Your Sins Find You Out

Many thanks to my editor, Kenji. They do a great job making sense of my stories. Their feedback is invaluable.

One of the things in life is that secrets are always very hard to keep. Even if they take a long time to come out. Once they do come out the damage can be worse than anyone could imagine.

In this story the revenge is a life well lived without the person who lied. In my view it is often the best type of revenge.

Hope you enjoy

____________________

My name is Melissa Andrews, Mel to my friends and family, and I married my childhood sweetheart, Derek, when we were both eighteen. No, I wasn't pregnant, we just wanted to marry as soon as we could, as we knew we were meant to be together. We both went to college and lived in a small apartment off campus. To say our college life was enjoyable was an understatement.

Our plan was to leave college and get good jobs, which we both did. I was a marketing major and I started in a local advertising agency, and Derek was an engineer and he was working in the design office for a multinational. We both worked long hours, and two years after leaving college, we bought a nice house in a good area. It had five bedrooms and sat on a two-acre plot. Perfect for a family, when we decided to start one. The plan called for us to work hard and play hard through our twenties, and start the family in our early thirties. Unfortunately, my mother had other plans.

When we bought the new house, my mum started on about children. It started with statements like, "This is a big house and you will need to start early, if you are going to fill it." It then progressed to, "You know, you should have your children early in life, so you can have a life after they are grown up," and culminated in, "You know the girls you went to school with are already pushing prams, it's time you started giving us grandchildren."

The pressure she was putting me under was terrible, and I felt trapped. Derek wasn't a lot of help. He agreed with me about waiting until we were in our thirties to have children, but he avoided the issue with my mum, and never really stood up to her when she was giving me the 'full nine yards' over Sunday lunch, when we went to their house.

I felt so lost and wanted to let off steam. Two days before my twenty-fifth birthday, the girls took me out for a birthday treat. We were going to a local hotel where we had a spa booked and we would stay overnight; we all had separate rooms. After dinner, we went to the hotel's night club. We all danced with multiple men, but one, Alan, took my fancy. After a few dances and a bit too much to drink, I told him my room number and told him to meet me there in twenty minutes.

I told the girls I was tired and was going to bed. Alan was waiting outside my room when I arrived. The sex was great; I acted like a slut, something I had never done before, and I certainly blew off a lot of steam, but after it was over, I felt empty. There was no emotional connection, no cuddling and certainly no love. We did what we did, he got up and left, and I went to sleep. The next morning, I felt strange. It was not guilt, but I realised two things, first, my love for Derek was total, and that the pressure my mum was putting on me over having children was actually straining my marriage. Something had to give, and last night was the pressure valve release that enabled me to see the way forward.

I left the hotel immediately after breakfast, and went home. We had a computer desk in the main living room, and Derek was sitting at it doing some work. I shouted, "Hallo!" then dropped my bag at the bottom of the stairs. I saw the coffee machine was still on, so I poured a coffee and went to Derek and said the faithful words, "Derek, come and sit with me; we need to talk."

His face fell, you would have thought his dog had been run over. I decided not to let him suffer; so, for once, these words might actually be good. He sat beside me, and I went straight in, "You know, I am twenty-five tomorrow, and my mum is putting me under pressure to have a baby. I did a lot of thinking last night, and I have decided I want to at least give it a chance. I don't want to try and have a baby, but I want to go off birth control and see what happens. I want to go off them for my birthday."

Derek's face was pale, but I could see the beginning of a smile; then, he started to laugh. He said, "I thought you were going to ask for a divorce or worse, ask for a night with some random bloke which would be asking for a divorce in another way. Yes, I would love that. No trying, just having fun. Sounds great. Let's do it."

We flushed my pills that night, and for the next four months, it was like we were eighteen again. Four months later, I was pregnant, and nine months after that, I delivered twins. A boy named Sam, and a girl called Judith. There were a few complications, so another pregnancy was out of the question. Derek had a vasectomy and life was great. I took a few years off work; Derek was promoted and was bringing in over two-hundred grand a year; my mother was happy, and I loved every minute.

When she turned eighteen, Judith went to college out of state to study medicine, but Sam stayed at home. He wasn't academic, but he was a natural photographer. He started photographing local sports events and by the time he was twenty, he was freelancing for some of the biggest sport publications, covering motorsport all across the country. He was earning more than me, and still living at home!

It was coming up to our thirtieth wedding anniversary, and Derek booked a two-week cruise in the Caribbean to celebrate. I was so excited, as we packed to fly to Miami to join the ship, three days before our anniversary.

We had a large cabin with a balcony, I was in heaven. I thought I had life by the tail and no one could take it away from me. Little did I know, I was about to be bitten on the ass by an event twenty-three years previous.

On the first night aboard, there was a gala dinner. We both were dressed up, and as you entered the dining room, there was a line of the ship's officers to shake hands. I was in front of Derek, and because he had stopped to speak to the ship's lead engineer, I was about ten steps ahead of him. We could see each other, but it didn't look like we were together.

As I shook the last hand in line, which was the captain, I heard a voice say, "Mel, good grief. I haven't seen you since that wonderful night at the Hilton. How's it going? You appear to be on your own, did you dump the wimp of a husband?"

I could believe what he said, it was clearly aimed at me. I looked around and saw someone I didn't really recognise walking towards me, holding out their arms for a hug. I also heard Derek behind me. He had heard the same statement, and I didn't have to look at him to know the rage was building in him. He realised the comment had been meant for me, and the implications of what had been said was not lost on him.

Derek did not move, but the mysterious person kept coming. When he reached me, he planted a kiss right on my lips, then said, "You don't remember me? It's Alan, Alan Walker. You must remember that night, I certainly never forgot it."

My wits slowly returned to me, and I pushed him away. "Oh god, what have you done?" I hissed, then turned around to see Derek leaving the dining room. I tried to run after him, but realised Alan was holding my arm.

He said, "Hey, wait. I would love to catch up with you."

I turned, as anger flared on my face and said, "You, stupid bastard. That was my husband, and you promised me you would never speak of that night again. You have destroyed the love and trust of my husband, with your little outburst, and my marriage may not survive that."

I pulled my arm from his grip, and ran after Derek. By the time I reached our room, I was crying. What could I say? What could I do? It didn't take a genius to work out what Alan and I had done, and there was no way that it had happened before our marriage.

I opened the door, but there was no sign of Derek.

I had to find him, I had to talk to him. Tell him the truth, tell him lies. I didn't know what I was going to say, I just had to find him and talk to him.

I turned on my heels and headed back to the main deck. I looked in the dining room, the casino, the cinema, the bars, everywhere, but there was no sign of Derek. I eventually went to the purser's office, to see if they could help, but all to no avail, Derek had vanished.

I eventually went back to the room, only to find Derek sitting on the balcony with a glass in his hand. I opened the balcony door and went out. He didn't look at me or speak.

I just said, "Can I sit with you?"

He replied, in a deadpan voice, "It's a free country."

I sat down and looked at him. I loved him so much, but he was looking at the horizon, and his face was blank. I had never seen him like this. He had retreated completely from me, and I didn't know how I was going to find a way in.

I knew I had to start the conversation, so I said, "That was Alan, and I met him--"

Derek cut me off with a stare; then, he said, "You met him the night your friends took you out for your twenty-fifth birthday, because it is etched in my memory. I knew something happened that night, I just didn't know what but I trusted you so much I never asked what it was. You had been so adamant that you didn't want children until you turned thirty, but you came home the next day and said you had changed your mind.

"I thought it might have been all the baby talk, and that two of your friends were pregnant at that party. The next day, you said, 'We need to talk,' and I was afraid you were going to lay some BS on me about another man. I was so pleased when you didn't.

"But tonight, I discovered you didn't need to lay it on me, you had already taken your hall pass and I have been the poor, unsuspecting husband to a faithless wife all these years as a result. I'm sure you have had many a fantasy about your secret affair. I hope it was worth it. I told you that day, what a hall pass meant, and I still mean it." He moved his head away from me so he was again staring at the horizon.

I was devastated, I began to cry and said, "Surely, you can't mean you are going to divorce me?"

He turned again to look at me, and I could see in his face that he meant what he was going to say. "Of course, I am. you knew the consequences twenty-three years ago. That means you have lied to me for twenty-three years. You vowed to forsake all others, you didn't. Everything since that morning, has been a lie. The woman I loved disappeared the moment she got into bed with another man. I don't want the person sitting in front of me in my life. I have no love for the person who lied to me so easily for so long."

With that, he got up and walked into the room. The room had a bedroom, a bathroom, and a living area. He went into the bathroom then came out, got a pillow and a blanket from the cupboard, then lay down on the sofa, clearly intending to sleep there.

My tears wouldn't stop. I must have sat on the balcony for an hour, looking out at the water. Several hours ago, this ship, this room was heaven on Earth. Now, it was a prison, and I had no support to drag Derek back to my world. I needed Sam, and more importantly, I needed Judith, his little girl. But for the next two weeks, they could not be with us and anything could happen in that time.

I slept terribly that night. Images of Alan pointing at Derek and laughing, flooded my dreams and I could only believe Derek's were worse. I woke at 7:00am with a start. I got up and looked into the living room to discover Derek wasn't there. I quickly dressed and left the room. Again, I searched the ship, only to find Derek in a small café eating fruit for breakfast. I approached his table, but he looked at me with lifeless eyes.

I didn't know what to do. I could not bring myself to sit with him, his expression was so dead, his eyes so full of.. nothing. I didn't want to see them, and feel the stare that came from them.

I said, "Why did you not wait for me?"

He just shrugged, and said, "Because." Then, he got up and left.

I didn't follow him, I couldn't. I slowly walked back to the room, and fell onto the bed. I thought I was crying out, but I was wrong.

Around midday, the door opened and Derek walked in. I was still lying on the bed, staring into space. He just pulled out his suitcase and, without a word, started packing.

I asked, "What are you doing?"

He said, "They have another room. I am moving to it."

With that, he left the room, and for the rest of the cruise, I only saw glimpses of him; usually at an out-of-the-way place when he was eating alone. I also spent most of my time in my cabin. I wanted to avoid Alan at all costs. I talked to the children constantly, but they had no contact with their father, either. His phone was off and any messages left with the purser went unanswered.

I decided the only thing to do was come clean with the children. So, I told them everything. I didn't try to spin it. To say they were unhappy was an understatement, but they agreed they had to do everything to keep their father and I together.

The next time I saw Derek was on the last day. He came to our room, and said, "Have you packed. Your suitcase needs to be left at the door for collection, and onward travel to the airport."

I ran to the door and tried to embrace him, but he had not actually entered the room, and as I reached for him, he backed away from the door.

He then said, "Meet me at the exit ramp at two PM. The taxi will be there to take us to the airport." He then turned on his heels and walked away.

The trip home was terrible. Derek only spoke when spoken to, and gave the shortest answer possible, closing down any attempt at conversation.

When we arrived home, Sam was at the door and Judith was in the kitchen. Derek looked at both of them, then said, "So, she has recruited you two to pacify me. Please don't do it. Don't take sides. This is not going to be good, and your mother should have known not to make you take sides."

Sam put his head down, and said, "Dad, we want you and mum to stay together. You have been together so long, and we need you both. We aren't taking sides, mum did wrong but you are both better together than apart."

Derek kept staring at the children, but clearly addressed me. "Your mother did a terrible thing to me, then lied to me for twenty-three years. There is no way back. I have had a long time to think. We are not divorcing, but we will not be together again. I'm moving into the apartment over the garage. We will be here for you both, but we will live separate lives."

And that's what happened.

Derek moved into the loft. He came into the house when the children were there, but when they left, he left. I had no idea of his movements, he even changed his phone and phone number so I could not track him using our tracing apps.

Life was terrible for me. Derek was my best friend, and he just walked out of my life and I had zero contact with him.

My parents noticed immediately, then our friends and then the children's friends. I had to be truthful to them all. I realized Derek didn't trust me, and that the only way to win him back was to be honest with everyone, and that might give him the confidence to trust me again. But it didn't!

My real nightmare started about two years later, when one of my friends called on a Saturday night.

Val phoned, and in a whisper, said, "Mel, I'm at The Star, and Derek has just walked in with a woman. They are very friendly and by the looks of things they are definitely on a date, and not the first one, either."

I couldn't speak. I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. I choked out, "OK," and hung up, before the tears flowed like they did on the ship.

I was still sobbing an hour later, when Sam walked in. He asked what was wrong and I told him.

He just said, "That's Debbie. Dad and her have been seeing each other for about six weeks. I wanted dad to tell you, but he just said, 'Why?' I'm sorry, mum, but he won't think of you as man and wife anymore; he says it's a paper contract only and has no value."

I cried the rest of the weekend, then went to work on Monday. My boss came in at lunch time and said, "Mel, you are a mess. Go home and sort your life out, or move on. If you don't change something, you will lose everything."

I looked at him and realised he was right. I had to risk everything to try to shock Derek into coming back because my life, as it was, was a mess and I had to change it. I Googled 'divorce attorney' and made an appointment with one for 2:00pm on Wednesday.

At the meeting, I told the attorney everything, and said I just wanted to set Derek free. If he still loved me, he would come back, and if he didn't, we were better off apart.

I had Derek served at home the following Monday. The divorce was a fifty-fifty split; I didn't ask for support, I only asked that the house not be sold until I found a new place to live.

It was no great surprise when the papers were signed and returned forty-eight hours later. That night, Derek came into the house with Chinese. He opened the carry out and started putting it on plates, as I sat in the kitchen watching him. He brought the food over to the table, sat down, and for the first time in nearly twenty-eight months, said, "Hallo Mel, how are you keeping?"

I could have melted, but I knew this wasn't a social call, so I just looked at him, and said, "Not good. I could be a lot better, but I don't know how to fix my problem."

He sniffed, and said, "I know how you feel, but I think you have done the right thing. I didn't have the bottle to do it. I think we both need this. I said it at the time, the woman I loved vanished when she got into bed with someone else. I'm afraid I don't love the replacement. I'm sorry!"

I wanted to cry, I wanted to grab him and shake him and say, 'I am the woman you loved. This is not what I want, I wanted to shock you into coming home,' but there was no point; he didn't even hate me. There was nothing in Derek that belonged to me. I just said, "Yep."

We finished our meal with small talk, but the one thing that did come through was, we no longer had a connection. We had met when we were both ten, and we knew each other better than we knew ourselves. Now, we didn't. We were like old friends who had fallen out. I discovered divorce was not a tool to get him back, it was the only way I could set him free, and sometimes when you love someone, you have to set them free.

I had blown it twenty-five years ago, and there was no way back.

So that is where this sad story for me ends. The divorce was uncontested, and was granted in three months. I made a decision that I thought would be my little secret, and one chance encounter unraveled my life. Derek never took any revenge on Alan or I. He did far, far worse, he lived a good life. He married Debbie and they loved each other, while I cried over what I had lost. I loved him, but he didn't love me anymore, and that was the biggest revenge he could ever take on me.

The moral of the story-- nothing ever stays a secret.