You Never Forget Your First

Two years ago, I really thought I loved Angela. Carmen helped me to get over her, but now Carmen was gone, and I knew that I never felt as strongly about Carmen as I did Angie. My strong feelings for Angela were reemerging, but if those feelings were love, they were also tinged with disgust. Yeah, I knew now: I could take her away from Steve, though it would take a while. I'd have to continue an affair with a married woman, wind up alienating her family in the process, and trashing the set-up she already had, a veterinary office already on Steve's family's property.

And what would it get me? A wife with a record of cheating on her husband. Would she run in to some other guy who turned her on more than me? Would she be sitting in his apartment some morning, running me down to a guy who was cuckolding me?

I wanted to tell her that no, I couldn't do this again, but what came out was, "So, what are we going to do now?"

"It's simple: I'm going back home after my chemistry test today, and I'll be a good wife to Steve. Don't think I don't love him just because of what's happened. When I get back, I'll be a good little wife here, but occasionally show up here when I need a good fucking. It won't be every week, and who knows, maybe not even again this semester, but you'll be thinking about it and I'll be thinking about it, and eventually it'll happen again."

"Look, Angela, I don't think I'll be comfortable with that kind of arrangement."

"You didn't seem too uncomfortable with it last night, or this morning. And I could tell by the way you were holding me at night, you like having me in your bed."

"And what happens when Steve finds out about this?"

Angie actually laughed. "Look, Steve never found out about you and me two years ago. He still thinks he's my first, and I'm never going to disabuse him of that notion. And after I get my degree and license, I'll be in Owensboro full time, and never sleep with anyone other than Steve again."

"And if I find a real girlfriend?"

"Hey, if I see some chick's name on your mailbox, I'll be disappointed, but I'll turn around and leave.

That was 2018. I always thought that I should have been stronger, and just told Angela no, broken up with her the way I did back in 2016, after it was clear that she was going to stay with Steve.

But I wasn't, and, like she said, it wouldn't happen very often, but she crashed at my place twice more that school year.

Then I met Randi. Odd name for a girl, but she was truly randy in the sack. We met on a Tuesday, and by Thursday, she had moved in. I was very happy to add her name to the mailbox, in case Angela showed up again. If Angie did show up again, she must've kept her word about turning around if she saw a woman's name on my mailbox.

Then, as soon as my lease was up, Randi and I moved, to that nice, old fourplex apartment building on the corner of Rose and Maxwell.

But you never forget your first, and when I think of Angela, I can't help but having loved her. Thing is, I can't help but hating her a little bit, too. She was an awesome chick, with that killer gymnast's body and deep hazel eyes. Still, she's toxic, in a way I never thought women could be. If the timeline worked out that way she expected, she'd be finished with veterinary school in 2023, but I have no idea what this stupid Coronavirus will have done to that. If he's lucky, Steve will have a loyal and faithful wife living with him three years from now.

I've never met the man, never even been to Owensboro, even though I've lived in Kentucky my whole life. But I have to feel sorry for the man. I cheated him out of taking Angela's virginity, something he never found out about, and I cheated him out of Angela's faithfulness, something I never intended to do, but was too weak-willed to stop. Hopefully Angela will settle down, and become a good wife for Steve, but I guess that I'll just never know.