You Only C.U.M Once (Pt. 01)

"Well, that sucked," I said.

Amanda glared at me.

I paused. "Sorry," I said.

"Yeah," she said, then rubbed her palms against her face. "Gonna need a bit, okay?" She started to stalk off.

Marcy blushed. "Are you two okay?" she asked, the instant that Amanda was around the corner.

I sighed, feeling a slow, sinking lurch in my stomach.

"I don't know," I admitted, softly.

***

I laid on my back in my quarters, looking up at the ceiling in the pitch blackness of an underground room without any lights on -- and brooded. There was another big problem with S-Agents, aside from our predisposition towards plots for global domination. We were sometimes...big dumbasses. I closed my eyes.

Okay.

Lets be honest, it was mostly me, I was the big dumbass.

I tossed and turned in the bed, grumbling under my breath. On the one hand, Amanda had asked for some time alone. But on the other hand, I was dating her. I was her girlfriend. What if 'time alone' was just a code word for 'come to me, comfort me, make it all better.' Except it wasn't something else that had fucked things up -- it had been me. Amanda knew what dating an S-Agent was all about. Heck, we'd even talked about it. She got off on me fucking other girls. She'd basically have to get off on it to want to be with me at all.

But...

It wasn't that I'd fucked the three Princesses.

It was that I hadn't listened to her.

And she had been fucking right.

I sighed, then rolled onto my back again -- and then the door to the room opened. I sat up and, there, in the narrow band of light that entered from the corridor beyond, was Amanda. She stepped into the room and the door shut behind her. She flicked the lights on.

"Hey," I said.

"Hey," she said, back, then laughed. "Fuck. Okay, so, I'll tell you right now: I'm not going to dump you." She sat down on her butt right next to my thigh.

"Fhew," I said, not realizing how worried I'd been until that knot had been cut.

"But," she said, holding up her finger. "...I'm..." she paused. "Kimmy, until you actually begin to listen to me, I can't do this." She shook her head. "Alex has orders from high command. They're bringing in a new support staff for you...and I'm going to take a break from T.A.S.K." She grinned at me, wryly. "There's a lot of need for a fucking amazing pilot out there, and I'm going to be flying solo for a bit. Seducing my own bevy of girls. And when we get back together again, you're going to be a better listener and I?" She put her palm on her chest, puffing it up as she lifted her head and grinned smugly. "I am going to have gigabytes of hardcore porn recorded of me screwing every pretty girl pilot I can get my hands on."

I laughed, softly. I probed at the emotions that left me with like sticking at a jagged, broken tooth with my tongue.

It felt...

Shitty!

I hated it!

Amanda was my girl, and I didn't want her to be gone. I didn't want her to fuck a bunch of hotties without me being around to admire her fucking them in real time. Though...I will admit, her sending me videos of her getting absolutely railed by any hot chicks she picked up was a pretty fucking good balm. And...she...she was a damn good pilot. She hadn't gotten much of a chance to show that off ever since Dr. Chaos had been defeated.

"You okay with that?" Amanda asked.

I clicked my tongue. "Fucking no!" I said, then laughed. "But I want you to do it. It's better for you to go off and us to stick together, then for you to stay and you to dump me because I can't keep my dick from distracting me from the missions."

"Exactly." Amanda smiled, then leaned in. She pecked me on the lips.

Then did a fuck of a lot more.

It didn't make it okay.

But it made it all right.

***

I was still feeling grim and depressed about Amanda taking off on a jet and heading off to parts unknown when Alex revealed to me the new support crew I was going to be getting.

"Kimberly Woods, I want you to meet Michelle Archer," Alex said, gesturing from me to a short, stocky, swarthy looking woman with brown hair and a curvy build. She had plenty of muscle to go with her slightly chubby frame, and her eyes...her eyes could have been anything from striking to somber to watery and I couldn't tell because she had huge, reflective aviators on them, which bounced back my own shocked expression at me. She was dressed in a tank top, camo pants, boots, and a combat webbing that had two pistols and a grenade hung from it, despite the fact we were at headquarters.

The shocked expression wasn't her garb, though.

It was the fact she was an S-agent!

It was all tiny subtle cues -- the huge bulge in her pants, the excellent physique, the fact she had an S-agent patch on her tank top, and other similar hints. I looked from her to Alex.

"Alex, I thought you said she's my support staff," I said.

"I was under that very same impression, darling."

That wasn't Michelle. That was a new voice -- a lilting Scottish brogue that came from a slender, beautiful woman dressed in a distinctly fashionable old fashioned jacket and dress combo that looked as if it had come straight from the 1970s. She had circular green glasses that she whisked off her face and pocketed, revealing her delicate, almost elfin features and her bright green eyes, long red hair, and arched nose. She had pale lips that seemed to be perpetually set into a small little smirk -- like she knew more and she was more than willing to lord it over you.

"Who the fuck is this?" Michelle asked, pointing at me.

"Who the fuck is that?" I asked, pointing at the new girl.

"Ah, good, you're here," Alex said. "Michelle, Kimmy, this is Kate Thorton."

Kate Thorton.

The name hit my brain like a pile of bricks. An atomic bomb of excitement. My eyes widened and I gaped at her. She was also an S-agent, yeah. But here was the thing: She was an S-Agent from the freaking nineteen sixties. I'd read all about her during my historical classes in T.A.S.K, when I was taught about the first S-Agents and the first S-class villains that they had foiled. It was all mostly classified, but one name had cropped up again and again and again: Kate Thorton.

Badass.

Beautiful.

Sophisticated.

And, of course...

Mysteriously missing.

"Okay, you're not...the Thorton, right?" Michelle asked, sounding just as disbelieving as me.

"Oh, I am," Kate Thorton said, her voice dry.

"She is going to be your direct overseer," Alex said. "Because both of you..." He pointed at me and Michelle. "Have seriously fucked up your previous missions, and have enough problems that command is giving you one last shot to prove that you're not too much trouble to keep around." He frowned, his eyes growing serious. "Kate here, is going to take over handling you -- she's new to the 21^st century, so handling is the best place to get her back up to speed. You'll be helping her adjust, she'll be making sure neither of you fuck up."

He made sure to meet my gaze, then Michelle's, then Kate's.

"But..." he said. "Each of you are on thin ice."

"Wait, what has-" I started, looking at Kate, who was pursing her lips.

"If she wants to tell you, she will," Alex said, firmly. "You're each on thin ice, and that means each of you have a reason to listen to one another. You will work together, and you will keep the free world safe, and that's that." His frown turned into a little cheerful smile. "After all, you have a bunch of motivation to work together now."

He handed a dossier to Kate, gave us each a cheery nod, then headed off.

"Question!" I said, while Michelle pointed at Kate.

"How the fuck are you still alive?" she asked. "S-Agents live longer, but not that much longer."

"Frozen by the Soviets," Kate said, dryly, and god, just hearing her say Soviet was giving me tingly, excited nostalgia feelings. And I'd never even faced off against the Reds! "I was found in some old military facility by one of those capitalist ex KGB officers and sold back to the United Kingdom as a curio. To their shock, I had survived the freezing and the thawing process, and...here I am." She smiled. "I have to admit, your phones are remarkable. I'd have garroted someone for a piece of technology like them back in 68."

"Ohmygosh!" I squealed.

"Don't fucking fangirl," Michelle said, shaking her head.

I decided? I didn't like Michelle.

"What's our mission?" I asked, rolling my shoulders. "I wanna get cracking!"

Kate, who had been reading through the dossier, closed the folder shut and gave the two of us a wry little smile. "It seems the 21^st century is not so different from the 20^th after all..." She flicked her hand out -- and between her pointer and index finger was caught a photograph that she whisked from the dossier. It flipped forward and she held it out for me and Michelle to look. It was actually a newspaper clipping -- the photograph was of a burned out manor house that was surround by unmistakably English countryside.

BOMB BLAST DEVASTATES SUSSEX MANOR HOME.

Kate's eyes sparked with grim humor.

"Terrorism is alive and well."

TO BE CONTINUED