JstudProton

I'm a medical doctor, gay and masculine. (INFJ/Enneagram 8) and spiritually metaphysical (Pantheistic reincarnationist covers it nicely.) I am in NO way religious and find most everything religious a complete turn-off, actually.
I'm possibly bi-curious.
I'm pro-adventure, anti-stagnation and all about stretching one's comfort "zones", I love 3rd-world travel. It warms my soul.
I detest incessant whining slightly more than recurrent cholera.
I've completed 20 yrs of college (3 bachelors, MPH, MD, with 8yrs post-doc). I've had 4 relationships (3 human, 1 psittacine) - 18yrs (lawyer), 8yrs (Mormon) and 2yrs (don't ask.)] All of these pale in comparison to the 22 year relationship I had with a female Timor Sulfur-Crested Cockatoo, who sadly passed 3 years hence. But, alas, enough of that shit.
It's merely over the last 5 yrs that I've began to become aware of any unique sexual peculiarities, odd appetites and other/or other various things that make me growl, pant and spend money.
Now, get this...I fear I may be a gay "cuckold straight man". I GET OFF on cuckold straight porn (from the perspective of the cuckold husband, of course). VHS tapes are a bitch to hide and even more difficult to explain, as it were, I've never been with a female but I have oddly persistent bisexual fantasies.
Being attracted to all things masculine and coveting primarily "straight" men, I don't know if the persistence of the bisexual arousal is solely to accentuate the stark virility of the straight male in his natural habitat or what. I do have fantasies of 'him', say, possibly teaching me to pleasure a female along side him. My ultimate fantasy is to be "allowed" to observe, touch, lick, sniff, suck or get otherwise completely entangled with a gorgeous straight couple - but, be utterly ignored yet, somehow, strangely "tolerated and always accommodated." Or, possibly after i get broken in to, say, submit to a straight couple. I also have a "perspective" fetish - I really, really 'get off' on looking "up"; so much so, it is imperative to climax. Lastly, I have found that I have a form of "macrophilia" - I like to have my face up close to whatever may be at hand. The closer the better - 'all up in it'...literally. The idea of exploring a tall, huge, giant man makes me tremble. I love to have my face so up close that I become partially asphyxiated (but never panicky-smothered).
I also crave masculine smells - warm breath, feet, pits. I have become pleasantly surprised to find that there exist some who find being sniffed, well, erotic...as fascinating as fortuitous.
Most of all, when everything is said and done, I like mentally expanding the moment - using my awareness, consciousness, creativity, IQ, sexual intensity, vocabulary, energy and very breath to take what might seem to most as nothing but a passing, fleeting moment of marginal import and dissect it, expand it with intensity into a sizable awareness able to be fully explored, probed and examined, to tease out any hidden potentials or secrets which might prove interesting, educational or otherwise enlightening for myself or my partner. I do this most always in the silence of my mind so as to not alarm, irritate or otherwise send fellow travelers running from the room. However, I most always welcome any like-minded soul who can venture bravely into that realm with me. I love nothing more than to be utterly in sync intellectually, sexually and emotionally with whomever I am connected. To be 'in the the moment'...omnipresent - alive, aware and engaged, is the absolute sexiest thing a human being can offer another. Life is tantra. Needless to say, I absolutely detest those who find it necessary to constantly 'check or veg out' and would prefer (or require) everything in the world to either go wholy unnoticed or, otherwise preferably just be muted and gray. To peak my interest, sustain my attention or be integrated into my life I do require a minimum intellectual capacity (kinda like that measuring stick cardboard dummy greeting every hopeful adolescent inline for the 'adult' ride at any carnival). That is in no way to paint myself an intellectual snob but just to be honest. Those not tall enough can certainly partake in everything else the carnival has to offer. Others who find it necessary to dull the precious passing moments into a gelatinous grey goo and find any attempt to the contrary irritating and noisy: Fuck 'em.
I tell most that I'm an acquired taste and far too spicy for most at that. But, let me tell you....for those scant few who haven't left screaming - it's an "E-ticket at Disneyland". Like Mae West said "Life is a banquet, and most sons-o-bitches are STARVING TO DEATH!" <<----(my epitaph.)