"Alright class were done. See you Tuesday."
My head shot up as the teacher's voice echoed around the room, snapping me out of my reverie. I hated Psych class.
It used to be my favorite class, but after what happened last month, I tried to block out the entire two hours.
Looking up I watched as Alex walked towards the door, sighing wistfully as Mike Donovan met him halfway, wrapping his arm around the guy's shoulders and taking his books from him.
I hated that man with a passion. A month ago today he took Alex from me. Granted he wasn't really mine, but there could have been potential there.
Grabbing my books I had to fight not to sulk towards the door after them.
"Hey Brad. You ok?"
The little voice behind me caught me off guard and I looked down as Kyle Dixon walked up to me, smiling a shy smile.
"Yea I'm fine Kyle. Thanks."
I walked out of the classroom without a backward glance at Kyle, not noticing the boy's face fall. I had been in my own little world since that night I was thrown out of Mike Donovan's club. The night Mike and Alex finally got together. I shook my head, clearing the memory because it did me no good remembering it like I did every other night.
I wasn't that into Alex, I really wasn't, but it still upset me the way things went down. Walking to my dorm I kept my eyes down, lost in my own thoughts and feeling sorry for myself. It was pathetic it really was, and it was about time I snapped out of it.
I smiled a little as Jessica Brooks ran over to me, her little cheerleading skirt blowing up in the wind. If I wasn't gay I would have went for her in a heartbeat. Instead she was a pretty good friend. She had an armful of flyers pressed up to her breasts and I raised an eyebrow as she stopped in front of me, practically bouncing.
"Ok so I know this month is your total emo month, but we are having the party of a lifetime tonight at the Beta fraternity. I was specifically asked by Adam to invite you, and I really want you to come! We hate how gloomy you are."
Frowning I bit my lip between my teeth, "I don't know Jess."
She smiled a seductive smile, though she knew it would do much good on me and leaned up, practically whispering,
"Alex and Mike Donovan are specifically banned. You know....in case that helps."
She smiled a big smile and I couldn't help but smiled back, "Alright what time?"
Jessica hugged me tight around the waist, handing me a flyer.
"8, and you don't have to worry about bringing your own beer or anything, Adam's dad handled it. You know...rich people."
I laughed, folding the flyer and putting it in my back pocket.
"He still trying to make up for not being there during Adam's childhood or some shit?"
She smiled, twining her arm through mine and walking up to my dorm. She lived on the girl's floor above me, so she knew where I was headed.
"Yup. Best way to a man's heart is through his stomach, so fill it with beer and hope it's enough I guess!"
I laughed again, realizing this is the first time all month I had laughed this much. We got to my room and I hugged her, holding on longer then I normally did. She didn't mind, she knew instantly why I needed the extra comfort. She folded her body against mine, wrapping her arms around my shoulders and lacing her fingers to hold on tight.
I held her close for a good minute, inhaling that comforting lavender scent she seemed to radiate. I dropped my head into her neck and she dropped her arms a little, letting her hands run in little soothing circles around my back.
I took a deep breath and let her go slowly,
"Thanks Jess. Guess I needed that more than I thought."
Jessica smiled, "Anytime Brad, you know that."
She turned to walk away and I turned to unlock my door.
I turned to see her standing with her hands on her hips, her eyes holding an evil little glint.
"If you're not there by at least 8:30, I will come here and drag you by your hair all the way to the Beta fraternity house. Then I'll let Adam and his friends torture you."
I was surprised, I really was. Jess is usually very laidback, taking no for an answer even if she really wanted me to go somewhere. I guess I really had been down.
"Ok?" She smiled her cute smile and I shook my head in amazement.
"From angel to demon and back again. Ok Jess, I'll be there. I happen to like my hair."
She smiled and walked away, looking ever the picture of innocence. I laughed to myself and walked in my dorm. I sighed when I tripped over my roommates combat boots. Kicking the big black clunkers to the side I went to my side and sat down at my desk. If I was emo, then Michael was just plain lost.
The kid was small, very small, maybe 5'6, 130 pounds soaking wet and gothic down to his toes. He wore eyeliner, painted his nails black, even his toenails, and had long scraggly black hair. He wore pants with a ridiculous amount of snaps and clips, big black boots, and skin tight black shirts that showed off his ribs, jutting out of his skin.
We got along fairly well. He hated my happiness and my nice neutral colors, and I hated that half of our dorm room looked like a haunted house. Other than that we were ok. We talked, joked around, he was actually an alright dude until he left the room. Then his life was back to being a black hole. He was moving out in a week. He was getting transferred to another school closer to home because his mom had gotten pretty sick and the family needed him. I wondered who my new roommate would be but I didn't really care. As long as they didn't touch my shit I was cool.
They could even snore, I had an iPod for that.
I leaned back in my computer chair and checked my email, then worked on touching up a paper for my government class. I found ways to keep busy for the next few hours and by the time 7:30 rolled around I was already dressed, pacing around the room. I was debating this. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to go out. Then again why not? Because I was afraid to get attracted to someone just because ONE guy got away? Not to mention I really didn't want to face Jessica when she was angry. At 8:02 I sighed, making up my mind.
I grabbed my phone and my jacket and walked out of the door before I could rethink the decision. I had to get back out there if I ever hoped to have another date again. I walked across campus to the Beta fraternity house and knocked on the door. Adam, one of the leaders of the fraternity smiled, pretending to act disappointed.
"Man I really wanted to watch Jess drag you over here to let us have our way with you."
I laughed, walking past him into the big house,
"Yea ill just bet you did Adam."
Still smiling he closed the door, clapping me on the back as we walked into the living room where the party was already started. Only about 20 people were here so far, but I knew around 9 it would really start filling up. No one says no to a party at the Beta fraternity.
All of the men in this house came from rich families and daddies with deep pockets. They threw the best parties. It also was pretty cool being best friends with one of them; Adam bought me my 120gb i Pod for my 21 birthday. I bought him a stripper. Every friendship has its perks.
I got a beer from the table by the keg, smiling at the two in the corner, backups, just waiting to be unveiled. Adam always wanted me over early to his parties. I was 6'3 and pretty well built, I was an asset when it came to setting up.
"Brad! Little help man!" I swear it's like they read my mind some days.
Adam was trying to hang up a big speaker in one of the corners and was struggling. Putting my beer down I reached up, holding the speaker in place for him. As soon as he got it and I let my arms fall I was tackled, a little body hitting me from the side. Looking up, startled I smiled as Jess playfully held my arms down.
"Yes! I knew you'd come. We've missed you so much Brad we really have."
I grinned and rolled her over, plopping her on her butt and standing up.
"Aw...and I've missed you to Jess. So easy to throw around!"
She stood up and popped me on the back of the head with a smile before walking over and kissing Adam soundly on the mouth. They dated...sometimes. I guess it really depended on what week it was. They were best friends always though, we made an interesting little trio some days.
I told myself I would at least stay two hours, but by 9:45 I was ready to go. Everyone was trashed already, and more people were still coming in, though we had to have easily reached 100 by now. Jessica and Adam waved at me as they stumbled upstairs to his room, tipsy but not trashed; they didn't like getting to drunk. Adam did have to set an example and keep things remotely calm after all.
I waited until they were out of eyesight and turned to go; I was beyond done. I usually loved parties like this, because I was drunk along with everyone else and having a good time. Tonight I didn't want to drink, and without being drunk yourself, other drunk people just aren't that much fun really. I was walking towards the door and ran smack into someone else, knocking the smaller man on his back.
"Oh shit I'm so sorry."
I said, reaching down and grabbing the guy's hand, pulling him to his feet. Kyle Dixon's startled green eyes met mine, and I don't know if it was the little bit of alcohol I had in my system or what, but I realized I had never noticed how vibrantly green his eyes were.
"Oh it's ok Brad, it's so crowded in here I'm surprised everyone isn't falling over each other."
I didn't really hear what he said, I was too busy finally noticing him. I ran my eyes over his body once, twice, and finally a third time. He was about 6", maybe 200 pounds, small but not scrawny. He had pale skin, but a nice complexion, and his brown hair was long enough to fall into his eyes, which I thought was adorable. I realized I still had his hand as he looked down at it, my big hand engulfing his. I let him go slowly, not really wanting to and missing his skin on mine as soon as it was gone.
"Yea, it's really crazy in here. Well sorry for knocking you down. Later man."
This was a little too close to home for me. He made me feel things I honestly didn't want to feel. I walked past him and he frowned, trying to follow me but not being able to get around the sea of bodies fast enough. I wasn't huge but I was well built, and I pushed people out of my way easily. Kyle however, didn't. By the time he got outside I was long gone, already walking up the steps to my building.
I walked inside, rolling my eyes at the pounding music that was blaring from Micheal's stereo. He was engrossed in a book, probably one of those weird science fiction things he read. He once tried to get me on the roof to see if we could hear for aliens or some shit. I thought he was on acid but he swore he wasn't. Walking over without glancing at him I turned it down, feeling instant relief in my temples and sighing gratefully. Michael sat up as I plopped down heavily on my bed.
"Okaaay. Apparently the party wasn't as fun as you thought it was going to be? What to many happy drunks?"
I rolled my eyes to his and glared. He put his hands up in mock surrender and laid back down, opening his book where he left off.
"Ok, I'll talk to you later then skippy."
I ignored him as I thought about Kyle's eyes. I couldn't seem to get them out of my head. The wall that I kept up around my heart was chipping, I could feel it. All I could think about was his skin on mine, and that look he gave me like he wanted to jump my bones. I started thinking then, of all the little times we had talked.
Was he flirting with me? When I dropped my books and he picked them up, making sure his fingers lingered over mine; yea ok so maybe that was flirting. Also the time when I asked him for a pencil and he pretended to drop it, bending over to get it and flashing me a nice view of his tight little ass. Ok maybe I was a little more oblivious than I thought.
Did I like him though? The boner straining against my zipper refused to allow my mind to think of anything but yes to that question. Lust was easy. Was I ready to let someone in though? That's the part I didn't know. I sighed deeply, relaxing into my soft bed and telling myself to stop thinking so hard. I mean it wasn't like we were going to start dating tomorrow. Hell I wouldn't even see him again until Tuesday. That gave me the entire weekend and Monday to figure out what I wanted to do.
I balked at the thought of getting close to someone. Alex, yea I would have tried. I knew Alex though, we had talked a dozen times, though I doubted he knew my name half the time. I hardly knew Kyle at all. Besides what if he was skittish, and despite the heat in his eyes he really just wanted to be friends. I decided to wait and see if he came to me, and if he did...well I guess I'd figure that one out then.
Chapter two: friends or more?
I can honestly say that it was the longest weekend of my life. I went to another party with Adam and Jess on Saturday, but I left early after I realized that every time the door opened I was looking for brown hair and green eyes.
This was silly, I felt like I was in high school all over again, trying to sneak a peek at my crush. Next step was going out of my way to go to places he might be so I could "accidentally" bump into him. I wasn't going to do that, I just don't have much patience when it comes to waiting for people to come to me.
Tuesday was a good day. Kyle looked up as I came into class, smiling at me. I smiled back, going to my regular seat in the row underneath him. I didn't turn around though I wanted to. I didn't know why I was getting so worked up over this kid.
I didn't even want a serious relationship, and I never let guys get to me this much. Well, not usually anyway. A little slip of paper dropped in front of me and I frowned at it. Opening it up I smiled, having serious high school flashbacks as I saw Kyle's neat handwriting.
"What's your number? I'd much rather text than write notes :)"
I bit my lip not to laugh and wrote my number down on the paper, taking my phone out and turning it on silent. Not even a minute later I got a text from a number I didn't know.
"Got plans tonight?--Kyle"
I saved his number and thought about it for a minute. How eager did I want to seem. I liked him, I knew that, but how fast did I want this to go.
"Not so far--Brad"
There we go, that wasn't too eager, but it opened up the door so he could make a move if he wanted to. Man the art of dating was more complicated then I remembered.
"Clash of the Titans. Cinema 14. 7:30. Wanna go?--Kyle"
I didn't bother typing my name now, I was pretty sure he knew who I was. I didn't think to long about this one.
"Yea y not. Wanna meet there?"
I heard him take a deep breath and I smiled to myself. Did he really think I was gonna say no? Come on now, I wasn't that dense.
"Yea that's fine. I'll text you when I get there. I'll buy drinks :)"
I thought the little smiley was cute, then shook my head, not believing I was already referring to his little quarks as cute. I even liked that he had dropped the name thing to.
"Alright sounds good. C u then."
I closed my phone, not expecting a reply, and didn't notice when it went off again. I walked out of class smiling. I didn't even notice Alex and his boyfriend. Nor did I notice the way Alex watched Kyle and I as we walked out of the door, a knowing smile on his lips.
That night I was getting ready when Adam and Jessica walked in my room, Michael behind them. He didn't stay long, just dumped his stuff on the floor, as always, and headed out. He had a poetry...soul talking thing tonight. Adam plopped down on Michael's bed and Jess sat in his lap.
"So what are you looking so snazzy for?"
I grinned, debating whether to tuck my shirt in or leave it untucked.
"Got a date with Kyle Dixon tonight."
I swear if Jessica didn't have good balance Adam would have dumped her to the floor he stood up so quick.
"No freakin way! Yes! You go dude! He's a cute little thing."
I looked at him in surprise; Adam was as straight as they came...wasn't he? Ignoring my look he came over and untucked my shirt, smoothing it down and unbuttoning the top button at my collar.
I knew I must have looked amazed because Jessica started laughing, walking over to wrap her arm around Adam's waist.
"Guess he forgot to mention the Bi thing huh?"
I just nodded, beyond astonished. Adam and I had been really good friends since freshman year, spending many a night in the same bed after late night study sessions. I knew better than to touch him; straight guys are usually weird around gay guys period, let alone when we touch them. I hadn't had to worry though, because he always ended up with his body pressed against the line of mine.
I never thought anything of it, figuring it was an accident. Guess I was wrong. Adam laughed, hugging me in a close hug, for once not doing the guy one armed hug. I hesitated a moment before hugging him back awkwardly.
"Sorry man. I just guessed you'd figure it out. I've learned though, thanks to you and a few other friends that gay guys seem to have the worse gaydar of anyone I know."
I laughed, shaking my head a little, still a bit shocked.
"Sorry. I guess we do yea. I never would have guessed. You're not gonna like jump me in the shower right?"
I grinned at him, saying the same thing he had said to me when he found I was gay back in freshman year. He smiled, obviously relieved, though I'm not sure why. What did he expect, that I of all people was going to freak out? That'd be a bit hypocritical, or at least to me it would be.
Adam didn't take rejection well, his wall around his heart making mine look like a piece of paper. Jessica and I were his closest friends and I didn't even know half of what there was to know about him.
"Well I think I can control myself. But you know, lock the door just to make sure."
I smiled, reaching onto my desk to get my hair gel. I spiked my hair most days, and I usually made it look good, but today I wanted something different. I didn't really know what though. I stood there for a good minute before Jessica walked up, taking the hair gel from me.
"I got it hun."
Twenty minutes later and I had a sexily tousled look. It was true what they say, she spent 19 minutes making it perfect, and the last minute was her running her hands through it, shaking it and messing it up. It was the most pointless thing I have ever seen, but I had to admit, the tousled look showed the blonde in my hair, and made my eyes stand out even more.
I was more than a little nervous when I looked at the clock, noting it was already 7:12.
"Shit guys I got to go. Thanks for stopping by though. I promise to text one of you and let you know how it goes ok?"
They walked me out, Jessica kissing my cheek and wishing me luck. At that point I was a jumble of nerves, and I was just happy that my hand wasn't shaking when I reached for my door handle on my Mazda. It was like this was Alex. I was so eager to pick him up, and take him to that damn club. I wanted him to get inside my wall, I wanted him to break down that which kept everyone else out. I didn't even know what I wanted now.
Pulling up at the theater at 7:22 I quickly parked and got out. I pulled my cell phone out so I would see if he called and frowned at the little blinking box on my screen.
"I can't wait. :)"
It was from Kyle, received at 1:13, right after class had started. I guess I hadn't noticed that one. Seeing it made me smile, and as if on cue the phone lit up in my hand, flashing his name.
"Hello?" I kept my voice calm though my stomach disagreed.
"Hey, looking good hott stuff. Got a hot date waitin for ya?"