All Comments on 'You’re a Busy Housewife'

Bad, really bad.

I appreciate the honest feedback. I was trying to dabble in something a little different. I will go back to writing Kristan’s story later this week.

awesome story... loved it :)

Please don't write in second person voice. It's ridiculous. The "you" being addressed by the speaker is there with you and if he needs to be told what is happening to him there's something wrong with his brain. Alternatively, if the "you" being addressed is the reader, at least half your readership doesn't have the lady bits mentioned, such as "As you lay in bed thinking back on the days excitement you finger your clit gently."

It's a bit difficult for a bloke to do that.

Second person works well as a note or letter, but it has to be future tense (looking forward to the excitement) or past tense (remembering how exciting it was). It cannot be present tense as a letter or message.

I couldn't read it. I find second person stuff so annoying and I am always arguing with the narrative as I try to read it. But the ideas in the story looked great. A couple of people enjoying a bit of variety from their usual married spouses. It would really stir up the Moral Brigade if it was posted in the Loving Wives category.

Lue

I love the second person pov, it's how I found your stories. Would love to read more like this.

I really enjoyed the story. I have loved all the stories you have written. I hope you find some time soon to add on to them or write something new.

Loved this. Don't be put off by the negative comments about the second person narrative style. It's just a flight of fancy after all and I'd love to read more about this sexy housewife. How did she get to this point? What's her motive for this delicious and dangerous lifestyle? Do carry on! Thanks , Leigh.