anne had said to her all weekend, after all: Kurt will eventually go with the flow.

But when she went to our bedroom and realized that my side of the closet was empty, and that most of my personal belongings were gone, she started thinking for the first time that she may have gone a bit far.

She called Anne and told her about her fear. Anne, in her infinite wisdom, told her not to worry, that I would eventually understand and accept to go along on her terms.

Yeah, right...

I had moved my things to a small rent-per-month apartment close to my office. I should have forced her to move out, since the house was mine; I had inherited it from my parents. But I assumed things would be simpler that way.

Sabrina tried to call me twice on Monday, and three times on Tuesday. I let all her calls go to voicemail. She was increasingly worried.

The process server was scheduled for Wednesday at 6 PM to officially deliver her the divorce papers.

I was expecting a call from Sabrina between 6 PM and 6:15. She called at 6:10. This time, I took it.

"Hello Sabrina," I said, neutrally.

She was crying. "Kurt, what is this? Divorce? You can't be serious??"

"I am Sab. I am. I told you I would not accept this."

"But I don't want a divorce, Kurt!" she cried.

"Think of it Sab: maybe your 'lake-house husband', what was his name -- oh yeah, Dan -- will be happy to get to spend more time with you."

That was a cheap shot, I know. I could not help it. Her reaction made it clear that one had stung hard.

"How do you know of..." She was now howling.

"Can we at least talk about it? Can you please come over for coffee?" she pleaded.

I waited a few seconds and sighed. Loud enough that she could hear.

"Ok Sab. I will be at the house around 7 PM tomorrow. See you." I hung up before she could reply anything. I wanted to give her some time to calm down. I was ok with meeting her only to let her know how I felt, not to be her shoulder to cry on.

I showed up at the house on time the next day. Sabrina had put on a light dress that she knew I liked, and she had some fresh makeup, probably to hide the puffiness of her still red eyes.

"I am glad you came, Kurt. There are so many things I want to tell you. I am sure you will understand everything."

I cut her right away. She still didn't understand.

"Sabrina, I don't want to hear it. There is nothing more you can tell me about what you did. Your actions spoke volumes."

"But Kurt, I love you. I need you. I want you to be the father of my kids. You can't leave me!" Her freshly applied makeup was now dripping down her cheeks.

"That's the problem, Sab. It is what YOU want. What YOU need. What YOU feel like doing. What about what I want? You have made abundantly clear over the past few days that my needs were just a minor inconvenience that you would swiftly throw under the rug. I won't accept this. I may be tight and rigid, but I'm not a loser."

"Oh Kurt, I never thought you were a loser. And I have always loved you, admired you. I always thought we were a strong couple. I just wanted to have a bit of fun last weekend and the week before. Nothing serious. No harm done! Anne was adamant that you would come around and get into it. She says all guys eventually do."

"No harm done?! Wow, Sab, you just don't get it, do you? What you did is you sat comfortably in a train with some friends of yours, leaving me on the deck without telling me you had boarded. You let the train gain almost full speed, and then you started making fun of me because I couldn't run fast enough to jump in. And, of course, you never bothered to ask if I was interested in the destination. Is that what you call love and consideration? Is that your idea of a couple?"

For the first time, she didn't know what to say.

"And no, I am not prepared to forgive and forget. What you did these past few days was not only having sex with other people. It was showing me that you were capable of dismissing and belittling me if it suited your needs. I sort of knew you could do this to people. I just didn't thing you would do this to ME. And no, I will not live the rest of my life with someone who is capable of doing this to me."

She was sobbing now, her head in her hands.

"As for what Anne told you, how can you logically think that a woman who exchanged one sentence and a half with me would know how I see things better than I do myself? You chose to listen to her, rather than listen to me. Again, you chose her before me. I won't have that, Sabrina."

She now looked defeated.

"Please sign the papers. You will see that the arrangement is very fair. And find another place to stay before the end of next month."

I stood up and left. Just in time, because a few more seconds and I would have started to cry too.

Sabrina did not fight the divorce. Six months later, everything was said and done.

EPILOGUE

Four years later, we were sipping drinks with Cheryl, my wife of three years, and our good friends Jacob and Claire on the covered terrasse of a well-known swinging resort in the Caribbeans. Cheryl had her hand on mine when I heard a familiar voice seething behind me:

"You are just a fucking hypocrite!"

"Oh, nice to see you too, Sabrina! How have you been?" I replied, with a wry smile.

"You must be his new wife or girlfriend, I suppose?" Sabrina asked Cheryl. "Did he tell you that he divorced me because he wouldn't do swinging? What a lying, two-faced asshole!"

Cheryl looked at her with a smile full of contempt.

"You were right, Kurt," Cheryl said. "She just doesn't get it."