Lisa's Suggestions for Happy SwingingbyLisa34d©
Since I started posting stories of my playtime adventures I have received numerous requests asking how to get wives involved in this lifestyle. On the surface this seems like a simple question but we are dealing with a woman so it gets complicated. We are complicated creatures.
In today's society some of the old moors have been toned down, but they still exist. Girls are brought up to think that having casual sex is something that only sluts or tramps do. This is not all girls but probably a majority. Secondly they are taught to be lady like and ladies don't have casual sex. These influences can dampen a girl's sexual desires because of the negativity attached to it. I know for me it took awhile before I felt comfortable with my sexual desires. I did what I wanted but felt like a bad girl for doing it. So the first obstacle that has to be overcome is to help her change her attitude toward sexual activities.
For me I was liberated from those guilt feelings when I started going to swingers clubs and realized how many other women had the same desires I did. I wasn't alone, but part of a large group. So my suggestion would be to go slowly and help her feel comfortable having sexual desires that are outside her normal comfort zone. Watch porn together and when she feels comfortable watching suggest she fantasize about that being her. Make sure she knows you don't think less of her for doing so. Letting her know these thoughts and fantasies excite you may also help.
In my experience there are very few women that feel truly comfortable with their bodies. We all want certain parts to look better. Be sincere and let her know how good you think she looks. She will be able to tell if you are not sincere. Try and make her feel like a sexual goddess or at least special in your eyes.
Probably the most important part of any relationship is HONEST communication. This is even more important in an open type relationship, because there are perceived threats in an open relationship. Make sure your partner knows they are very important to you, that you love them. In your open, honest communication set ground rules that you can both live with. You can always change these as you move forward. Whatever you do don't break the rules you established. It can create a very bad situation. Assure one another that swinging is purely sexual recreation, not a search for a better partner. Women are jealous by nature so be aware and don't give her reason to get jealous.
If you follow these suggestions you just might succeed in convincing her to give it a try. Now comes the part you didn't expect. A very large contingent of men are insecure deep down on the primal level. You need to face this before you go into this. I have seen several instances where couples have gone to swing clubs and the woman hooks up with a guy and the husband sees her enjoying the physical attention and his insecurity erupts and he causes a scene. The whole purpose of getting into this lifestyle was for both of you to increase your sexual pleasure. So if she is having a good time, be happy for her.
You must also remember in all swinging situations both parties have to agree to play together. There may be times when you set your sights on a certain woman and she may not want to play. This really is not a rejection but her choice not to play at this time. On another night she may have said yes. By nature men are more sexually oriented than women. They want all the women they can have. Women on the other hand are content with fewer satisfying encounters, for the most part. There are women like me that like quantity but we are the minority. So don't get discouraged or angry when your dance card is not as full as you would like it and your partner is off having a good time. In the end, if you are patient and understanding the cards will equal out. Another factor is that most swing clubs allow singles and single guys always out number single girls. This means women have a larger field to pick from. So we have more to choose from and most are not looking for quantity so your chances of scoring are less than your partner's.
After any kind of swinging experience, make sure that both of you spend some quality time with each other and reaffirm your love and commitment to each other. All too often we get caught up in our daily schedules with work and other events and we forget to take the time and let our partners know how important they are to us. Open relationships can be very pleasurable but only if the couples involved spend the time and show the commitment that is required to keep the relationship strong and happy. All good relationships are based on mutual trust and in an open relationship this goes double.
I hope these suggestions are helpful. Before I met my husband I made a lot of mistakes and fell prey to others that were untrustworthy and insecure and things ended poorly. So these suggestions are the product of my experiences. They work for us.