As It Seems Ch. 10

The alarm screeched in Connor's ear. He tensed blinking, letting his eyes focus and adjust to the rays of sun forcing their way through his curtains. His head was throbbing. he contemplated his day covering his eyes with his fore arm. He could try to sleep but he was sure nightmares would haunt him even in the protection of day light. He shivered sweat cooling.

He swallowed hard, closing his eyes against the images taking control of him. In his dark dreams it was Alex a he saw at the party not Gauge. It was flashing green-gold eyes glaring at him instead of curious gray ones. It was her petite frame he pulled out of the crowd bleeding and bruised. It was her he dragged away as bullets zipped passed them.

"Keep running," he shouted but the words didn't come out his chest was heavy and it was getting harder to pull her along. He had to get her away had to get her somewhere safe. She stumbled falling soft on the ground. She cried for him, calling his name. "you have to get up!" he picked her up blood trailed down her face, she was lifeless on the ground, her body sprawled like a forgotten rag doll

"Fuck!" he shouted jerking up the dream was so real he hadn't even realized he fell asleep. He shivered as his skin puckered with cool sweat and colder fear. He covered his face with his hands and rubbed them back until the were pushing his damp curls from his face. "what the fuck?" he demanded to the empty room, "you are a fucking idiot" he muttered to himself it wasn't the first time his dreams about Alexa got to him but this one...this left him so cold and scared he was sick with it. His emotions a storm of conflict turning from disgust to anger that she could push her way into his thoughts just like she pushed her way into is life.

He wished he could stay in bed and sleep off the consistent gnawing in his head, but he knew he would toss and turn with dark images of Alexa. He didn't have the patience or the courage to ask himself why she was so impressed in his mind. He swung his legs over the bed his feet thudding heavily on the carpet carrying all the weight he felt.

He stepped into the shower. Steaming pellets of water drumming against his skin. It massaged his his aching worn body. He pressed his head against the cool tile. He grit his teeth and forced himself to swallow the lump of bile in his throat. After Melendez he'd ask for a transfer. No other case gripped into him like this and it was all because he was physically closer to his family.

*

Alexa could barely open her eyes. They were puffy and swollen. Her throat ached from a night of sobbing and her skin was still tender and sensitive from last night's blast of scorching water. A noise similar to a groan but closer to a croak rumbled out of her chest as she thought about how she ran out of Allan's house and wondered how she would ever have the courage to face him again. Her phone vibrated on the night stand blinking and dancing for her attention. It had done that all night. She knew it had to be Allen with a bunch of questions she didn't want to answer.

What is wrong with her? The world was closing in on her. she was so afraid, afraid of him, afraid of how he would feel about her if she told him the truth. She knew she should talk to him, but what could she say? She couldn't hide behind anger. Any harsh words would fade when she saw the sincerity in his dark eyes or the concern molded on his dark brown face. She could almost hear the lullaby of his voice flowing out like soothing music.

She knew the truth about herself and should have told him. There had to be plenty of women out there who could give in to him . Between the new fits she was having and her frigidity...oh she knew she was frigid Marcus told her often. she knew she could never be what he deserved and no doubt wanted in a woman. It didn't help that whenever he touched her her mind and her response were linked to Connor. Connor of all people angry, dangerous, bullheaded Connor. She spent the evening home alone between crying and forcing herself to over come her fear and anxiety about her body about sex and only managed to hate herself and the idea of sex more. She tried to manipulate her her body the way Connor had. She couldn't duplicate the driving hunger he caused or the breathing taking release he punished from her. Frustration and shame rotated in union with her hips making her movements awkward and rythmless.

Now she covered herself with her blanket wanting to forget last night's attempts and drown out the persistent buzzing. She had to brake up with Allen. She had to let go before his patience turned into violence or his interest turned into conquest.

*

Bella felt the strong steady beat of Gauges heart thudding into her back. She loved the music their hearts created together giving her hope, giving her courage. His hands seared her skin through her t-shirt. Her stomach tingled and dropped with questions with possibilities. Her thoughts raced so far so fast she couldn't keep up with them. She wasn't sure she wanted to. She squeezed her eyes tighter fighting her flight mode. No she wanted this, she wanted him. Her nostrils flared as she inhaled and bit her lip ready to take a plunge in the dark waters of faith. She turned her body toward his. Exhaling opening her one good eye, the other swollen shut as the cost of her new freedom. She strained to focus, "Oh Gauge!" a rainbow of bruises painted his face with bruises.

"Hmm," he grunted pulling her closer. Her hand moved to his face, her thumb gently brushed his split swollen lips. "hey," he grumbled as he blinked and squinted.

"Gauge?" he smiled wanly and he looked into her searching dark eye a tempest of questions and emotion, so full of her own pain and now his. It shimmered with unshed tears.

"No, no munch don't cry, don't cry." his thumbs caught her tears her black and purple eye pulsed as tears dripped from the sealed slit, he bit back the anger overwhelming him. He ignored the pulsing throbbing soreness coursing through his body and rolled on top of her. He brushed her hair aside kissing each temple, each eye, each cheek, inhaling her sweetness melting into her softness.

"Gauge?" she pushed weakly. He overwhelmed her. The room spun around her.

"No questions, not now,'' he kissed her nose feeling his influence over her, weaving a spell of comfort.

"but your face-"

"I'm okay," his lips were a dream brushing against hers light and vague. "Sweetheart," he whispered against her prickling skin, "you're so fucking soft." he held himself on either side of her head his mouth explored the tenderness of her neck.

"But-" his lips were so persuasive, "oh," she moaned as his teeth sank into her, he sucked and licked.

"Not now, I won't ask any and you won't not right now." She nodded loosing herself in his words, in his touch, "I like this, don't you honey?"his hands traced her body. She nodded. "I can't hear you, you have to say it." his thumbs rubbed circles over her cloth covered nipples. She arched moaning and trembling. She tried to answer only to have her breath caught in new caresses. "Answer me."his voice was soft in his demand.

"Yes-yes," she choked out, his hands grazing the hem of the t shirt. Shame made her tense, he would see how much her freedom cost. "Gauge," she tried to push at him. His gaze stilled hers and he knew where her thoughts were.

"Trust me," he said his hand moving under shirt to her full globes. "i just want to touch you." She nodded, she did trust him and he was so beautiful now looking up at her with those eyes, those metallic orbs. He kissed her skin through the fabric promising once they healed he was going to spend quality time with every inch of her. His kiss ran down the valley of her breast to the slope of her stomach.

He could smell her, almost taste her sopping eagerness. He deciphered the different notes of her, from the sweet to the tart to the spice. His mouth watered and his body was rock rigid. He couldn't wait to take a nice long lick and he wasn't going to. His figures traced the lining of her panties, traced the outline of her protruding lips pulsing and flinching for his touch. He smiled kissing her thigh. She called his name making it a desperate musical chant. Bella's hands clutched the pillow above her head. Her back arched and collapsed as his lips moved higher kissing the wet cotton clinging to her sweetness. And she was sweet, honey and cream. He sucked through her the cotton mashing his face deep into her.

"Mm mm," he growled against her.

"Please," Bella whimpered pushing her hips forward, as Gauge slid her panties aside.

"Fuck," he hissed watching her pulse and cream for his touch.

"please," she begged her breath coming faster and more shallow. He kissed her long and deep devouring her paradise. "oh God oh!!"

Her eyes teared, her body jerked against the probing demand of his mouth. His tongue plunged, flicked, he sucked and blew wrapping his arms around each leg to hold her still. She sang his name, he pulled her clit though his teeth sucking hard at her thick flushed nub. His thumb followed down her slit, further down to her most forbidden place. She gasped and sobbed begging him to set her free. His thumb circled the tender skin.

Her body thrashed and convulsed at the violent outcome of Gauge's touch. His mouth relentless refusing to let go. His eyes leered and glowed as he watched her, watched how her body reacted to his touch, the way she shook, the way she moaned and arched forward. She finally gave one last shiver before her body went limp.

"Ugh," she protested pushing him away as he gave her wetness a loud wet sloppy kiss.

"Wash up," he climbed on top of her kissing her neck "I'll make breakfast." She nodded licking her lips as Gauge hovered over her mouth. She wanted to lick her essence from his swollen mouth.

"Bella, sweetheart if you keep looking at me like that, even with one eye..." he left the rest unspoken, a promise and threat all in one.

Bella smiled her dark eye flashing with mischief, "I wouldn't munchkin," he said tugging her hair back stretching her neck so she was looking up at him and him down into her eyes. Her parted lip begging him to complete the act.

" But I didn't do anything for you," her voice was breathy and strained her hands trailed down his hard chest down the line of his stomach down his pajama bottoms. She felt the out line of his hard and heavy. His eyes darkened, almost as black as hers. She couldn't make out his thoughts. She couldn't see his concern or anger. His thumb brushed the bruises marring her face

"You're here," he lowered his mouth tentatively brushing hers. "that's all I need," he kissed her forehead and pushing himself up, "wash up." she watched him walk away noting the way he limped and held his side.

*

Connor panted and swore attacking the punching bag pounding out his frustration, sweat matted his hair and dripped stinging into his eyes.

"Hey, white boy," the low feminine voice pulled him out of his trance. he glared up at Kenta as she held the bag still from behind. He was in the gym of their makeshift head quarters. It was dirty and dim. There was a heavy staleness in the air from a leak never quite fixed. "No need for dirty looks Mijo, I brought breakfast." she held a white pastry bag swinging in his face." His nose perked and his stomach growled. "Here mom made these and told me to make sure you eat them, it's pan dolche."

Kenta's mom clutched the hope that they would become a couple like a nun clutching a rosary. Her mom loved him. He was family as far as she was concerned. So what was driving him to make amends with his, he didn't even know what he was making. He didn't do anything wrong. Before her dad passed away he was the father Connor always hoped he would have. They had a relationship Connor desired with his father, they went hunting fishing, he gave Connor his bar b q secrets. Kenta's father was a man devoted to family. His gaze softened as he thought of how proud her family was of him, they showed up to every award ceremony and accommodation he ever received since knowing them. He used his bonuses to help them out when could. He smiled gratefully he had family even if his wanted nothing to do with him.

"Thanks," his voice softened as he wiped the sweat off his face with the bottom of his shirt.

"Are you okay?"she asked her usually hard terse voice tender as she looked him over concerned. He only remembered her looking at him like that once, he couldn't be sure if it was the same look at that particular point in time he was going in and out of conciseness. He was shot during a bust and Kenta was at his side. He vaguely recalled her threatening to kill him if he died.

He smiled wanly,"Yeah, fucking awesome,"sarcasm dripped from him. Kenta studied him behind dark knowing eyes."Don't do that shit,"he growled rolling his eyes and slinging himself on the musty couch.

"What?" she asked innocently plopping down next to him tossing the bag in his lap. He shifted irritably as springs poked him.

"You know what looking at me like you're reading my fucking mind!" his mouth watered warmth permeated from the bag. He wondered what color confection powder she used on top of the sweet bread. He wasn't sure why but yellow was his favorite and knowing Kenta's mother it more than likely was, she always made him food. He remembered whenmadrewent through her needle craft phase she made him the ugliest sweater he ever saw. Every time he wore that sweater giving or getting a black eye or busted lip was guaranteed He opened the bag the sweet fermentation of bread and sugar teasing his senses.

"BecauseCavrone, I am."she slapped his head playfully. "Now tell me, you over grownOrso, what happened with your family" she used her family's nickname for him. They saw him as a big blonde bear.

He closed the bag instantly loosing his appetite, as he compared the warmth and openness of Kenta's family to cool aloofness of his.

"Same bullshit, I know Jen lied about Alexa, I don't know if she ever did anything to Jen."

"She said that?"

He let out a cough of laughter, "not in so many words."

"Do you think that's why-?"

"I don't fucking know! I think she just wanted see what I would do for her. See how far she'd be able to push." He got up again giving the bag a nice hard round house.

" Have you talked to this Alexa chick to see what she has to say?" He shook his head. he punched the bag again, he wasn't sure if he could face her. Was he man enough to own up to his mistake, to apologize for how he treated her. Jen was right about him,he was ready think the worst she didn't have to put too many ideas in his head. Not all of his conclusions about her were wrong, she was still a snotty cunt, a hot tempered golden eyed beautiful cunt. Was it? He wondered his hand tingled thinking about the silky soft wetness that sucked his finger. She stopped him before he got on his knees and worshiped her kissed her tight wet pussy.

"That still doesn't tell me how it was seeing your family." Kenta interrupted his thoughts bringing him back to his current problem. He knew she was watching him and he knew she noticed the change of his thoughts.

Kenta cringed inwardly as she met Connor's cold bitter smile. "My mother wasn't even going to let me through the goddamn door, my dad barely spoke three syllables and then of course there was Jen. Smiling dangling me around!" He punched the bag. Kenta listened to him, his family's attitude towards him and his job was mystery to her. She knew why her parents were a little skittish when she told them . But they accepted and respected her decision.

"Mom's expecting you for dinner tonight." she watched beads of sweat pouring from him. Her family loved Connor and help out hope that the two of them would marry and have babies, forcing Kenta into domesticity. "She's worried about you doesn't' think you're eating enough."

Connor laughed loud and wild. Did moms have some sort of secret phrase book? Did they all say the same thing when they felt your life falling apart.

"C if you want to talk-"

He shook his head, it's what I've been doing and I'm done it is what it is and nothing is going to change." he sat down again biting into the tender sweet pastry.

"Maybe it's not what you need to talk about maybe its whom you need to talk to that's the difference." he closed his eye letting his head fall back she was right and he knew it. "Go home get some sleep, you look like shit ran over twice."

Connor sighed rolling his eyes "Thanks honey you really know how to make a man feel good about

himself."

"That's what I'm here for. We can leave Mom's and meet the gang for drinks. Terry has new toys and we have some new developments and strategies." he finished the bread and laid his head back, his eyes got heavy as Kenta stroked his hair. She was still talking but her words faded.

*

Alex a stood in the cooking section of the book store. She was waiting to meet David in the cafe. She gazed down at the bright colorful pictures of food wishing she could create something like that. She relied on the culinary genius of Gauge and Mommy H. She missed mommy H and Papa. There was no way she could visit until her wrist healed. From the look and feel of it that wasn't any time soon. It was an ugly crooked lump. And for the past couple of weeks Allen was her culinary messiah. She couldn't face him either, not after last nights episode. She lost count of how many times he called, she couldn't bring herself to answer or even check the messages. She just had to live with the fact that she was damaged.

The hair on the back of her neck lifted exposing her to the breeze in the bookstore and she shivered, "Alexa?" There was a cool dark voice behind her and she stiffened. Blood rushed to her ears, her heart pounded in her throat choking her. She couldn't move or speak, her skin crawled when his hand touched her elbow turning her to face him.

"What are yo doing here?" did he hear the quiver in her voice. Did she sound strong? Did she look strong and ready to fight?

"I was-" he pointed and looked at the direction of his finger and looked back at her, "how could I forget how beautiful you are?" His eyes glazed over slightly possessive

She pulled her arm away glancing away, looking for help, looking for escape, just looking at anything but him. There was no one they were alone.

"I don't want to talk to you," she hissed forcing her self to look at him. Forcing herself to to face him and face what he did to her,forcing herself to stop trembling.

"Please sweetheart I'm sorry I never meant to hurt you. If I'd known..." he reached for her again pulling her to him.

"Let me go!" she said louder than she meant then instinctively lowering her voice, "David will be here any minute and if he sees you-"

"You told your brother?!" his hold tightened. "Why would you do that you know I didn't hurt you on purpose." his grip eased. "Look Alexa." She jerked free straining her shoulder and stumbling backward.

"No! Go or I'll scream," her mind worked frantically to get him away, she couldn't. She couldn't move; she could barely breath.

He studied her with doubtful dark eyes, "fine I'll go but one day we are going to talk this out." he turned and left. The room spun as she fished her phone out of her purse, it buzzed with a new message.

B there n few

She slowly made her way to the restroom on shaky legs, taking long deep breaths. She rinsed her face cooling the heat of embarrassment, shame and anger. She pushed back tears refusing to let herself to cry, she couldn't. If David found out Marcus was here she didn't think she could stop him from acting out every violent impulse he had.

I'm here where r u?

Her phone buzzed again. She dried her face and took a deep breath. She leaving the lady's room she forced a bright smile.