Your Choice

I stared at her as she looked at me with hopeful eyes.

"Please say something, Tom. I know this is difficult, but I think this is the only way forward. I need you to allow me to do this or I'm going to live with regret for the rest of my life."

"That's inevitable, Sandy. No matter what happens, we're both going to leave this table with a mountain of regret."

"Oh no, sweetheart, I'll make sure you never regret giving me this. In fact, you'll probably look at this moment as one of the highlights of our marriage. It will change things for us but only in the best way."

"The choice isn't mine. You're trying to put the choice on me so that you don't have to be the bad guy. If I say "yes" then I'm responsible for destroying our marriage, and if I say "no" then I'm responsible for destroying your happiness. You've put me in a no-win situation."

"But it wouldn't destroy our marriage! Our marriage is indestructible, you've shown me that..."

"You're delusional!" I interrupted her. "No marriage is indestructible if both people aren't pursuing the same thing. You're not looking out for us; you're looking out for you. You're destroying my dreams for us. Right now I can't look at you as my friend and partner. Now we're in competition to see who is going to get what they want."

"But we both want to be happy! Can't you see how happy this would make me? How loved? All that love would just come back to you and then you would be as happy as I am!"

"I could never accept it. From here on out, I would be stuck with you and Robert in my head. I cannot tolerate sharing your affections let alone allowing you to return them based on some exchange in which you destroy me for your happiness and then try to rebuild me."

"How could this possibly destroy you?! I would be gone for one night and be back the next afternoon. We've been apart for longer periods of time and we were so excited when we reconnected. This would be just like those times. We would miss one another but our reunion would be even more thrilling because of the excitement while we were apart."

"What excitement?! Do you think I would be excited to lay here in our house while you were in a resort with your long-lost lover? I get that Richard didn't desert you but I didn't pry you away from him. It may not have been his fault that he disappeared, but it isn't my responsibility that he returned. I get that you still love him, but there's no room in our marriage for three people. Pick one or the other."

Tears began trickling down her face, "I thought he was dead! He was held captive by those animals for four years. Everyone told me that he was gone and I had to move on. You helped to put me back together and I love you so much! Can't you let me have this one night to reminisce with a man that I thought I would spend my life with? I choose you, Tom, but I need to be able to sit with Richard and hold him so that he knows that what we had was real. He's got nothing left after being gone so long! His parents died, his family all but forgot about him, and I married you. He's got no one left! Can't you have a little compassion for both of our sakes?"

"Of course, I can Sandy, but this isn't compassion. This is giving you to a man and knowing that I can never accept you if you even want to come back!"

"What do you mean if I even want to come back?! OF COURSE I WOULD COME BACK! You're my husband Tom and I love you! I wasn't a virgin when we married and you accepted me; you can accept this if you really love me."

I don't know exactly what went across my face but I know that it scared the shit out of Sandy. "I love you enough to give you every ounce of devotion for the rest of my life. All I ask is for the same in return. The choice is yours, Sandy, and yours alone."

"Forgive me, Tom, but he'll die without me. I'll see you on Sunday."

"Goodbye, Sandy."