Zia 01

Zia 01

Hi there, I'm Zack, I'm Zia or I'm whoever I want to be on any given day, LOL, as long as neither of my two friends around that is. Anyways, I'm here today to get about nine problems off of my smooth boyish chest. Well, it might only be about five problems, but everything seemed to happen at about the same time, so it felt like nine disasters piling on at the same time.

And I'm even sure where to start because there is no number one problem, so I'll start out with me.

As I said, I have a secret closet fem identity as Zia and I've held that pretty close to my aforementioned smooth boyish chest. I'm not a flashy cross dresser, but I don't need to be one either. LOL, my mirror could care less, right? Anyways, I have found that my current body size and type matches up perfectly with many of the off the rack female clothing choices and I use that to my advantage. They fit me very, very well and I like the way I fit into them. I may not be exactly "modest" and I get the most out of my Denim and cotton as possible, but all that flashy stuff is beyond me right now. So, let me finish this with the fact that I'm conversative when I dress, I guess.

Now, LOL, my face is another story. Not a crazy story because I'm pretty light with the makeup, but my eyes were made for lining and defining and a nice sheen on my lips makes my day. And some of that is my way of saying that I haven't mastered all that facial makeup has to offer, but I like what I see when I look in the mirror.

Alright then, just to get it out of the way, all of my fourteen problems seemed to coincide with the purchase of my new home. By the way, I don't know yet if it was a good decision or not, but I recently joined the Tiny House nation on the north side of Middleton. It's new construction, which I like to refer to as brand spanking new construction, it was very affordable and because my uncle was the developer, I got a nice pick of the crop from the units that were completed and ready for the market. So, hi folks, I'm Zia and I live in very small house, but it's brand spanking new, so stop by and say hello sometime.

As the center of my eleven problems, my brand spanking new home seemed to be involved with every weird, strange, wanted, unwanted and WTF events in my life one way or the other, which included moving out of my old apartment. That brings me to my last remaining two friends, Tyler and big mouth Bobby, who both helped me move out of my old apartment and into my brand spanking new Tiny House over the course of three weeks.

Although neither of them had ever been exposed to my Zia character, they both had their suspicions about me just from how different I was from them. Tyler is the quiet, but curious type and big mouth Bobby is the outgoing and horny type. I don't know if big mouth Bobby pats everyone on the ass, but I do know for a fact that he patted mine all the time, not that I was reading too much into all that.

Which reminds me, I would appreciate it if you good folks wouldn't read too much into that either, even though I may have a tendency to refer to big mouth Bobby as my boyfriend big mouth Bobby. It's just a pet name that I use occasionally and it doesn't mean that we are that way. It just comes naturally to me after a year of being patted, poked and groped by my boyfriend big mouth Bobby. I mean, he is pretty slick about things, so it seemed to be just between us and fairly harmless.

Which brings me to my ninth problem. I didn't want to expose my Zia persona to Tyler because I didn't think that he could handle it, but at the same time I considered exposing Zia to my boyfriend big mouth Bobby just because he might appreciate it.

And don't get me started on my sixth problem right now, who is Pete the cashier at the grocery. Pete the cashier comes along in my story soon enough

Anyways, I wasn't sure how to handle any of my problems going forward, but Tyler seemed to help out a little, even if he didn't know that he was helping me out with valuable information. Tyler had agreed to help me move my last remaining boxes of stuff one Friday morning and although I was nervous about where any conversations may go, well, as it turned out, all I had to do was to follow along and play along with Tyler.

I mean, Tyler, right? The quiet and curious one who thought he knew something and LOL, maybe he knew more than he thought he did. Which was surprising because Tyler found the nerve to talk to me about something that didn't involve a gaming controller of a game ball of any shape. Ahh, Tyler, right? My curious little detective friend, Tyler.

"No Tyler, I don't. Does that answer your question?"

"Not really, Zack. I'm not sure your simple answer adequately covers all of my questions."

"Fine, I'll try it again from the top. OMG, Tyler, OMG, how dare you ask me if I ever wear girl's clothing and facial makeup from time to time when I'm home alone! I don't do it, I don't do it, I swear, I don't do it and shame on you for asking such a thing of me! Besides, what makes you think I would look good in capri Denim jeans and highlighted eyes? There, is that better, Tyler?"

"Well, kind of, Zack, but you only scolded me for asking such a thing and you never really said yes or no, now did you Zack? However, as my friend, I believe you. Besides I only brought any of this up because of big mouth Bobby."

"That's BS. My boyfriend big mouth Bobby would never send you over here to run the 20-20 on me."

"Oops, did you say your "boyfriend big mouth Bobby", Zack?"

"No, I said "our friend big mouth Bobby", so pay better attention. Now, can we just drop this ridiculous conversation and finish loading up these last remaining boxes? I'm really excited to start the settling in process in my new place."

"And speaking of that, who is "Zia" and why are there three boxes labelled as such? Who is Zia?"

Oops, I forgot that I labelled a few boxes of Zia fem stuff.

"Oh, oops, ah, Zia is a video character skin that I created. So, never mind all that and let's get going, Tyler. Besides, you already said that you believed me, so those boxes are not full of shoes, boots, belts, headbands, more shoes, a couple of hair pieces and a few other things that I hope that someone like my boyfriend big mouth Bobby would like and yes, I said our friend big mouth Bobby."

"Yeah, well, the way I have seen it lately, our friend big mouth Bobby likes you just the way you are, so you better watch just how 'alone" you are with him in the future. Anyways, that's why I brought the crossdressing subject up. I mean, I don't care because you're still just a queer at the end of the day, right?"

"So, Tyler, let me get this straight. You're concerned about the future because you think my boyfriend big mouth Bobby would like me better in tighter fitting jeans, Tyler? And because as my friend, you're watching out for me? And maybe you don't think it's a good idea to have my boyfriend big mouth Bobby over for my first dinner party in my brand spanking new place on the same Saturday night as your date with Deanna, which would make you unavailable to attend and watch over things? Things like maybe my boyfriend big mouth Bobby wants to spank something other than my brand spanking new house? Are those concerns the reason you asked me if I dress like a girl sometimes, Tyler?"

"Exactly all that and are you sure you're saying "our friend big mouth Bobby" because it sounds a lot like you're saying "my boyfriend big mouth Bobby" when you speak of our friend big mouth Bobby?"

"Oh, well, it must be the Lolli Pop that I'm sucking on, so let's head out and drop off these boxes so I can get settled in and prepare for my upcoming house warming dinner with (slurp) my boyfriend big mouth Bobby (slurp)."

See? My friend Tyler seemed to be hell bent on letting the cat, my cat, out of the bag. But really, none of that matters because I don't even own a cat. I may own a lot of Denim and blouses that I shouldn't own, but I'm not a pet owner.

So, I managed to redirect his attention with my Lolli Pop, which I should have let go, but I guess I don't know when to quit and leave well enough alone.

"Listen, Tyler, I've decided to make sloppy joes instead of hot dogs for my boyfriend big mouth Bobby when he comes over for the house warming meal that I carefully planned for when you would be unable to attend and interfere with, so don't rat me out. My boyfriend big mouth Bobby thinks he's getting hot dogs to go along with the basketball playoff game that will be on, so keep that quiet."

"Oh, this is precious. I will not rat you out to your boyfriend big mouth Bobby. I won't do it, I won't do it, I swear I won't do it! Sound familiar?"

"Well, you forgot a "how dare you" and a "shame on you", but the dig to my ribs is acknowledged. We should get a move on Tyler."

Hah, as we unloaded those last remaining boxes from the back of his truck, LOL, he peeked into the one that had the loose top. He didn't say anything, but I could see the detective wheels turning in his head.

Now, let me pause for a moment and remind you good folks again that I have no interest in Tyler and my boyfriend big mouth Bobby is clearly not my boyfriend, which brings me around to grocery shopping for the upcoming house warming meal and my eleventh problem, Pete the cashier at the grocery store.

My relationship with Pete the cashier adds up to no more than mutually exchanged eye locks when I shop there. We rarely exchange words, mostly because I had no idea how to engage with another guy while I was in my Zia character and I actually avoided his checkout lane to make sure I didn't make a fool out of him or me. I'm not sure why that changed when I shopped for the sloppy joe ingredients, but it did. It may have been my feeble attempt to gain some practice for my pending dinner date with my boyfriend big mouth Bobby or it may have been my version of caving in to the constant looks from Pete the cashier, I'm just not sure.

All I knew was that I had everything I needed to feed my boyfriend big mouth Bobby in my cart and Pete the cashier wouldn't stop staring at me, LOL, even though he looked ridiculous in his dark blue grocery store work vest with, LOL, a name tag. And if I was going to dress for my boyfriend big mouth Bobby during our meal, well, this seemed like a good chance at a dress rehearsal, so I entered his checkout lane.

Oh, and not to mention that my conservative outfit was also a part of my dress rehearsal. I had on my favorite Denim shorts that weren't too short nor were they too long in the legs, but at the same time, it was unmistakable that they came from the female rack and not the baggy board shorts rack that guy's flock to in the stores.

And there was nothing wrong with my dual shirt combination of a small pullover and a 3/4 sleeve blouse that I tied in a knot at the waist. My appearance was that of one who might be attending a ball game or a festival. Nice, crisp, yet conversative.

All of which I think Pete the cashier appreciated.

"Well, hello there. I don't mean to be too forward, but I've seen you here before and I'm pretty sure that this is my lucky day, so don't get mad at me if I take my time cashing you out. I mean, after all these months, you finally chose my checkout lane, right? Anyways, hi, I'm Pete. Pete the cashier."

"Hello Pete the cashier and I've noticed that you take notice of me from time to time. So, hi, I'm Zia and you can cash me out at any speed that you wish."

"Alright, Zia. So, it looks like you preparing for a hamburger cookout soon. I mean, you have all this hamburger, these veggies and peppers and these wonderfully soft buns and stuff. Everything one would need to feed, ah, a boyfriend or a girlfriend, maybe????"

"Hmmm, Pete the cashier, no offense, but we're not on a level yet to discuss boyfriends or girlfriends, but I will admit that I will be making a house warming meal for my boyfriend big mouth Bobby tonight, although big mouth Bobby is definitely not my boyfriend. And as far as the meal goes, well, I'm going to make a big pan of sloppy joes for the meal, not hamburgers. I mean, I was going to keep it simple and just make hot dogs because there will be a basketball playoff game on, but then I thought, OMG, would it really be a good idea to man handle his hot dogs and buns all night, right? I mean, can you imagine in your head what I would look like running around every few minutes slipping another hot dog in another bun for the entire length of the game? I mean, super silly, right?"

"Wait, what?!?!?"

"What?"

"Oh, um, well, Zia, it's nice that you're preparing to take such good care of your friend, who you clearly stated is not your boyfriend. So, is feeding your friend or friends a regular thing or is there a special occasion for this wonderful sloppy joe meal?"

"Hmmm, it will be a little special, I guess. I recently moved into a brand spanking new house and this will be the first meal in it and my first spanking if my boyfriend big mouth Bobby wants to have his way with me in such a manner."

"Wait, what?!?!?"

"What?"

"OMG, um, alright, Zia, ah, anyways, um, I see that you're buying some pretty fancy mustard for the sloppy joe's that you're going to hand feed your friend, ah, like in a fishnet shirt under a vest, maybe?"

"Oh, so you noticed that mustard, did you? Yeah, I like the way this bottle fits in one hand and when I shake it up and down like crazy like I'm demonstrating for you right now, well, I get a huge squirt when I squeeze it tightly! I mean, OMG, it's squirt after squirt after squirt, right? And don't be silly about me wearing a fishnet shirt under a vest in front of the guys. That's for date nights down by the river!"

"Wait, what?!?!?"

"What?"

"I'm single Pete the cashier, even though I just thoroughly explained to you what type of dinner date I'm planning for my boyfriend big mouth Bobby, who is clearly not my boyfriend. In other words, I spend a lot of time on Chang, so I have no idea what real life is all about."

"So, you're saying that there is a chance for me, right Zia?"

"I'm saying that there is a chance that I could coat your warm soft pretzel with mustard down by the river soon if my boyfriend big mouth Bobby changes his mind about things. According to Chang, that happens a lot."

"Wait, what?!?!?"

"What?"

"Anyways, that's the last of your items Zia, so go ahead and swipe your credit card and leave me with your number, please."

Hey, don't you guys go reading too much into all of that. It was just a great dress rehearsal and it was my first opportunity to have someone enter my contact info as Zia, so I played the flirting game along with Pete the cashier. I just needed the practice to properly prepare myself for my dinner date with my boyfriend big mouth Bobby and if you re-read the above again carefully, you will not find any such words that clearly state that Pete the cashier and I had a date, so I wasn't playing the field. I was just protecting myself in case my boyfriend big mouth Bobby only appreciated me as Zack in the baggy board shorts that he could reach his hands up into, LOL, or down into. I mean, there is the possibility that my boyfriend big mouth Bobby is totally gay and didn't have an interest in me as a fem Zia, right?

Oh, and a word of advice. Geez, I should have held a dress rehearsal for the sloppy joe meal and getting properly dressed to host my boyfriend big mouth Bobby. I mean, I probably shouldn't have spent so much time in the grocery store because I had to re-shower, re-shave and re-dress for my boyfriend big mouth Bobby and cook up the hamburger into a sloppy joe mix. I mean, damn, the clock never stopped, right?

But I made it and just prior to 7pm when I figured boyfriend big mouth Bobby would be on the road, I sent him a fair warning text. I mean, I wanted the moment of truth to be a pleasant moment and not a moment filled with side eyes and nasty comments. I probably didn't need to pose with that mustard bottle that fit into my hand so well, but I wanted him to notice that there was a space between my jeans waistline and my knot tied shirt. LOL, I purposely kept the camera focused on that area and barely included my hair, which was simply blow dried crazy, although I liked the way it covered the sides of my face.

Oh, and I probably shouldn't have bannered my picture text with "no hot dogs tonight", but I did.

Well, his response was both positive and horrifying at the same time. LOL, he texted back and said "SOB, I told Tyler and Deanna to have their date at your place!" with a few more curse words mixed in.

But at least I knew that he wouldn't be running out of the door, right? I mean, Tyler and Deanna might run out of the door, but I took my boyfriend big mouth Bobby's "SOB" statement as a good thing, like he was hoping to serve himself a few sloppy joe sandwiches in the kitchen with me nearby.

End Zia 01